How do I handle this?

[Guest guest]

Carolyn, you poor thing! Not only did you have to deal with your daughter having

her meltdown and the exhaustion (both physical and mental) from that, then you

had to deal with a bunch of idiots! I would definitely follow up with the

building manager on that one!

Geesh, I would be tempted myself to write up an " office memo " and deliver it to

all the offices " thanking " them for their understanding by complaining to

building security and how it made you feel! My GOD! That's so aggravating!

I'm sorry..I wish there was something I could say or do to make you feel better.

Just know that I am on our side. Let me know what happens....

take care,

Hugs,

Lynn

Lynn Shoop

Co-Director

www.novatomothersclub.com

www.mycmsite.com/lynnshoop

In a message dated 04/08/08 11:45:41 Pacific Daylight Time, CSHAW5@...

writes:

Hi:

I really need some advice on something that happened today.

This afternoon I was in one of those Atrium office type of buildings with both

of my daughters--a 5 year old and a 4 year old, who has autism and is not very

verbal yet. When we were exiting off the elevators going into the Atrium area to

leave the building, my ASD daughter was " set off " by something and started to go

into complete meltdown mode--kicking screaming, thrashing, biting herself, etc.

I made several attempts to pick her up, but she is rather large and was kicking

me. Then I tried distracting her by trying to give her coins to throw into the

big water

fountain they have there. Nothing was working so I knew I had to somehow pick

her up and get her out of the building. This process took me a very long

time--probably a good 10 minutes, The entire time my daughter was screaming at

the top of her lungs. As usual in this sort of situation (which I am sure many

of you can relate to), people walked by and gave me dirty looks. It was obvious

I was having a very difficult time with my daughter, but no one offered to

assist me or help out.

When I finally managed to get my daughter to the door to exit the building,

still screaming at the top of her lungs, I was approached by a building

maintenance gentleman. He said something to me, but I could not hear him

through my daughter's screams. I explained to him that she has autism. He

ignored my autism comment and something like " Well, everyone can hear her

screaming all over the building, can you please leave? " I told him that I am

trying to leave. He kept saying " if you could please " and indicated to the door

with his hand.

I got both of my daughters out of the building and it took me another 10 minutes

to get both of them into our car and to get my tantruming daughter into her car

seat.

I am emotionally & mentally exhausted. I am completely mortified by the way I

was asked to leave the building even though I tried to explain why we were

having so many problems.

Why couldn't this maintenance person first ask me if my daughter was OK and if I

needed some help? What if she was screaming because she fell in their premises?

I sure that some of the people who witnessed the meltdown contacted the

building management office and complained about my " bratty " daughter.

I cannot let this go and am very upset. I have already put in a call to the

building manager (voice mail) and am waiting to hear back. I understand that it

was not good that my daughter was screaming and disturbing the work environment

of people in the building. I just feel that they could had handled it a

whole lot better.

Thanks!

Carolyn

[Guest guest]

Hi

I am in the UK and work in a school for children up to the age of 19

with ASD, SLD and very challenging behaviour. I sympathise with you

because i have been there on a number of occasions!!!

I carry an ID badge that i can show to memebers of the public in

these situations saying something along the lines " the person who

gave you this infomation card is the parent of this young person.

The young person is severely disabled with autism, as such they have

trouble managing everyday situations. "

Also in terms of your daughter if the place had an echo this may have

disturbed her. i aslo carry transtion cards with me every where i

go, these cards are 3inch by 3inch laminated on a keyring and have

photos of every day places it helps give the child something to focus

on and look at during a difficult situation and is also a way for you

daughter to ask you for something.......i would suggest you put

things on like car, home, drink, diner, garden, toilet, bedroom.

encourage her to look at and touch the card.

hope this is helpful and have plenty of tops and ideas that work for

differnt students of mine.

>

> Hi:

> I really need some advice on something that happened today.

>

> This afternoon I was in one of those Atrium office type of

buildings with both of my daughters--a 5 year old and a 4 year old,

who has autism and is not very verbal yet. When we were exiting off

the elevators going into the Atrium area to leave the building, my

ASD daughter was " set off " by something and started to go into

complete meltdown mode--kicking screaming, thrashing, biting herself,

etc. I made several attempts to pick her up, but she is rather large

and was kicking me. Then I tried distracting her by trying to give

her coins to throw into the big water

> fountain they have there. Nothing was working so I knew I had to

somehow pick

> her up and get her out of the building. This process took me a

very long

> time--probably a good 10 minutes, The entire time my daughter was

screaming at

> the top of her lungs. As usual in this sort of situation (which I

am sure many

> of you can relate to), people walked by and gave me dirty looks.

It was obvious

> I was having a very difficult time with my daughter, but no one

offered to

> assist me or help out.

>

> When I finally managed to get my daughter to the door to exit the

building,

> still screaming at the top of her lungs, I was approached by a

building

> maintenance gentleman. He said something to me, but I could not

hear him

> through my daughter's screams. I explained to him that she has

autism. He

> ignored my autism comment and something like " Well, everyone can

hear her

> screaming all over the building, can you please leave? " I told him

that I am

> trying to leave. He kept saying " if you could please " and

indicated to the door

> with his hand.

>

> I got both of my daughters out of the building and it took me

another 10 minutes

> to get both of them into our car and to get my tantruming daughter

into her car

> seat.

>

> I am emotionally & mentally exhausted. I am completely mortified

by the way I

> was asked to leave the building even though I tried to explain why

we were

> having so many problems.

>

> Why couldn't this maintenance person first ask me if my daughter

was OK and if I

> needed some help? What if she was screaming because she fell in

their premises?

> I sure that some of the people who witnessed the meltdown

contacted the

> building management office and complained about my " bratty "

daughter.

>

> I cannot let this go and am very upset. I have already put in a

call to the

> building manager (voice mail) and am waiting to hear back. I

understand that it

> was not good that my daughter was screaming and disturbing the work

environment of people in the building. I just feel that they could

had handled it a

> whole lot better.

>

> Thanks!

> Carolyn

>

[Guest guest]

Hi

I am in the UK and work in a school for children up to the age of 19

with ASD, SLD and very challenging behaviour. I sympathise with you

because i have been there on a number of occasions!!!

I carry an ID badge that i can show to memebers of the public in

these situations saying something along the lines " the person who

gave you this infomation card is the parent of this young person.

The young person is severely disabled with autism, as such they have

trouble managing everyday situations. "

Also in terms of your daughter if the place had an echo this may have

disturbed her. i aslo carry transtion cards with me every where i

go, these cards are 3inch by 3inch laminated on a keyring and have

photos of every day places it helps give the child something to focus

on and look at during a difficult situation and is also a way for you

daughter to ask you for something.......i would suggest you put

things on like car, home, drink, diner, garden, toilet, bedroom.

encourage her to look at and touch the card.

hope this is helpful and have plenty of tops and ideas that work for

differnt students of mine.

>

> Hi:

> I really need some advice on something that happened today.

>

> This afternoon I was in one of those Atrium office type of

buildings with both of my daughters--a 5 year old and a 4 year old,

who has autism and is not very verbal yet. When we were exiting off

the elevators going into the Atrium area to leave the building, my

ASD daughter was " set off " by something and started to go into

complete meltdown mode--kicking screaming, thrashing, biting herself,

etc. I made several attempts to pick her up, but she is rather large

and was kicking me. Then I tried distracting her by trying to give

her coins to throw into the big water

> fountain they have there. Nothing was working so I knew I had to

somehow pick

> her up and get her out of the building. This process took me a

very long

> time--probably a good 10 minutes, The entire time my daughter was

screaming at

> the top of her lungs. As usual in this sort of situation (which I

am sure many

> of you can relate to), people walked by and gave me dirty looks.

It was obvious

> I was having a very difficult time with my daughter, but no one

offered to

> assist me or help out.

>

> When I finally managed to get my daughter to the door to exit the

building,

> still screaming at the top of her lungs, I was approached by a

building

> maintenance gentleman. He said something to me, but I could not

hear him

> through my daughter's screams. I explained to him that she has

autism. He

> ignored my autism comment and something like " Well, everyone can

hear her

> screaming all over the building, can you please leave? " I told him

that I am

> trying to leave. He kept saying " if you could please " and

indicated to the door

> with his hand.

>

> I got both of my daughters out of the building and it took me

another 10 minutes

> to get both of them into our car and to get my tantruming daughter

into her car

> seat.

>

> I am emotionally & mentally exhausted. I am completely mortified

by the way I

> was asked to leave the building even though I tried to explain why

we were

> having so many problems.

>

> Why couldn't this maintenance person first ask me if my daughter

was OK and if I

> needed some help? What if she was screaming because she fell in

their premises?

> I sure that some of the people who witnessed the meltdown

contacted the

> building management office and complained about my " bratty "

daughter.

>

> I cannot let this go and am very upset. I have already put in a

call to the

> building manager (voice mail) and am waiting to hear back. I

understand that it

> was not good that my daughter was screaming and disturbing the work

environment of people in the building. I just feel that they could

had handled it a

> whole lot better.

>

> Thanks!

> Carolyn

>

[Guest guest]

Carolyn,

It's horrible that not a single person offered to help you, even if

it was just to watch your other daughter while you tried to calm your

little one down. Because of my daughter, I find myself keenly aware

of other children when I'm in stores and other public places. This

happened just last week when I was in the supermarket. An autistic

boy (it was pretty obvious) was having a similar episode to your

daughter. His mom was trying to just pay and get out of there, and

everyone was giving her dirty looks. I told her I would wait in line

for her while she took her son to the car and I paid and took her

groceries out to her. She was sobbing when I got there, not because

of her son's tantrum, but because for once someone actually stopped

to help her. It was a tiny little thing to me, a few minutes of my

time, but because I knew where she was coming from, I was well aware

of how truly big this was for her. I'm so sorry that there was not a

compassionate, understanding person there to help you.

[Guest guest]

Carolyn,

It's horrible that not a single person offered to help you, even if

it was just to watch your other daughter while you tried to calm your

little one down. Because of my daughter, I find myself keenly aware

of other children when I'm in stores and other public places. This

happened just last week when I was in the supermarket. An autistic

boy (it was pretty obvious) was having a similar episode to your

daughter. His mom was trying to just pay and get out of there, and

everyone was giving her dirty looks. I told her I would wait in line

for her while she took her son to the car and I paid and took her

groceries out to her. She was sobbing when I got there, not because

of her son's tantrum, but because for once someone actually stopped

to help her. It was a tiny little thing to me, a few minutes of my

time, but because I knew where she was coming from, I was well aware

of how truly big this was for her. I'm so sorry that there was not a

compassionate, understanding person there to help you.

[Guest guest]

There needs to be more 's in the world.

Thanks for that nice story . It made my day.

Lynn Shoop

Co-Director

www.novatomothersclub.com

www.mycmsite.com/lynnshoop

In a message dated 04/08/08 12:20:20 Pacific Daylight Time, cathybuckley@...

writes:

Carolyn,

It's horrible that not a single person offered to help you, even if

it was just to watch your other daughter while you tried to calm your

little one down. Because of my daughter, I find myself keenly aware

of other children when I'm in stores and other public places. This

happened just last week when I was in the supermarket. An autistic

boy (it was pretty obvious) was having a similar episode to your

daughter. His mom was trying to just pay and get out of there, and

everyone was giving her dirty looks. I told her I would wait in line

for her while she took her son to the car and I paid and took her

groceries out to her. She was sobbing when I got there, not because

of her son's tantrum, but because for once someone actually stopped

to help her. It was a tiny little thing to me, a few minutes of my

time, but because I knew where she was coming from, I was well aware

of how truly big this was for her. I'm so sorry that there was not a

compassionate, understanding person there to help you.

[Guest guest]

There needs to be more 's in the world.

Thanks for that nice story . It made my day.

Lynn Shoop

Co-Director

www.novatomothersclub.com

www.mycmsite.com/lynnshoop

In a message dated 04/08/08 12:20:20 Pacific Daylight Time, cathybuckley@...

writes:

Carolyn,

It's horrible that not a single person offered to help you, even if

it was just to watch your other daughter while you tried to calm your

little one down. Because of my daughter, I find myself keenly aware

of other children when I'm in stores and other public places. This

happened just last week when I was in the supermarket. An autistic

boy (it was pretty obvious) was having a similar episode to your

daughter. His mom was trying to just pay and get out of there, and

everyone was giving her dirty looks. I told her I would wait in line

for her while she took her son to the car and I paid and took her

groceries out to her. She was sobbing when I got there, not because

of her son's tantrum, but because for once someone actually stopped

to help her. It was a tiny little thing to me, a few minutes of my

time, but because I knew where she was coming from, I was well aware

of how truly big this was for her. I'm so sorry that there was not a

compassionate, understanding person there to help you.

[Guest guest]

Carolyn,

I have been in your shoes many times. My 4, almost 5

year old still does this on occasion and I can't seem

to figure out why. I have still never had anyone be

nice or understanding of me yet. I hope someday people

will be, but our society is being trained by tv and

video games and such to be selfish. Their parents for

the most part are either too busy to teach them

otherwise, they don't care to, or they were raised

that way too. So rarely do children get taught

anymore. They are left to themselves to figure things

out from TV and other things that they observe.

Unfortunately, these children are now grown up and

they are the rude people that we have to deal with in

the stores and office buildings.

Really the only thing that I know how to do, to make a

difference and to help our world be a better place for

ourselves and our children, is to start teaching

others. It is going to take a lot of effort and will

probably have to be done through media, because that

seams to be the only way people learn anymore. So, I

recomend doing what you are doing. Writing letters to

people and educating them, not in a rude way but in a

way to explain to them, just how challenging this was

for you and how hurt you were and how alone you felt

while they all turned their heads.

Then, possibly call a radio station or a news station

and ask them if they could read a letter from you

expalining what happened and teaching others how they

could have helped and what to do in a situation like

that if it should happen again.

Any time that our feelings and stories are shared on

tv, radio, internet, movies, in books etc. The more

awareness we create and help to educate others in what

ours and our children's lives are like and how they

can act and be, to not be jerks. Hardly anyone,

purposely wants to be a jerk, but many people are,

because no one taught them how not to be.

Sincerely,

Esther

Author of No More Diaper

Found at any of the following:

http://esthersmithbooks.com/

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/customer-images/1594330697/ref=cm_ciu_pdp_image\

s_all#gallery

http://www.publicationconsultants.com/title_n.htm

http://www.publicationconsultants.com/smith.htm

--- cathylynn2 wrote:

> Carolyn,

>

> It's horrible that not a single person offered to

> help you, even if

> it was just to watch your other daughter while you

> tried to calm your

> little one down. Because of my daughter, I find

> myself keenly aware

> of other children when I'm in stores and other

> public places. This

> happened just last week when I was in the

> supermarket. An autistic

> boy (it was pretty obvious) was having a similar

> episode to your

> daughter. His mom was trying to just pay and get

> out of there, and

> everyone was giving her dirty looks. I told her I

> would wait in line

> for her while she took her son to the car and I paid

> and took her

> groceries out to her. She was sobbing when I got

> there, not because

> of her son's tantrum, but because for once someone

> actually stopped

> to help her. It was a tiny little thing to me, a

> few minutes of my

> time, but because I knew where she was coming from,

> I was well aware

> of how truly big this was for her. I'm so sorry that

> there was not a

> compassionate, understanding person there to help

> you.

>

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month of Blockbuster Total

Access, No Cost.

http://tc.deals.yahoo.com/tc/blockbuster/text5.com

[Guest guest]

Carolyn,

I have been in your shoes many times. My 4, almost 5

year old still does this on occasion and I can't seem

to figure out why. I have still never had anyone be

nice or understanding of me yet. I hope someday people

will be, but our society is being trained by tv and

video games and such to be selfish. Their parents for

the most part are either too busy to teach them

otherwise, they don't care to, or they were raised

that way too. So rarely do children get taught

anymore. They are left to themselves to figure things

out from TV and other things that they observe.

Unfortunately, these children are now grown up and

they are the rude people that we have to deal with in

the stores and office buildings.

Really the only thing that I know how to do, to make a

difference and to help our world be a better place for

ourselves and our children, is to start teaching

others. It is going to take a lot of effort and will

probably have to be done through media, because that

seams to be the only way people learn anymore. So, I

recomend doing what you are doing. Writing letters to

people and educating them, not in a rude way but in a

way to explain to them, just how challenging this was

for you and how hurt you were and how alone you felt

while they all turned their heads.

Then, possibly call a radio station or a news station

and ask them if they could read a letter from you

expalining what happened and teaching others how they

could have helped and what to do in a situation like

that if it should happen again.

Any time that our feelings and stories are shared on

tv, radio, internet, movies, in books etc. The more

awareness we create and help to educate others in what

ours and our children's lives are like and how they

can act and be, to not be jerks. Hardly anyone,

purposely wants to be a jerk, but many people are,

because no one taught them how not to be.

Sincerely,

Esther

Author of No More Diaper

Found at any of the following:

http://esthersmithbooks.com/

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/customer-images/1594330697/ref=cm_ciu_pdp_image\

s_all#gallery

http://www.publicationconsultants.com/title_n.htm

http://www.publicationconsultants.com/smith.htm

--- cathylynn2 wrote:

> Carolyn,

>

> It's horrible that not a single person offered to

> help you, even if

> it was just to watch your other daughter while you

> tried to calm your

> little one down. Because of my daughter, I find

> myself keenly aware

> of other children when I'm in stores and other

> public places. This

> happened just last week when I was in the

> supermarket. An autistic

> boy (it was pretty obvious) was having a similar

> episode to your

> daughter. His mom was trying to just pay and get

> out of there, and

> everyone was giving her dirty looks. I told her I

> would wait in line

> for her while she took her son to the car and I paid

> and took her

> groceries out to her. She was sobbing when I got

> there, not because

> of her son's tantrum, but because for once someone

> actually stopped

> to help her. It was a tiny little thing to me, a

> few minutes of my

> time, but because I knew where she was coming from,

> I was well aware

> of how truly big this was for her. I'm so sorry that

> there was not a

> compassionate, understanding person there to help

> you.

>

>

>

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month of Blockbuster Total

Access, No Cost.

http://tc.deals.yahoo.com/tc/blockbuster/text5.com

[Guest guest]

Oh, and one more thing you can do, is to be like

. But while you are helping someone else, when

you get the chance, take the time to educate. I also

helped a woman out in one of these situations. I was

in Fred Meyer a grocery store on the west coast and a

woman's 4 year old was having a similar meltdown. My

husband and I were on a date and our kids were with a

friend. This rarely happens that we can go on a date,

so we could have just ignored it and hurried up to be

on time to our movie. But we couldn't. We were in the

line behind the woman to check out and her daughter

was drooling and screaming and sliding out of her

arms, and in a moment both my husband and I recognized

it to be Autism. The old woman behind us was yelling

at the young mother and telling her to get a grip and

shut her kid up. Then another woman who was also older

came up to see what was happening and whispered to me,

I think someone should call the police! I think that

woman is kidnapping the little girl.

I had had enough of these stupid comments and I turned

around and said to these women. " I take it that

neither of you have ever heard of Autism? " They looked

at me completely blankly. I continued, " Well this

little girl obviousely has it. I know, because I have

three kids at home with a sitter right now who also

have it. If this little girl was being kiddnapped, do

you think that the lady would stay in the store and

try to check out while the girl was screaming? Do you

think that the little girl would look like a miniture

version of the mother? Do you think that the little

girl would be drooling and NOT talking at age 4 or 5?

No one is covering her mouth, so don't you think that

she would be saying help? I want my mommy?

By this point the mother had left all her things at

the counter and was just trying to get out of the

store. I let my husband pay for our stuff and I

followed the woman. I was going to go help her out to

her car, but the little girl through herself on the

floor and hurt her head and the mom was having to try

and drag her daughter out of the ilse. The mom was

weaping and sweating and you could see she was so worn

out. She was a tiny little Asian mother, maybe 5 foot,

but probably not. Her daughter was half her size. The

mom finally sat down on the floor near her daughter

and just started crying too.

This whole time no store workers or anyone tried to

help out or anything. I squatted down next to the

mother and touched her shoulder and quite shocked when

she threw her arms around me and cried into my

shoulder to muffle the cry. Her daughter suddenly

perked up, realizing that her mommy was crying and sat

there staring at her mom.

I asked the mom if her daughter did infact have autism

and she said, " I don't know! " I know that there is

something the matter. I have had her in to testing for

three rounds and they said she is fine and that Autism

is way too overrated and that everybody wants the

label today, so they won't tell me what is wrong and

what to do with her.

I gave her my phone number and the card out of my

purse for my kids EI worker and said that if they

would not help her soon, for her to give me a call.

She cried again and said thankyou and that nobody had

ever been so understanding.

I said, don't give up, I can tell from half way across

the store that your daughter has Autism, so you need

to fight them and stand up for her and yourself.

I never heard from her, so I hope that she got help. I

wish that I could have educated the entire store that

day. And even though I really only told three people,

the two ladies and the cashier basicly, at least that

is three more people, who will be aware.

Hope this helps,

Esther

Author of No More Diaper

Found at any of the following:

http://esthersmithbooks.com/

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/customer-images/1594330697/ref=cm_ciu_pdp_image\

s_all#gallery

http://www.publicationconsultants.com/title_n.htm

http://www.publicationconsultants.com/smith.htm

--- cathylynn2 wrote:

--- Esther wrote:

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month of Blockbuster Total

Access, No Cost.

http://tc.deals.yahoo.com/tc/blockbuster/text5.com

[Guest guest]

Oh, and one more thing you can do, is to be like

. But while you are helping someone else, when

you get the chance, take the time to educate. I also

helped a woman out in one of these situations. I was

in Fred Meyer a grocery store on the west coast and a

woman's 4 year old was having a similar meltdown. My

husband and I were on a date and our kids were with a

friend. This rarely happens that we can go on a date,

so we could have just ignored it and hurried up to be

on time to our movie. But we couldn't. We were in the

line behind the woman to check out and her daughter

was drooling and screaming and sliding out of her

arms, and in a moment both my husband and I recognized

it to be Autism. The old woman behind us was yelling

at the young mother and telling her to get a grip and

shut her kid up. Then another woman who was also older

came up to see what was happening and whispered to me,

I think someone should call the police! I think that

woman is kidnapping the little girl.

I had had enough of these stupid comments and I turned

around and said to these women. " I take it that

neither of you have ever heard of Autism? " They looked

at me completely blankly. I continued, " Well this

little girl obviousely has it. I know, because I have

three kids at home with a sitter right now who also

have it. If this little girl was being kiddnapped, do

you think that the lady would stay in the store and

try to check out while the girl was screaming? Do you

think that the little girl would look like a miniture

version of the mother? Do you think that the little

girl would be drooling and NOT talking at age 4 or 5?

No one is covering her mouth, so don't you think that

she would be saying help? I want my mommy?

By this point the mother had left all her things at

the counter and was just trying to get out of the

store. I let my husband pay for our stuff and I

followed the woman. I was going to go help her out to

her car, but the little girl through herself on the

floor and hurt her head and the mom was having to try

and drag her daughter out of the ilse. The mom was

weaping and sweating and you could see she was so worn

out. She was a tiny little Asian mother, maybe 5 foot,

but probably not. Her daughter was half her size. The

mom finally sat down on the floor near her daughter

and just started crying too.

This whole time no store workers or anyone tried to

help out or anything. I squatted down next to the

mother and touched her shoulder and quite shocked when

she threw her arms around me and cried into my

shoulder to muffle the cry. Her daughter suddenly

perked up, realizing that her mommy was crying and sat

there staring at her mom.

I asked the mom if her daughter did infact have autism

and she said, " I don't know! " I know that there is

something the matter. I have had her in to testing for

three rounds and they said she is fine and that Autism

is way too overrated and that everybody wants the

label today, so they won't tell me what is wrong and

what to do with her.

I gave her my phone number and the card out of my

purse for my kids EI worker and said that if they

would not help her soon, for her to give me a call.

She cried again and said thankyou and that nobody had

ever been so understanding.

I said, don't give up, I can tell from half way across

the store that your daughter has Autism, so you need

to fight them and stand up for her and yourself.

I never heard from her, so I hope that she got help. I

wish that I could have educated the entire store that

day. And even though I really only told three people,

the two ladies and the cashier basicly, at least that

is three more people, who will be aware.

Hope this helps,

Esther

Author of No More Diaper

Found at any of the following:

http://esthersmithbooks.com/

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/customer-images/1594330697/ref=cm_ciu_pdp_image\

s_all#gallery

http://www.publicationconsultants.com/title_n.htm

http://www.publicationconsultants.com/smith.htm

--- cathylynn2 wrote:

--- Esther wrote:

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month of Blockbuster Total

Access, No Cost.

http://tc.deals.yahoo.com/tc/blockbuster/text5.com

[Guest guest]

Esther, that's such a wonderful story. Thanks so much for sharing that.

The world needs more people to be this way!

Unfortunately, with the rise in cases of Autism, the world WILL have more people

who understand it.

We were at the Dr.'s office a couple of weeks ago, my mom and the girls and I.

Melody was being really loud and uncooperative, and this old lady comes up and

says I have such beautiful girls, but " you have quite a temper and it's not

something to be proud of! " she says to Melody. As the lady walked away, I told

Melody, " just do this " and I put my thumb on my nose, stuck out my tongue and

wiggled my fingers. My mom laughed and said, " You should have told her Melody

has Autism " and I was like, " nah, I can't be bothered. If people are going to

give their unwanted opinions, screw 'em " and so I go into the exam room and I

hear my mom telling the lady, who had since come out of her exam room, that

Melody was Autistic, and the lady apologized profusely and said she has a nephew

with Autism and should have known better....so even people whose lives ARE

affected by Autism in some way or another still " forget " , or aren't very

forgiving....

Lynn Shoop

Co-Director

www.novatomothersclub.com

www.mycmsite.com/lynnshoop

In a message dated 04/08/08 12:52:17 Pacific Daylight Time,

mike_esther_smith@... writes:

Oh, and one more thing you can do, is to be like

. But while you are helping someone else, when

you get the chance, take the time to educate. I also

helped a woman out in one of these situations. I was

in Fred Meyer a grocery store on the west coast and a

woman's 4 year old was having a similar meltdown. My

husband and I were on a date and our kids were with a

friend. This rarely happens that we can go on a date,

so we could have just ignored it and hurried up to be

on time to our movie. But we couldn't. We were in the

line behind the woman to check out and her daughter

was drooling and screaming and sliding out of her

arms, and in a moment both my husband and I recognized

it to be Autism. The old woman behind us was yelling

at the young mother and telling her to get a grip and

shut her kid up. Then another woman who was also older

came up to see what was happening and whispered to me,

I think someone should call the police! I think that

woman is kidnapping the little girl.

I had had enough of these stupid comments and I turned

around and said to these women. " I take it that

neither of you have ever heard of Autism? " They looked

at me completely blankly. I continued, " Well this

little girl obviousely has it. I know, because I have

three kids at home with a sitter right now who also

have it. If this little girl was being kiddnapped, do

you think that the lady would stay in the store and

try to check out while the girl was screaming? Do you

think that the little girl would look like a miniture

version of the mother? Do you think that the little

girl would be drooling and NOT talking at age 4 or 5?

No one is covering her mouth, so don't you think that

she would be saying help? I want my mommy?

By this point the mother had left all her things at

the counter and was just trying to get out of the

store. I let my husband pay for our stuff and I

followed the woman. I was going to go help her out to

her car, but the little girl through herself on the

floor and hurt her head and the mom was having to try

and drag her daughter out of the ilse. The mom was

weaping and sweating and you could see she was so worn

out. She was a tiny little Asian mother, maybe 5 foot,

but probably not. Her daughter was half her size. The

mom finally sat down on the floor near her daughter

and just started crying too.

This whole time no store workers or anyone tried to

help out or anything. I squatted down next to the

mother and touched her shoulder and quite shocked when

she threw her arms around me and cried into my

shoulder to muffle the cry. Her daughter suddenly

perked up, realizing that her mommy was crying and sat

there staring at her mom.

I asked the mom if her daughter did infact have autism

and she said, " I don't know! " I know that there is

something the matter. I have had her in to testing for

three rounds and they said she is fine and that Autism

is way too overrated and that everybody wants the

label today, so they won't tell me what is wrong and

what to do with her.

I gave her my phone number and the card out of my

purse for my kids EI worker and said that if they

would not help her soon, for her to give me a call.

She cried again and said thankyou and that nobody had

ever been so understanding.

I said, don't give up, I can tell from half way across

the store that your daughter has Autism, so you need

to fight them and stand up for her and yourself.

I never heard from her, so I hope that she got help. I

wish that I could have educated the entire store that

day. And even though I really only told three people,

the two ladies and the cashier basicly, at least that

is three more people, who will be aware.

Hope this helps,

Esther

Author of No More Diaper

Found at any of the following:

http://esthersmithbooks.com/

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/customer-images/1594330697/ref=cm_ciu_pdp_image\

s_all#gallery

http://www.publicationconsultants.com/title_n.htm

http://www.publicationconsultants.com/smith.htm

--- cathylynn2 wrote:

--- Esther wrote:

__________________________________________________________

You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month of Blockbuster Total

Access, No Cost.

http://tc.deals.yahoo.com/tc/blockbuster/text5.com

[Guest guest]

Esther, that's such a wonderful story. Thanks so much for sharing that.

The world needs more people to be this way!

Unfortunately, with the rise in cases of Autism, the world WILL have more people

who understand it.

We were at the Dr.'s office a couple of weeks ago, my mom and the girls and I.

Melody was being really loud and uncooperative, and this old lady comes up and

says I have such beautiful girls, but " you have quite a temper and it's not

something to be proud of! " she says to Melody. As the lady walked away, I told

Melody, " just do this " and I put my thumb on my nose, stuck out my tongue and

wiggled my fingers. My mom laughed and said, " You should have told her Melody

has Autism " and I was like, " nah, I can't be bothered. If people are going to

give their unwanted opinions, screw 'em " and so I go into the exam room and I

hear my mom telling the lady, who had since come out of her exam room, that

Melody was Autistic, and the lady apologized profusely and said she has a nephew

with Autism and should have known better....so even people whose lives ARE

affected by Autism in some way or another still " forget " , or aren't very

forgiving....

Lynn Shoop

Co-Director

www.novatomothersclub.com

www.mycmsite.com/lynnshoop

In a message dated 04/08/08 12:52:17 Pacific Daylight Time,

mike_esther_smith@... writes:

Oh, and one more thing you can do, is to be like

. But while you are helping someone else, when

you get the chance, take the time to educate. I also

helped a woman out in one of these situations. I was

in Fred Meyer a grocery store on the west coast and a

woman's 4 year old was having a similar meltdown. My

husband and I were on a date and our kids were with a

friend. This rarely happens that we can go on a date,

so we could have just ignored it and hurried up to be

on time to our movie. But we couldn't. We were in the

line behind the woman to check out and her daughter

was drooling and screaming and sliding out of her

arms, and in a moment both my husband and I recognized

it to be Autism. The old woman behind us was yelling

at the young mother and telling her to get a grip and

shut her kid up. Then another woman who was also older

came up to see what was happening and whispered to me,

I think someone should call the police! I think that

woman is kidnapping the little girl.

I had had enough of these stupid comments and I turned

around and said to these women. " I take it that

neither of you have ever heard of Autism? " They looked

at me completely blankly. I continued, " Well this

little girl obviousely has it. I know, because I have

three kids at home with a sitter right now who also

have it. If this little girl was being kiddnapped, do

you think that the lady would stay in the store and

try to check out while the girl was screaming? Do you

think that the little girl would look like a miniture

version of the mother? Do you think that the little

girl would be drooling and NOT talking at age 4 or 5?

No one is covering her mouth, so don't you think that

she would be saying help? I want my mommy?

By this point the mother had left all her things at

the counter and was just trying to get out of the

store. I let my husband pay for our stuff and I

followed the woman. I was going to go help her out to

her car, but the little girl through herself on the

floor and hurt her head and the mom was having to try

and drag her daughter out of the ilse. The mom was

weaping and sweating and you could see she was so worn

out. She was a tiny little Asian mother, maybe 5 foot,

but probably not. Her daughter was half her size. The

mom finally sat down on the floor near her daughter

and just started crying too.

This whole time no store workers or anyone tried to

help out or anything. I squatted down next to the

mother and touched her shoulder and quite shocked when

she threw her arms around me and cried into my

shoulder to muffle the cry. Her daughter suddenly

perked up, realizing that her mommy was crying and sat

there staring at her mom.

I asked the mom if her daughter did infact have autism

and she said, " I don't know! " I know that there is

something the matter. I have had her in to testing for

three rounds and they said she is fine and that Autism

is way too overrated and that everybody wants the

label today, so they won't tell me what is wrong and

what to do with her.

I gave her my phone number and the card out of my

purse for my kids EI worker and said that if they

would not help her soon, for her to give me a call.

She cried again and said thankyou and that nobody had

ever been so understanding.

I said, don't give up, I can tell from half way across

the store that your daughter has Autism, so you need

to fight them and stand up for her and yourself.

I never heard from her, so I hope that she got help. I

wish that I could have educated the entire store that

day. And even though I really only told three people,

the two ladies and the cashier basicly, at least that

is three more people, who will be aware.

Hope this helps,

Esther

Author of No More Diaper

Found at any of the following:

http://esthersmithbooks.com/

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/customer-images/1594330697/ref=cm_ciu_pdp_image\

s_all#gallery

http://www.publicationconsultants.com/title_n.htm

http://www.publicationconsultants.com/smith.htm

--- cathylynn2 wrote:

--- Esther wrote:

__________________________________________________________

You rock. That's why Blockbuster's offering you one month of Blockbuster Total

Access, No Cost.

http://tc.deals.yahoo.com/tc/blockbuster/text5.com

[Guest guest]

Give us the building manager's address & we can all write respectful,

tasteful notes explaining your difficulties and that we hope in the

future he can provide more assistance during such a crisis time.

That's far nicer than what I would like to say to him, lol.

At the end of the day, there's really not a lot you could have done

differently. You were doing everything you could, which is acceptible.

Jerks will unfortunately be jerks. If you wanted to " show him " a thing

or two, and I don't know what sort of building it is, hubby's work,

doctor's office, etc, then you could have an " autism sit-in " where

everyone you can find can show up with their kids with autism. Now

THAT would be great!!!!

Debi

[Guest guest]

Give us the building manager's address & we can all write respectful,

tasteful notes explaining your difficulties and that we hope in the

future he can provide more assistance during such a crisis time.

That's far nicer than what I would like to say to him, lol.

At the end of the day, there's really not a lot you could have done

differently. You were doing everything you could, which is acceptible.

Jerks will unfortunately be jerks. If you wanted to " show him " a thing

or two, and I don't know what sort of building it is, hubby's work,

doctor's office, etc, then you could have an " autism sit-in " where

everyone you can find can show up with their kids with autism. Now

THAT would be great!!!!

Debi

[Guest guest]

Hi Carolyn,

I am an assistant property manager for a number of large office

buildings in our downtown area, as well as the mother of a 12-year-

old on the spectrum. You did exactly the right thing by speaking

with the building manager. The maintenance person who handled this

so poorly just needs some training, which is pretty typical for

people in that position. They are generally not that great dealing

with unusual or new situations such as this. My daughter has

improved a great deal over the years, but I still worry whenever she

comes to visit me in the office--what if the fire alarm were to go

off right when she is there??? :-( As far as other locations, we

have been accused of kidnapping our daughter in the grocery store

and in Home Depot, and one time we probably should have been accused

of it in our local mall. (Why nobody bothered to stop a grown man

carrying a nine year old girl, screaming, out of the mall, is

actually pretty scary to think about. They didn't know he was her

father!!!)

I'm glad things turned out all right.

--Tita

> >

> > In a message dated 4/8/08 2:46:13 P.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

> > CSHAW5@... writes:

> >

> > I just feel that they could had handled it a

> > whole lot better.

> >

> > Thanks!

> > Carolyn

> >

> >

> >

> > yes they should have. its called ignorance and stupidity.

they don't care

> > why they just want things quiet. you should have gotten his

name and say he

> > needs to be trained how to do his job right. 1st ask is the

child ok. then

> > how can I help. that's the correct response

> > abbys dad

> >

>

> AN update:

>

> I did talk to the building manager. He was sympathetic and

apologized. He asked me exactly what this gentleman said to me and

indicated he would " talk " to whoever it was. I basically told him

what I told you all about the safety issue and that I should had

been offered help instead of being asked to leave. I was very nice

about the whole thing and even told him that the gentleman

was " polite " about it, but handled it poorly. I made a point to

throw in the " education/awareness " part about Autism being on the

rise and that others need to be made aware of this sort of thing b/c

it's only going to be seen more and more by people in their everyday

lives. The building manager should have words with the entire staff

about this in addition to the individual that was involved.

>

> Thanks to everyone for replying. It's been a rough day. IT is

soooo comforting and know that I am not " alone " .

>

> I also decided that I am going to write a letter to our local

paper to help raise awareness, ESPECIALLY since it is National

Autism Month. THIS is the time to prints stories like this!!!!

>

[Guest guest]

Carolyn,

I am so proud of you! I have experienced this so many times that I

cannot count them all. I commend you for taking this to the local

newspaper! I think you ought to bring it to CNN/Fox/GMA/NBC/ and any

other news media. They all need to do these kind of stories so that

the PUBLIC will know how to behave in front of our children who

cannot control their behavior.

Thanks from all us MOMS! :-)

Shanna ('s mom)

> > AN update:

> >

> > I did talk to the building manager. He was sympathetic and

> apologized. He asked me exactly what this gentleman said to me and

> indicated he would " talk " to whoever it was. I basically told him

> what I told you all about the safety issue and that I should had

> been offered help instead of being asked to leave. I was very nice

> about the whole thing and even told him that the gentleman

> was " polite " about it, but handled it poorly. I made a point to

> throw in the " education/awareness " part about Autism being on the

> rise and that others need to be made aware of this sort of thing

b/c

> it's only going to be seen more and more by people in their

everyday

> lives. The building manager should have words with the entire

staff

> about this in addition to the individual that was involved.

> >

> > Thanks to everyone for replying. It's been a rough day. IT is

> soooo comforting and know that I am not " alone " .

> >

> > I also decided that I am going to write a letter to our local

> paper to help raise awareness, ESPECIALLY since it is National

> Autism Month. THIS is the time to prints stories like this!!!!

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Re: How do I handle this?

Carolyn, I'm so sorry you had to go through this, I have a daughter

w/autism and can relate to your frustration. We have so much on our

plate already, on top of which we must deal with ignorant onlookers.

Your story reminds me of a friend of mine who has a son with autism, also

4 years old, who was having a meltdown in a grocery store. She proceeded

to tell another woman standing by that her son had autism, to which the

woman rather sarcastically replied, " isn't it funny how many kids are

being diagnosed with autism these days " ! You're not alone in your

struggles. Take care.

Sue

--

Want an e-mail address like mine?

Get a free e-mail account today at www.mail.com!

[Guest guest]

My ears are actually ringing now from Kellie screaming all morning. She had

another complete meltdown while I struggled to get her to and on the school bus.

She flipped out b/c we skipped one of her OCD rituals leaving for school. We

were running late so I just had to get her out the door PRONTO. And she made me

PAY for that--lol. Oh boy! I am just DRAINED from the past 24 hours with her.

She also did not sleep well last night and kept on screaming out for me in the

middle of the night. This went on for 2 hours. She's tired so I am sure that

added to the " events " of the morning. This is unusual for her. She is good

about sleeping through the night. I wonder what's going on with her.

While this was going on, my older DD (5 year old) was giving me a hard time

about what she was going to wear for picture day at school. We had a agreed on

a dress she loves the night before, but she changed her mind. I was like wear

whatever--just get DRESSED! Luckily, she put together something cute to wear

(whew!) Kellie went to school in what she slept in :) I could not deal

with yet another kicking screaming struggling match. We both needed a break.

Anyway--I can see how some of us can loose our hearing from raising our ASD

kiddos

Carolyn

---- joans_java wrote:

> ,

>

> I really believe my hearing is damaged by all the screaming that

> has done over the years! I always have to get my husband and kids to

> repeat things. I used to think that no-one could have a louder pitch

> scream than her. I really BELIEVE that all of us think that. haha... I

> know that isnt too funny but we are all in the same boat. What is the

> name of the best hearing aids?

> Shanna ('s mom)

>

>

> >

> I tell you I think my daughter

> > has the loudest voice on this planet. I could not hear anything. I

> > was mordified.

> >

> >

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

> She flipped out b/c we skipped one of her OCD rituals leaving for

> school. We were running late so I just had to get her out the door

> PRONTO.

I learned my lesson with regarding before-school OCD rituals.

One day she didn't get to touch the garage door windows like she

always does and the entire day was shot. She literally thought about

it the whole day, was very upset and got nothing done at school. It's

well worth it for her to be a couple minutes late and avoid the whole

mess altogether! Fortunately, her teacher totally gets it.

[Guest guest]

I can't fly. Extreme terror feeling the entire time. Makes a trip across the

country not fun. I usually throw up before the flight because I'm so worked up.

Lynn Shoop

Co-Director

www.novatomothersclub.com

www.mycmsite.com/lynnshoop

In a message dated 04/08/08 16:21:13 Pacific Daylight Time, hfa2@...

writes:

debi, yes this feeling you describe of fear and distortion of height is

of the same sorts of or similar to those i to experience in new sensory

settings and to feel so overloaded by the new sensations that seem to

consume of me and dictqates to my my impulsive reponses that most seem

oblivious to in regards to reading me. I too cant be to do heights very

well either, except when flying it seems to me like illusion of dreams

or like being in heaven when to look out the windows of the clouds.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

Oh my GOSH !!!! It was the same thing this morning. Kel flipped out b/c I

did not let her push the button to open the garage door. She had a bad today at

school. She comes home and what is the first thing she does? Close the garage

door, open it and then close it again. She's FINE now.

---- cathylynn2 wrote:

>

>

>

> > She flipped out b/c we skipped one of her OCD rituals leaving for

> > school. We were running late so I just had to get her out the door

> > PRONTO.

>

> I learned my lesson with regarding before-school OCD rituals.

> One day she didn't get to touch the garage door windows like she

> always does and the entire day was shot. She literally thought about

> it the whole day, was very upset and got nothing done at school. It's

> well worth it for her to be a couple minutes late and avoid the whole

> mess altogether! Fortunately, her teacher totally gets it.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

This is also a problem that my daughter had with stairways. The one at the

grade school she attended was an open staircase and Annie was terrified to

be anywhere but by the opposite wall when needing to transverse the stairs.

This created problems for the other kids as the " traffic rules " sort of

apply at school when traveling the halls and stairs. We finally solved the

problem by having permission to use the elevator.

Good luck with your solution.

Dianna

Annie's mother

-- Re: How do I handle this?

I to know of this one as this is of strong to me too. it is because

for me when I to go from a secured boundary areas such as a room or

hallways and enter an open place such as this it gives off the effect

of falling and or will fall . it sets of the whole sense of where you

body is in space and how to navigate of the new setting that seems to

much overloading visually because the new setting seems to open. It

often also echoes and causes the sound to bounce in ways others may

not. I to do this at tops of stair wells too can go up stairs but to

go down of them causes me the flight feeling for fear of falling and

not being able to process the new sensory information in way that

feels safe to me. it is of the same feeling some might get on a

roller coaster when you reach the very top of the hill before being

dropped off to the bottom the sudden surging of panic that can

consume some is of how it is for me and even in true I to be fo able

to feel the adreneline surge and cause my finger tips to tingle so

badly that , that adds to my sensory overload feelings.

I to also not like to tavel across bridge like walk ways on upper

floors of the malls because it causes me to feel the same way as if

will fall and my whole sense of balancing self and navigating it is

of off so much so it feels as if walking on a sway bridge which

causes my gait in walking to be more guarded and off balance. I to

also not like to stand near the edges of the second floors things to

look over to the floor below because to me can feel the floor rumble

and shake under me so much so that it causes this surging of panic to

me too for fear of not grasping right away what is happening and then

it triggers panic of falling or somethings terrible is of going to

happen.

Sondra

[Guest guest]

Yes we are lucky to not have open stairs at school, that would make

it very difficult.

The elevator is a good solution.

> This is also a problem that my daughter had with stairways. The one

> at the

> grade school she attended was an open staircase and Annie was

> terrified to

> be anywhere but by the opposite wall when needing to transverse the

> stairs.

>

> This created problems for the other kids as the " traffic rules "

> sort of

> apply at school when traveling the halls and stairs. We finally

> solved the

> problem by having permission to use the elevator.

>

> Good luck with your solution.

>

> Dianna

> Annie's mother

>

> -- Re: How do I handle this?

>

> I to know of this one as this is of strong to me too. it is because

> for me when I to go from a secured boundary areas such as a room or

> hallways and enter an open place such as this it gives off the effect

> of falling and or will fall . it sets of the whole sense of where you

> body is in space and how to navigate of the new setting that seems to

> much overloading visually because the new setting seems to open. It

> often also echoes and causes the sound to bounce in ways others may

> not. I to do this at tops of stair wells too can go up stairs but to

> go down of them causes me the flight feeling for fear of falling and

> not being able to process the new sensory information in way that

> feels safe to me. it is of the same feeling some might get on a

> roller coaster when you reach the very top of the hill before being

> dropped off to the bottom the sudden surging of panic that can

> consume some is of how it is for me and even in true I to be fo able

> to feel the adreneline surge and cause my finger tips to tingle so

> badly that , that adds to my sensory overload feelings.

>

> I to also not like to tavel across bridge like walk ways on upper

> floors of the malls because it causes me to feel the same way as if

> will fall and my whole sense of balancing self and navigating it is

> of off so much so it feels as if walking on a sway bridge which

> causes my gait in walking to be more guarded and off balance. I to

> also not like to stand near the edges of the second floors things to

> look over to the floor below because to me can feel the floor rumble

> and shake under me so much so that it causes this surging of panic to

> me too for fear of not grasping right away what is happening and then

> it triggers panic of falling or somethings terrible is of going to

> happen.

> Sondra

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Sheesh! As if we asked for this! Idiot!!! Until she experiences

something like this, she'll never understand. As if we go asking for an

autism diagnosis!

--

Marie A. (mom to Kim, 16 on 2-29-92 & Becky, a senior & gets the best

sibling award)