Re: disciplining children with OCD

[Guest guest]

My son has that same hypersensitivitiy to criticism, which almost feels

manipulative even though I get that it isn't. The main thing is that I would

never put up with rudeness, insolence, or having things thrown. That would lead

to immediate discipline. Discipline entails a consequence that is something

that makes the point for your child because it will have a particular impact for

her. For my son, it can be something as simple as taking away computer for the

evening. That is a huge punishment for him. I wouldn't get into a verbal

sparring match with your child when she is in this tantruming/bad behavior

state, but would rather state the consequence and enforce it. If your daughter

is into skyping her friends, it can be as simple as stating no skyping this

evening and meaning it. You just have to know what your daughter's " currency "

is, as Dr. Phil likes to say. When your daughter is misbehaving like this, I

would tell her that she must go to her room and have a time out. Make sure that

there is no technology in there, like tv or computer or cell phone, so that this

is a real punishment. If she does have any of these in her room, I would have a

talk with her right now before any more tantrums, and let her know that these

things can no longer be in her room until she has stopped the disrespect for a

significant period of time. (Personally, my kids, both with OCD, don't tantrum,

but I don't believe in having these things in their rooms anyway.)

Is she getting ERP from an OCD specialist? This would help because the homework

and sanctions could come from the therapist, rather than having you be the " bad "

guy.

disciplining children with OCD

Hi I am not new to the group, but this is the first time I am writing with and

sharing with an issue. My daughter is 12 and has been diagnosed with OCD since

she was 7. She is currently on Zoloft 50 mgs and it is helping her with symptoms

such as repeating actions and verbal phrases over and over, asking us to say

specific things over and her getting upset if she is interrupted when talking or

any activity like combing her hair, writing et.

A big problem I have with her is disciplining her since we found it diffult to

do so because she has a type of OCD called scrupulosity and is very sensitive to

criticism. Ironically, this has caused her to disrepect her father and me a lot

sometimes. She especially treats me very rude, curses at me, throws my stuff and

refuses to listen to me. I have lost my temper with her and said mean things to

her in response and defense and feel terrible about it and I don't want to lash

out at her and be angry at her. I am trying relaxation and meditation tapes and

they help a bit but I am very upset over the situation.

Does anyone else have a similar problem?

Sorry for the long message, and thanks everyone in advance.

Does anyone else have this problem

[Guest guest]

While my daughter cannot control herself in the midst of a meltdown, we do

institute consequences for her not attempting to calm herself when a

meltdown is starting. She has tools she can use to help avert a meltdown

and if she CHOOSES not to try then that choice has a consequence. Also, no

matter what, there are consequences for acting out violently. We typically

discuss those consequences once she calms down.

[Guest guest]

I'm with and Jordana, have a set of consequences for her actions like

that. Tell her OCD is no excuse for her cursing at others or throwing

things.... She has to find more appropriate ways to vent how OCD frustrates her

(or how others frustrate her OCD). When she acts out, then she already knows

what the consequence will be, a set rule. You could also tell her you will not

talk to her, remain in the room, when she disrespects you, that it can be

discussed only when she's calm.

Really, just some thoughts. With 3 sons, I've said things too and not reacted

ways I would rather due to the heat of the moment, emotions, etc.

My OCD son, who also has scrupulosity, hasn't had any outburst problems. I'm

surprised she's cursing, would think her scrupe wouldn't let her. OK, take that

back, as it can *make* you curse but is that what is prompting it in the

outburst towards you?

You can set boundaries for allowable behavior, even with OCD outbursts.

Hang in there,

single mom, 3 sons

, 22, with OCD, dysgraphia and Aspergers

>

> Hi I am not new to the group, but this is the first time I am writing with and

sharing with an issue. My daughter is 12 and has been diagnosed with OCD since

she was 7. She is currently on Zoloft 50 mgs and it is helping her with symptoms

such as repeating actions and verbal phrases over and over, asking us to say

specific things over and her getting upset if she is interrupted when talking or

any activity like combing her hair, writing et.

[Guest guest]

Hi Deborah,

I have a different opinion on this. I was all for consequences but after

reading the book " the explosive child " I have turned around completely.

According to the book consequences work short term and reinforce the

feeling that the child has been " bad " . This is just not good for their self

esteem. Usually there is always a reason for throwing a tantrum or being

rude etc. We need to find the root cause and address that. This needs to

happen when the child is calm and willing to talk. Recognizing good

behavior and rewards ( does not have to be materialistic, sometimes simply

acknowleding it / hugging them etc is all that children want) actually have

a stronger lasting effect.

I have read this book and religiously follow it on our son who is 9 with

OCD. He used to get SO angry, rude etc we almost thought he was bipolar!

Please, please read this book. It has made our relationship with our son a

completely happy one!

Good luck

AR - San

>

>

> My son has that same hypersensitivitiy to criticism, which almost feels

manipulative even though I get that it isn't. The main thing is that I

would never put up with rudeness, insolence, or having things thrown. That

would lead to immediate discipline. Discipline entails a consequence that

is something that makes the point for your child because it will have a

particular impact for her. For my son, it can be something as simple as

taking away computer for the evening. That is a huge punishment for him. I

wouldn't get into a verbal sparring match with your child when she is in

this tantruming/bad behavior state, but would rather state the consequence

and enforce it. If your daughter is into skyping her friends, it can be as

simple as stating no skyping this evening and meaning it. You just have to

know what your daughter's " currency " is, as Dr. Phil likes to say. When

your daughter is misbehaving like this, I would tell her that she must go

to her room and have a time out. Make sure that there is no technology in

there, like tv or computer or cell phone, so that this is a real

punishment. If she does have any of these in her room, I would have a talk

with her right now before any more tantrums, and let her know that these

things can no longer be in her room until she has stopped the disrespect

for a significant period of time. (Personally, my kids, both with OCD,

don't tantrum, but I don't believe in having these things in their rooms

anyway.)

>

> Is she getting ERP from an OCD specialist? This would help because the

homework and sanctions could come from the therapist, rather than having

you be the " bad " guy.

>

> disciplining children with OCD

>

> Hi I am not new to the group, but this is the first time I am writing

with and sharing with an issue. My daughter is 12 and has been diagnosed

with OCD since she was 7. She is currently on Zoloft 50 mgs and it is

helping her with symptoms such as repeating actions and verbal phrases over

and over, asking us to say specific things over and her getting upset if

she is interrupted when talking or any activity like combing her hair,

writing et.

> A big problem I have with her is disciplining her since we found it

diffult to do so because she has a type of OCD called scrupulosity and is

very sensitive to criticism. Ironically, this has caused her to disrepect

her father and me a lot sometimes. She especially treats me very rude,

curses at me, throws my stuff and refuses to listen to me. I have lost my

temper with her and said mean things to her in response and defense and

feel terrible about it and I don't want to lash out at her and be angry at

her. I am trying relaxation and meditation tapes and they help a bit but I

am very upset over the situation.

> Does anyone else have a similar problem?

>

> Sorry for the long message, and thanks everyone in advance.

> Does anyone else have this problem

>

>

[Guest guest]

love this book, and love this method of parenting!!

Sharon

________________________________

To: " " < >

Sent: Monday, November 7, 2011 12:42 PM

Subject: Re: disciplining children with OCD

 

Hi Deborah,

I have a different opinion on this. I was all for consequences but after

reading the book " the explosive child " I have turned around completely.

According to the book consequences work short term and reinforce the

feeling that the child has been " bad " . This is just not good for their self

esteem. Usually there is always a reason for throwing a tantrum or being

rude etc. We need to find the root cause and address that. This needs to

happen when the child is calm and willing to talk. Recognizing good

behavior and rewards ( does not have to be materialistic, sometimes simply

acknowleding it / hugging them etc is all that children want) actually have

a stronger lasting effect.

I have read this book and religiously follow it on our son who is 9 with

OCD. He used to get SO angry, rude etc we almost thought he was bipolar!

Please, please read this book. It has made our relationship with our son a

completely happy one!

Good luck

AR - San

>

>

> My son has that same hypersensitivitiy to criticism, which almost feels

manipulative even though I get that it isn't. The main thing is that I

would never put up with rudeness, insolence, or having things thrown. That

would lead to immediate discipline. Discipline entails a consequence that

is something that makes the point for your child because it will have a

particular impact for her. For my son, it can be something as simple as

taking away computer for the evening. That is a huge punishment for him. I

wouldn't get into a verbal sparring match with your child when she is in

this tantruming/bad behavior state, but would rather state the consequence

and enforce it. If your daughter is into skyping her friends, it can be as

simple as stating no skyping this evening and meaning it. You just have to

know what your daughter's " currency " is, as Dr. Phil likes to say. When

your daughter is misbehaving like this, I would tell her that she must go

to her room and have a time out. Make sure that there is no technology in

there, like tv or computer or cell phone, so that this is a real

punishment. If she does have any of these in her room, I would have a talk

with her right now before any more tantrums, and let her know that these

things can no longer be in her room until she has stopped the disrespect

for a significant period of time. (Personally, my kids, both with OCD,

don't tantrum, but I don't believe in having these things in their rooms

anyway.)

>

> Is she getting ERP from an OCD specialist? This would help because the

homework and sanctions could come from the therapist, rather than having

you be the " bad " guy.

>

> disciplining children with OCD

>

> Hi I am not new to the group, but this is the first time I am writing

with and sharing with an issue. My daughter is 12 and has been diagnosed

with OCD since she was 7. She is currently on Zoloft 50 mgs and it is

helping her with symptoms such as repeating actions and verbal phrases over

and over, asking us to say specific things over and her getting upset if

she is interrupted when talking or any activity like combing her hair,

writing et.

> A big problem I have with her is disciplining her since we found it

diffult to do so because she has a type of OCD called scrupulosity and is

very sensitive to criticism. Ironically, this has caused her to disrepect

her father and me a lot sometimes. She especially treats me very rude,

curses at me, throws my stuff and refuses to listen to me. I have lost my

temper with her and said mean things to her in response and defense and

feel terrible about it and I don't want to lash out at her and be angry at

her. I am trying relaxation and meditation tapes and they help a bit but I

am very upset over the situation.

> Does anyone else have a similar problem?

>

> Sorry for the long message, and thanks everyone in advance.

> Does anyone else have this problem

>

>

[Guest guest]

I also can atest to the methods in Explosive Child. Another reason to use

it....it takes you out of the equation with regard to struggling with rules and

expectations and when you have a kid who may be somewhat isolated in his/her

life, he or she needs to be able turn to you and to learn from you even when

they're stormy rather than to hold it in or turn then angst upon themselves.

Bonnie

> >

> >

> > My son has that same hypersensitivitiy to criticism, which almost feels

> manipulative even though I get that it isn't. The main thing is that I

> would never put up with rudeness, insolence, or having things thrown. That

> would lead to immediate discipline. Discipline entails a consequence that

> is something that makes the point for your child because it will have a

> particular impact for her. For my son, it can be something as simple as

> taking away computer for the evening. That is a huge punishment for him. I

> wouldn't get into a verbal sparring match with your child when she is in

> this tantruming/bad behavior state, but would rather state the consequence

> and enforce it. If your daughter is into skyping her friends, it can be as

> simple as stating no skyping this evening and meaning it. You just have to

> know what your daughter's " currency " is, as Dr. Phil likes to say. When

> your daughter is misbehaving like this, I would tell her that she must go

> to her room and have a time out. Make sure that there is no technology in

> there, like tv or computer or cell phone, so that this is a real

> punishment. If she does have any of these in her room, I would have a talk

> with her right now before any more tantrums, and let her know that these

> things can no longer be in her room until she has stopped the disrespect

> for a significant period of time. (Personally, my kids, both with OCD,

> don't tantrum, but I don't believe in having these things in their rooms

> anyway.)

> >

> > Is she getting ERP from an OCD specialist? This would help because the

> homework and sanctions could come from the therapist, rather than having

> you be the " bad " guy.

> >

> > disciplining children with OCD

> >

> > Hi I am not new to the group, but this is the first time I am writing

> with and sharing with an issue. My daughter is 12 and has been diagnosed

> with OCD since she was 7. She is currently on Zoloft 50 mgs and it is

> helping her with symptoms such as repeating actions and verbal phrases over

> and over, asking us to say specific things over and her getting upset if

> she is interrupted when talking or any activity like combing her hair,

> writing et.

> > A big problem I have with her is disciplining her since we found it

> diffult to do so because she has a type of OCD called scrupulosity and is

> very sensitive to criticism. Ironically, this has caused her to disrepect

> her father and me a lot sometimes. She especially treats me very rude,

> curses at me, throws my stuff and refuses to listen to me. I have lost my

> temper with her and said mean things to her in response and defense and

> feel terrible about it and I don't want to lash out at her and be angry at

> her. I am trying relaxation and meditation tapes and they help a bit but I

> am very upset over the situation.

> > Does anyone else have a similar problem?

> >

> > Sorry for the long message, and thanks everyone in advance.

> > Does anyone else have this problem

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I also can atest to the methods in Explosive Child. Another reason to use

it....it takes you out of the equation with regard to struggling with rules and

expectations and when you have a kid who may be somewhat isolated in his/her

life, he or she needs to be able turn to you and to learn from you even when

they're stormy rather than to hold it in or turn then angst upon themselves.

Bonnie

> >

> >

> > My son has that same hypersensitivitiy to criticism, which almost feels

> manipulative even though I get that it isn't. The main thing is that I

> would never put up with rudeness, insolence, or having things thrown. That

> would lead to immediate discipline. Discipline entails a consequence that

> is something that makes the point for your child because it will have a

> particular impact for her. For my son, it can be something as simple as

> taking away computer for the evening. That is a huge punishment for him. I

> wouldn't get into a verbal sparring match with your child when she is in

> this tantruming/bad behavior state, but would rather state the consequence

> and enforce it. If your daughter is into skyping her friends, it can be as

> simple as stating no skyping this evening and meaning it. You just have to

> know what your daughter's " currency " is, as Dr. Phil likes to say. When

> your daughter is misbehaving like this, I would tell her that she must go

> to her room and have a time out. Make sure that there is no technology in

> there, like tv or computer or cell phone, so that this is a real

> punishment. If she does have any of these in her room, I would have a talk

> with her right now before any more tantrums, and let her know that these

> things can no longer be in her room until she has stopped the disrespect

> for a significant period of time. (Personally, my kids, both with OCD,

> don't tantrum, but I don't believe in having these things in their rooms

> anyway.)

> >

> > Is she getting ERP from an OCD specialist? This would help because the

> homework and sanctions could come from the therapist, rather than having

> you be the " bad " guy.

> >

> > disciplining children with OCD

> >

> > Hi I am not new to the group, but this is the first time I am writing

> with and sharing with an issue. My daughter is 12 and has been diagnosed

> with OCD since she was 7. She is currently on Zoloft 50 mgs and it is

> helping her with symptoms such as repeating actions and verbal phrases over

> and over, asking us to say specific things over and her getting upset if

> she is interrupted when talking or any activity like combing her hair,

> writing et.

> > A big problem I have with her is disciplining her since we found it

> diffult to do so because she has a type of OCD called scrupulosity and is

> very sensitive to criticism. Ironically, this has caused her to disrepect

> her father and me a lot sometimes. She especially treats me very rude,

> curses at me, throws my stuff and refuses to listen to me. I have lost my

> temper with her and said mean things to her in response and defense and

> feel terrible about it and I don't want to lash out at her and be angry at

> her. I am trying relaxation and meditation tapes and they help a bit but I

> am very upset over the situation.

> > Does anyone else have a similar problem?

> >

> > Sorry for the long message, and thanks everyone in advance.

> > Does anyone else have this problem

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Just from another perspective, I know of a student where I've taught who

constantly raged, and this method was used, complete with a behavior therapist

during the day at school who implemented it, and it led to a huge escalation of

the problem. It was when this program was dropped, normal behavioral

expectations were back in order, and consequences where put into place, that

they child eventually stopped the rages and is now a more " typical " student.

This child did not have OCD, by the way.

Also, from what I remember, there were expectations in this program. The

difference with it is that expectations were put into three categories called

baskets. The ones in the least important basked were the ones that the adults

would overlook.

disciplining children with OCD

> >

> > Hi I am not new to the group, but this is the first time I am writing

> with and sharing with an issue. My daughter is 12 and has been diagnosed

> with OCD since she was 7. She is currently on Zoloft 50 mgs and it is

> helping her with symptoms such as repeating actions and verbal phrases over

> and over, asking us to say specific things over and her getting upset if

> she is interrupted when talking or any activity like combing her hair,

> writing et.

> > A big problem I have with her is disciplining her since we found it

> diffult to do so because she has a type of OCD called scrupulosity and is

> very sensitive to criticism. Ironically, this has caused her to disrepect

> her father and me a lot sometimes. She especially treats me very rude,

> curses at me, throws my stuff and refuses to listen to me. I have lost my

> temper with her and said mean things to her in response and defense and

> feel terrible about it and I don't want to lash out at her and be angry at

> her. I am trying relaxation and meditation tapes and they help a bit but I

> am very upset over the situation.

> > Does anyone else have a similar problem?

> >

> > Sorry for the long message, and thanks everyone in advance.

> > Does anyone else have this problem

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much everyone for your thoughtful replies, you all gave me some very

helpful ideas. I hope I can

implement them successfully. I also think I will read The Explosive Child, it

seems like it may fit my situation.

My daughter has said that when she feels guilty of doing something sometimes she

wants to die and kill herself. This scares

us a lot and we consulted her therapist (ER therapy) he said that kids her age

will say that sometimes. I  know this can be manipulation, but I

watch her closely just in case she means it. Even though she acts out with anger

at times, sometimes she will say to me  she is sorry that  and that how do I put

up with her behavior.I tell her that I understand she experiences a lot of

anxiety and can be caused to lash out.

She is so hypersensitive sometimes even when there is really no criticism going

on. She does not even want me to talk to her around people sometimes

because she is afraid they will somehow think badly of her if they find out

anything about her they might not approve of.

I feel as though I am walking on egg shells. I worry how she will cope in this

world  in the future.

Thanks and also good luck to everyone!

Debbie

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much everyone for your thoughtful replies, you all gave me some very

helpful ideas. I hope I can

implement them successfully. I also think I will read The Explosive Child, it

seems like it may fit my situation.

My daughter has said that when she feels guilty of doing something sometimes she

wants to die and kill herself. This scares

us a lot and we consulted her therapist (ER therapy) he said that kids her age

will say that sometimes. I  know this can be manipulation, but I

watch her closely just in case she means it. Even though she acts out with anger

at times, sometimes she will say to me  she is sorry that  and that how do I put

up with her behavior.I tell her that I understand she experiences a lot of

anxiety and can be caused to lash out.

She is so hypersensitive sometimes even when there is really no criticism going

on. She does not even want me to talk to her around people sometimes

because she is afraid they will somehow think badly of her if they find out

anything about her they might not approve of.

I feel as though I am walking on egg shells. I worry how she will cope in this

world  in the future.

Thanks and also good luck to everyone!

Debbie

[Guest guest]

For us the problem was more about trying to figure out what was disobedience,

and what was OCD. It can be hard to tell sometimes if they are in the throes of

fear and believe they are fighting for their lives because something scares them

horribly.

BJ

>

> Hi I am not new to the group, but this is the first time I am writing with and

sharing with an issue. My daughter is 12 and has been diagnosed with OCD since

she was 7. She is currently on Zoloft 50 mgs and it is helping her with symptoms

such as repeating actions and verbal phrases over and over, asking us to say

specific things over and her getting upset if she is interrupted when talking or

any activity like combing her hair, writing et.

> A big problem I have with her is disciplining her since we found it diffult to

do so because she has a type of OCD called scrupulosity and is very sensitive to

criticism. Ironically, this has caused her to disrepect her father and me a lot

sometimes. She especially treats me very rude, curses at me, throws my stuff and

refuses to listen to me. I have lost my temper with her and said mean things to

her in response and defense and feel terrible about it and I don't want to lash

out at her and be angry at her. I am trying relaxation and meditation tapes and

they help a bit but I am very upset over the situation.

> Does anyone else have a similar problem?

>

> Sorry for the long message, and thanks everyone in advance.

> Does anyone else have this problem

>

[Guest guest]

For us the problem was more about trying to figure out what was disobedience,

and what was OCD. It can be hard to tell sometimes if they are in the throes of

fear and believe they are fighting for their lives because something scares them

horribly.

BJ

>

> Hi I am not new to the group, but this is the first time I am writing with and

sharing with an issue. My daughter is 12 and has been diagnosed with OCD since

she was 7. She is currently on Zoloft 50 mgs and it is helping her with symptoms

such as repeating actions and verbal phrases over and over, asking us to say

specific things over and her getting upset if she is interrupted when talking or

any activity like combing her hair, writing et.

> A big problem I have with her is disciplining her since we found it diffult to

do so because she has a type of OCD called scrupulosity and is very sensitive to

criticism. Ironically, this has caused her to disrepect her father and me a lot

sometimes. She especially treats me very rude, curses at me, throws my stuff and

refuses to listen to me. I have lost my temper with her and said mean things to

her in response and defense and feel terrible about it and I don't want to lash

out at her and be angry at her. I am trying relaxation and meditation tapes and

they help a bit but I am very upset over the situation.

> Does anyone else have a similar problem?

>

> Sorry for the long message, and thanks everyone in advance.

> Does anyone else have this problem

>

[Guest guest]

In the Explosive Child program, many behaviors are initially overlooked,

while only the most 'harmful' are addressed with consequences (tantrums and

rudeness not necessarily in that latter category). A few are put into the

'work' basket to start off, to be addressed with the methodology. There are

studies backing up the methodology in children with ODD, who often have the

most challenging behaviors (more problematic than what we typically may see

with OCD kids). Like everything else, it just has to be implemented

properly.

> **

>

>

> Just from another perspective, I know of a student where I've taught who

> constantly raged, and this method was used, complete with a behavior

> therapist during the day at school who implemented it, and it led to a huge

> escalation of the problem. It was when this program was dropped, normal

> behavioral expectations were back in order, and consequences where put into

> place, that they child eventually stopped the rages and is now a more

> " typical " student. This child did not have OCD, by the way.

>

> Also, from what I remember, there were expectations in this program. The

> difference with it is that expectations were put into three categories

> called baskets. The ones in the least important basked were the ones that

> the adults would overlook.

>

> disciplining children with OCD

> > >

> > > Hi I am not new to the group, but this is the first time I am writing

> > with and sharing with an issue. My daughter is 12 and has been diagnosed

> > with OCD since she was 7. She is currently on Zoloft 50 mgs and it is

> > helping her with symptoms such as repeating actions and verbal phrases

> over

> > and over, asking us to say specific things over and her getting upset if

> > she is interrupted when talking or any activity like combing her hair,

> > writing et.

> > > A big problem I have with her is disciplining her since we found it

> > diffult to do so because she has a type of OCD called scrupulosity and is

> > very sensitive to criticism. Ironically, this has caused her to disrepect

> > her father and me a lot sometimes. She especially treats me very rude,

> > curses at me, throws my stuff and refuses to listen to me. I have lost my

> > temper with her and said mean things to her in response and defense and

> > feel terrible about it and I don't want to lash out at her and be angry

> at

> > her. I am trying relaxation and meditation tapes and they help a bit but

> I

> > am very upset over the situation.

> > > Does anyone else have a similar problem?

> > >

> > > Sorry for the long message, and thanks everyone in advance.

> > > Does anyone else have this problem

> > >

> > >