Guest guest Posted May 6, 2012 Report Share Posted May 6, 2012 Rhonda, it sounds like for your son, it is a contamination issue that is associated with your husband, as the trigger. For my son, my husband increases my son's anxiety by his demands and controlling ways. He also increases his anxiety b/c of rages and fluctuating moods. When the anxiety goes up, the rituals increase to get some relief from the anxiety. He is pretty successful using ERP with the standard rituals connected with transitions and meal times. It is not easy for him to use the ERP when taken off guard and put into fight/flight panic mode. We have never really had big contamination issues with him. Just the high anxiety and need for calm/consistency. I know trust is a big one for my son. Once that is established, he is ok with being around someone who has some control over him (teachers, docs). My husband has finally agreed to go to a pdoc for his own issues, in order to help Roy. Still no movement forward on the therapy though. It was helpful for him to meet with Roy's pdoc to see how he affects Roy. My mother-in-law had the contam. problems which did affect all of the relationships around her.Furniture covered with sheets, not allowed in house, scrubbed kids hands when there, covered table and surrounding area with napkins at restaurants, carried purse in paper bag,only sit on wood chairs. My kids don't have good memories of her which is too bad. > > > > Hey Tara - I see you are from Chicago! Do you happen to know anything about the ian Brothers Behavioral Health Center there? That might be an option for my son for partial hosp. I have no idea where he would stay - do you have any suggestions? > > > > thanks! > > Rhonda > > > > Re: Any advice? > > > > > > > > In 1st grade my son who was then 6 began crying during the day in school, it was completely disruptive. > > > > We had more trouble on Mondays than other days. Some time I just took him with my in the morning to the library, and then tried to bring him in at lunch time. It was all he could tolerate. The private therapist supported this. Other days in the week were less difficult, but Mondays were the worst. So making the day shorter was helpful. The whole thing lasted a few months, and I pulled him a total of 4 or 5 times. It was helpful during the crisis for coping. > > > > Then the therapist suggested scheduling his in-school Social work session for first thing Monday morning. It was so helpful for him to start the day in her office playing a game and talking. Maybe an in-school social worker can help with coping? > > > > If the classroom teacher is not experienced with OCD, the responses can make anxiety worse. We and the teacher used to say, " Don't worry about x, it will never happen. " But the OCD mind will always search for the outrageous possibility that x WILL happen. And he felt compelled to obsess and debate those possibilities endlessly. Instead, we learned responses to help diffuse the anxiety. " Yes that is possible, but it has never happened in 20 years in this classroom, so the odds are pretty good it won't happen today. And if it does, I will be here to help you through it. " The OCD person has to learn to tolerate a degree of uncertainty. > > > > I will say a rather silly but effective strategy was humor. We went a bought a few joke books. When he was feeling really jazzed up the teacher could ask him to get his joke book and tell a few knock knock jokes. Once he got giggling the anxiety really settled down. > > > > Another factor we learned in retrospect... in 1st grade my son had to walk into class alone (without parents). Separating at the door was so hard. He would hold it together for a while, then fall apart in class. We completely changed the routine in 2nd grade. I walked him all the way to the classroom to meet his teacher. He asked her any questions that were worrying him, and settled those right away. Then he told her a knock knock joke. This took all of 3 minutes, and he happily separated and completed full school days. Without any meds- therapy and these routine changes turned around his day completely. He was also placed into a more challenging math group- it was a better fit and somehow this helped as well. > > > > Maybe something here will be useful for you. OCD does wax and wane, so when things are very difficult take a deep breath and remember that in three weeks it may look completely different than it does today. OCD is a mysterious fellow. > > > > Good luck, > > Tara from Chicago > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 What rituals does he have and what ERP are you using? I'd love to be able to compare. It's been great watching my son interact with other adults at the hosp whom he trusts. I know what you mean. What kind of therapy is doc using with your husband? Mine has been to lots of therapists but one characteristic of BPD is being able to get the therapist to focus on a non-issue. It's not his fault - therapists did not understand BPD. Rhonda Re: -triggers Rhonda, it sounds like for your son, it is a contamination issue that is associated with your husband, as the trigger. For my son, my husband increases my son's anxiety by his demands and controlling ways. He also increases his anxiety b/c of rages and fluctuating moods. When the anxiety goes up, the rituals increase to get some relief from the anxiety. He is pretty successful using ERP with the standard rituals connected with transitions and meal times. It is not easy for him to use the ERP when taken off guard and put into fight/flight panic mode. We have never really had big contamination issues with him. Just the high anxiety and need for calm/consistency. I know trust is a big one for my son. Once that is established, he is ok with being around someone who has some control over him (teachers, docs). My husband has finally agreed to go to a pdoc for his own issues, in order to help Roy. Still no movement forward on the therapy though. It was helpful for him to meet with Roy's pdoc to see how he affects Roy. My mother-in-law had the contam. problems which did affect all of the relationships around her.Furniture covered with sheets, not allowed in house, scrubbed kids hands when there, covered table and surrounding area with napkins at restaurants, carried purse in paper bag,only sit on wood chairs. My kids don't have good memories of her which is too bad. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 7, 2012 Report Share Posted May 7, 2012 What rituals does he have and what ERP are you using? I'd love to be able to compare. It's been great watching my son interact with other adults at the hosp whom he trusts. I know what you mean. What kind of therapy is doc using with your husband? Mine has been to lots of therapists but one characteristic of BPD is being able to get the therapist to focus on a non-issue. It's not his fault - therapists did not understand BPD. Rhonda Re: -triggers Rhonda, it sounds like for your son, it is a contamination issue that is associated with your husband, as the trigger. For my son, my husband increases my son's anxiety by his demands and controlling ways. He also increases his anxiety b/c of rages and fluctuating moods. When the anxiety goes up, the rituals increase to get some relief from the anxiety. He is pretty successful using ERP with the standard rituals connected with transitions and meal times. It is not easy for him to use the ERP when taken off guard and put into fight/flight panic mode. We have never really had big contamination issues with him. Just the high anxiety and need for calm/consistency. I know trust is a big one for my son. Once that is established, he is ok with being around someone who has some control over him (teachers, docs). My husband has finally agreed to go to a pdoc for his own issues, in order to help Roy. Still no movement forward on the therapy though. It was helpful for him to meet with Roy's pdoc to see how he affects Roy. My mother-in-law had the contam. problems which did affect all of the relationships around her.Furniture covered with sheets, not allowed in house, scrubbed kids hands when there, covered table and surrounding area with napkins at restaurants, carried purse in paper bag,only sit on wood chairs. My kids don't have good memories of her which is too bad. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 9, 2012 Report Share Posted May 9, 2012 With Roy, his rituals seem to be round transitions and routines (tying/retying shoes, lifting/relifting glass when drinking, licking fingers though to me it looks like sucking on fingers, seat belts, car doors open/shut, zippers, spitting/respitting into bowl after teeth brushing. There are sup. to be about 21 but these are the ones I see. He has had rituals around doors, sitting down, lights, typing on computer, writing. When he was younger, it was sep. anxiety and general high anxiety in any public situation. Also, fourth grade he was repeating words (swear or other unusual words) out loud, more of the obsession about sex/he was bad person. The ERP is with the therapist he has known since he was 7 (10 yrs.). I stay out of it. I can see him working on it b/c he is concentrating so hard. The pdoc also explained to him with a graph how he needs to stay with the uncomfortable feeling and that it would subside. I think that helped for him to see it in visual form. He is and always has been very independent with his learning. He has ADD and teachers say he comes at things differently. Anyway, for him it is best if all in the family back off and allow him to work on his OCD. My husband has not gone to therapy yet for the BP. He has in the past for his earlier diag. schizoaffective/psychotic break at 23 and then later diag. ADD. For him, it is easier to accept the ADD diag. then the BP. Alot of denial going on now. He is laid up in bed with sciatic/back pain so maybe he can take time to think about his affect on others. Roy has GREAT insight into himself and can read people really well. Chick does not have insight and usually throws everything back on people. He did finally go to Roy's pdoc last week and he convinced him to see a pdoc and set up the appt. there. I am just learning about BP b/c of my newly diag. other son. My goal would be that he develop insight into how he affects Roy and the rest of us with his " little rages " as he calls them. Main problem is that Roy has lost trust in him, desires no relationship with him. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted May 9, 2012 Report Share Posted May 9, 2012 With Roy, his rituals seem to be round transitions and routines (tying/retying shoes, lifting/relifting glass when drinking, licking fingers though to me it looks like sucking on fingers, seat belts, car doors open/shut, zippers, spitting/respitting into bowl after teeth brushing. There are sup. to be about 21 but these are the ones I see. He has had rituals around doors, sitting down, lights, typing on computer, writing. When he was younger, it was sep. anxiety and general high anxiety in any public situation. Also, fourth grade he was repeating words (swear or other unusual words) out loud, more of the obsession about sex/he was bad person. The ERP is with the therapist he has known since he was 7 (10 yrs.). I stay out of it. I can see him working on it b/c he is concentrating so hard. The pdoc also explained to him with a graph how he needs to stay with the uncomfortable feeling and that it would subside. I think that helped for him to see it in visual form. He is and always has been very independent with his learning. He has ADD and teachers say he comes at things differently. Anyway, for him it is best if all in the family back off and allow him to work on his OCD. My husband has not gone to therapy yet for the BP. He has in the past for his earlier diag. schizoaffective/psychotic break at 23 and then later diag. ADD. For him, it is easier to accept the ADD diag. then the BP. Alot of denial going on now. He is laid up in bed with sciatic/back pain so maybe he can take time to think about his affect on others. Roy has GREAT insight into himself and can read people really well. Chick does not have insight and usually throws everything back on people. He did finally go to Roy's pdoc last week and he convinced him to see a pdoc and set up the appt. there. I am just learning about BP b/c of my newly diag. other son. My goal would be that he develop insight into how he affects Roy and the rest of us with his " little rages " as he calls them. Main problem is that Roy has lost trust in him, desires no relationship with him. > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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