Re: new to group-help with dtr stuck in rituals

[Guest guest]

Hi Jodie,

Welcome! What other tools do you have with your daughter besides meds and

therapy? Any good parenting books on OCD? There are many good books available,

that would answer a lot of your questions.

Your questions are all good, and many I have asked myself often. However, this

group will have many good things for you. I am glad you joined!

Bedtime rituals are at our home too. Can take a few hours to get through

bedtime. Exhausting for sure!

From your post I hear a lot of love for your daughter. There are several things

I have learned from parenting OCD books that have helped me to have a program at

home. That said, there are days I still find it hard to do the program and I

have to tell myself, this is hard and I did my best. Even if it is not what I

thought I would get for that day. Other days seem to go more smooth. I have no

idea why each day can be so differnt. Sleep? Good food? No major

stressors--rare at our home....so it seems if we all sleep and eat well that

might help but not always.

Your feelings are normal, you are doing the right thing by reaching out for

help. You will make good decisions (even if they are hard at times ) as you go

forward and it can and will get better.

What type of therapy is your daughter doing? Ours was in play therapy for a

while and it did not help her. We are currently searching for a new therapist

that does CBT and ERP along with female puberty issues, since we will need that

too eventually. Until we find one, I am doing the CBT and ERP at home. Should

say also I am really new to this two months or so....I did not even know what

ERP was a month ago. Putting it in place really helped. I think overall it is

less energy draining that going along with my child's rituals. Either way, it

is hard. At least this way we hopefully get somewhere.

I am really glad you emailed. I am hoping for a good day for your family today!

..

[Guest guest]

My understanding is the behaviors are an expression of the illness, so

behavioral in that sense but still very real. Are the meds helping at all with

bringing down the anxiety and OCD. Maybe look at meds. and see if they need

adjusting. We struggle too at our house. Does not help here if I try to

interrupt ritual. He is already distressed/embarrassed so doesn't help him at

the time.

If she will talk to you, you could ask her which rituals she is working on. Roy

has 20+ and works on a few at a time. He said it works for a short period and

then comes back. He has to keep working on it, so I can see how frustrating that

must be. And yes, you can't know how hard it is for her but you can support her

in her efforts.

I notice that his OCD rituals are tied into his level of anxiety. Sometimes it

helps here if I can talk with him about his anxiety and bring those issues in

the open to work on. That will bring the OCD rituals down. Sometimes, I just

have to walk away or look the other way b/c it is hard on me (and my daughter)

to see him struggling with the ritual and not feel like jumping in to stop it.

Hope this helps. in WI

Roy-17. Anxiety/Depression/OCD, ADD. Lexpro,Busbar, Adderall XR. 504 in public

school.

at

>

> Hi all, I am new the group. My 15 y/o daughter has been diagnosed with ocd

since this time last year. She started with symptoms as early as 18 months ago.

her OCD has really taken over our lives, but especially mine and hers as she

clings to me now. She is on Zoloft and Klonopin.

>

> My question is what do we/I do when she is stuck in a ritual. Do I try to get

her out of it? and if so, how? She always comes back with a " you don't know what

I going through, so don't tell me what to do " answer when I try to explain/help

her through the thought process of the ritual.

>

> These rituals mostly involve showering, getting dressed and getting into bed.

>

> She is in therapy but not really an active participant (says it is too hard to

deal with). Do I just sit back and let her suffer through this? My thought is if

I do that, she will eventually have to hit " rock bottom " and then will have the

" want " to try and get better.

>

> My husband feels a large part of it is behavioral. This may be true.

>

> Any words of advice are appreciated!!

>

> Jodie

>

> The OCD monster has moved in and taken over our lives!!

>

[Guest guest]

Is she being treated by specialists in OCD? Make sure that your daughter is on

the maximum dosage of her medication for OCD at her age, and if she is, then I

would ask to have her switched to another med. My son was on Lexapro and it did

really well for him, but he hated the insatiable appetite he experienced. We

switched him to Viibryd and he did HORRIBLY! He was very depressed because all

of his obsessions came back. He is now on Prozac and is doing very well. For

his twin sister, the med that has done the trick is Anafranil. It has worked so

well for her over the years, that I would be extremely hesitant to change

anything.

Once the med is helping, your daughter would probably do well with a behavior

therapist who specializes in OCD. The therapist would teach your daughter about

OCD and make a hierarchy of her fears/obsessions. Together they would work out

a plan on attacking each starting on the lesser fears and moving up.

I had severe OCD that involved endless hand washing, showering, and throwing

things out because I felt they were " contaminated " . I also avoided many people

and places. For me, a good therapist who came to my home and did ERP with me,

once I was on a therapeutic dose of Anafranil made all the difference.

new to group-help with dtr stuck in rituals

Hi all, I am new the group. My 15 y/o daughter has been diagnosed with ocd since

this time last year. She started with symptoms as early as 18 months ago. her

OCD has really taken over our lives, but especially mine and hers as she clings

to me now. She is on Zoloft and Klonopin.

My question is what do we/I do when she is stuck in a ritual. Do I try to get

her out of it? and if so, how? She always comes back with a " you don't know what

I going through, so don't tell me what to do " answer when I try to explain/help

her through the thought process of the ritual.

These rituals mostly involve showering, getting dressed and getting into bed.

She is in therapy but not really an active participant (says it is too hard to

deal with). Do I just sit back and let her suffer through this? My thought is if

I do that, she will eventually have to hit " rock bottom " and then will have the

" want " to try and get better.

My husband feels a large part of it is behavioral. This may be true.

Any words of advice are appreciated!!

Jodie

The OCD monster has moved in and taken over our lives!!

[Guest guest]

Hi, welcome!

One thing we did with my son (now 23) was he tried to " speed things up. " To get

through faster. That worked with some things. Like showers. He needed to try

to be out, or done, in 30 minutes. He may not make the 30 min. but that was the

goal, to speed it up. And I might yell at the door " it's been 15 min " or

something. But I didn't stop him when time was up, just my " prompts. " Didn't

even use prompts at first, that came later when he seemed to have some success

with how long he was taking. He was generally in there for an hour, which is

probably " short " amount of time compared to others. Dressing was the same way,

*he* had to try to speed it up. And if we were going out, I'd throw a prompt in

" get moving " and sometimes that helped him get unstuck. And whether you see any

success at this or not, they ARE mentally trying, there is some effort there.

And that they are making an effort is great.

Now - he'd tell me when I needed to stay quiet. I was like a cheerleader

sometimes (you can do it!, try again). And if he said I was making it worse, I

shut up.

Oh - sometimes we tried counting. Well I would count. Let's see if you can

finish by time I get to 100, or 60 or something. If not thru, start again,

let's see how many times I have to count to 100. Helped sometimes, not others,

and sometimes he'd say " don't. "

I don't think those you mentioned are behavioral. Unless you think it's the

" teen " thing in the bathroom or with dressing, taking time with hair, what to

wear....

Just some quick thoughts. There are lots of ways to work on OCD. And you may

end up just letting her handle it on her own, in her way. We don't always see

that mental push/effort they are making. taught me that too.

> My question is what do we/I do when she is stuck in a ritual. Do I try to get

her out of it? and if so, how? She always comes back with a " you don't know what

I going through, so don't tell me what to do " answer when I try to explain/help

her through the thought process of the ritual.

>

> These rituals mostly involve showering, getting dressed and getting into bed.

>

[Guest guest]

We have a good couple of days...I count each day a victory!!

Her thoughts are sexual in nature...her OCD tells her that if she showers

herself or washes her own hair or even brushes her own teeth, it is a

sexual movement. THerefore I have been assisting her with showering

(washing her hair for her, washes her arm pits, drying her off after a

shower and then assisting her with getting dressed after a shower. This

also has to do with contamination thoughts.

Well, last night I gave her a choice...she had to pick one of 3 things to

do herself: either shower herself, dry herself off or get dressed alone.

She picked showering and she did it!! Alone!! I know this may sound funny

to some, but this is a huge improvement for her/us. we cont to work on this

daily until she can choose another thing to conquer.

Yes, she has had therapy but it is very slow in moving forward etc. my

daughter has had high anxiety with her OCD and there were times where after

school, it was all we could do just to get through the evening.

I am begining to wonder now if the therapy sessions are really worth

it...it seems the therapist is all talk and no action, if you know what I

mean. We sit there for an hour and she talks about what OCD is, how it is

affecting my daughter but I have yet to see any real demonstrations of

working through a ritual or how to confront her fears. Maybe I am expecting

too much?? My daughter really likes her therapist though.

I am buying a couple of books on OCD that I heard about from this group:

one by March (OCD in Children and Adolescents...) and the other by

Tamar Chansky (Freeing your Child from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder...).

Any thoughts??

Thanks, Jodie

[Guest guest]

Jodie, wow, great news, good progress!! You two are on the right track.

Really, that is huge!

And with success for one behavior like that, when she's ready to work on

another, often goes even easier; or another behavior just disappears without

working on it.

Now I'm wondering too about the therapist. " Talk " therapy doesn't help OCD, but

if your daughter has anything else going on, may be beneficial. Don't want you

to waste $$. I guess weigh the balance/benefit since your daughter likes her,

sometimes good to have someone other than " mom/dad " to report to; though you

seem to be doing the main job in therapy without guidance from therapist; seems

therapist should have been the one to say " here's your choice, which do you want

to work on.... " I don't think you are expecting too much from the therapist.

Generally, parents might have like a 5-visit rule; should be starting some ERP

(exposure & response prevention) by then. If not, find another therapist.

We couldn't find a therapist for my son either and worked on things on our own.

Much slower going for us than the " right therapy " is supposed to be, but we

managed.

Hope she knows sexual thoughts are very common with OCD, whether age 4 or 40.

Great book choices, 2 of the best experts!

>

>

> Well, last night I gave her a choice...she had to pick one of 3 things to

> do herself: either shower herself, dry herself off or get dressed alone.

> She picked showering and she did it!! Alone!! I know this may sound funny

> to some, but this is a huge improvement for her/us. we cont to work on this

> daily until she can choose another thing to conquer.

>