Re: Keeping from internalizing my son's OCD

[Guest guest]

Hi - welcome, thanks for posting. I understand exactly what you mean - I

have felt lonely and sad often. There's a period of grief in letting go of what

was and what I wish for. I heard someone say about grief that there are cloudy

days, stormy days and sunny days. That's how life feels to me. I try to relish

the sunny days and accept the bad days. The thing I found with OCD is that on

the sunny days, I hoped he was really getting " better. " Unfortunately he wasn't.

The only thing that will make him better is to do the exposures he needs to in

order to deal with his fears. I wish I had used more sunny days for that instead

of just wishing it was going away! Hang in there.

Rhonda

Keeping from internalizing my son's OCD

I am new to this group. Reading your posts helps me feel like I am not alone.

I find it very difficult to be the mother of an OCD child. My 12 year-old son

was diagnosed a year ago with OCD (Scrupulosity, Perfectionism, etc.). At first

I was very hopeful that the combination of Prozac and therapy would help him

immensely. I lived on hope (except on the REALLY bad days!). Now, he is on his

second therapist (who is specially trained in ERP).

I believe that the therapist is helping him but I am still living the roller

coaster of good days and bad days. My mood should not be so closely matched to

how he is coping. No one in my family of origin knows. I can't tell them because

they won't help the situation. I have learned this lesson many times. My close

friends are helpful and my brother-in-law's girlfriend is a gem!

I have decided that I need some therapy of my own so that I can grow towards

acceptance.

Mental illness can be so isolating. I think I am just angry that my son has to

suffer so much! I found a box under his bed labeled " OCD " and it had holes

punched into it. He keeps asking " why " him?

[Guest guest]

Hi - welcome, thanks for posting. I understand exactly what you mean - I

have felt lonely and sad often. There's a period of grief in letting go of what

was and what I wish for. I heard someone say about grief that there are cloudy

days, stormy days and sunny days. That's how life feels to me. I try to relish

the sunny days and accept the bad days. The thing I found with OCD is that on

the sunny days, I hoped he was really getting " better. " Unfortunately he wasn't.

The only thing that will make him better is to do the exposures he needs to in

order to deal with his fears. I wish I had used more sunny days for that instead

of just wishing it was going away! Hang in there.

Rhonda

Keeping from internalizing my son's OCD

I am new to this group. Reading your posts helps me feel like I am not alone.

I find it very difficult to be the mother of an OCD child. My 12 year-old son

was diagnosed a year ago with OCD (Scrupulosity, Perfectionism, etc.). At first

I was very hopeful that the combination of Prozac and therapy would help him

immensely. I lived on hope (except on the REALLY bad days!). Now, he is on his

second therapist (who is specially trained in ERP).

I believe that the therapist is helping him but I am still living the roller

coaster of good days and bad days. My mood should not be so closely matched to

how he is coping. No one in my family of origin knows. I can't tell them because

they won't help the situation. I have learned this lesson many times. My close

friends are helpful and my brother-in-law's girlfriend is a gem!

I have decided that I need some therapy of my own so that I can grow towards

acceptance.

Mental illness can be so isolating. I think I am just angry that my son has to

suffer so much! I found a box under his bed labeled " OCD " and it had holes

punched into it. He keeps asking " why " him?

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much, Rhonda. I agree that I still spend the " sunny " days thinking

he is getting better. Fortunately, I am realizing that this isn't really helping

him or me. I need to come to accept his diagnosis. This is not an easy thing

to do, as you must know!

I taught a variety of children with special needs for 12 years. I would always

tell the parents that only they know how it feels to be a parent with a child

with Autism Spectrum, Down's Syndrome, etc. Some would never accept the

diagnosis but the one's who did are my heroes. They never stopped doing what

they could for their child. Most importantly, they didn't view their child as a

diagnosis, but rather a child who happened to have a diagnosis. This is my

goal. Most importantly, I want my son to know that he is LOVED.

>

> Hi - welcome, thanks for posting. I understand exactly what you mean - I

have felt lonely and sad often. There's a period of grief in letting go of what

was and what I wish for. I heard someone say about grief that there are cloudy

days, stormy days and sunny days. That's how life feels to me. I try to relish

the sunny days and accept the bad days. The thing I found with OCD is that on

the sunny days, I hoped he was really getting " better. " Unfortunately he wasn't.

The only thing that will make him better is to do the exposures he needs to in

order to deal with his fears. I wish I had used more sunny days for that instead

of just wishing it was going away! Hang in there.

> Rhonda

>

>

> Keeping from internalizing my son's OCD

>

>

>

> I am new to this group. Reading your posts helps me feel like I am not

alone. I find it very difficult to be the mother of an OCD child. My 12 year-old

son was diagnosed a year ago with OCD (Scrupulosity, Perfectionism, etc.). At

first I was very hopeful that the combination of Prozac and therapy would help

him immensely. I lived on hope (except on the REALLY bad days!). Now, he is on

his second therapist (who is specially trained in ERP).

>

> I believe that the therapist is helping him but I am still living the roller

coaster of good days and bad days. My mood should not be so closely matched to

how he is coping. No one in my family of origin knows. I can't tell them because

they won't help the situation. I have learned this lesson many times. My close

friends are helpful and my brother-in-law's girlfriend is a gem!

>

> I have decided that I need some therapy of my own so that I can grow towards

acceptance.

>

> Mental illness can be so isolating. I think I am just angry that my son has

to suffer so much! I found a box under his bed labeled " OCD " and it had holes

punched into it. He keeps asking " why " him?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much, Rhonda. I agree that I still spend the " sunny " days thinking

he is getting better. Fortunately, I am realizing that this isn't really helping

him or me. I need to come to accept his diagnosis. This is not an easy thing

to do, as you must know!

I taught a variety of children with special needs for 12 years. I would always

tell the parents that only they know how it feels to be a parent with a child

with Autism Spectrum, Down's Syndrome, etc. Some would never accept the

diagnosis but the one's who did are my heroes. They never stopped doing what

they could for their child. Most importantly, they didn't view their child as a

diagnosis, but rather a child who happened to have a diagnosis. This is my

goal. Most importantly, I want my son to know that he is LOVED.

>

> Hi - welcome, thanks for posting. I understand exactly what you mean - I

have felt lonely and sad often. There's a period of grief in letting go of what

was and what I wish for. I heard someone say about grief that there are cloudy

days, stormy days and sunny days. That's how life feels to me. I try to relish

the sunny days and accept the bad days. The thing I found with OCD is that on

the sunny days, I hoped he was really getting " better. " Unfortunately he wasn't.

The only thing that will make him better is to do the exposures he needs to in

order to deal with his fears. I wish I had used more sunny days for that instead

of just wishing it was going away! Hang in there.

> Rhonda

>

>

> Keeping from internalizing my son's OCD

>

>

>

> I am new to this group. Reading your posts helps me feel like I am not

alone. I find it very difficult to be the mother of an OCD child. My 12 year-old

son was diagnosed a year ago with OCD (Scrupulosity, Perfectionism, etc.). At

first I was very hopeful that the combination of Prozac and therapy would help

him immensely. I lived on hope (except on the REALLY bad days!). Now, he is on

his second therapist (who is specially trained in ERP).

>

> I believe that the therapist is helping him but I am still living the roller

coaster of good days and bad days. My mood should not be so closely matched to

how he is coping. No one in my family of origin knows. I can't tell them because

they won't help the situation. I have learned this lesson many times. My close

friends are helpful and my brother-in-law's girlfriend is a gem!

>

> I have decided that I need some therapy of my own so that I can grow towards

acceptance.

>

> Mental illness can be so isolating. I think I am just angry that my son has

to suffer so much! I found a box under his bed labeled " OCD " and it had holes

punched into it. He keeps asking " why " him?

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Hugs to you and welcome!

I so relate to what you express. In the beginning I was hopeful too. With

medication and therapy OCD is treatable, sounded straightforward enough, and it

is, but.....

The " doing " part of ERP is hardly straightforward or easy, which is why many

people either drop out of therapy, or are simply unable to do it. Some even get

the label " treatment resistant " , which I personally object to, cuz it sounds

like the person with OCD is to blame.

It truly is a process to come to terms with OCD. There is the acceptance that

this is now part of your life. The acceptance that no matter what you do, even

doing the ERP " perfectly " , the OCD will still be there (but much quieter). I

know our son found this unacceptable and wanted to quit practicing ERP, feeling

what's the point. He often said it is not fair, why me, still does, and there is

no answer, only acceptance of what is. There is whole lot of maturity that has

to happen to fully embrace this fact.

I think that is perhaps part of why OCD will seem to explode when it's been

quiet. It sneaks back up on you, you forget, or get " lazy " as my son will say.

It's a whole reality to adjust to, and will evolve as a person evolves. It is

never truly over, and that is just hard, period. But it can get better and it

does get easier, all of it, over time, as you find your way and figure things

out. I can it being " ready, willing, and able " - need all parts in place and

that can take time.

It's a lot, for your son, and for you. Do get some one on one counselling for

yourself. I did this myself. Mostly for me it was having someone witness and

support my own process of coming to terms with our new reality, and to make

space to grieve the loss of what was or whatever I had imagined for my son. I

needed a safe place to talk, privately, and someone who was there just for me.

It didn't " solve " anything, but it was part of taking care of my own needs.

Of course we are here too, and you've taken the first step by making your first

post! It takes courage to talk openly about mental health. This is a safe

place, and one where others absolutely understand and share the same or similar

feelings and experiences.

So keep " talking " . It is the only way out of the isolation. I found this as

hard if not harder than coping with the OCD itself. This group became a life

line, so I can definitely recommend it! We make it our place by sharing and

asking for what we need, is what I discovered. At first I felt overwhelmed by

some of the posts, and had to learn how to navigate that. Take what you need,

give what you can, and leave the rest, we have to look after ourselves in all

ways.

Sending you more hugs!

Warmly,

Barb

Canada

Son,20, OCD, LD Plus

>

> I am new to this group. Reading your posts helps me feel like I am not alone.

I find it very difficult to be the mother of an OCD child. My 12 year-old son

was diagnosed a year ago with OCD (Scrupulosity, Perfectionism, etc.). At first

I was very hopeful that the combination of Prozac and therapy would help him

immensely. I lived on hope (except on the REALLY bad days!). Now, he is on his

second therapist (who is specially trained in ERP).

>

> I believe that the therapist is helping him but I am still living the roller

coaster of good days and bad days. My mood should not be so closely matched to

how he is coping. No one in my family of origin knows. I can't tell them

because they won't help the situation. I have learned this lesson many times.

My close friends are helpful and my brother-in-law's girlfriend is a gem!

>

> I have decided that I need some therapy of my own so that I can grow towards

acceptance.

>

> Mental illness can be so isolating. I think I am just angry that my son has

to suffer so much! I found a box under his bed labeled " OCD " and it had holes

punched into it. He keeps asking " why " him?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

Hugs to you and welcome!

I so relate to what you express. In the beginning I was hopeful too. With

medication and therapy OCD is treatable, sounded straightforward enough, and it

is, but.....

The " doing " part of ERP is hardly straightforward or easy, which is why many

people either drop out of therapy, or are simply unable to do it. Some even get

the label " treatment resistant " , which I personally object to, cuz it sounds

like the person with OCD is to blame.

It truly is a process to come to terms with OCD. There is the acceptance that

this is now part of your life. The acceptance that no matter what you do, even

doing the ERP " perfectly " , the OCD will still be there (but much quieter). I

know our son found this unacceptable and wanted to quit practicing ERP, feeling

what's the point. He often said it is not fair, why me, still does, and there is

no answer, only acceptance of what is. There is whole lot of maturity that has

to happen to fully embrace this fact.

I think that is perhaps part of why OCD will seem to explode when it's been

quiet. It sneaks back up on you, you forget, or get " lazy " as my son will say.

It's a whole reality to adjust to, and will evolve as a person evolves. It is

never truly over, and that is just hard, period. But it can get better and it

does get easier, all of it, over time, as you find your way and figure things

out. I can it being " ready, willing, and able " - need all parts in place and

that can take time.

It's a lot, for your son, and for you. Do get some one on one counselling for

yourself. I did this myself. Mostly for me it was having someone witness and

support my own process of coming to terms with our new reality, and to make

space to grieve the loss of what was or whatever I had imagined for my son. I

needed a safe place to talk, privately, and someone who was there just for me.

It didn't " solve " anything, but it was part of taking care of my own needs.

Of course we are here too, and you've taken the first step by making your first

post! It takes courage to talk openly about mental health. This is a safe

place, and one where others absolutely understand and share the same or similar

feelings and experiences.

So keep " talking " . It is the only way out of the isolation. I found this as

hard if not harder than coping with the OCD itself. This group became a life

line, so I can definitely recommend it! We make it our place by sharing and

asking for what we need, is what I discovered. At first I felt overwhelmed by

some of the posts, and had to learn how to navigate that. Take what you need,

give what you can, and leave the rest, we have to look after ourselves in all

ways.

Sending you more hugs!

Warmly,

Barb

Canada

Son,20, OCD, LD Plus

>

> I am new to this group. Reading your posts helps me feel like I am not alone.

I find it very difficult to be the mother of an OCD child. My 12 year-old son

was diagnosed a year ago with OCD (Scrupulosity, Perfectionism, etc.). At first

I was very hopeful that the combination of Prozac and therapy would help him

immensely. I lived on hope (except on the REALLY bad days!). Now, he is on his

second therapist (who is specially trained in ERP).

>

> I believe that the therapist is helping him but I am still living the roller

coaster of good days and bad days. My mood should not be so closely matched to

how he is coping. No one in my family of origin knows. I can't tell them

because they won't help the situation. I have learned this lesson many times.

My close friends are helpful and my brother-in-law's girlfriend is a gem!

>

> I have decided that I need some therapy of my own so that I can grow towards

acceptance.

>

> Mental illness can be so isolating. I think I am just angry that my son has

to suffer so much! I found a box under his bed labeled " OCD " and it had holes

punched into it. He keeps asking " why " him?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi , welcome! Happy that you feel you've found a good therapist now. My

son , now 23, suffers the Scrupe type of OCD too. He is also

HFA/Aspergers. His OCD began, what seemed overnight, in 6th grade. All sorts

of compulsions, rituals, more physical things to do. Ups/downs, eventually

things got better. The scrupe began in 11th grade, a few months after stopping

his medication/Celexa. So all different, new. Although, he'd always had some

scrupe, just not to that degree/24/7 OCDing. Anyway, in our case he has refused

meds, did see a therapist for a while, but has " poor insight " into it and so

never has had the therapy/exposures needed. But things did improve from that

initial onset (OCD settled down?) and he has managed since. Good days, bad

days, mostly good now. Guess he just adapted and manages, plus that initial

stuff went away. He has " bad thoughts " constantly but still has managed college

and graduated last August with a BS in Biology! I adapted too, to having OCD

around. Easier to adapt once things calmed down and not so severe though.

Actually love that box your son has and punching holes! That's great, he sees

the OCD, good insight! I certainly see that as on the road to recovery and

beating it later! It may still prick at him later in life, maybe/maybe not, but

he'll be able to shrug it off and go on about his day, not suffering as he is

now. Sigh, the hard part is working on the OCD, but improvement follows!

Glad you found our group!

single mom, 3 sons

>

> I am new to this group. Reading your posts helps me feel like I am not alone.

I find it very difficult to be the mother of an OCD child. My 12 year-old son

was diagnosed a year ago with OCD (Scrupulosity, Perfectionism, etc.). At first

I was very hopeful that the combination of Prozac and therapy would help him

immensely. I lived on hope (except on the REALLY bad days!). Now, he is on his

second therapist (who is specially trained in ERP).

>

[Guest guest]

Hi , welcome! Happy that you feel you've found a good therapist now. My

son , now 23, suffers the Scrupe type of OCD too. He is also

HFA/Aspergers. His OCD began, what seemed overnight, in 6th grade. All sorts

of compulsions, rituals, more physical things to do. Ups/downs, eventually

things got better. The scrupe began in 11th grade, a few months after stopping

his medication/Celexa. So all different, new. Although, he'd always had some

scrupe, just not to that degree/24/7 OCDing. Anyway, in our case he has refused

meds, did see a therapist for a while, but has " poor insight " into it and so

never has had the therapy/exposures needed. But things did improve from that

initial onset (OCD settled down?) and he has managed since. Good days, bad

days, mostly good now. Guess he just adapted and manages, plus that initial

stuff went away. He has " bad thoughts " constantly but still has managed college

and graduated last August with a BS in Biology! I adapted too, to having OCD

around. Easier to adapt once things calmed down and not so severe though.

Actually love that box your son has and punching holes! That's great, he sees

the OCD, good insight! I certainly see that as on the road to recovery and

beating it later! It may still prick at him later in life, maybe/maybe not, but

he'll be able to shrug it off and go on about his day, not suffering as he is

now. Sigh, the hard part is working on the OCD, but improvement follows!

Glad you found our group!

single mom, 3 sons

>

> I am new to this group. Reading your posts helps me feel like I am not alone.

I find it very difficult to be the mother of an OCD child. My 12 year-old son

was diagnosed a year ago with OCD (Scrupulosity, Perfectionism, etc.). At first

I was very hopeful that the combination of Prozac and therapy would help him

immensely. I lived on hope (except on the REALLY bad days!). Now, he is on his

second therapist (who is specially trained in ERP).

>

[Guest guest]

Hi , welcome! Happy that you feel you've found a good therapist now. My

son , now 23, suffers the Scrupe type of OCD too. He is also

HFA/Aspergers. His OCD began, what seemed overnight, in 6th grade. All sorts

of compulsions, rituals, more physical things to do. Ups/downs, eventually

things got better. The scrupe began in 11th grade, a few months after stopping

his medication/Celexa. So all different, new. Although, he'd always had some

scrupe, just not to that degree/24/7 OCDing. Anyway, in our case he has refused

meds, did see a therapist for a while, but has " poor insight " into it and so

never has had the therapy/exposures needed. But things did improve from that

initial onset (OCD settled down?) and he has managed since. Good days, bad

days, mostly good now. Guess he just adapted and manages, plus that initial

stuff went away. He has " bad thoughts " constantly but still has managed college

and graduated last August with a BS in Biology! I adapted too, to having OCD

around. Easier to adapt once things calmed down and not so severe though.

Actually love that box your son has and punching holes! That's great, he sees

the OCD, good insight! I certainly see that as on the road to recovery and

beating it later! It may still prick at him later in life, maybe/maybe not, but

he'll be able to shrug it off and go on about his day, not suffering as he is

now. Sigh, the hard part is working on the OCD, but improvement follows!

Glad you found our group!

single mom, 3 sons

>

> I am new to this group. Reading your posts helps me feel like I am not alone.

I find it very difficult to be the mother of an OCD child. My 12 year-old son

was diagnosed a year ago with OCD (Scrupulosity, Perfectionism, etc.). At first

I was very hopeful that the combination of Prozac and therapy would help him

immensely. I lived on hope (except on the REALLY bad days!). Now, he is on his

second therapist (who is specially trained in ERP).

>

[Guest guest]

, I so get where you are coming from. When my children were doing really

badly, my every mood depended on how they each were doing at that particular

moment. My family meant well, but when my daughter was really off the wall with

her fears and bizarre thinking, she appeared to be manipulative and spoiled to

my dad and this was particularly hard for me to deal with because I had my

children on my own and my dad is the closest thing they have to a father.

The good news is that medication and therapy helped both my kids, and life is so

much different for both of them in many ways. My dreams for them are no

different than before, other than knowing that like me, who struggles with

severe OCD, they will always be privately battling OCD. I have learned to enjoy

life on two levels. On one level, I am always scared of contamination and have

other OCD fears, but on the other level, I do things I'm scared of anyway as

much as I can, and I have a full life. I have had a long career as a learning

specialist which I find tremendously fulfilling and I am a mom and a friend, so

my life is full despite severe OCD. Hang in there and know that things can and

will be better for your son as well.

Keeping from internalizing my son's OCD

I am new to this group. Reading your posts helps me feel like I am not alone.

I find it very difficult to be the mother of an OCD child. My 12 year-old son

was diagnosed a year ago with OCD (Scrupulosity, Perfectionism, etc.). At first

I was very hopeful that the combination of Prozac and therapy would help him

immensely. I lived on hope (except on the REALLY bad days!). Now, he is on his

second therapist (who is specially trained in ERP).

I believe that the therapist is helping him but I am still living the roller

coaster of good days and bad days. My mood should not be so closely matched to

how he is coping. No one in my family of origin knows. I can't tell them

because they won't help the situation. I have learned this lesson many times.

My close friends are helpful and my brother-in-law's girlfriend is a gem!

I have decided that I need some therapy of my own so that I can grow towards

acceptance.

Mental illness can be so isolating. I think I am just angry that my son has to

suffer so much! I found a box under his bed labeled " OCD " and it had holes

punched into it. He keeps asking " why " him?

[Guest guest]

Hi , welcome to the group.  I understand exactly what you are feeling

about your moods being matched to how your son is doing.  My son is ten, and

his moods, which change many times in a day, affect the mood of the whole

family.  I think it is impossible not to.  I recommend therapy for all parents

of children with OCD or other mental illness.  Sometimes I think it is the only

thing that grounds me.  This group is great too, because we all understand. 

Hang in there.  Check out the book list too in the archives if you haven't

already, there are some great resources there.

________________________________

To:

Sent: Thursday, April 19, 2012 11:32 PM

Subject: Keeping from internalizing my son's OCD

 

I am new to this group. Reading your posts helps me feel like I am not alone.

I find it very difficult to be the mother of an OCD child. My 12 year-old son

was diagnosed a year ago with OCD (Scrupulosity, Perfectionism, etc.). At first

I was very hopeful that the combination of Prozac and therapy would help him

immensely. I lived on hope (except on the REALLY bad days!). Now, he is on his

second therapist (who is specially trained in ERP).

I believe that the therapist is helping him but I am still living the roller

coaster of good days and bad days. My mood should not be so closely matched to

how he is coping. No one in my family of origin knows. I can't tell them

because they won't help the situation. I have learned this lesson many times.

My close friends are helpful and my brother-in-law's girlfriend is a gem!

I have decided that I need some therapy of my own so that I can grow towards

acceptance.

Mental illness can be so isolating. I think I am just angry that my son has to

suffer so much! I found a box under his bed labeled " OCD " and it had holes

punched into it. He keeps asking " why " him?