Husband as trigger for son's OCD

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Roy is able to control his OCD rituals at school now. My husband has always been

a trigger for Roy. We have talked to the pdoc about this and he believes my

husband has mood reg./BP problems. He had a psychotic break at 24 but believed

that he was over that time, and was told about 10 years ago, that he has ADD. He

takes Ritalin on and off. He likes the short acting b/c he likes the bursts of

focus. Since my other son, , is going through his own stuff with

psychosis/BP, the psych. have told Chick that he still has BP, partially

treated. There is quite alot of resistance except when I call it mood reg.

problems. He has said that he likes 's pdocs but never follows through with

making an appt.

He does not believe he is a trigger for Roy and will not communicate with Roy.

Tells me he has not relationship with him and Roy tells me once he is out of the

office does not want a relationship with him. I am caught in the middle of these

stubborn guys. He believes I am not respectful to him b/c I will not support him

in how he interacts with Roy. I know " best parenting " is about united front but

I can't support this kind of controlling behavior from an adult.

We had the same exp. with the other son, , in HS. He would encourage to

apply for opport. and then when he would get them, he would tell him we couldn't

afford that. Just one example. I told then that Chick will not change so he

has to learn how to take care of himself. He now just leaves the room or goes

along with the request. Another son just never is here (avoidance) Roy will not

do this b/c he wants to stand up for himself. Do any of you have experience with

husbands who have no insight into their own behavior and no apparent desire to

change, even if it means the child may never want a relationship with them? As

with alot of people with BP, he is very charming with people outside the family

but is a dif. person at home. Thanks.