Re: What do you tell your kids?

July 30, 2012

Are you sure she hasn't already looked up OCD on the internet. My son did his

own investigation when he was 9 b/c he knew something was not right. At that

time, the first pdoc we could get into call

it GAD with OCD symptoms.

For my son anyway,he is more comfortable when he has information, relieves his

anxiety and feels more in control. Don't know your daughter's personality but it

was load off of my son when he found out what was wrong. I would involve the

younger sister in discussions about being sensitive to older sister. Mine is the

youngest but the olders can get frustrated but have learned to walk away from

annoying rituals coming from OCD son.

Your daughter needs to make sure school is a safe place b/c in our case, school

is a huge trigger. If telling friends would disrupt her safety, then not a good

idea. Sometimes, girls can bully by exclusion so wouldn't want that going on.

Anyway, she sounds like she is doing well and is maybe resilient enough to

handle insensitive comments.

in WI-5

Roy-17 OCD,ADD, Depression, Anxiety. Proz,Busbar, Adderall XR. 504.

dd-24

ds-22

ds-20

>

> My 11 year old daughter has OCD. In the past we have attributed her

> behavior to Sensory Processing Disorder and ADD (both of which may be

> present, but also may be caused by the OCD) but our Dev Ped believes that

> Anxiety/OCD was at the root of her issues. She is taking Zoloft and it has

> made such a difference in her quality of life! At first we would have to

> monitor her and make sure she took it in the morning but now she asks for it

> if we forget to give it to her, so I think even she notices that she feels

> better after taking it.

>

> We haven't specifically told her about the OCD, at least not by name. We

> have told her in the past that her " brain just works in a different way " and

> she accepted that, because she has a marvelously creative mind and I guess

> that just fit in with her self-identity somehow. :-) Her Dev Ped hasn't

> really mentioned it to her by name either and is probably assuming that her

> father and I will discuss it with her at home. I know how she will take

> hold of something interesting and different and I'm concerned that if I tell

> her about the OCD she will fixate on it somehow and turn it into a deficit

> and not just a difference. I also donâ€™t want her going around telling all

> her friends that she has OCD because she is at a tender age and kids in her

> grade are already mean enough without being given a reason. But on the

> other hand, I'd like to get her some workbooks and be available to answer

> her questions. I don't want to give her the feeling that it's a shameful

> secret but that's it's just part of who she is and not something " wrong " .

> Am I making sense here? She's smart enough to know that we are seeing a

> doctor that her sister doesn't see and she's taking medication, and that

> those two things mean something, and it's possible that her imagination is

> concocting something worse than OCD. She knows that before the Zoloft she

> worried a lot and now she is more relaxed.

>

> How much did you tell your children about what's going on with them? I want

> my daughter to know that yes, she has OCD, but it's just one thing about her

> and does not at all define her. To add something else to the mix, she has a

> younger sister (age 8) who is exceptionally smart for her age and I worry

> that if my younger daughter knew about the OCD she would use it as a weapon

> against her sister. Am I worrying too much? Delaying the inevitable? :-)

>

> Kim A.

>

July 30, 2012

I have 13 year old twins who have OCD. Part of the treatment for OCD involves

recognizing your compulsions as attempts to alleviate anxiety and learning not

to give into them so that eventually the anxiety subsides. In order to work on

this, your daughter needs to understand that she has OCD. Also, by having a

name for her disorder she will be able to better understand that she isn't

" weird " , but just has a condition like others may have diabetes, etc. At 11 she

is old enough to understand that there are certain things that are private that

you don't share with other kids, and you can explain to her that kids are fickle

and may be your friend one day and not the next, so it isn't a good idea to

share any information that children may one day choose to tease you about. As

far as your other daughter goes, I have taught my kids that THE most important

value that I expect from them is kindness. I have told them over and over

through the years, like a mantra, no matter how well they do in school or on the

ball field, if they aren't nice, I will be very disappointed. My daughter was

diagnosed with OCD first because hers is probably more severe in some ways. For

years, my son just didn't get why his sister was acting " weird " and why I didn't

punish her for it. I explained as often as needed that she has OCD which is not

something she wants, but just something she has and is working hard to overcome,

and that under no uncertain terms may he tease her for it --If anything, he

should admire her for having to be brave and cope with fears all the time. I

explained that I am not going to punish her for her fears, but neither will I

give into them, and that there is a difference. Thus, while I might insist that

she eat something she is afraid of, I won't punish her for crying and being all

upset about it. In fact, after she faces her fears, I will probably hug her.

Unfortunately, a few years later, it became clear that my son has OCD, and now

he totally understands her issues and she his. Hopefully, this won't be the

case with your little one, but you can use this situation as a great way to

teach empathy,

What do you tell your kids?

My 11 year old daughter has OCD. In the past we have attributed her

behavior to Sensory Processing Disorder and ADD (both of which may be

present, but also may be caused by the OCD) but our Dev Ped believes that

Anxiety/OCD was at the root of her issues. She is taking Zoloft and it has

made such a difference in her quality of life! At first we would have to

monitor her and make sure she took it in the morning but now she asks for it

if we forget to give it to her, so I think even she notices that she feels

better after taking it.

We haven't specifically told her about the OCD, at least not by name. We

have told her in the past that her " brain just works in a different way " and

she accepted that, because she has a marvelously creative mind and I guess

that just fit in with her self-identity somehow. :-) Her Dev Ped hasn't

really mentioned it to her by name either and is probably assuming that her

father and I will discuss it with her at home. I know how she will take

hold of something interesting and different and I'm concerned that if I tell

her about the OCD she will fixate on it somehow and turn it into a deficit

and not just a difference. I also donâ€™t want her going around telling all

her friends that she has OCD because she is at a tender age and kids in her

grade are already mean enough without being given a reason. But on the

other hand, I'd like to get her some workbooks and be available to answer

her questions. I don't want to give her the feeling that it's a shameful

secret but that's it's just part of who she is and not something " wrong " .

Am I making sense here? She's smart enough to know that we are seeing a

doctor that her sister doesn't see and she's taking medication, and that

those two things mean something, and it's possible that her imagination is

concocting something worse than OCD. She knows that before the Zoloft she

worried a lot and now she is more relaxed.

How much did you tell your children about what's going on with them? I want

my daughter to know that yes, she has OCD, but it's just one thing about her

and does not at all define her. To add something else to the mix, she has a

younger sister (age 8) who is exceptionally smart for her age and I worry

that if my younger daughter knew about the OCD she would use it as a weapon

against her sister. Am I worrying too much? Delaying the inevitable? :-)

Kim A.

July 31, 2012

Hi Kim,

I'm thinking you are new to our group, so will start with welcome!

When it comes to managing OCD, information is power. So, having your daughter

educate herself about OCD is important, and knowing that she has it would seem

to be the first step. Most are relieved to learn that there is a name and

reason for what they are experiencing. Mine was. Also learning that it can be

managed is a relief.

In terms of telling others, I would discuss this as it comes up. It is

individual. Really depends on their personality I think. Ours is very private,

and at first he didn't want anyone to know, even family. It was a

development/evolution to tell family, as he got comfortable with it all. He

lead the pace with this, and we helped him decide who and what to tell. Often

he preferred we tell and explain, because he found it hard to do that. He has

no desire to talk about it or share with anyone, other than myself and husband.

Others feel comfortable telling their closest friend, or parent of friend etc,

as issues come up, around going to a party etc. Can navigate this as things

come up and discuss how to handle.

I find I will say anxiety disorder sometimes, just because most are more

familiar, or even just refer to anxiety in general. I also like to call it a

brain based disorder, to refer to the physical part that is affected. I would

ask your daughter what she wants to say, and let her lead this, with your

guidance re possible issues around telling others, as others have already

mentioned.

You mention that she sees a developmental ped. Does this affect her

comprehension, and is this a concern around this? Ours has delays, but this

does not affect his ability to understand the OCD at all. It did affect his

ability to have insight, I believe, meaning he had difficulty separating from

the OCD and seeing it as something that was not " HIM " . On the plus side, he has

some very creative ways of coping, and think he sees things differently than

others. So, while he had a hard time working with professionals, he is good on

his own, once he figures something out.

It's understandable to want to protect your child, and figuring out how to talk

about OCD can feel charged with many things. I think it's good to be

straightforward, and to look at your own feeling around all this and work on

this too. The more comfortable and accepting we are of the OCD, we communicate

this to our kids. If we make is seem like it needs to be secret, it feels like

something to hide and be ashamed of.

Keep posting your questions and concerns. There are many here who understand

and have good ideas from personal experience.

Warmly,

Barb

Canada

Son, OCD, PDD-NOS