Re: Frustrated

[Guest guest]

Exactly Hania. If the parents had been good parents, lotsa stuff would never

have happened.

Which definitely has made me a HUGELY better parent than my parents. They

were too self absorbed.

It still hurts though when we consider what might have been.

Kathleen

[Guest guest]

Only have a minute, but I can relate. My son's also got Aspergers, so no social

life here at home (he did at college, luckily). And now he's back home with me.

Have to say I also tried back in the public school years to talk to him about

the lack, but finally figured out it bothered me more than him. Well, perhaps

that isn't true, he'd have liked a social life. But once OCD finally let him

use the computer for facebook, etc., that became his social life. And, well,

that's fine. I've fun memories of growing up, hanging out with friends, etc.,

but really once we all got out of high school, just how many do I now see (or

rather saw after graduation)? Really only 3 or 4 and later we drifted apart

with lives, etc. So - though I wanted some happy memories for him (i.e., social

life), I decided that friendships he made at college and career are really going

to be the more lasting ones, the adult ones. So I stopped worrying so much

about it (still bothered me at times, worried he was lonely, but let it go).

Right now at 22 and back home - stays up late, still asleep when I get home from

work 4:30 or later. Then he's up with the TV and facebook. Since he can't just

drive anywhere, that has limited his options too, but I'm not sure he'd have

anywhere to go if he did drive.

Though since he finished high school, I'd say we've both learned to do our own

thing around home, etc. But I'll still tell him, like the other day, I need his

help shopping or something, to get him out of the house.

Being a single mom, 3 sons, you really will have to grab/make the time for your

interests. Give yourself an hour a few days a week, or even 30 minutes a day,

tell the kids it's your " me time " and not to bother you. That's what I did.

Anyway - I can empathize! I do have moments where I still worry about his

adult life!

>

> For years, I've spent most of my time by her side, homeschooling,

> ou driving her to medical and therapy appointments, watching movies, etc. I

appreciate our time together and our close bond. But I feel like I'm almost

frustrated to tears. I don't have time for my own interests, and the other kids

are being sold short. I need her to develop more interests and spend time with

other people, but that's easier said than done.

>

> I'd love to help her cultivate friendships outside the family, but I've been

trying for over 12 years. I've tried really, really hard, and I don't know what

else to do. I also don't have any family in the area who can help.

>

[Guest guest]

My daughter has social anxiety & no social life too. I hope the dr. will help

her to help herself with the social anxiety once school starts - about 2 weeks

away. But now...nothing. My daughter does prefer to lay around, but I've been

requiring her to get up, dress, & get out at least some days. She hasn't been

the one bugging me so much - in my case it's a sibling who's bored & wants to be

entertained non-stop.

I suppose I should let her get a Facebook page or something, but she has little

interest. Does your daughter have a page & does she ever look at it? My daughter

recently got another cell phone (1st one was damaged), but she hasn't used it

once. Again, I hope that will change once school starts.

All I can suggest is to find an activity she likes (something active - art,

music lessons, church, volunteer somewhere?) and have her try it. I'm working

on this with my daughter, who likes art, but nixes attempts to put her in a

class outside school. I wish you both the best.

Dot

>

> Due to her low energy and social anxiety, my 17-year-old daughter doesn't seem

to have much of a life right now outside of me. It's very frustrating. When she

gets bored, she expects me to take her someplace to get her out of the house.

Her only real interest is movies. When she watches a movie she ALWAYS wants to

have me watch it with her, otherwise she isn't interested.

>

> This evening I got home from a meeting at my younger daughter's school, and I

asked dd what she'd been up to today. She said " mostly hanging out on the

computer and waiting to watch a movie. " I asked her why she was " waiting " -- why

didn't she just watch a movie? She insisted she needed to watch it with me. When

I said I didn't feel like watching a movie, she said " I'll just go to bed then. "

(It was 6:30)

>

> She's also lethargic and sleeps a lot. I think it's partly due to her meds

(100 degree weather doesn't help), but largely because of her apathy and having

established unhealthy oversleeping habits.

>

> For years, I've spent most of my time by her side, homeschooling,

> ou driving her to medical and therapy appointments, watching movies, etc. I

appreciate our time together and our close bond. But I feel like I'm almost

frustrated to tears. I don't have time for my own interests, and the other kids

are being sold short. I need her to develop more interests and spend time with

other people, but that's easier said than done.

>

> I'd love to help her cultivate friendships outside the family, but I've been

trying for over 12 years. I've tried really, really hard, and I don't know what

else to do. I also don't have any family in the area who can help.

>

> Is anyone else coping with something like this?

>

> Thanks,

>

>

> (17 y/o dd with OCD, anxiety/depression, Asperger's & NVLD)

>

[Guest guest]

Here's a thought - my kids didn't grow up going to church, but joined a

church and participated in the youth group. He did enjoy that group, and they

had a lot of activities. Some in the group didn't even belong to that church,

they just participated in the group for the fun of it. So at least once a week,

for the meetings, he had something to do. And then when special activities,

other days too. Something like that or similar might help your dd, if you can

think of a group where she already knows a few people that participate in it so

it won't be all strangers to begin with. He does suffer scrupulosity, some

things did " prick it " but he managed okay.

Do you think the apathy could be due to her meds?

>

> Due to her low energy and social anxiety, my 17-year-old daughter doesn't seem

to have much of a life right now outside of me. It's very frustrating. When she

gets bored, she expects me to take her someplace to get her out of the house.

Her only real interest is movies. When she watches a movie she ALWAYS wants to

have me watch it with her, otherwise she isn't interested.

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the responses so far. :-) I'm glad to know we're not alone here.

Are there any active, healthy online communities for teens and young adults with

OCD (my dd is 17)? If not, are any of you/your kids interested in our starting

one? It wouldn't solve all our problems, of course. But it would provide a

social outlet where they would not feel judged.

Steph

>

> Due to her low energy and social anxiety, my 17-year-old daughter doesn't seem

to have much of a life right now outside of me. It's very frustrating. When she

gets bored, she expects me to take her someplace to get her out of the house.

Her only real interest is movies. When she watches a movie she ALWAYS wants to

have me watch it with her, otherwise she isn't interested.

>

> This evening I got home from a meeting at my younger daughter's school, and I

asked dd what she'd been up to today. She said " mostly hanging out on the

computer and waiting to watch a movie. " I asked her why she was " waiting " -- why

didn't she just watch a movie? She insisted she needed to watch it with me. When

I said I didn't feel like watching a movie, she said " I'll just go to bed then. "

(It was 6:30)

>

> She's also lethargic and sleeps a lot. I think it's partly due to her meds

(100 degree weather doesn't help), but largely because of her apathy and having

established unhealthy oversleeping habits.

>

> For years, I've spent most of my time by her side, homeschooling,

> ou driving her to medical and therapy appointments, watching movies, etc. I

appreciate our time together and our close bond. But I feel like I'm almost

frustrated to tears. I don't have time for my own interests, and the other kids

are being sold short. I need her to develop more interests and spend time with

other people, but that's easier said than done.

>

> I'd love to help her cultivate friendships outside the family, but I've been

trying for over 12 years. I've tried really, really hard, and I don't know what

else to do. I also don't have any family in the area who can help.

>

> Is anyone else coping with something like this?

>

> Thanks,

>

>

> (17 y/o dd with OCD, anxiety/depression, Asperger's & NVLD)

>

[Guest guest]

These are just some thoughts, things I recall trying to do when my sons were

younger. Try to find 10-20 minutes of just some 1:1 time with each. Even just

a " how was your day, school... " and talk/chat, whatever, just so they get your

specific attention. You may not be able to do this each day, but every other

day, take turns with each child....

Remember the term " quality time " - that's what used to be stressed, and really,

I felt better, gave us some alone time with the others not around, or paying

attention.

Maybe if they're helping you with supper, just start some conversation that's

all about them. Or pop into their room, ask how their day was, whatcha

doing.... Just 5-10 minutes.

I'll admit when 's OCD was severe and I was having to help him with his

homework every night for hours, the other 2 would complain I never had time to

help them; though they generally did their's on their own anyway, just the

infrequent times they had a test and wanted me to quiz them, they'd throw the

guilt on me complaining. I did start just making sure they had food, clean

clothes, the basics. Started using more paper plates, anything that didn't need

washed. Housework is always there, just made sure I vacuumed, let some things

go. That left a little more room to breathe!

Quick thoughts,

[Guest guest]

Look up asperger's support groups or social skill groups and hook her up with

another child there?

Bonnie

>

> Due to her low energy and social anxiety, my 17-year-old daughter doesn't seem

to have much of a life right now outside of me. It's very frustrating. When she

gets bored, she expects me to take her someplace to get her out of the house.

Her only real interest is movies. When she watches a movie she ALWAYS wants to

have me watch it with her, otherwise she isn't interested.

>

> This evening I got home from a meeting at my younger daughter's school, and I

asked dd what she'd been up to today. She said " mostly hanging out on the

computer and waiting to watch a movie. " I asked her why she was " waiting " -- why

didn't she just watch a movie? She insisted she needed to watch it with me. When

I said I didn't feel like watching a movie, she said " I'll just go to bed then. "

(It was 6:30)

>

> She's also lethargic and sleeps a lot. I think it's partly due to her meds

(100 degree weather doesn't help), but largely because of her apathy and having

established unhealthy oversleeping habits.

>

> For years, I've spent most of my time by her side, homeschooling,

> ou driving her to medical and therapy appointments, watching movies, etc. I

appreciate our time together and our close bond. But I feel like I'm almost

frustrated to tears. I don't have time for my own interests, and the other kids

are being sold short. I need her to develop more interests and spend time with

other people, but that's easier said than done.

>

> I'd love to help her cultivate friendships outside the family, but I've been

trying for over 12 years. I've tried really, really hard, and I don't know what

else to do. I also don't have any family in the area who can help.

>

> Is anyone else coping with something like this?

>

> Thanks,

>

>

> (17 y/o dd with OCD, anxiety/depression, Asperger's & NVLD)

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, Bonnie. Alas, our area is barren when it comes to these kinds of groups.

I've been looking for one for 10 years. :-) A friend and I made a go at starting

one a while back. Maybe it's time to try again.

(in Virginia)

17 y/o dd with OCD, Asperger's, NVLD, and anxiety/depression

>

> Look up asperger's support groups or social skill groups and hook her up with

another child there?