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[Guest guest]

Hi everyone, Just wanted to let you all know how things are going with me. I started a new job this past Wed. I am the Home Infusion Clinical Coordinator for UMC (University Medical Center). I am responsible for the budget, for disciplining my employees (I will be managing 15 RN's, 3 delivery drivers, and 8 CNA's), for dealing with pt complaints, for education, and for preparing my employees for the JCAHO survey (the organization which accredits hospitals, MD offices, clinics, etc) which will occur in August, and for doing marketing. It is strictly managerial, and I will not have to have any physical pt contact--probably just phone contact. I will be one of those people that is never in her office because I'm always at meetings. I will be sitting on several committees at the hospital and will be instituting lots of changes in the home infusion system. They have high expectations of me, and while it is definately going to be challenging, I'm up for the challenge. I'm just so excited to not have to do any pt care and to wear nice clothes to work and to have my own office!! Living with my parents is not going well. Everything that has happened to us in the past has just been confirmed----I was right to have cut off all contact with them. They are bigots, always think they're right, disagree with EVERYTHING I do and say, and think I'm a failure. We never get along, and argue constantly. My financial situation is a constant source of our arguments. They both think that I used implants as an excuse for all my "so called problems." And they don't trust me. Basically they feel that since I was unable to work for a while when I was so sick prior to my explantation, that I am not reliable and am a hypochondriac. They call me "argumentative." Everyday I'm constantly reminded of what a "failure" I am and how I've disappointed them so much. I cry everyday and am really depressed. I barely have enough energy to get up in the AM and go to work, let alone argue with them incessantly and try to prove my point(s). Anyway, I've found an apt in the Catalina Mtn foothills and put my deposit down today. Whether they approve it or not is another thing, because my credit is so bad. I'm sure I won't be approved, and then I don't know what I will do. I cannot and will not stay with my parents. So, I guess I will just have to wait and see.... I am out of my cervical collar (almost 2 wks now) and while it was good to get out of that thing, I am having lots of muscle spasms and pain and well, my neck just isn't used to supporting my head. I've started PT (physical therapy) and that has helped some. But I've got a LONG way to go. I have limited range of motion and can only turn my neck to the side a certain amt, then it won't go any further. And I constantly worry about whether my fusion will fail or whether one of the grafts will slip, or whether this entire thing will collapse. My incisions have healed up very nicely, and the one on my neck is pretty much not that visible unless you get up close to me. Sleeping is the worst, because I can't sleep on my stomach, and I can never find a comfortable, pain free position. So, I wake up most mornings stiff and hurting. On top of that, my insurance company is denying everything until they complete a review of whether this surgery and my bone marrow biopsy were pre-existing. It is frustrating to say the least. I don't know what I will do if they deny everything and I'm stuck with a $35,000 bill. In the meantime, I'm getting letters from the hospital stating that while insurance makes a decision, I'm responsible for the bill. Why do we even have insurance if this is going to happen????????????? Anyway, that is what is going on in my neck of the woods. While I'd like to say that things will get better, I honestly don't see any light at the end of the tunnel. It all is very disheartening. And everytime I start to feel better emotionally, my parents successfully knock me down again with their rude, hurtful comments. All I want is the chance to start over again, but there are simply too many hurdles that I just cannot jump over..... Take care everyone, e