Update

[Guest guest]

I haven't been in the group much because I feel so beat up that I felt I have

nothing to contribute to help others. It seemed easier to stay away for a

while.

Some days, I find myself just play mind numbing computer games so I can " check

out " in my own mind for a bit. More often than not, I don't even get out of my

pajamas. I know depression has set in, but feel unmotivated to try to fight it.

Since cutting our son's meds in half, due to severe reactions, things have

spiraled out of control. Some days it's just downright overwhelming.

Teenage behavior and OCD is a challenge, to be sure.

We were up until 5 am last night, while he rolled and used toilet paper for 2

hours straight. Since the bathroom shares a wall with our bedroom, I could hear

the rumble of the toilet paper the whole time.

My response: It's OCD, maybe we can find a way for you to work on it. His

response: It's not OCD. . It's logical.

We've been up to see his therapist 3 times lately, since he has a break from

college (still unable to go full time). I'd hoped he would listen to his

therapist, because at age 19 there is nothing I can say that is " right " .

They put together a plan to work on things, but he seems to have a really hard

time following through on this lower dose of meds. So, OCD continues to control

our home, and him.

We had the dreaded talk, with his therapist, about what we do if he cannot take

care of himself. . .Someday. . . .

Disability was brought up, as a possibility in the future, which made me sick to

my stomach.

Increasing meds is not an option. ERP seems impossible for him at this point.

And we continue the vicious cycle of OCD, which is taking us all to the brink.

:~(

Oddly, since lowering his meds, he is experiencing some symptoms of getting

mentally lost at times. Not distracted by OCD thoughts, but just lost in his

thoughts to the point that he loses track of time. . Sometimes for hours. So,

possibly ADHD has been added to the list of OCD, GAD, possible Tourettes, and

possible Aspergers. More labels. . Still the same problems with no solutions.

I question why this " probably ADHD stuff " was not a problem on the higher dose

of meds, but not sure anyone can know.

I try to remind myself to be thankful he is at least not back on the sofa in the

fetal position like he's been in the past. . Some of you probably remember that.

But, this isn't easy either.

I'm going through health issues of my own, trying to function, and the added

weight of the combination of combative OCD, and combative teenage behavior, just

pushes me over the edge at times.

We are often sleep deprived, mostly due to OCD too, which never helps anything.

Anyway, not meaning to drag others down, nor even expect anyone else to know the

answers, but just needing to vent today, as another day goes by where I fight

back the tears of trying to cope.

Have I mentioned that I HATE OCD! <sigh>

BJ