little more advice

[Guest guest]

Thanks, I'm beginning to accept this! Spin cycle - great word picture there.

Thanks to all good advice and support, my head cleared up and I realized that

driving him down 1 1/2 hours to Cincy for treatment that I can get right here in

Columbus doesn't make sense. I thought if I took him to Cincy they would make

sure he got into the teen psych unit that is housed in the Lindner Center -

which is an OCD treatment center for adults and outpatient children. Then MAYBE

he would get some treatment time with therapists from the Center itself, rather

than just the psych staff in the unit.

Well, turns out there's no guarantee he will get into the psych unit connected

to Lindner. If he doesn't, he will go to any of their teen psych units and they

will just do their regular group therapy, talk therapy, blah blah. Friend said

her son was in there a couple days and they had a couple suicide attempts, kids

on feeding tubes, stuff that it's okay for a kid to be exposed to but maybe not

what you're looking for in treatment.

Maybe he could get stabilized, cleaned up and on meds in that situation. But

there's no help for OCD there. What's more, when I spoke to ER social worker

about his concern about clothes, she said he was just making up excuses and if

that were satisfied, he'd make up another excuse. What really worries me is that

this morning another of their social workers called and asked when I was getting

him down there, asked for my address, said they were very concerned. I asked if

they were going to have him removed from my home. She said she was considering

calling children's services. Yeesh. I said, hey, he said he would come on

Friday. If he doesn't , I'M calling children's services. Plus, I don't even

really want to come down there if you can't guarantee Lindner - I might as well

take him to Columbus Children's. She said okay, and I said I would call her on

Friday. Haven't seen CPS so far today. :-p

Then I put a call in to a therapist in the Cols Children's system asking her for

help and guidance in getting into the Cols system. She offered help before but

we were stuck on Lindner at that point. Haven't heard back from her but I think

she will call; she offered to email ER for us before & help us walk through.

Question -- when should I tell son plans have changed? I've actually shown him

pix of Cincy ER and Lindner Center and told him how nice it was. . .. oops.

thanks

Rhonda

Re: getting son to Er

Well, I think it's an instinct to protect your child at all costs, and when

the answer to " protecting " them, feels like you are throwing them to the

lions(having to send them away to a hospital where they don't want to go)it's

pretty hard to feel " good " about that. But you are doing the right thing, even

if it feels wrong and that you have " failed " . You know, I think sitting with

that feeling WILL help it subside, but I'll warn you, it took me a couple years

It was only 30-40(?) years ago that mothers were blamed as the cause of OCD,

amongst other mental health issues - don't want to turn back the clock!!!

I found the enmeshment and general entanglement that happened with our son led

me to feel responsible too, so I definitely relate. If only you could just stop

accommodating everything, you know that's the answer, all the books tell you so,

but you are powerless to do so. Not that easy, if only!

It's a process, and if you have access to professionals who can help you fast

forward that process, and you can get that for your son, then you are not a

failure you are a " Super Mum " . The longer they live with severe OCD and aren't

turning it around, the more the behaviors become entrenched, so much harder to

move forward, so know that you are preventing this.

With OCD you kind of have to learn how to be unfeeling almost, in the sense

that you have to shut down your natural instincts in order to truly address the

OCD, ie doing the opposite of want you want to do, protect your kid from pain

and suffering - no way around that one with ERP/treatment. At least the

treatment, and suffering that goes with it leads to the way out, and relief,

eventually. Otherwise you are both stuck in the spin cycle going around and

around with no end point - focus on that as you make your way through this - the

end goal - relief = " success " .

Hang in there Rhonda!

Barb