Re: Obsessive or spoiled?

[Guest guest]

I have wondered the VERY same thing. My 12 year old was VERY indulged by her

grandmother, and I really believe at times that her anger ( if she doesn't get

everything her way) is being totally spoiled and also a part of OCD , but

definitely theres something to that!

Obsessive or spoiled?

My 11 year old daughter K has OCD (anxiety mostly, not rituals) and is taking

Zoloft. She is a collector, and one of the things she collects is Webkinz

stuffed animals. She has many of them on her bed and would sleep buried in them

if we let her. She used to play with them online but that has fallen off in

favor of the Pixie Hollow website, which she loves and would play for hours a

day if we let her. Tonight we went to Cracker Barrel for dinner and on the way

in, she spotted a pink Webkinz lamb that she wanted. She was worried that it

wouldn’t be there when we finished dinner so she asked the cashier to hold it

for her. After we were seated and had eaten, she got up and went to the

bathroom to wash her hands, and somewhere along the way she spotted a Webkinz

ferret, and all of a sudden she HAD to have this particular stuffed animal. If

it had been one of the $15 ones like the lamb she picked out first, I wouldn’t

have cared. But the ferret had to be one of the Special Editions and it was

$25. Sorry, but no way I’m spending that on a toy impulsively. Plus we have

two daughters and if daughter #2 lobbied for a similar item, we’re up to $50.

So we told her no, but that she could have the lamb she chose first. She fell

apart. It was quiet, but she was weeping! Blotchy face, real tears, the whole

works, but not a screaming, writhing fit. She is incredibly worried that when

she does have the money the store won’t have any more ferrets.

In the past, I will admit that I have tended to over-buy for my kids and I like

to treat them, but I DON’T always buy them every single thing they ask for. I

do make them wait sometimes. This particular child feels everything so deeply

that I probably tend toward spoiling her, but it seems to matter to her so much

that I wonder if it’s OCD talking, or just spoilage. She’s stopped crying

now, but I know that ferret will come up in conversation for days upon days upon

days, until it’s in her possession. That makes it sound like OCD. Any

thoughts?

Kim A.

[Guest guest]

It is sometimes hard to separate these issues, i.e. a " give me " want by a child

vs. an OCD obsession. I have explained to my son that it is okay for him to ask

me for something, but that it is my job as his mom to decide if it is within my

budget and something we should be spending money on. It would be good to teach

your daughter the difference between " wants " and " needs " and what would happen

if you bought your children each thing that they would like. Regardless if

there is some connection to OCD with this, which for my kids there hasn't been,

it is important for our children to learn that they can't have everything they

want. This is true especially for wishes that come from OCD, e.g. not going to

a certain place because the child is scared of it. Giving into OCD reinforces

it in the mind of the child, rather than helping the child to see that it isn't

appropriate.

Obsessive or spoiled?

My 11 year old daughter K has OCD (anxiety mostly, not rituals) and is taking

Zoloft. She is a collector, and one of the things she collects is Webkinz

stuffed animals. She has many of them on her bed and would sleep buried in them

if we let her. She used to play with them online but that has fallen off in

favor of the Pixie Hollow website, which she loves and would play for hours a

day if we let her. Tonight we went to Cracker Barrel for dinner and on the way

in, she spotted a pink Webkinz lamb that she wanted. She was worried that it

wouldn’t be there when we finished dinner so she asked the cashier to hold it

for her. After we were seated and had eaten, she got up and went to the

bathroom to wash her hands, and somewhere along the way she spotted a Webkinz

ferret, and all of a sudden she HAD to have this particular stuffed animal. If

it had been one of the $15 ones like the lamb she picked out first, I wouldn’t

have cared. But the ferret had to be one of the Special Editions and it was

$25. Sorry, but no way I’m spending that on a toy impulsively. Plus we have

two daughters and if daughter #2 lobbied for a similar item, we’re up to $50.

So we told her no, but that she could have the lamb she chose first. She fell

apart. It was quiet, but she was weeping! Blotchy face, real tears, the whole

works, but not a screaming, writhing fit. She is incredibly worried that when

she does have the money the store won’t have any more ferrets.

In the past, I will admit that I have tended to over-buy for my kids and I like

to treat them, but I DON’T always buy them every single thing they ask for. I

do make them wait sometimes. This particular child feels everything so deeply

that I probably tend toward spoiling her, but it seems to matter to her so much

that I wonder if it’s OCD talking, or just spoilage. She’s stopped crying

now, but I know that ferret will come up in conversation for days upon days upon

days, until it’s in her possession. That makes it sound like OCD. Any

thoughts?

Kim A.