Another question from one just starting on this path

[Guest guest]

Fear seems to be at the root of my daughters' issues. She assumes the very worst

about casual glances, the spoken word, and new situations.

So, for example, a friend said to her, " you have food on your face "

Now, at age nine, many kids don't notice food on their face and others tell them

up use a napkin. This was not a mean comment or said in a mean spirited manner.

My daughter heard (she later quoted this kid as saying) " you are so dumb you

don't even know when you have food on your face "

I was upset with my child over this because she came back at this kid with such

anger.

I told her that she doesn't get to assign meaning to words then blame the

speaker if she doesn't like the meaning. I told her she needed to learn to pay

attention to what was said, what might have been meant, and what was coming from

within her own head.

I have been attempting this conversation with her for some time because this is

becoming a social block for her. Strangers smile and say 'hello' and she reads

an insult in the exchange.

She is also getting very upset with people, me mostly, for not knowing all of

her 'rules'. I can't keep up with all things she feels are 'dirty `and what can

be touched, can't be touched .... I just can't keep up and she gets SO mad. I

sat a pen on the desk yesterday and she blew up, " Thanks a LOT Mama. Now my only

pen is dirty!!! "

Yah yah yah, not good parenting ... I yelled back " Stop yelling at me! "

She seems to think because I love her, because I am her mother, I will just…

know, and if I am doing things, like setting her one clean pen on a dirty desk,

I am doing it just to make her life hard.

It gets old. Can anyone relate?