New Member

[Guest guest]

I to think most of us with autism will share of similar that

we do FEEL and have all the emotions that others have. We may not

have the names for the emotions we feel or understand them in the

context others expect of us nor for some will be of able to refect

emotional reponses on our face or gesturally at the time of the event

but we can when given the time to reflect and process the event can

respond to them. it took of me years to begin to form my past visual

memories to words and emotions. I to still struggle to understsnd

these visual images, putting them to words and putting a true for me

emotions to them.

I to feel more able to give a scripted reponse of emotions that maybe

should be to go to an event and so it can appear I to have a true for

me emotional response to things.

For example this day I to been of to been getting this one

prescription for around 6 months, and it seems to have been helping.

Today I to go and try to refill it and was told by the pharmacy they

can no longer fill that one as my insurance company now expects this

one to be paid as a mail order and so this means cant buy it at the

parmacy anymore. For me cant do that..... because of not being able

to do that process, not able to plan ahead to do them and the

insurance company wants of me to pay for 3 months in advance which

would mean I to need to pay of 150.00 for me to get of them. I to not

have of that sort of money to do that. Especially when was getting it

for 4.00 each month. this is why I to struggle to be to stay on much

of my needed medications. well this long story ends with me melting

down and sharing in frustrations my confusions to it all by to tell

of the pharmacy person " And this is why many commit suicide, it is

cheaper to die than try to figure out how to live " meaning was

having a much extreme amount of frustrations and confusions. I to not

know of any other way to express my thinking over this because get so

overloaded and overwhelmed in trying to just be independent in this

life and so much aware cant and yet feel forced to be anyways. I to

get no supports or agency services because the state of OHIO MRDD

does not recognize of you if you are of not dx before the age of 22.

they try to find ways to not serve you even if you are.... but the

fact is to be I to just feel so frustrated and dont know how to

problem solve for self.

I to have more anxity in this life constantly worrying over insurance

more than any other things in my life. because they change the rules

so much and so constantly fear of what they will say no to me next

in. so to me to avoid the nos or fears of the no's from them I to

find self just avoiding things they will say no too. it is of like to

me just tell my own self no before they do. so then I to have of some

control of the when for me. So have been all day been of having many

anxiety provoked anxiety spikings of behavior. I to wanted to

destroy of my garden, wanted to throw all my medicine into the trash

and my computer out the window. I to wanted to call of my doctor

amigo and tell him I to not be to ever come back to him ever. and

then lock of self to my room forever and not connect ever again.

But then I to just found ways to connect in brief to find of me a

calm, so took of a walk with my delaney and Aimee and she did be to

buy of me a treat of ice cream and did allow of self to eat it

because just not caring anymore. but now Delaney is of with me in the

play room and building a block house she likes to build over and

over. now she is of looking to me and says catch it nana catch it and

she throws her little soft toy ball to me. and within minutes she

brings me the zebra and she has of the giraffe and wants me to play

of them with her. she is of so fast in play from one things to the

next that she reminds me metaphorically of how fast life goes for me

and shifts and I to struggle every day just trying to catch up.

It also reminds me of how fast life can clutter up my brain with

shifts of demands and expectations that have accumulated within me.

and the only way to get rid of the clutter is to dump it out whoever

it gets out of me.

about the medical responses lately to me , thanks .

Sondra

[Guest guest]

I to think most of us with autism will share of similar that

we do FEEL and have all the emotions that others have. We may not

have the names for the emotions we feel or understand them in the

context others expect of us nor for some will be of able to refect

emotional reponses on our face or gesturally at the time of the event

but we can when given the time to reflect and process the event can

respond to them. it took of me years to begin to form my past visual

memories to words and emotions. I to still struggle to understsnd

these visual images, putting them to words and putting a true for me

emotions to them.

I to feel more able to give a scripted reponse of emotions that maybe

should be to go to an event and so it can appear I to have a true for

me emotional response to things.

For example this day I to been of to been getting this one

prescription for around 6 months, and it seems to have been helping.

Today I to go and try to refill it and was told by the pharmacy they

can no longer fill that one as my insurance company now expects this

one to be paid as a mail order and so this means cant buy it at the

parmacy anymore. For me cant do that..... because of not being able

to do that process, not able to plan ahead to do them and the

insurance company wants of me to pay for 3 months in advance which

would mean I to need to pay of 150.00 for me to get of them. I to not

have of that sort of money to do that. Especially when was getting it

for 4.00 each month. this is why I to struggle to be to stay on much

of my needed medications. well this long story ends with me melting

down and sharing in frustrations my confusions to it all by to tell

of the pharmacy person " And this is why many commit suicide, it is

cheaper to die than try to figure out how to live " meaning was

having a much extreme amount of frustrations and confusions. I to not

know of any other way to express my thinking over this because get so

overloaded and overwhelmed in trying to just be independent in this

life and so much aware cant and yet feel forced to be anyways. I to

get no supports or agency services because the state of OHIO MRDD

does not recognize of you if you are of not dx before the age of 22.

they try to find ways to not serve you even if you are.... but the

fact is to be I to just feel so frustrated and dont know how to

problem solve for self.

I to have more anxity in this life constantly worrying over insurance

more than any other things in my life. because they change the rules

so much and so constantly fear of what they will say no to me next

in. so to me to avoid the nos or fears of the no's from them I to

find self just avoiding things they will say no too. it is of like to

me just tell my own self no before they do. so then I to have of some

control of the when for me. So have been all day been of having many

anxiety provoked anxiety spikings of behavior. I to wanted to

destroy of my garden, wanted to throw all my medicine into the trash

and my computer out the window. I to wanted to call of my doctor

amigo and tell him I to not be to ever come back to him ever. and

then lock of self to my room forever and not connect ever again.

But then I to just found ways to connect in brief to find of me a

calm, so took of a walk with my delaney and Aimee and she did be to

buy of me a treat of ice cream and did allow of self to eat it

because just not caring anymore. but now Delaney is of with me in the

play room and building a block house she likes to build over and

over. now she is of looking to me and says catch it nana catch it and

she throws her little soft toy ball to me. and within minutes she

brings me the zebra and she has of the giraffe and wants me to play

of them with her. she is of so fast in play from one things to the

next that she reminds me metaphorically of how fast life goes for me

and shifts and I to struggle every day just trying to catch up.

It also reminds me of how fast life can clutter up my brain with

shifts of demands and expectations that have accumulated within me.

and the only way to get rid of the clutter is to dump it out whoever

it gets out of me.

about the medical responses lately to me , thanks .

Sondra

[Guest guest]

,

Our 13 yo daughter has the same issue frequently. We homeschool also,

although this year she's decided to attend half a day of school for the

first time ever. I think the recommendation to limit the number of times to

confess is a great idea.

I hope you find a good therapist. Our work with one is helping. A friend of

mine whose college-age daughter who has OCD and was troubled by all sorts of

thoughts has talked with our daughter about this and told her that all the

repenting is a symptom and needs to be limited. This seemed to help our

daughter relax a bit.

I appreciate your comments about being patient with all the confessing,

because that was driving me crazy, but I'm going to be more patient and let

her confess but limit the number.

I've been reading Jeff Bell's Play, Rewind, Repeat and it's sure been

eye-opening for me. Our therapist just recommended a book I have not looked

up or seen yet called Talking Back to OCD by an author named March, I think.

She said it's a workbook and she suggested it might help.

Best wishes,

Laure

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much, Laure and for your advice too! Distractions seem to help

some so I will try to do that more. When I suggested limiting the number of

" confessions " , he really freaked out. I told him we'd take baby steps . . .

we'll see how it goes!

Believe me, the confessing drives me crazy too! I just know how much more upset

I'd get (and my ocd would get worse) when I was little and my mom would lose her

patience with me. I have to do a lot of deep breathing to not lose it with my

son!

I am definitely going to check out those books. I am currently reading, " What

to do When your Child has Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder " by Dr. Wagner. She

strongly suggests using a therapist trained in CBT for children so I'm trying to

find a good one in the Atlanta area.

Thanks again,

________________________________

To:

Sent: Fri, August 12, 2011 8:29:52 AM

Subject: Re: New member

,

Our 13 yo daughter has the same issue frequently. We homeschool also,

although this year she's decided to attend half a day of school for the

first time ever. I think the recommendation to limit the number of times to

confess is a great idea.

I hope you find a good therapist. Our work with one is helping. A friend of

mine whose college-age daughter who has OCD and was troubled by all sorts of

thoughts has talked with our daughter about this and told her that all the

repenting is a symptom and needs to be limited. This seemed to help our

daughter relax a bit.

I appreciate your comments about being patient with all the confessing,

because that was driving me crazy, but I'm going to be more patient and let

her confess but limit the number.

I've been reading Jeff Bell's Play, Rewind, Repeat and it's sure been

eye-opening for me. Our therapist just recommended a book I have not looked

up or seen yet called Talking Back to OCD by an author named March, I think.

She said it's a workbook and she suggested it might help.

Best wishes,

Laure

[Guest guest]

Hi, i am not sure if this will help ur child but it helped for

mine..and for myself!lol.. with all his obsessive thoughts, including

the sexual ones, i have him sit with me or by himself when he is more

reasonable, and think the disturbing thought over and over until it

loses its power and starts to seem silly. I keep telling him " ok, you

thought about sex several times but you are still sitting here. Did you

act on your thoughts? No. Are you gonna go have sex now? No. So its

only OCD. Its not really you. " The more he tried to push a thought

away, the more power it had. I hope this helps you. The thoughts can be

torture. Good luck, jodi

[Guest guest]

Great idea, Jodi! I think when he's feeling a little stronger that this would

be a great thing to do with him. I wish I had done this myself years ago when

all my kids were little. I used to have horrible thoughts that I'd murder them

which is really the last thing on earth I'd ever want to do! At least I can

laugh about it now, and hopefully he'll look back one day and laugh about this.

Thanks,

________________________________

To:

Sent: Fri, August 12, 2011 9:39:34 AM

Subject: Re: New member

Hi, i am not sure if this will help ur child but it helped for

mine..and for myself!lol.. with all his obsessive thoughts, including

the sexual ones, i have him sit with me or by himself when he is more

reasonable, and think the disturbing thought over and over until it

loses its power and starts to seem silly. I keep telling him " ok, you

thought about sex several times but you are still sitting here. Did you

act on your thoughts? No. Are you gonna go have sex now? No. So its

only OCD. Its not really you. " The more he tried to push a thought

away, the more power it had. I hope this helps you. The thoughts can be

torture. Good luck, jodi

[Guest guest]

Hello,

My son's OCD centered primarily on sexual matters. It hit him particularly hard

around age 14, the time of puberty I think. Hopefully, you son's symptoms will

not progress to the same extent as my son's. But, it if does, keep in mind that

with OCD you do need to keep exposing yourself to what you fear (like what is

does in ERP). When my son got to the point we needed to do something we started

working through human sexuality textbooks and watching movies that had mild

sexual content. I certainly agree with the other parents who suggest sitting

and thinking about the obsessive thoughts until they lose their punch, but with

my son, that was simply not possible - the thoughts were too strong. We did,

however, at one time, use tape recordings of his voice talking about the issues

that bothered him - that also worked well. I also agree with those who have

suggested that reassuring your son might not be a good idea. I know that I

reassured my son too much, and I think that is one thing that made his OCD

stronger. If I could go back, I would definitely not reassure him when he asked

for it.

Hope this helps.

Joni

[Guest guest]

Hi Joni,

I know I am my son's " safe person " so I am the only one he confesses to or even

speaks with about his ocd. We are working on reducing the frequency of his

confessions. When he does come to me, I simply say, " it's ok " , and he runs off.

Do you think this is too much reassurance? Should I maybe just listen and not

say anything? I definitely agree that reassurance makes ocd stronger as well as

never being enough for him anyway. I appreciate your thoughts on this . . . I

love learning from other parents who have already " been there, done that. "

Thanks,

________________________________

To:

Sent: Fri, August 12, 2011 1:52:41 PM

Subject: Re: New member

Hello,

My son's OCD centered primarily on sexual matters. It hit him particularly hard

around age 14, the time of puberty I think. Hopefully, you son's symptoms will

not progress to the same extent as my son's. But, it if does, keep in mind that

with OCD you do need to keep exposing yourself to what you fear (like what is

does in ERP). When my son got to the point we needed to do something we started

working through human sexuality textbooks and watching movies that had mild

sexual content. I certainly agree with the other parents who suggest sitting

and thinking about the obsessive thoughts until they lose their punch, but with

my son, that was simply not possible - the thoughts were too strong. We did,

however, at one time, use tape recordings of his voice talking about the issues

that bothered him - that also worked well. I also agree with those who have

suggested that reassuring your son might not be a good idea. I know that I

reassured my son too much, and I think that is one thing that made his OCD

stronger. If I could go back, I would definitely not reassure him when he asked

for it.

Hope this helps.

Joni

[Guest guest]

My dd asks me for reassurance all the time.  The start of the summer was the

worst ever, she is getting better now.  Right now, she asks me something (what

is this black speck, did they change the labels on the bottled water, what

causes seizures, etcetc etc etc) and I just ask her what she thinks.  For the

most part, right now, she can answer her own question or at least realizes it is

OCD and that she does NOT NEED an answer.  Sometimes she cant handle it and

feels like she does NEED an answer.  My suggestion would be to answer as little

as you can.  Or see if you can get him to write down his confessions instead of

telling you.  You can start with him writing them down and reading them to you,

then throwing away.  Then writing them down, handing it to you, and having you

read it out loud, then throwing away.  Then writing them down, handing it to

you, and you read it silently, then throwing away.  Then him writing down,

handing it to you,

you do not read it, then throwit away. THen him write it down and throw it

away, without involving you at all. 

Sharon

________________________________

To:

Sent: Friday, August 12, 2011 2:45 PM

Subject: Re: Re: New member

 

Hi Joni,

I know I am my son's " safe person " so I am the only one he confesses to or even

speaks with about his ocd. We are working on reducing the frequency of his

confessions. When he does come to me, I simply say, " it's ok " , and he runs off.

Do you think this is too much reassurance? Should I maybe just listen and not

say anything? I definitely agree that reassurance makes ocd stronger as well as

never being enough for him anyway. I appreciate your thoughts on this . . . I

love learning from other parents who have already " been there, done that. "

Thanks,

________________________________

To:

Sent: Fri, August 12, 2011 1:52:41 PM

Subject: Re: New member

Hello,

My son's OCD centered primarily on sexual matters. It hit him particularly hard

around age 14, the time of puberty I think. Hopefully, you son's symptoms will

not progress to the same extent as my son's. But, it if does, keep in mind that

with OCD you do need to keep exposing yourself to what you fear (like what is

does in ERP). When my son got to the point we needed to do something we started

working through human sexuality textbooks and watching movies that had mild

sexual content. I certainly agree with the other parents who suggest sitting

and thinking about the obsessive thoughts until they lose their punch, but with

my son, that was simply not possible - the thoughts were too strong. We did,

however, at one time, use tape recordings of his voice talking about the issues

that bothered him - that also worked well. I also agree with those who have

suggested that reassuring your son might not be a good idea. I know that I

reassured my son too much, and I think that is one thing that made his OCD

stronger. If I could go back, I would definitely not reassure him when he asked

for it.

Hope this helps.

Joni

[Guest guest]

We have put off talking to our 10 yo dd about sex, for fear of how she will

react.  I hate having to not tell/teach her things because of OCD.  But I dont

want to make things worse, she has had a tough summer.  But she has told me

several times she worries about having a baby too young or thinks she has signs

she could be pregnant, so I think I better talk to her, so she knows that cant

happen.....

Sharon

________________________________

To:

Sent: Thursday, August 11, 2011 11:39 AM

Subject: Re: New member

 

Hi ,

The same thing happened with my son after the sex talk, last year when he was 10

yrs old. He really got stuck on it for a while. He kept telling me that he was

picturing other people doing it, picturing himself doing it, etc. I just kept

telling him it was normal to keep thinking about something that he just learned

about, especially something like that. I told him even some grownups think

about it a lot too! I don't remember how long he obsessed over it, but it did

pass. I just always remained nonchalant about it, even tried to joke about it.

He wasn't seeing a therapist at that time, so we really just handled it on our

own. I'm so sorry that your son is so stressed about it. Hopefully you can find

someone he can talk to, that can do CBT/ERP. Best of luck.

[Guest guest]

Hi Sharon,

That's another great idea! I'll try to take those baby steps with him and see

how he does. He definitely seems more able to handle ocd better some days than

others. I can imagine that on tough days, he will have to confess verbally.

But every little step brings him closer to getting over his ocd.

I can understand why you'd want to put off having the sex talk with your

daughter. Of course, I'm regretting ever having told my son. But at the same

time, he asked me flat out, and I was scared one of his friends would tell him

first. I remember learning about it from listening to older boys on the

elementary school bus. I was horrified so I guess I was trying to save him from

that.

Thanks for the advice, Sharon!

________________________________

To: " " < >

Sent: Fri, August 12, 2011 6:36:18 PM

Subject: Re: Re: New member

My dd asks me for reassurance all the time. The start of the summer was the

worst ever, she is getting better now. Right now, she asks me something (what

is this black speck, did they change the labels on the bottled water, what

causes seizures, etcetc etc etc) and I just ask her what she thinks. For the

most part, right now, she can answer her own question or at least realizes it is

OCD and that she does NOT NEED an answer. Sometimes she cant handle it and

feels like she does NEED an answer. My suggestion would be to answer as little

as you can. Or see if you can get him to write down his confessions instead of

telling you. You can start with him writing them down and reading them to you,

then throwing away. Then writing them down, handing it to you, and having you

read it out loud, then throwing away. Then writing them down, handing it to

you, and you read it silently, then throwing away. Then him writing down,

handing it to you,

you do not read it, then throwit away. THen him write it down and throw it away,

without involving you at all.

Sharon

________________________________

To:

Sent: Friday, August 12, 2011 2:45 PM

Subject: Re: Re: New member

Hi Joni,

I know I am my son's " safe person " so I am the only one he confesses to or even

speaks with about his ocd. We are working on reducing the frequency of his

confessions. When he does come to me, I simply say, " it's ok " , and he runs off.

Do you think this is too much reassurance? Should I maybe just listen and not

say anything? I definitely agree that reassurance makes ocd stronger as well as

never being enough for him anyway. I appreciate your thoughts on this . . . I

love learning from other parents who have already " been there, done that. "

Thanks,

________________________________

To:

Sent: Fri, August 12, 2011 1:52:41 PM

Subject: Re: New member

Hello,

My son's OCD centered primarily on sexual matters. It hit him particularly hard

around age 14, the time of puberty I think. Hopefully, you son's symptoms will

not progress to the same extent as my son's. But, it if does, keep in mind that

with OCD you do need to keep exposing yourself to what you fear (like what is

does in ERP). When my son got to the point we needed to do something we started

working through human sexuality textbooks and watching movies that had mild

sexual content. I certainly agree with the other parents who suggest sitting

and thinking about the obsessive thoughts until they lose their punch, but with

my son, that was simply not possible - the thoughts were too strong. We did,

however, at one time, use tape recordings of his voice talking about the issues

that bothered him - that also worked well. I also agree with those who have

suggested that reassuring your son might not be a good idea. I know that I

reassured my son too much, and I think that is one thing that made his OCD

stronger. If I could go back, I would definitely not reassure him when he asked

for it.

Hope this helps.

Joni

[Guest guest]

You are welcome.  I hope it helps.

  I know some of dd's friends know and I dont want her hearing it somewhere

else.  We are pretty open about everything, we have talked about periods not

too long ago, so it shouldnt be too hard.  But I worry about what happened with

your child, that becomes the obsession.  I guess there isnt anything that can

be done to prevent an obsession and it is better she hear it from me, than on

the bus.  Next weekend dh will be gone fishing, so we will have a girls

weekend.  We will talk then.  I have an 8 yo dd, too, so will include her in

it.

SHaron

________________________________

To:

Sent: Saturday, August 13, 2011 7:41 AM

Subject: Re: Re: New member

 

Hi Sharon,

That's another great idea! I'll try to take those baby steps with him and see

how he does. He definitely seems more able to handle ocd better some days than

others. I can imagine that on tough days, he will have to confess verbally.

But every little step brings him closer to getting over his ocd.

I can understand why you'd want to put off having the sex talk with your

daughter. Of course, I'm regretting ever having told my son. But at the same

time, he asked me flat out, and I was scared one of his friends would tell him

first. I remember learning about it from listening to older boys on the

elementary school bus. I was horrified so I guess I was trying to save him from

that.

Thanks for the advice, Sharon!

________________________________

To: " " < >

Sent: Fri, August 12, 2011 6:36:18 PM

Subject: Re: Re: New member

My dd asks me for reassurance all the time. The start of the summer was the

worst ever, she is getting better now. Right now, she asks me something (what

is this black speck, did they change the labels on the bottled water, what

causes seizures, etcetc etc etc) and I just ask her what she thinks. For the

most part, right now, she can answer her own question or at least realizes it is

OCD and that she does NOT NEED an answer. Sometimes she cant handle it and

feels like she does NEED an answer. My suggestion would be to answer as little

as you can. Or see if you can get him to write down his confessions instead of

telling you. You can start with him writing them down and reading them to you,

then throwing away. Then writing them down, handing it to you, and having you

read it out loud, then throwing away. Then writing them down, handing it to

you, and you read it silently, then throwing away. Then him writing down,

handing it to you,

you do not read it, then throwit away. THen him write it down and throw it away,

without involving you at all.

Sharon

________________________________

To:

Sent: Friday, August 12, 2011 2:45 PM

Subject: Re: Re: New member

Hi Joni,

I know I am my son's " safe person " so I am the only one he confesses to or even

speaks with about his ocd. We are working on reducing the frequency of his

confessions. When he does come to me, I simply say, " it's ok " , and he runs off.

Do you think this is too much reassurance? Should I maybe just listen and not

say anything? I definitely agree that reassurance makes ocd stronger as well as

never being enough for him anyway. I appreciate your thoughts on this . . . I

love learning from other parents who have already " been there, done that. "

Thanks,

________________________________

To:

Sent: Fri, August 12, 2011 1:52:41 PM

Subject: Re: New member

Hello,

My son's OCD centered primarily on sexual matters. It hit him particularly hard

around age 14, the time of puberty I think. Hopefully, you son's symptoms will

not progress to the same extent as my son's. But, it if does, keep in mind that

with OCD you do need to keep exposing yourself to what you fear (like what is

does in ERP). When my son got to the point we needed to do something we started

working through human sexuality textbooks and watching movies that had mild

sexual content. I certainly agree with the other parents who suggest sitting

and thinking about the obsessive thoughts until they lose their punch, but with

my son, that was simply not possible - the thoughts were too strong. We did,

however, at one time, use tape recordings of his voice talking about the issues

that bothered him - that also worked well. I also agree with those who have

suggested that reassuring your son might not be a good idea. I know that I

reassured my son too much, and I think that is one thing that made his OCD

stronger. If I could go back, I would definitely not reassure him when he asked

for it.

Hope this helps.

Joni

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much for the replies!

I guess the first step is to find a therapist who will follow the current

treatments for OCD (CBT/ERP). I feel like we've wasted a year already. We have

made some minor progress, however my daughter has added new compulsions as well.

Does age/development play a role? The puppy question I gave was a good example.

It seems like a control issue-not an OCD issue, and she is 12 and starting to

get that teenage attitude thing!

Is it OK to do the work on our own at home with our own

manual/guidelines/rewards/ for eliminating compulsions? I'm confused about

this. Is the therapist the one who guides the work? I'd hate another mother

daughter power struggle. We are already in the midst of it at 12 years old!

Is it common for kids this age to refuse to engage in the therapy? And if so,

shouldn't my reaction be to not give in to her requests for answers? This part

is confusing to me! I know working on this will be challenging and difficult,

scary even. But so are the thoughts and compulsions! Wouldn't she want to feel

better? She absolutely refuses to talk about it or read the book.

Rewards at 12 years? I guess if it works but shouldn't feeling better over time

be the reward? I'm obviously very confused.

I will read through archived messages and try to get a better handle on how this

should work.

Thanks again!

Trudy

[Guest guest]

It is totally best to do the work with the guidance of a well qualified

therapist ( not easy to find), but even with that, there will ( should) be daily

or twice daily or more homework which you or some adult will have to supervise

and support her through. Might as well read up on it! I became what I feel is

a CBT/ERP expert after 10 YEARS of bad therapy so dont feel bad about wasting a

year. Just dont settle for bad therapy again.

Rewards: yes, it seems like feeling better should be it's own reward but in this

age group, not so much. Often they dont have insight into the magnitude of the

problem and OCD has control of their mind and protects itself at all costs. It

is REALLY HARD WORK and a great motivating reward system is part of the plan.

You need to discuss with your daughter what will motivate her- with different

kids it is different things. My son did his best ERP the year he was your

daughter's age and " finished " the course of treatment right around his 13th

birthday. His daily reward system was minute for minute screen time ( video/ TV/

computer) which we tend to be very restrictive with on a regular basis. (for

every minute of therapy or ERP he got 1 minute on the TV/ video or computer) At

the " end " of treatment he was allowed to pick one big prize and he asked for a

cell phone for his 13th birthday which I normally would not have gotten him but

did because it was the " prize " for completing the course of therapy. Relapse

prevention therapy should be ongoing, but again can be difficult in the teen

years for the exact reasons you sited.

mother/ father( ERP coach) child struggle: YES - at least in my household

anyway. The important thing is to let them know that the OCD is tricking them

and hurting them and making their world smaller and that you hate OCD and you

love them and will not stand by and watch this monster eat your child and that

no, you are not going to participate any longer. However, you are happy to get

out a sword and help them fight. If they dont engage in therapy, then it is

cold turkey on the question answering which will be WAY harder then if they

engage.( also may cause her to see how much it has taken over and give her more

insight- right now if you are doing all of her demands, she may not see it a s a

problem).

If you search my name on the posts, I have written several posts on what I

consider to be good CBT/ERP ( Quinns last course where I became a real expert

was with the pediatric OCD center at University of Southern Florida- we live in

Vermont- you can see how far I had to go to get some good therapy!)

Keep asking questions you have- you will sort it out. We have all made the same

mistakes, getting dragged into our kids compulsions, treating OCD goes against

all your parenting instincts to keep them comfortable- the whole point of ERP is

to make them uncomfortable and then sit ( supported) in the uncomfortableness

until it goes away.

Glad you joined. You will find many great people here

>

> Thanks so much for the replies!

> I guess the first step is to find a therapist who will follow the current

treatments for OCD (CBT/ERP). I feel like we've wasted a year already. We have

made some minor progress, however my daughter has added new compulsions as well.

> Does age/development play a role? The puppy question I gave was a good

example. It seems like a control issue-not an OCD issue, and she is 12 and

starting to get that teenage attitude thing!

> Is it OK to do the work on our own at home with our own

manual/guidelines/rewards/ for eliminating compulsions? I'm confused about

this. Is the therapist the one who guides the work? I'd hate another mother

daughter power struggle. We are already in the midst of it at 12 years old!

> Is it common for kids this age to refuse to engage in the therapy? And if so,

shouldn't my reaction be to not give in to her requests for answers? This part

is confusing to me! I know working on this will be challenging and difficult,

scary even. But so are the thoughts and compulsions! Wouldn't she want to feel

better? She absolutely refuses to talk about it or read the book.

> Rewards at 12 years? I guess if it works but shouldn't feeling better over

time be the reward? I'm obviously very confused.

> I will read through archived messages and try to get a better handle on how

this should work.

> Thanks again!

> Trudy

>