a good laugh...

[Guest guest]

Zen Truths

* Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me,

for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me

the hell alone.

* The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and

leaky tire.

* It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your

neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

* Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be

promoted.

* Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

* Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

* If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of

car payments.

* Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.

* That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have

their shoes.

* If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

* Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish,

and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was

probably worth it.

* If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

* Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

* Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

* The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put

it back in your pocket.

* A closed mouth gathers no foot.

* Duct tape is like 'The Force'. It has a light side and a dark side,

and it holds the universe together.

* There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

* Generally speaking, you aren't lear ning much when your lips are

moving.

* Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

* Never miss a good chance to shut up.

* Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative

on the same night.

**************Biggest Grammy Award surprises of all time on AOL Music.

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