8 Discipline Mistakes Parents Make and How to Fix Them Now

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8 Discipline Mistakes Parents Make and How to Fix Them Now

Parents make mistakes too. Some of them really matter.by on

June 14, 2010

Kids aren't like car engines—they don't come with instruction manuals. When kids

are acting up, it's up to us as parents to figure out how to fix the behaviors.

Though we all try our best to do the right thing, we aren't perfect, and we can

make mistakes.

Here are 8 of the most common discipline mistakes parents make, and the best

ways to fix them.

Mistake #1: Letting them get away with it. We've all seen parents sit idly by as

their kids scream and tear up a restaurant. Besides getting a lot of nasty looks

from their fellow diners, these permissive parents are giving their kids the

message that it's okay to misbehave. " The kid learns to get away with it and it

becomes an entrenched habit that makes it harder to get rid of later, " says

Michele Borba, EdD, author of The Big Book of Parenting Solutions. Being firm

with your kids now will prevent more discipline problems in the future.

Mistake #2: Over-punishing. On the opposite side of the spectrum are the overly

strict parents who set draconian punishments (like taking away TV for a month)

for the most minor infractions. It's important to find the right balance between

being a warm, loving parent and letting your kids know which behaviors aren't

acceptable. If you're shifting to one side or the other, " Realign yourself once

in a while, " says Borba.

Mistake #3: No rules. Your child can't behave the right way if she doesn't know

what the right way is. Set a few clear house rules and post them where everyone

can see them. " You're going to cut down on the friction in your house because

all you have to do is point to the rules, " Borba says. Make sure you also have

clear consequences for each rule.

Mistake #4: Inconsistency. When you take away your child's video games for

talking back one day, and then do nothing when he talks back the next day, he'll

keep trying that behavior to see what happens. " Kids are testers. They figure

out what works, " says Borba. When you're consistent, your children will be more

likely to behave because they'll know exactly what response to expect from you.

Mistake #5: Falling for tantrums. Kids scream and throw temper tantrums to get

attention. Don't give it. If you consistently ignore the whining, pouting, and

screaming, eventually your child will realize she's not going to get a reaction

and the behavior will taper off. What you definitely can't ignore, however, is

aggressive or cruel behavior.

Mistake #6: Backing down. If you tell your child she can't buy a new doll, then

give in and buy it for her when she whines, she's just learned a valuable lesson

in how to push your buttons. " The kid has figured out you don't have a backbone.

It means to the child, `I can wear her down. She doesn't mean business,' " Borba

says. When you say " no, " it should mean no.

Mistake #7: Hitting. Though it might stop the behavior immediately, spanking can

have negative long-term repercussions, making kids more aggressive and

triggering more behavioral problems down the road. Frequent yelling can also

stress your kids out. Be firm without hitting—or screaming.

Mistake #8: Not recognizing good behavior. You punish your kids when they're

bad, but do you praise them when they're good? " The fastest way to shape

behavior is to point out when the kid did it right, " Borba says. Show your kids

what good behavior looks like, then acknowledge when they do it.