Types of BPs: Lawson Book

[Guest guest]

I got a request to reprint this information from the Stop Walking oin

Eggshells workbook. It is a summary of the research done by Lawson

and published in her book The Borderline Mother.

Randi Kreger

RandiBPD@...

The Lawson Method of Describing BPD Behavior

Clinician Ann Lawson, Ph.D., recently developed four distinct types

of BPs

in her book Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children

Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship (2000).

Lawson's book categorizes mothers into four groups: Witches, Queens, Hermits,

and Waifs. " Queens " and " Witches " are higher-functioning, acting-out BPs,

while " Hermits " and " Waifs " are lower-functioning, acting-in types. Most BPs

display elements of all four categories.

Although her book is about mothers, in a telephone conversation with me

Lawson said her descriptions are applicable to both genders and all

relationships, not just the parent-child relationship. Behavior toward

children, of course, is more serious because children are unable to protect

themselves and don't have an adult point of reference. Lawson types

individuals based on their typical thoughts, emotions, and actions. In the

following Action Step, I have taken this model and applied it to BPs in

general.

Queen, Witch, Waif, or Hermit?

As you read the following descriptions, circle the traits, thoughts,

emotions, and actions that seem to apply to the BP in your life. Use your

notebook to write down your observations about the BP. You can also make

notes at the end of the section to remind yourself why you circled that

trait. Finally, count the circled items, reread the traits, and decide if any

one of these descriptions apply to your loved one more than the others.

The Witch

Typical Thoughts

Unconsciously, Witches hate themselves because they grew up in an environment

that " required complete submission to a hostile or sadistic caregiver "

(Lawson 2000, 131). They continue the cycle by acting cruelly to others,

especially those who are too weak, young, or powerless to help themselves.

Typical Emotions

They feel no remorse for nightmarish acts, showing more interest in their own

well--being than concern over the way they've hurt others. The Witch's

triggers include jealousy, criticism, betrayal, abandonment, feeling left

out, and being ignored.

Typical Actions and Central Dilemma

Most BP parents do not physically abuse their children. Those who do probably

fall into this category. However, the abuse usually occurs when other,

competent adults are not present. Thus, family members can live in fear while

all seems well to the outside world. Witches want power and control over

others so that others do not abandon them. When someone or something triggers

the Witch's abandonment fear, this BP can become brutal and full of rage,

even punishing or hurting family members who stand in her way. These types of

BPs are most resistant to treatment: they will not allow others to help and

the source of self-loathing runs very deep.

The Queen

Typical Thoughts

" I want more attention. I deserve more attention. And, by the way, what have

you done for me lately? " Also, " My children should fulfill my needs, not the

other way around. They don't love or respect me if they disagree with me, go

against my wishes, or have needs of their own. "

Typical Feelings

These include entitlement, deprivation, emptiness, anger, frustration, or

loneliness from the deprivation they felt as children. Queens are impatient

and have a low tolerance for frustration. They also push others' boundaries

without recognition or regret.

Typical Actions and Central Dilemma

Driven by feelings of emptiness and unable to soothe themselves, Queens do

what it takes to get what they feel they so richly deserve. This includes

vindictive acts like blackmail. Initially they may impress others with their

social graces. But when " friends " can no longer deliver, the Queen cuts them

off without a thought. Queens are capable of real manipulation (vs. more

primitive BP defenses) to get what they desire.

The Waif

Typical Thoughts

" I am a worthless victim. I do so want to be loved and protected, but I am

not worthy of it. " Philosophy: The glass is not only half empty, but is about

to spill all over the floor I just washed.

Typical Feelings

Helplessness, hopelessness, and despair. Rage can be masked by sadness and

depression, but released by rejection or abandonment. Waifs distort their own

errors or disappointments, leading to more shame. They feel vulnerable,

defective, anxious, moody, and irrationally fearful.

Typical Actions and Central Dilemma

They look to others to " save them, " but ultimately refuse assistance because

helplessness makes them feel safe. Ironically, if they mistrust everyone and

let no one get close, they stay in control and no one can abandon or

disappoint them. Waifs may hurt themselves to express shame, but they are

capable of raging if they feel rejected or abandoned. They don't ask for what

they need, then appear -martyr--like because others can't read their minds

and give it to them. Waifs may have crying spells and be unable to nurture

others.