I'm New

March 14, 2002

Hi ,

Welcome to our group! That's great that your workplace has gotten

you going with BFL. Too bad more workplaces don't do that!

I checked out your website and your stats are great! However, I

noticed on your journal in Feb. that you said you were working out

three times a day (???) but maybe I read that wrong. You also said

you were going to do low carb and more aerobics. Now maybe this has

changed since you wrote that.

I would strongly urge you to follow the book EXACTLY for at least one

challenge. It works the way it's written. Please don't do any

tweaking until you have followed the program for a challenge or two.

Trust me, I speak from experience.

Also, as far as your question on people starting out at different

levels of bodyfat... I can tell you that when I started BFL 18 months

ago, I was wearing sizes 18 & 20 (er, prolly more 20s than 18s) and

now I am wearing 8s and 10s. I am still working on my size 4 goal -

it's been slow going at time, but I *will* get to my goals, and so

will you.

Jen B.

C6W10D4

> Hi Everybody, My name is . I'm 22, 5'10 " , and 184 lbs. I'm

in

> the challenge through my workplace and I have 140 competitors, so

my

> odds are pretty good. I'm in my 4th week, and so far, I'm doing

> great! I have never felt so energized in my life! If anyone would

> like to see my stats so far, you can click on the link below.

> Take care, WE CAN DO IT!

>

> Check out my pic site:

> http://www.angelfire.com/journal2/dietmeg/index.html

April 15, 2003

Dear Edith, thank you for responding so quickly. No my son has mostly been a

great kid. he's the youngest of 3. In the last few years he seems to be

more withdrawn around me. He says he hasn't changed but that with his

sisters away at college I just notice how quiet he is more. Lately he has

been rude and disrepectful some of the time. It really hurts my feelings

especially since my own NADA has been acting up recently. and I'm sensitive.

He's being punished for really the first serious offence of his life. he's

restricted and can't go to a concert festival after throwing parties in our

absence and getting caught. His meanness over this is so much greater than I

ever expected. almost irrational. coming from my family background it

scares me.

April 15, 2003

Hi ,

I'm glad you found us. I'm the person who sent you the BPD Info-eMailer

on Monday.

You're doing just fine with the mechanics of posting. I'll post a list

of the abbreviations that we use and I'll try to find/post an article I

have about teenagers.

I'm wondering if your son's behavior has always been troublesome or was

the incident you mentioned an unusual one?

Also, we'll be interested in your experience with EMDR. Some of the

other people on this list are trying it.

And finally, as a rule of thumb -- if a person wonders if they have BPD,

then their questioning is a good indication that they do not. Our BP

parents on the other hand tend to see themselves as perfect.

Sending a Hug,

- Edith

catb1952 wrote:

> it was helpful to read some of everyone's corresponsdence. I only

> recently learned about borderline personality disorder and discovered

> that it describe my mother. we thought she was merely bipolar but

> that didn't explain her behavior. my experience is pretty much like

> you'alls. I'm 51 and I started having serious anxiety. I'm doing

> EMDR but the cure is pretty stressful. Now I'm having trouble with

> my 17 year old son. He is very mean to me and has become

> manipulative and ugly. I don't know whether he's being a normal

> teenager trying to get away with stuff or whether he's got something

> wrong with him or worse if there's something mentally wrong with me.

> like my mom. I never had trouble with my 2 girls and always get

> along great with them. husband too. I'm scared because there's so

> much mental illness in my mother's family. anyone got any idea's.

> I'm so upset over my son's outburst tonight that I can't sleep. the

> anxiety is keeping me awake. Ps after many years of not talking to

> mom I got sucked into answering her call and now that's aggrevating

> me too. My aunt (her sister) has also been very aggrevated. she has

> trouble accepting that mom is seriously mentally ill despite all the

> evidence and diagnoses and hospitalizations. please help me I don't

> know where to turn. I'm in therapy but if you haven;'t experienced a

> bpd parent you don't know.

>

April 15, 2003

Hi ,

Raising kids isn't the easiest job in the world. We KOs weren't parented

the way we should have been and my kids were very much affected from the

way I parented them. The rule of thumb one can carry in their back

pocket is that parents should spend at least 12 minutes each day just

talking/listening individually to each child. If one can get that kind

of one-on-one time/dialog going, lots of potential problems can surface

and be prevented. Another rule of thumb is, if you want to know what

your kid is like, look at his/her best friend/s. He might be mixing in

the wrong crowd. From your post it sounds like its time to go over the

" rules of the house " and see if any changes need to be made/clarified.

Also, he should be concentrating on stuff (eg, interests/hobbies) that

could land him in a career later on. The growing up years pass by

quickly and are hard to re-claim.

- Edith

cathyfbeth@... wrote:

> Dear Edith, thank you for responding so quickly. No my son has mostly been a

> great kid. he's the youngest of 3. In the last few years he seems to be

> more withdrawn around me. He says he hasn't changed but that with his

> sisters away at college I just notice how quiet he is more. Lately he has

> been rude and disrepectful some of the time. It really hurts my feelings

> especially since my own NADA has been acting up recently. and I'm sensitive.

> He's being punished for really the first serious offence of his life. he's

> restricted and can't go to a concert festival after throwing parties in our

> absence and getting caught. His meanness over this is so much greater than I

> ever expected. almost irrational. coming from my family background it

> scares me.

>

April 15, 2003

Hi

I have a 16 yr old boy. Right now he's at the beach with a friend and their

parents. I'm glad for the vacation away from him. My son's moods change by the

minute. One minute we'll have a fun conversation. The next he'll become a

surly, noncommunicative brat. He has become quieter in that he doesn't talk to

me about what is going on in his life. My son can be very rude and

disrespectful, especially when he doesn't get his way. His attitude bothers my

husband more than it bothers me. I think that in learning not to personalize my

nada's actions, it has helped me to learn not to personalize my sons. Like your

son though, mine has mostly been a good kid. I know he's made mistakes and done

things I wish he hadn't done. He talks to my husband more than me, because he

feels I grab onto things and won't let them go. Which I probably do.

I think that being a KO makes it harder for to judge my kids actions and my

reactions to them. I'm constantly second guessing myself and worrying if they

or I'm okay. I have always sworn I wouldn't be the mother my nada was, so I

haven't set enough boundaries with my kids. And when they do things that I feel

are wrong I do grab onto them and worry more than necessary because like you I'm

afraid that with my family hx, they are signals of greater problems or whatever.

So I work a problem to death mostly to make myself feel better.

Anyway it sounds like I'm going through much of the same stuff you are. Isn't

it fun?