RE: Re: Telling your child his diagnosis

[Guest guest]

,

I appreciate your post. It wasn't too long at all. I love hearing your

perspective. Sometimes I feel like you give a voice to my son concerning

issues he doesn't know how to explain.

April

[Guest guest]

Hi -

I don't think it is the feeling or thought missing,

and not necessarily the language (I had quite advanced

language in writing and reading very early on) - if I

was similar to an aspie (self-diagnosis but at least

significant overlap of symptoms), but simply a lack of

ability in communicating internal thought. There was

definitely an isolation where what was in my mind was

not perceived by others around me. (Also, as a very

young child, I had the same controlling behaviors so

many hf kids have, all the sensory problems, the rigid

rituals, etc, and they were very much anxiety

related.)

I can remember my mom yelling/screaming at me

demanding explanations, and I simply could not give

them... maybe after about 2 hours of it, I could

somehow, only on occasion, bring up a sentence or to

trying to explain myself - and believe me, I wanted

desperately to give those reasons and end the session.

Usually she would be freaking out and I would be

speechless, as any increase in stress pretty much

turned off my ability to communicate. Even after the

crisis was over and my mom's temper had subsided, I

could not turn it off and my sense of being on alert

for her to " freak out " would last for days - and of

course that anxiety would be reinforced, because then

I was accused of sulking, giving her the silent

treatment, and trying to punish her (wipe that look

off your face kinda reaction). I would know it was

coming and be incapable of changing my expressions or

speaking - being very wrapped up in anxiety.

I can only describe my lack of communication as a form

of paralysis. The thought was in there, the feelings

were in there, and they are as normal as any other

persons (I have people come to me regularly for

'counseling' because they feel like I can peg their

feelings so well) - I just couldn't show them.

I'm making my mom sound like a monster, but just know

I love her fiercly, have a wonderful relationship with

her, and forgive these things now. She had grown up

in a violent abusive family w/alcoholic father who

attempted to kill her mother in front of her on

several occasions. That kind of traumatic childhood

isn't very contructive towards good parenting.

I'll post something soon that I read that says more...

--- meljackmom <meljackmom@...> wrote:

> , this is so intriguing. I have a question

> on something you

> touched on. You said it didn't even occur to you to

> ask the

> questions as to why you were different. Any idea

> why this is? I

> always wonder if it is the feeling or the thought or

> the language

> that is missing.

> Thanks for all of your insight.

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

I, too, had a difficult childhood. Lots and lots of sensory issues. I

remember my mom (whom I love DEARLY and am very close to) blaming me for

ruining every family holiday (after I was pumped full of sugar and other

foods - dairy - that to this day send me over the edge) and being a very

difficult baby. I remember growing up on Tang, Kool-Aid, pop-tarts, sugary

cereal (with MILK), etc. Well, excuse me! I know now that sugar and 'junk'

foods are not a good combo for me and I do turn into a bit of a Jekyl at

events where there is a lot going on and I'm not eating well. I know now

that " it's not my fault " and I know why. I've learned a lot about myself

after having my son with ASD.

Kristy

Re: Re: Telling your child his diagnosis

Hi -

I don't think it is the feeling or thought missing,

and not necessarily the language (I had quite advanced

language in writing and reading very early on) - if I

was similar to an aspie (self-diagnosis but at least

significant overlap of symptoms), but simply a lack of

ability in communicating internal thought. There was

definitely an isolation where what was in my mind was

not perceived by others around me. (Also, as a very

young child, I had the same controlling behaviors so

many hf kids have, all the sensory problems, the rigid

rituals, etc, and they were very much anxiety

related.)

I can remember my mom yelling/screaming at me

demanding explanations, and I simply could not give

them... maybe after about 2 hours of it, I could

somehow, only on occasion, bring up a sentence or to

trying to explain myself - and believe me, I wanted

desperately to give those reasons and end the session.

Usually she would be freaking out and I would be

speechless, as any increase in stress pretty much

turned off my ability to communicate. Even after the

crisis was over and my mom's temper had subsided, I

could not turn it off and my sense of being on alert

for her to " freak out " would last for days - and of

course that anxiety would be reinforced, because then

I was accused of sulking, giving her the silent

treatment, and trying to punish her (wipe that look

off your face kinda reaction). I would know it was

coming and be incapable of changing my expressions or

speaking - being very wrapped up in anxiety.

I can only describe my lack of communication as a form

of paralysis. The thought was in there, the feelings

were in there, and they are as normal as any other

persons (I have people come to me regularly for

'counseling' because they feel like I can peg their

feelings so well) - I just couldn't show them.

I'm making my mom sound like a monster, but just know

I love her fiercly, have a wonderful relationship with

her, and forgive these things now. She had grown up

in a violent abusive family w/alcoholic father who

attempted to kill her mother in front of her on

several occasions. That kind of traumatic childhood

isn't very contructive towards good parenting.

I'll post something soon that I read that says more...

--- meljackmom <meljackmom@...> wrote:

> , this is so intriguing. I have a question

> on something you

> touched on. You said it didn't even occur to you to

> ask the

> questions as to why you were different. Any idea

> why this is? I

> always wonder if it is the feeling or the thought or

> the language

> that is missing.

> Thanks for all of your insight.

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Oh yes... the squeaking! I did that till I was about

25. Couldn't duplicate the pitch now if I tried to

imitate it.

My mom figured out pretty early on (age 7ish?) that

food dyes were real bad, as was Kraft macaroni and

cheese (oh how I missed it!), but shifted to whole

grains and supplements, which wasn't as intense as the

dyes but was just as bad-lol. But she never did cut

out the sugar - not that I wouldn't have gone nuts

w/it the moment I moved out... just like I did w/the

Kraft mac & cheese! haha

--- princesspeach <donnaaron@...> wrote:

> Ah, yes...me, too, actually. I was VERY OCD and had

> some mild

> Tourette's that would pop up occasionally. It drove

> my parents,

> especially my mom, to distraction. My mother would

> yell at me,

> " Donna, STOP SQUEAKING!! " As if...! And of

> course, I was the poster

> child for " better living through chemistry " eating.

> We had all kinds

> of sugary, red-dye-laden, milk-based junk around the

> house, all the

> time.

>

__________________________________________________