FEAR

[Guest guest]

> hey there.

> hoping for abit of support ...

> i seem to go thru this uncontrollable fear sometimes and it doesn't

> feel like it's connected to a story .. it just feels like it's been

> there for a long time and i'm not sure how to be with it... or even

> to do the work with it ... it's starting to feel like it's

> overwhelming my life ... ok hope someone can help xxxpipxx

Hello, Pip. Thank you for joining us. What we do here is inquire...

I hear you saying is that uncontrollable fear is overwhelming your

life.

Is that true?

Can you really know that it's true?

How do you feel/react when you believe that thought?

Who would you be without that thought?

Try turning the thought around...

Since you brought up fear, I'd like to look at it for myself.

I'm afraid of...

- making people angry.

- conflict with my co-workers.

- losing my job.

- losing love.

- being alone.

- being unloved.

- getting sick.

- saying the wrong thing.

- doing the wrong thing.

- feeling fearful.

- feeling angry.

- being robbed.

- hurting the people I love.

I have the strongest charge with, " I'm afraid of being unloved, " so...

" I'm afraid of being unloved. "

1 Is it true? yes

a What's the reality of it? the people around me often tell me that

they love me, and I sometimes feel fear that they might stop loving

me.

b Whose business is it whether they love me? theirs

whether I love myself? mine

whether I love them? mine

2 Can I absolutely know that it's true that I'm afraid of being

unloved? well, no, maybe not. Maybe that's just what I think I'm

afraid of. Maybe the fear is really about something else. Or maybe

it's not really fear that I feel.

a Can I know what is best for for your path? no

b Can I know that I'd be happier if I never felt fear? no, I can't.

f What do I think I would have if I never felt the fear of being

unloved? I think I'd be freer in my life. I wouldn't make my

choices in order to avoid losing love, but because that's what I

want to do. I might like myself better. I might be gentler with

myself.

3 How do I react when you think the thought that I'm afraid of being

unloved? I stop loving you first, before you can stop loving me, so

I " win " . (boy, that's silly -- when I stop loving, I'm really the

one who loses.) I act as if love is a limited commodity that I

might run out of. There might not be enough to go around. I have to

compete for it. I believe that what somebody else gets, I lose and

what I get, someone else loses. (I've never seen the violence in

that belief before. Wow.)

a Where do you feel it in your body? My hands feel grabby and greedy,

as if I can pull love from you. My heart feels achy and empty.

There's a sinking, empty feeling in my belly.

c Does this thought bring peace or stress into your life? stress

d What's the worst that could happen if I never have the thought

again, and is that true? I might be unloved. Is that true? No.

Right this minute, it feels like love is everywhere and there's

nothing I can do to be unloved. Gosh, that feels nice.

i How do I treat myself when I believe that thought? I judge myself

for feeling fearful. I judge myself for not trusting the love of

the people around me.

j What do I get out of holding this belief? What's the payoff? I get

to hold onto my belief that life is scary and dangerous and if I'm

not careful, I'll wind up lonely and unloved and die.

k What does it cost me? the ability to be present, here and now. I go

off into the future or past about how I will be unloved if I don't

do thus-and-so, or how I did this-or-that and was unloved in the

past. It costs me the freedom to connect with the one in front of

me right now.

m Can I see a reason to drop the thought? (but don't try) yes -- it's

not true and it hurts.

n Can I see a stress-free reason for keeping the thought? no -- the

reason for keeping it would be to remind myself to do the things

that will prevent me from being unloved, and that's stressful --

it presupposes the lie that I could wind up unloved.

4 Who am I without that thought? loving and unafraid. present. a

friend to myself and to whatever comes up. gentle with myself, my

thinking, and everyone I encounter. happy.

c What would you experience without your story? I have no idea.

5 Turn it around (to self, other, opposite, thinking, being willing,

looking forward)

- I am not afraid of not loving myself. (why should I be? I've failed

to love myself plenty of times in the past. That's an old, familiar

place. When I find myself there, I can use it as a reminder to do tw.)

- I am not afraid of not loving the one in front of me. (again, a

familiar place. I can use it as a reminder too.)

- I'm not afraid of being unloved. (why should I be? I've believed

plenty of times that I was unloved. Another reminder.)

- My thinking is afraid of being unloved. (yes, and it's my job to

love it, to meet it with understanding. I am the vessel where my

thoughts come to be healed.)

- I am willing to fear being unloved. (it could happen again, so I

might as well.)

- I look forward to fearing being unloved. (it will remind me to do

the work and see the truth.)

Tom

[Guest guest]

At a CAFP board meeting, we did have a lawyer who is expert in these things> It

was he who said that if you speaking about exact fees from exact companies, and

you were making decisions about charges or whether to take a contract-that is

collusion, whether this is via email or in a room at a hotel. I am not really

worried, but I know their lawyers are on retainer and have deeper pockets than

me.

________________________________

From: on behalf of jenlynwallace

Sent: Sat 3/1/2008 1:37 PM

To:

Subject: Fear

Has anyone else ever noticed that there seems to be this thread of

fear through a lot of this groups' emailings? It silences us at

times. At times, we're afraid to discuss patient cases or to share

forms out of fear of HIPPA violations. To a point, we're afraid to

discuss reimbursement or finance issues for fear of collusion. I'm

currently re-reading 1984 and I hate to say that there are a few

similarities. As a group, we're not sure WHAT THE RULES ARE, so we

often chose to not discuss and not learn from each other. And

insurers and the gov't can seem like big brother at times, seeming to

purposefully obscure the rules while imposing stiff penalties if you

break them.

Now, I'm not trying to overdo this point. Of course, there's a flood

of wonderful info that flows over these lines daily. But sometimes I

wonder if more direct legal counsel would be helpful for us. Is there

some way to find out for sure what we can and can't discuss? Could we

collectively hire a medical lawyer who could chime in on our

discussion threads and let us know our boundaries? Or bring someone

to IMP camp? Or some other solution? I think the more we can share

with each other, the stronger we'll be.

Just this mornings thoughts,

Jen

[Guest guest]

My neighbor and friend is a medical doctor and lawyer. I could ask her to help. But before I bother her, what specific questions do we have?

My first question is what is the criteria to get on this listserve? How does hippa work regarding this.

Can docs sell rx directly to their pts ( I am from Canada and maybe its there that MD can't sell directly to pts)

Please email all your questions and I can ask her.

Has anyone else ever noticed that there seems to be this thread offear through a lot of this groups' emailings? It silences us attimes. At times, we're afraid to discuss patient cases or to shareforms out of fear of HIPPA violations. To a point, we're afraid to

discuss reimbursement or finance issues for fear of collusion. I'mcurrently re-reading 1984 and I hate to say that there are a fewsimilarities. As a group, we're not sure WHAT THE RULES ARE, so weoften chose to not discuss and not learn from each other. And

insurers and the gov't can seem like big brother at times, seeming topurposefully obscure the rules while imposing stiff penalties if youbreak them.Now, I'm not trying to overdo this point. Of course, there's a flood

of wonderful info that flows over these lines daily. But sometimes Iwonder if more direct legal counsel would be helpful for us. Is theresome way to find out for sure what we can and can't discuss? Could we

collectively hire a medical lawyer who could chime in on ourdiscussion threads and let us know our boundaries? Or bring someoneto IMP camp? Or some other solution? I think the more we can sharewith each other, the stronger we'll be.

Just this mornings thoughts,Jen -- M.D.www.elainemd.com

[Guest guest]

Fear. " Could be considered collusion. " This is exactly what keeps us as physicians divided.

And lawyers in business.

This fear of collusion, which, although it may be a real fear, is harming those we have taken an oath to protect and care for.

Stop the politics of fear.

Let's start thinking for ourselves. Acting in our patients best interest as a group, because that is the only way we can be heard.

I am talking in general about a predatory health financing system, not specifics. I am not talking about one particular insurance company, but all insurance companies who can not prove they are acting in the best interests of patient care.

Our patients can no longer afford us, as professionals in the world of medicine, to be cowed by fear. They are dying, and we will be gone soon too. Turing a blind eye and hiding behind the fear of collusion is no longer acceptable to me.

But like I said in my last post. I am not asking anyone else to risk, as we as physicians are adverse to taking personal risks in general.

This list serve is the toughest, most thoughtful, most amazing group of personal-risk-taking-physicians I have ever had the honor of associating with. You all give me, and therefore my patients, some hope.

We must continue to challenge ourselves and each other to think outside the box.

Durango, CO

Removing arrows from her back as this is written.....Thanks A.!

PS. I have gotten more marriage proposals in the last couple of weeks than someone who has just won the lottery! I ran my new practice plan by my neurosurgeon during my recent surgery follow up visit and he mentioned that if he didn't already know that we were both happily married, he would marry me! If nothing else, my new practice will keep me provided with plenty suitors.... you are quite high on the list!