Re: Social phobia with peers (kids in their teen issues)

[Guest guest]

I couldn't agree with you more, my HF asperger 11 yo

son toughest battle now is social activity around his

peers, plus he has an Autistic best friend now. He has

trouble and nervousness at his speedskating meets. He

is getting better but it's a slow process. He puts

himself down and detests any form of failure even

though he is one of the best inline indoor/outdoor 11

yo Junior Olympic skaters in the country. He hasn't

even reached puberty yet, beating men, and still

thinks he stinks ! He's been involved for just 1 year

4 months. He also has no idea on time or time frames

which makes it tough on him. Two veteran girls came up

to him from the United States Junior World team and

congratulated him after his outdoor performance they

were both were floored when he told him he has only

been skating for one year, they have been skating

since they were babies. Now he's going to be entering

Middle school and fears he won't fit in and puts

himself down daily. I give him positive reinforcement

though I guess this will be a main achilles heal I

will be having with him for a long time to come.

Please anyone e-mail back to me on any older special

needs kids and what to expect.

--- hindssite@... wrote:

> Donna,

> The only way to get our kids over the fears is to

> have them do what scares them. Unfortunately we

> gently have to force them to have social

> interaction. The more they do it the less afraid

> they become. Pick social situations where they will

> be successful like playing Computer games or

> Nintendo. Going to the movies or swimming with

> another kid is also good because they don't have to

> converse much. I used to give my kid unlimited

> computer or things that he liked when he did them

> with a friend. And I just made it a rule that he

> had to have a friend over twice a week. He could

> pick who and when. If he didn't pick, I picked for

> him. I would make the time short so he would be

> successful and leave wanting more. Also we started

> with one kid at a time and I would facilitate the

> play so the other kid had fun back when my kid

> wasn't too fun to play with. Lots of snacks and fun

> activities. My house was the Kool-Aid house. All

> the kids wanted to come play; not because my son was

> so social (far from the case) but because there was

> great stuff to eat and do. They also got a lot of

> attention from me.

> Marcia

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

[Guest guest]

Don't worry about starting middle school. I too was terrified, but we made it

through and in some ways was easier for my son. Try the following books to help

you with social stuff:

1. Mannix, Darlene Social Skills Activities for Special Children (This

activity book will help children recognize and practice appropriate social

skills both inside and outside of the classroom.)

2. , Lonnie How Kids Make Friends (This inexpensive paperback was

not written especially for autistic children, but has very important information

all kids need to know to make friends.)

It can be ordered at 1 (800) 717-0770

3. Freeman, Teach Me Language (This manual is essential for

teaching higher level language, social skills, reading, writing and math.)

4. Lang, V. But Everyone Else Looks So Sure of Themselves: A Guide to

Surviving the Teen Years (This book is fabulous for all kids entering junior

high or experiencing middle school. It is now out of print but still relevant

and used copies can be ordered at Amazon.com. Basically all you pay is

shipping. This helped both my kids during those tough middle school years more

than anything. We would read a chapter together each night and howl because it

is so funny but true. It gave my kids ideas and tools on how to survive the

teen years. My only reservation was the chapter on kissing and other stuff.

Mine weren't ready for it yet, but you can skip that one.)

The first three we started using in elementary school and extremely helpful.

The last one is for middle school kids.

Hope this helps.

Marcia

[Guest guest]

So here is the part of socialization that scares me. Our kids pick

up on things going on around them, and do not always understand, but

sometimes they do.

Kids can be mean, and they are always mean when no one is looking.

Mean comments from kids can degrade anyone's confidence, and I

always worry about what may have helped to create the anxiety is

something I don't know about, and can't help explain, or teach

coping skills becasue my son does not really have the language to

tell me whats going on. With lots of questions I might be able to

piece something together, but he is not going to be able to

say....so and so is picking on me....or so an so says Im stupid.

He is 6 now, but i worry about the psychological effects of going

through school as a " different " kid.

>

> > Donna,

> > The only way to get our kids over the fears is to

> > have them do what scares them. Unfortunately we

> > gently have to force them to have social

> > interaction. The more they do it the less afraid

> > they become. Pick social situations where they will

> > be successful like playing Computer games or

> > Nintendo. Going to the movies or swimming with

> > another kid is also good because they don't have to

> > converse much. I used to give my kid unlimited

> > computer or things that he liked when he did them

> > with a friend. And I just made it a rule that he

> > had to have a friend over twice a week. He could

> > pick who and when. If he didn't pick, I picked for

> > him. I would make the time short so he would be

> > successful and leave wanting more. Also we started

> > with one kid at a time and I would facilitate the

> > play so the other kid had fun back when my kid

> > wasn't too fun to play with. Lots of snacks and fun

> > activities. My house was the Kool-Aid house. All

> > the kids wanted to come play; not because my son was

> > so social (far from the case) but because there was

> > great stuff to eat and do. They also got a lot of

> > attention from me.

> > Marcia

> >

> > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> > removed]

> >

> >

>