TUESDAY, 19 AUGUST 2008 :-)

[Guest guest]

FAIRFAX NEWS LIMITEDTUESDAY, 19 AUGUST 2008After running a thousand errands, working hours of overtime, and beingstuck in seemingly endless gridlock traffic commuting to and from theirjobs, millions of Australians were disheartened to learn that it was, infact, only Tuesday."Tuesday?" Canberra resident Doris Wagner said. "How in the hell is itstill Tuesday?"Tuesday's arrival stunned a nation still recovering from the nightmarishslog that was Monday, leaving some to wonder if the week was ever goingto end, and others to ask what was taking Saturday so damn long."Ugh," said Wagner, echoing a national sense of frustration over it noteven being Wednesday at the very least.According to suddenly depressed sources, the feeling that this week mayin fact last forever was further compounded by the thought of all thework left to be done tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and, ifAustralians make it that far, possibly even Friday, for goodness sake.Fears that the week could actually be going backwards were alsoexpressed."Not only do Australians have most of Tuesday morning to contend with,but all of Tuesday afternoon and then Tuesday night," National LaborRelations Board spokesman Prynn said. "If our calculations arecorrect, there is a chance we are in effect closer to last weekend thanthe one coming up."Added Prynn: "F**k."Reports that this all has to be some kind of sick joke could not beconfirmed as of press time.Isolated attempts to make the day go faster, such as glancing at watchesor clocks every other minute, compulsively checking e-mail, hiding inthe office bathroom, fidgeting, or reading a boring magazine whilesitting in the waiting room, have also proven unsuccessful, sourcesreport.The National Institute of Standards and Technology, which oversees theofficial time of Australia, is flatly denying that it has slowed orotherwise tampered with Tuesday's progression."The current Tuesday is keeping apace with past Tuesdays with no morethan one ten-thousandth of a second's variation at the most," NISTspokeswoman Dr. Geraldine Schach said. "However, I sympathise with thecommon consensus that this week has already been a colossal pain in theneck."Labor Secretary Elaine Chao released a statement addressing widespreadspeculation that it might as well be Monday for all anyone cares."We understand this day has been tough on many of you, what withmeetings mercilessly dragging on and an entire stack of files still leftto organise," Chao's statement read in part. "Yet we urge Australians toshow patience. The midweek hump is just around the corner, and we havestrong reason to believe that Saturday will be here before you know it.""Go about your lives as best you can," the statement continued. "Do not,we repeat, do not take a sick day, as it'll make the rest of the weekthat much harder to endure."In the meantime, citizens are doing their best to cope with theinterminable week, though Tuesday is still hours away from ending."The more I try to speed it along, the longer it almost seems to take,"said Dale Bouchard, a Sydney-based broker who has been waiting for todayto be over since it first began earlier this morning. "Honestly, todaycould not have come at a worse time this week."In the meantime, the latest wristwatch consultations indicate that it issomehow still Tuesday, if that makes any sense at all.

[Guest guest]

I loved this!! I feel every Monday is at least 48 hours and then

when Tuesday comes I feel ripped that it is not yet Wednesday.

Hit the spot with me

Sharon

>

> FAIRFAX NEWS LIMITED

> TUESDAY, 19 AUGUST 2008

>

> After running a thousand errands, working hours of overtime, and

being

> stuck in seemingly endless gridlock traffic commuting to and from

their

> jobs, millions of Australians were disheartened to learn that it

was,

> in

> fact, only Tuesday.

>

> " Tuesday? " Canberra resident Doris Wagner said. " How in the hell

is it

> still Tuesday? "

>

> Tuesday's arrival stunned a nation still recovering from the

> nightmarish

> slog that was Monday, leaving some to wonder if the week was ever

going

> to end, and others to ask what was taking Saturday so damn long.

>

> " Ugh, " said Wagner, echoing a national sense of frustration over

it not

> even being Wednesday at the very least.

>

> According to suddenly depressed sources, the feeling that this

week may

> in fact last forever was further compounded by the thought of all

the

> work left to be done tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, and, if

> Australians make it that far, possibly even Friday, for goodness

sake.

>

> Fears that the week could actually be going backwards were also

> expressed.

>

> " Not only do Australians have most of Tuesday morning to contend

with,

> but all of Tuesday afternoon and then Tuesday night, " National

Labor

> Relations Board spokesman Prynn said. " If our calculations

are

> correct, there is a chance we are in effect closer to last weekend

than

> the one coming up. "

>

> Added Prynn: " F**k. "

> Reports that this all has to be some kind of sick joke could not be

> confirmed as of press time.

>

> Isolated attempts to make the day go faster, such as glancing at

> watches

> or clocks every other minute, compulsively checking e-mail, hiding

in

> the office bathroom, fidgeting, or reading a boring magazine while

> sitting in the waiting room, have also proven unsuccessful, sources

> report.

>

> The National Institute of Standards and Technology, which oversees

the

> official time of Australia, is flatly denying that it has slowed or

> otherwise tampered with Tuesday's progression.

>

> " The current Tuesday is keeping apace with past Tuesdays with no

more

> than one ten-thousandth of a second's variation at the most, " NIST

> spokeswoman Dr. Geraldine Schach said. " However, I sympathise with

the

> common consensus that this week has already been a colossal pain

in the

> neck. "

>

> Labor Secretary Elaine Chao released a statement addressing

widespread

> speculation that it might as well be Monday for all anyone cares.

>

> " We understand this day has been tough on many of you, what with

> meetings mercilessly dragging on and an entire stack of files still

> left

> to organise, " Chao's statement read in part. " Yet we urge

Australians

> to

> show patience. The midweek hump is just around the corner, and we

have

> strong reason to believe that Saturday will be here before you know

> it. "

>

> " Go about your lives as best you can, " the statement continued. " Do

> not,

> we repeat, do not take a sick day, as it'll make the rest of the

week

> that much harder to endure. "

>

> In the meantime, citizens are doing their best to cope with the

> interminable week, though Tuesday is still hours away from ending.

>

> " The more I try to speed it along, the longer it almost seems to

take, "

> said Dale Bouchard, a Sydney-based broker who has been waiting for

> today

> to be over since it first began earlier this morning. " Honestly,

today

> could not have come at a worse time this week. "

>

> In the meantime, the latest wristwatch consultations indicate that

it

> is

> somehow still Tuesday, if that makes any sense at all.

>