A terribly long vent email

August 10, 2011

I know most of us use this forum to ask questions/ get advice from our unique

peers, but tonight I just want to say Damn this is hard. And Good Job to all

the parents out there. Having a kiddo with moderate/severe PMG is an

adventure, a life changing, soul creating experience, absolutely.

But tonight as I clean the big-kid poop from beneath my fingernails, I just want

to say damn, this can be so tuff. And why the heck do I still not have gloves

in every room.

Josh is pretty much 100% potty trained, except when I can't be by his side (or

when, like tonight, I don't hear him). Then he has decided to take off his

diaper and do his business out of bed, out of diaper. Out of mind I guess he

figures, but then again I'm not sure since he can't communicate. Though

everyone can see he wants to badly.

I'm not looking for answers I'm just vent typing. I remind myself in creative

ways, not for one moment to allow Disability be the axis of 's or my life.

I spent years living that way and ultimately we both were miserable.

I decided a coupke weeks ago, after 13 months of being on anti-depressants to

cope with stress of our life and the loss of both my parents last year, Im ready

to experience this life naturally and fully. I often wonder how many it her

caregivers/Moms/Dads in my shoes out there use Antidepressants, Opiates or

others meds. Though I know for most it is a very private decision and I do not

expect anyone to talk about it.

Tonight, for the first time in many months, I joyfully cried my eyes out. Joshy

learned the difference between (concept of) hot and cold for the first time. It

was thrilling to watch him light up and reach for cold, reach for hot, not eat

hot, etc., on cue. Big happy-ugly cry!

It's these little magical moments where I'm reminded to kill the negative

thoughts and throw out all the stupid limits ever conceived against 's

potential.

I'm 100% convinced my Joshy is capable of so much more than Ive been lead to

hope for, so much more than what I've believed for all these years.

Mom to Tiger, 9

Sent from my iPad

Recommended Posts