this is my karma

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I'm the eldest of four, lol. I believe that nada split me all bad from

birth! Just couldn't get over her resentment of me stealing part of dads

love away from her, I guess. In our family the closeness was really an

unspoken agreement to never speak of the strange happenings in our home. I

think our humor was an escape. She couldn't even stand the thought of us in

the same room with dad and her not being there. Good grief! dad couldn't

come over and play a game of scrabble with me, she didn't call 10 or more

times to see when he was coming home.

Nada had a different relationship with each of us kids. I knew that she

didn't like me and would encourage the younger ones to treat me badly, but I

found out only a few years ago that she gave each of the others their own

levels of h*ll. They choose denial to deal with things. I'm so sick of

lies, I really stand out and separate from them because I've always chosen

to tell the truth, and expect the truth.

My dad asked me more than once why I put up with the crap the others would

dish out and I didn't have the heart to tell him that it was because of him.

If I had... she would have seen to it that he wasn't around too. It was

after he died when everything, that was family, crumbled. I came to realize

that I didn't need to be in that situation anymore.

January 6th is an important day for me, it's my birthday for one, and also

the 3rd anniversary of my divorce from nada and foo. The foo turned their

back on me and have been slandering me ever since. Hurt like the dickens at

first, I was so used to being in the middle of all that garbage it took time

for me to realize that, all that " noise " being gone ,was great! Will I ever

want that back? NO WAY!

Just in the past few months my sis has had contact with me. She will be

getting released from the hospital on the 11th, and she has told me that she

wants to get together and talk things out. She " sounds " genuine, but this is

a girl who can look you right in the eye, swear her undying love for you,

her only sister, and try to sleep with your husband!

I know that people can change and maybe her accident has rattled her enough

to be serious, but I'm in a holding pattern with her. In all honesty...I'm

not expecting much...

Warm thoughts,

Re: time to remind myself that I am NOT nada

>

> Now I can see how my closeness had upset her. In my

> > family( I mentioned this before) we have a way of pulling

> one-liners, or

> > jokes, from comedies and running with it. One would start and then

> we were

> > off!! lol Since nada didn't watch the movies we did she would be

> out of the

> > loop. Instead of seeing our happiness and being glad for us, she was

> angry

> > and resentful. To the point where she didn't want my daughters along

> when we

> > went shopping or whatever.

>

>

> Oh, . Do I relate. I am one of four sibs. We are on good

> terms but not what you would call close as adults (I'm the youngest at

> 47). And I realize now that our lack of closeness is something that's

> been very carefully manufactured. Like you, when we would get together

> as a family, we sibs would (horror of horrors) occasionally go off on

> a riff about a popular movie, or a book we'd all read, or a person we

> knew--in other words, NOT FOCUS ON NADA. There would be stony silence

> from her and then she'd disappear into the kitchen, where we would

> become uncomfortably aware of the loud crashing and banging of pots

> and pans. She was " washing up, " but if we slunk into the kitchen to

> offer to help, we'd find her in an icy rage about how selfish,

> self-centered, and altogether despicable we were. She had no family.

> She had no children. Etc. Our choice was either to leave then (this

> was generally on a holiday--merry christmas, right) or spend the rest

> of the evening wildly sucking up to her to try to get her back on her

> rightful throne as queen of the universe. Same thing when I would try

> to have a conversatiow with my dad. She'd instantly find some pretext

> to call me out of the room. God forbid I shoudl have a relationship

> with him. A few months ago I went home for my college reunion (I live

> 500 miles from her now). I engineered a siblings-only lunch while we

> were there. She sulked about that for two weeks and then took an

> overdose of sleeping pills. She's ok, but with a cracked tailbone from

> the spill she took. And in answer to Dan's question about " do they

> mellow with age? " She's 82. She's not got the fight and energy she

> used too, so in a sense she's easier to deal with. But the basic

> makeup hasn't ever changed. We (sibs) have, though. We do what we have

> to do to be able to sleep at night, and otherw

>

>

>

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