44 kids is crazy

[Guest guest]

Hey Rene,

My son is doing well and on his way to college on a merit scholarship in the

fall. I agree with Kristy, if there is anyway your child can be mainstreamed

with an aide that is the way to go. At 6 or 7 I never would have imagined that

my son would have accomplished all that he has. He couldn't even hold a

conversation. He had no volume control and was monotone at times. We had to

teach all of that. It was exhausting. I am convinced it never would have

happened in a special ed program. But there are some kids who could never be in

a mainstreamed program. Each kid is different. The medical from Dr. G was

essential. But the medical won't do it without intense teaching to catch them

up on all they missed when their immune systems were compromised. I would have

to teach everything other kids just learned naturally. It was like taking a

stroke victim and bringing him back only harder. My son didn't have " real "

friends until high school. In elementary school I used to pray that someone

would invite him to a birthday party, but it never happened. I take that back,

it happened once but was a disaster. It would have been easier on him to home

school him, but it wasn't what was best for him. He had to join up with the

rest of the world.

To teach socialization, I would borrow other people's kids. Playing with my son

was not fun because at first the other kids got no response. So I made my house

the Kool-aid place. I had the best toys, and the best treats. We even built a

Gucci playhouse, got a trampoline, a Nintendo or anything else that would be a

kid attractor. Anything that would make these kids want to come back because my

son was not fun to play with. Their parents loved it because it was free

babysitting that they didn't have to reciprocate. I had

kids at my house at least two or three times a week. We started with one kid

and when he was ready, we made it more than one.At first they came for a short

time and then longer.

In the beginning, I was the one who played with the other kids. I had to

facilitate every interaction with other kids. Fortunately our guests loved

the one on one attention and always wanted to come back to play with me

eventhough my son had bizarre behavior. It was especially hard to watch the

differences between my child and " normal " kids. It took quite some time until I

could get my son to join in and years until he could do it solo.

At first he just hid in the back of the house when anyone would come over. We

used ABA and those techniques to help me know how to get him to do things that

were hard for him. In the short turn, it would have been much easier to let my

son be autistic. Easier

not to have the confrontations when I expected him to do something he didn't

want to do. I didn't want to watch him scream when he didn't know what to do

with other kids. But if I had given in to him; he never would have learned the

right way to behave.

I remember when was little he played with one little girl he adored. It

was always at our house and I was the one to do everything, so her mom would

allow her to come over. This child always had fun at my house (mostly from all

the attention I gave her because back then wasn't too fun to play with).

It was great for her mom because she would get a break and never have to

reciprocate. Anyway, one day I picked her up to go sledding with and me.

When it was time for her to drop her off at home, started screaming and

having a major meltdown because he didn't want her to leave. After that, the

little girl no longer wanted to play with . At first I wasn't going to tell

him about why she didn't want to come over because I wanted to protect his

feelings, but then I realized that wasn't really helping . I told him that

the little girl wouldn't be coming over to play anymore because he screamed and

acted bad when it was time for her to go home and now she doesn't want to play

with him anymore.

He and I cried together, but it was a turning point for us. I no longer tried

to protect him from the world and let him feel the consequences of bad behavior.

This was a major step in making him join the rest of the world. Our best

intentions is to protect our own children and at times we must protect them from

bullies and the difficulties they face as a result of the autism. But if they

are too protected, they don't learn what is appropriate and expected. When they

are little and still cute people excuse their weird behavior, but when they get

older this no longer applies. You are your child's only hope. Only a parent

would keep doing this and all the things we have to do to help their children

get better. Also if you email me I have lots of info to send that might help

Marcia

805 497-8202