Re: Re: 'refrigerator moms'

April 7, 2006

You mentioned being a 'cold' mom... I remember feeling

like all my feelings had gone away during a period of

time during my son's early infancy. But I can

honestly say... I was feeling a lot of emotional pain

very early on, because I was already noticing things

on a subconcious level, like my son not gazing into my

eyes while nursing, that he was already withdrawn and

somewhat unresponsive (which improved significantly

then regressed again later on), and he was so colicky

that I was constantly stressed, getting no sleep,

worried, etc, and for a period of time there, I feel

like I shut down feelings because they were so

overwhelming.

I really think that the 'refrigerator mom' hypothesis

may have resulted in observation of moms who were

first, ill themselves, but even more so overwhelmed

and not receiving any good feedback thru eye contact

etc from their babies - in a time where psychiatry of

children was all about how their mommies treated them

(very freidian?). I wouldn't doubt that mothers

placed under that level of scrutiny, being asked

questions that they knew were leading them along to

find out where they were at fault - who wouldn't go

" cold " under that type of scrutiny? If a doctor were

asking you questions that implied that you had caused

this, would you appear warm and loving, or would you

not feel ice (or fire) running thru your veins? And

if there was no one to understand what was going on,

no where to turn to, no understanding of this disorder

that was so less common then, wouldn't a lot of

mothers have shut down emotionally?

When I was first realizing what areas my son was not

developing in, I never expressed those concerns to a

doctor. I simply thought " well clearly I'm not

teaching him something right - I'm not interacting

with him right, I'm not doing this, I'm not doing

that " . I actually broke down every area of his

development and started teaching him, and didn't find

out till much later that I had started ABA therapy on

him by the time he was 9 months old. But I took all

responsibility for every area in which he did not

develop, assuming I was not doing this right.

My second son had much less time and attention from

me, as my oldest was 22 mos old when he came along and

'autism' was fully manifesting itself. And even

though my second son had as well, he still

developed normally, and all the things I didn't

" teach " my first son right, this child developed them

normally with no extra effort from me. That was the

difference. I wasn't not " teaching my son " right...

he was not learning the typical way.

--- aaron2kristie <aaron2kristie@...> wrote:

> I was researching tonight and actually came across

> this article before

> you just posted. How ironic! Anyways, after reading

> it online and then

> here I feel so sad and really responsible. It brings

> to my

> mind " refrigerator mom " but in a new light...maybe

> it wasn't about a

> mom being too " cold " for her child. Now it's about

> having the wrong

> kind of " serum antibodies " which ultimately harmed

> my child. I know

> this is about science, but I still feel a

> responsiblity and a sadness

> reading this.

>

> Kristie...recently discovered I scored a positive

> ANA (anti nuclear

> antibodies)

> mommy to Aidan 2.10 today

>

__________________________________________________

April 7, 2006

kYou mentioned being a 'cold' mom... I remember

feeling like all my feelings had gone away during a

period of time during my son's early infancy. But I

can honestly say... I was feeling a lot of emotional

pain very early on, because I was already noticing

things on a subconcious level, like my son not gazing

into my eyes while nursing, that he was already

withdrawn and somewhat unresponsive (which improved

significantly then regressed again later on), and he

was so colicky that I was constantly stressed, getting

no sleep, worried, etc, and for a period of time

there, I feel like I shut down feelings because they

were so overwhelming.