hi, where we are moving to, about 2 hrs from here, is where my 3 children and families live so i will have lots of support. they all love their gma very much and my mom was always partial to these 3. she loved all her g.kids, but these 3 were cl

[Guest guest]

hi, where we are moving to, about 2 hrs from here, is where my 3 children and families live so i will have lots of support.  they all love their gma very much and my mom was always partial to these 3.  she loved all her g.kids, but these 3 were closer to her and my dad.  they have all also said they would always take her in.  

and as i said, my husband and i originally were moving in to share a house and land with his daughter and family--luckily i get along well with her.  and she said she has no problem helping with my mom.  she believes that family is very important also and are to be taken care of by family.  so i feel good about all the help that will be available.  just getting a large enough house and selling these 2 houses here, and the move. coordinating all this will be the challenge, but i am choosing to be positive and that the timing will all work out.  luckily, neither of us has to sell to buy a new place--though it will greatly help- so this will be helping the timing so they are not left alone.

thanks again for your support.  this is such a great site.  don't know how i would make it without everyone here.barbara

 

You're very welcome. My mother went through a period when she was extremely upset. It was very difficult, but eventually I managed to convince her that her " memory problem " was not her fault--in fact it is a physical problem. In a way, it's easier to deal with than something like cancer, since she only has very minor aches and pains. But for a while I really grieved over how brilliant she had been. My sister is still upset about that, but she is with her daily. Now we can just concentrate on making sure Mom's needs are taken care of and, like your parents, Mom has enough of her own resources. So we are spared that expense. In fact, Mom actually pays " rent " at Tessa's house. When she first moved in, Tessa discovered that her food and utiliity expenses really zoomed. And our attorney assured us that having Mom pay rent was totally appropriate. The only " sacrifice " of having a parent with you is privacy. But you are spared daily visits to the " home " and emergency calls in the middle of the night, and worrying that some staff member will mistreat her when she can no longer stand up for herself. We never expected to keep Mom at home in her old age, but it turned out to be for the best. And most likely is extending her life, and especially the quality of her life.

The most important thing--Mom is very secure that she is safe and will always be taken care of. But as her disease progresses, she has become paranoid. At least she is compliant in taking her anti-anxiety meds, which seem to be keeping her fairly content and reducing her nightmares. It is not the best way to spend your old age, but it's not the worst way, either.

Family support is so important! I'm glad you and your siblings are able to work it out so it's best for everyone. And you know you are doing everything you can and not arguing over it. Yes, I do still have some anxiety about it. Maybe that's why it's so important for me to share ...

> > >

> > > thanks jim,

> > >

> > > i'm also dealing with parents who are on the edge of needing much more

> > > care. a new situation. last wk found out they had increased charitable

> > > donations to over 25 and setting up auto w/d from checking and on their

> > > credit cards. have been doing damage control to get it under control for

> > a

> > > wk now and today i totally stressed out. they didn't even remember who

> > > they gave their account numbers to, but found more when the credit card

> > > bills came in. dad looked at the bills, didn't notice the auto payments

> > > and just paid it. so that consumed my day, getting those things closed

> > > out.

> > >

> > > have a good day.

> > >

> > > barbara

> >

> >

> >

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