thank you so much khaya for your support and input. yes, we have wills and p.o.a. set up. actually i used to work for an attorney and drew the wills up and then had them ck'd. there are 4 of us, but my brother has a wife with parkinsons, on

[Guest guest]

thank you so much khaya for your support and input.  yes, we have wills and p.o.a. set up.  actually i used to work for an attorney and drew the wills up and then had them ck'd.  there are 4 of us, but my brother has a wife with parkinsons, one sister, her husband my folks don't trust.  so my other sister and i are really working this.  my brother and i are legally in chg, but he can't do it, so it is me.  my sister, who lives in s.d. hopes to move out in a yr.  she is there for me by phone though.  also, we plan to move this summer.  my husband's daughter is moving up from az and we decided last yr to share a place, helping each other out.  my sister was going to take my mom in when she moved here.  but now, not sure if they are going to move here, so now i'm looking at taking them in also. slightly overwhelming!!!!!!!!!

our family has never considered 'putting' our folks anywhere except in one of our homes.  mom realizes her memory is going, and she is scared. my step dad, i don't know that he realizes that his memory is slipping also.  but the other day i looked into my mom's eyes and saw something i had never seen.  my heart broke.  but that gave me the 'drive' to make this work for them.  i have had to really give this to god because in my own strength i cannot do this.  too many variables and my mind struggles with just 'plain' life.  i, along with so many here, live in the hope that  tomorrow will be better. 

fortunately, they are financially secure so that helps.  but it is a balancing act right now as to where to take over and yet allow them their independence.  have a few months yet to finalize stuff, so will see what happens.

again, thank you so much for your support.  i needed to hear what you said.barbara  

 

Hi Barb,

I totally sympathize with your parent situation. Do you have Power of Attorney? It is well worth the money to have a lawyer draw one up for you, if your parents are willing to sign it. After my father died, my sister and I discovered that Mom did not have a clue about how to manage her affairs. Luckily, she was very happy to let us take over and give us power of attorney. As her mind deteriorated, it's a very good thing that we got it while she was still able to understand what she was signing. If we had waited until now, we would have had to have her declared incompetent, and that turns into a very complicated situation. As it is, we can handle all her affairs for her. But we have a very good attorney and financial advisor that we can turn to whenever we have a question. It also helps that there are two of us, and we usually agree on what's best for Mom's welfare. I sincerely hope that you are not an only child. The stress of dealing with this and LD at the same time has sometimes been overwhelming, even with my sister doing the lion's share of the paperwork! Mom is also now living with my sister, which I definitely could not handle. She could not handle it either, if Mom could not afford caregivers during the day. She cannot be left alone ... And she did not do well in assisted living, although many people do, especially if they have their wits about them. Best of luck to you and your parents! Khaya

>

> thanks jim,

>

> i'm also dealing with parents who are on the edge of needing much more

> care. a new situation. last wk found out they had increased charitable

> donations to over 25 and setting up auto w/d from checking and on their

> credit cards. have been doing damage control to get it under control for a

> wk now and today i totally stressed out. they didn't even remember who

> they gave their account numbers to, but found more when the credit card

> bills came in. dad looked at the bills, didn't notice the auto payments

> and just paid it. so that consumed my day, getting those things closed

> out.

>

> have a good day.

>

> barbara