khaya,we are very similar. my real dad died in 1996. he had been a greyhound bus driver since i was a little girl. he started when it was WA motor coach then changed to g.h. he held, at the time, the highest safe driving record g.h. had given

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khaya,we are very similar.  my real dad died in 1996.  he had been a greyhound bus driver since i was a little girl.  he started when it was WA motor coach then changed to g.h.  he held, at the time, the highest safe driving record g.h. had given out.  actually, never had an accountable accident with them.  i have one of his awards, a chime clock that i cherish.  before age 62 he started to have some problems but wouldn't give in to them.  but he soon felt he would put others in danger so retired at 62.  soon after he began to have heart attacks and strokes.  he started to forget people, semi bed ridden until finally totally dependent in bed.  it took 5 yrs of this and we cared for him at home.  really hard on my mom.  

in may of 96, two days after my daughters wedding, which he attended in a wheel chair, he had his final stoke which affected swallowing.  we could not give him anything to drink or eat, he would die, and he did, within a wk. on memorial day, at home. so hard to not be able to even give him a drink.  if we had he would have choked.  after a few days he slipped into a coma. 

 the following sat. my husband and i were married and then the following day, sun. was his memorial service.  so in two wks we had 2 weddings and a funeral.  we had decided to go through with the wedding because family had come some distances etc.  so everyone was home for the weddings, and stayed for the funeral.  but it was comforting to have everyone there.

my dad's driving was a problem because of his occupation.  he thought he could always drive.  mom started complaining about his driving off the road.  didn't take long and that came to an end.  but one day he made it out to the care and wouldn't get out. he had no keys though.  we called the fire dept. and they decided to remove him might cause more harm to him.  called my brother and he finally convinced him to get out.  he was in there for over 4 hrs.  

my step father is starting to not be able to stay in the lane when he makes turns.  mom is commenting about his driving also.  didn't know the driver licensing place made decisions on this.  i think his license isn't up until sept.  so will see.

i have often wondered about being born with candida.  i've had separation anxiety and stomach problems my entire life.  didn't have the meds like you until my teens though.  then since 1980's they made up for it.  for my s.s. disability had to list the meds and they fill almost 2 pages. because i've been so sick for so long my family, in some ways, have grown tired of hearing about it.  one day my daughter said, 'doesn't anything work on you?'  i said no, not much.  they were not very patient with the lyme diagnosis and all the problems and possible 'cures' i was hoping for.  i think my kids, who have really only known me as sick, starting thinking i was a hypochondriac.   then their dad's sister got lyme, almost died from not being able to eat.  well, then they took another look and realized lyme was real and not just 'mom being sick again, still'.  they seem more patient today towards me.  i have a sister who is a saint and has been a huge support through all this and the benzo recovery. but i have had to be careful and not talk about my health issues of late.  guess it's good to not focus on them with others. others just don't understand and grow tired of it. with fibro it seemed i just kept going, pushing, but this is totally different.

i never had a career like you.  i was always a homemaker.  did a couple short jobs. in 1995 when i first divorced, worked with an attorney.  they fired me because i was too sick to do the job and actually helped me get ssi for fibro.  then i worked as a notary doing in home loan signing for a few yrs in the mid 2000's.  but having to function and the stress of it, wore me down to where i was too sick to work again.  i did manage to get enough credits and have applied for ssdi and have my hearing in june.  hope it works, it will give me insurance for awhile before 65,  as it is i'm  not insurable. sometimes, unlike you, i don't think i was able to make much of a contribution to society. 

 my first husband was the son of two alcoholics and so our life was kind of crazy because the counselors said he was like a dry drunk. when he started to become abusive to the kids, teenagers, i was done. i had held it together until then, pretty much by myself.    i was a super mom then.  so i guess that was my contribution.

so today, i am learning to do it day by day.  type 'a' personality is gone and i'm learning to procrastinate with the best of them.  once in a while i get a spurt of energy and take advantage of it and it feels so good to be productive.  then the next day, back to the recliner.  i'm hoping that by living with my husband's daughters family it will give me a purpose to function.  a reason to get up.  it is so easy to just sit here.  with just fibro i was often able to overcome the physical with the mental drive, but not now.  so i'm hoping that when the benzos are done and i can do the vit d,b,and some other supps, overcome some of this depression i may get some 'umph' back.  but if i can't i can still sit in the recliner and have my little 8 yr old grandson bring me my water.  i loved it when my g.kids were here, they loved to get my water.  

well i should quit writing, i do ramble on so.  time to go coil.  my husband is an early to bed, early to rise.  i'm opposite.  my cortisol levels are almost not there in the a.m. and very high at night.  so i have to get my coiling done early so he can sleep, otherwise i'ld be up till midnight.  i'm working on changing my schedule because his is a healthier one, but i just do not function until about noon, no matter what time i go to bed.  but off i go.

take care and i loved talking with you.  i have no friends anymore except my sister.  are most here in that situation?barbara

 

Yes Barbara, I was born with severe allergies, which they now say is usually a sign of candida from birth. Sulpha drugs at 5 for scarlet fever, penicilin 4 summers in a row (starting at age 8?) for infected bee stings and ear infections, bc pills, steroids every time I had bronchitis, etc. etc. I would sit in a chair in a daze ... which I still find myself doing, or nodding off. Somehow I got through high school and college and a series of jobs, each one more challenging, feeling rotten most of the time while doctors could find nothing wrong. The majority of doctors still do not diagnose candida or LD, but eventually I was led to good help. And now I'm at an age where it's not really that important how well I function, but I am functioning at a somewhat improved level. As long as I don't expect too much of myself.

I think you have been more effective than I at spreading the word with your family, but at least my family accepts me and my way of doing things and no longer think it's off the wall. At the same time, the way my husband and I live is not nearly as unusual as it used to be. And we know our limitations and what to do about them.

It sounds like you and your husband are living in your dream home, and have worked hard for it. Actually we are too. And we did put a lot of work into it when we first moved in, and for about 6 months afterward. But that was over 20 years ago, and it really needs a lot of work now, and we don't have the energy or motivation. Each spring we make plans for what we will accomplish during the summer, and we're lucky if we get one thing done--just like you. Actually, my days are the same way--long to-do list, but hardly cross anything off. Yet I feel like I've been very busy!

When I was working, with so much responsibility, I felt I had morphed into a " Type A " personality. When LD took all the wind out of my sails, I felt like a totally different person. Yet some days I am still driven, and feel very gratified at what I've accomplished. Some days I'm in a daze, and just manage to get meals on the table and sort the mail (not necessarily read it, though). My parents were both brilliant, very highly educated and very accomplished. I never measured up, yet eventually they were proud of me. When I retired I felt I had made my contribution to society. I still have more to give, but it's very hard to do more than a little at a time. Forget discipline! I just do what I can and feel grateful for that.

My father died of cancer in 1995. He continued to drive almost until the end, and felt that while he was driving he was in control. We started noticing that his driving was becoming dangerous, and agonized (my sister and our husbands) about what to do. But almost overnight he became too ill to drive and then he was gone. My mother was never a good driver, and after Daddy died she started getting lost more and more frequently. People started telling her they'd rather drive her than be a passenger while she drove. She couldn't stay in her lane. Again we agonized over what to do. Then she had a very minor accident and was totally traumatized. She gave her car to my niece and we were so relieved that we didn't have to make her stop driving. We were lucky. I have heard of people who asked the police to deal with it for them. I think the Secretary of State calls them in for retesting and then places limitations on them. One of my elderly neighbors is only allowed to drive a 5-mile radius from home, and only during the day. Her doctor reported her condition, which actually sounds unethical, but I wonder if her children had anything to do with it? There are people over 90 years old who are perfectly safe drivers--each situation is different. I hope your father will make his own decision before too long.

Sometimes dealing with Mom has been agonizing. But at least we still have her, and she still seems to enjoy at least part of most days. You can't ask for much more than that, I guess. I really appreciate the opportunity to share and compare our experiences. Sitting in front of our computer screens, we have access through this group to so many who have been alone in our ordeals but now are able to reach out to each other. It's truly wonderful!

Khaya

>

> Hi khaya,

>

> seems are roads have been similar. i think i have struggled with candida

> most of my life. always had stomach problems. went on tetracyline when in

> teens for acne, then probably down hill from there. no one really knew

> what the stuff did then though. lots of abx, b.c. pills, steroids, and

> other poisons the drs thought were necessary, but over the yrs actually

> made it all worse. hind sight!!!

>

> but here we are and are now well informed and doing something about it. i

> try to share this info with others, some listen and change, most don't.

> but my 2 sisters are changing their diets and it is trickling down to

> their kids. i keep talking to my kids, and all three (with families) are

> working towards it. my daughter in law, who was raised on junk food, is

> even moving to more whole foods. she even asked how to make chicken soup

> from cooking down the carcass. i felt honored she asked.

>

> i know about taking your time in moving. we started this house in 1998.

> took 2 yrs to clear the land (where i got my second tick) and then

> started building. i am just now getting my interior trim. got carpet last

> yr. my staircase is not finished yet as it is an open one with the stained

> false treads. i stained one set and realized the mgf, reserved the wood,

> putting the maple on the underside and junk wood on the stained side.

> didn't show up until after it was stained. so they ordered more but by

> that time, weather was changing so couldn't do it outside and i ran out of

> energy. so finally got them stained last summer but didn't have time to

> varnish them. i only seem to be able to do one thing a summer!! so as

> soon as the weather permits i will stain them and set them in place. have

> to paint the dowel things and stain the banister. then we will pay someone

> to set the banister--too complicated. i am just getting this place done

> and will move and not get to enjoy it. but as with many here, when the

> lyme hits and takes all your extra money and energy, everything stops. we

> were lucky that we built slow enough to go cash. slow in that respect has

> paid off then.

>

> i wish i had the discipline my husband has. even with his fatigue and pain

> he seems to push to do 'the right thing' when needed. i just sit here and

> hope i will have the energy later. i think the lyme has made me

> dilusional!! frustrating because i used to be a workaholic. but now i

> keep procrastinating with the coiling. finally am working on a new plan.

>

> when i get up i drink my essiac tea, but i don't sit in the recliner-if i

> do that is where i stay. i go right to the dc and have my first session

> while i drink it. i have two coils so once the amp cools i can plug in the

> other and finish the 2 min. overall bart treatment. at least one is done

> for the day. i try to hit babs during the day but often miss it. then

> evening comes i'm back to being tired and procrastinating so often just get

> a 1 min overall session in, compared to the 2 min. in the morning. but i'm

> improving and i guess that is important.

>

> my mom has also been a workaholic. yard was always like a park, house

> clean, etc. she still wants the independence and doesn't want to give in

> to the limitations. but she is starting to talk about her memory problem,

> recognizing it, which helps. and she is starting to ask for help in the

> finances. she has fibro but won't really admit it. my step dad still is

> driving at 90, but he really shouldn't be. this is scaring us. not just

> for them but other drivers. he has a bad heart valve and has had a couple

> small strokes which interferes a little in the peripheral vision, affecting

> his driving. again, where do you stop their independence when they won't

> let go. hard thing.

>

> thanks for sharing,

>

> barbara