Re: Re: was-sales clerk, now- teasing

[Guest guest]

I totally agree with your assessment. I spend about 6 hours per week in the

classrooms helping teachers and am amazed at how accepting and compassionate

children are in the younger grades. As they get older, however, they do seem

more prone to bullying, teasing, etc. My older son who is in the fourth grade

and has Asperger's is experiencing that for the first time this year. We've

enrolled him in martial arts to improve his self confidence, worked on social

skills, and most importantly, we've drilled into him that the words of others

have no power unless you give them power. If kids know their comments upset you,

they will continue. If you don't react, they'll find someone else to pick on.

Unfortunately, it seems as if public schools have made no inroads in the area of

bullying and teasing. I actually believe that the so-called " zero tolerance "

policy has done more harm than good in this respect. The aggressor knows that

the " good " kid isn't going to risk drawing the ire of the administration, so he

or she just takes the abuse.

All the best,

Robyn

>

> > From: C. - Wonderwegian <_carriecox@..._

>

> (mailto:carriecox@...) >

> > Subject: Re: Re: was-sales clerk, now- teasing

> > _@..._

> (mailto: )

> > Date: Thursday, March 12, 2009, 3:30 PM

> > When my son was first mainstreamed in 2nd grade I was

> > extremely nervous about peer teasing/etc. I think

> we've

> > been extremely blessed with a great group of kids in

> his

> > class every year, though. They take turns being a

> > " teacher " to my son when they are finished

> with

> > thier assignments and love to be his buddy in the

> > hallways/at lunch. Over-all the school is very

> tolerant and

> > embracing of all children. There is a local school

> for the

> > deaf and blind next door and the two schools share a

> lot of

> > programs.

> >

> > But what I do every year is go in to the classroom at

> the

> > end of the first week or beginning of the second-

> while my

> > son is out with an aide or therapist- and tell a

> little

> > about what makes him different and do a

> question/answer

> > time. Waiting a few days allows the kids to notice

> he's

> > different and it allows them opprotunities to question

> why

> > he does things. And I offer ways that they can help

> him,

> > which creates a feeling of importance most kids jump

> at.

> >

> > -

> >

> >

> > ____________ ____ ____ ___

> >

> > " You must write for children in the same way as

> you do

> > for adults, only better. " -Maxim Gorky (Aleksey

> > Maksimovich Peshkov)

> >

> > Reality lies beyond the horizon... Wonderwegian

> >

> > ----- Original Message -----

> > From: fredacurl

> > _@..._

> (mailto: )

> > Sent: Thursday, March 12, 2009 3:33 PM

> > Subject: Re: sales clerk rude about our child

> >

> >

> >

> > > > From: C. - Wonderwegian

> > <carriecox@.ca>

> > > > Subject: Re: sales clerk rude about

> our

> > child

> > > > _@..._

> (mailto: )

> > > > Date: Wednesday, March 11, 2009, 1:28 PM

> > > >

> > > > I think it's usually best just to

> ignore

> > things like

> > > > that- easier said than done!

> > > >

> > > > But since it was an employee, a call to

> > management

> > > > would be in order. Date, time, clerk's

> > name, etc is

> > > > helpful.

> > > >

> > > > I've left public places in tears over

> the

> > > > frustration of trying to control an

> > out-of-control

> > > > preschooler and feeling ashamed as being

> > labeled a

> > > > failure as a mother by outsiders. People

> can be

> > > > heartless and judgemental.

> > > >

> > > > If I was assertive enough, which I'm

> > usually not,

> > > > and I'd heard the clerk say what she

> said

> > about your

> > > > child I'd speak up with " I'm

> glad

> > he's not your

> > > > kid. "

> > > >

> > > > I have heard of some people that carry

> > notes/cards/

> > > > brochures about autism and handing them out

> > when

> > > > they get weird looks or someone says

> something

> > about

> > > > their child.

> > > >

> > > > One thing I did do when my son (now 10) was

> > younger

> > > > was put him in an " Unlocking

> Autism "

> > t-shirt when we

> > > > went to the mall or park so at least

> literate

> > people

> > > > with some-what of a clue would understand a

> > little

> > > > about his behaviors.

> > > >

> > > > Or during Autism Awareness month, or

> whenever,

> > wear

> > > > a ribbon. I've made autism puzzle piece

> > ribbons with

> > > > an actual puzzle piece attached with

> > " N.I.D.S. "

> > > > written on it, so when people ask I can say

> my

> > son

> > > > has NeuroImmune Dysfunction Sydrome which

> > causes

> > > > many autistic-like symptoms.

> > > >

> > > > All the best!

> > > >

> > > > - in Mobile, AL

> > > >

> > > > ____________ _________ _________ ________

> > > >

> > > > " You must write for children in the

> same

> > way as you

> > > > do for adults, only better. " -Maxim

> Gorky

> > (Aleksey

> > > > Maksimovich Peshkov)

> > > >

> > > > Reality lies beyond the horizon...

> Wonderwegian

> > > >

> > > > ----- Original Message -----

> > > >

> > > > From: Tamela & Geoff Cole

> > > >

> > > > nfasggroups (DOT) com ;

> nidsgroups (DOT)

> > com ;

> > > > FloortimeATL@ groups. com

> > > >

> > > > Sent: Sunday, March 08, 2009 8:06 PM

> > > >

> > > > Subject: sales clerk rude about our

> > child

> > > >

> > > > We had a very disturbing experience today

> that

> > I

> > > > feel moved to share with all of you. At the

> > Dollar

> > > > General store in Marietta today, our almost

> 3

> > yo son

> > > > w/ASD became fixated on finding the perfect

> > alphabet

> > > > letters (this is what he tends to obsess

> with).

> > This

> > > > escalated into him becoming very upset,

> crying

> > and

> > > > running around the store. Understanding

> that

> > this

> > > > may not be the most pleasant thing for

> other

> > > > customers, I immediately and calmly

> assisted

> > him out

> > > > of the store, leaving my husband to pay for

> our

> > > > items. A female sales clerk said to the man

> who

> > was

> > > > at the cash register checking my husband

> out,

> > " If

> > > > that were my kid, I would beat his

> a--! "

> > She

> > > > repeated this along with a few other

> > unfavorably

> > > > opinions about our son after the guy at the

> > register

> > > > wasn't really responding. My husband,

> who

> > normally

> > > > keeps his cool, asked " Why, because he

> has

> > autism? "

> > > > She only responded with a " Well, I

> > didn't know. " No

> > > > apology, no remorse....

> > > >

> > > > Have any of you experienced anything like

> this?

> > If

> > > > so, how did you handle this?

> > > >

> > > > [Non-text portions of this message have

> been

> > > > removed]

> > > >

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> > > >

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> > > > [Non-text portions of this message have

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> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > [Non-text portions of this message have

> been

> > > > removed]

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> > > > removed]

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > > May the Lord bless you and keep you!

> > >

> > >

> > > Visit my blog

> > >

> > > _http://bloominwherehttp://bloomhttp://blhttp_

> (http://bloominwhereyourplanted.blogspot.com/)

> > >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

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> >

> >

> >

> > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

If you observe the behaviour of babies and very young children they are

drawn to other children and difference of any kind does not seem to enter the

equation. That behaviour seems to come about much later and according to a

number of studies, not surprisingly is heavily influenced by the attitude and

behaviour of key adults including parents/family and teaching staff to name but

a

few with the power to corrupt or positively influence young minds. I

remember talking to another mother one day about the new school year (her child

had been in kindergarten since age 3 with my son and they were now aged 8) and

how her child was faring to which she responded ' well she is very

exceptionally bright but has had the misfortune to be placed with too many of

the

riffraff '. On seeking clarification of who or what the ' riffraff' were her

explanation expanded to ' you know the idiots the one's they call special

needs'.

I was rendered speechless for several seconds before I excused myself and

left but before I did I could see realisation dawn on her face that I was the

mother of one of those 'idiots'!

I suppose what struck me the most in those moments rather ludicrously was

her out of context and inappropriate use of the word riffraff that I knew to

mean _Riffraff (social class)_

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Riffraff_(social_class)) , in other words the

common people, which I guess summed up her

ignorance far better to me than any amount of pain I felt at her shocking

discrimination and ignorance after I walked away! Some 4 years later she phoned

me up

to say she had run into my son and was amazed at how articulate and

responsible he had become and how different he seemed to the child he had been

at his

old school ... so maybe not an idiot after all!

Why was she complimenting him, well I like to think that her shame at

inadvertently revealing her innermost thoughts on SEN kids to the mother of one,

who also happened to live in her community and attended the same place of

worship played a causal role in trying to gain absolution. It transpired that

both

children who were now in their first year of high school (my son attends a

great specialist school for children with dyslexia) and were travelling

independently on our London underground trains to schools some distance away

when

met with the problem of severe disruption and cancellation of trains on the

way home faced the challenge in quite different ways!

Her very exceptionally bright daughter simply collapsed in tears and an

adult commuter had to contact her parents to retrieve her because she had no

idea

how to problem solve her way out of the situation without adult help. My son

on the other hand spoke to station staff and enquired about alternative

routes, he listened for announcements and he read all station postings to plan a

route home and he managed it independently! Imagine that ... not bad given

that this child had spent the worst years of his life being educationally,

socially and emotionally disadvantaged in a mainstream junior school, with a

diagnosis of severe specific language impairment since aged 3 and APD added at

aged 10, which consequently meant he had severe comprehension difficulties with

language and really only started to learn to use it effectively from around

the age of 10!!!

Before that conversation ended I made sure that she was aware that the

junior school her daughter had happily attended and been nurtured in had in

contrast been a significantly unhappy and handicapping experience for my son

but

that paradoxically having to battle the odds to be given due respect had

ensured he had developed strategies to problem solve for himself because his

parents could not always be there to help or indeed to educate the ignorant!

People who are not privy to our children's individual issues including the

man in the street or store need to have it explained in simple language when

the need arises and hopefully it will at least educate that individual. Those

who are in a position to know your child and the history and still add to the

load can quite simply be guilty of discrimination and human right's abuses

...... which should be a sobering thought but rarely is!

In a message dated 19/03/2009 19:39:33 GMT Standard Time,

rngcoggs@... writes:

I totally agree with your assessment. I spend about 6 hours per week in the

classrooms helping teachers and am amazed at how accepting and compassionate

children are in the younger grades. As they get older, however, they do seem

more prone to bullying, teasing, etc. My older son who is in the fourth grade

and has Asperger's is experiencing that for the first time this year. We've

enrolled him in martial arts to improve his self confidence, worked on social

skills, and most importantly, we've drilled into him that the words of

others have no power unless you give them power. If kids know their comments

upset

you, they will continue. If you don't react, they'll find someone else to

pick on.

Unfortunately, it seems as if public schools have made no inroads in the

area of bullying and teasing. I actually believe that the so-called " zero

tolerance " policy has done more harm than good in this respect. The aggressor

knows

that the " good " kid isn't going to risk drawing the ire of the

administration, so he or she just takes the abuse.

All the best,

Robyn

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