Re: sales clerk rude about our child

[Guest guest]

I think it's usually best just to ignore things like that- easier said than

done!

But since it was an employee, a call to management would be in order. Date,

time, clerk's name, etc is helpful.

I've left public places in tears over the frustration of trying to control an

out-of-control preschooler and feeling ashamed as being labeled a failure as a

mother by outsiders. People can be heartless and judgemental.

If I was assertive enough, which I'm usually not, and I'd heard the clerk say

what she said about your child I'd speak up with " I'm glad he's not your kid. "

I have heard of some people that carry notes/cards/brochures about autism and

handing them out when they get weird looks or someone says something about their

child.

One thing I did do when my son (now 10) was younger was put him in an " Unlocking

Autism " t-shirt when we went to the mall or park so at least literate people

with some-what of a clue would understand a little about his behaviors.

Or during Autism Awareness month, or whenever, wear a ribbon. I've made autism

puzzle piece ribbons with an actual puzzle piece attached with " N.I.D.S. "

written on it, so when people ask I can say my son has NeuroImmune Dysfunction

Sydrome which causes many autistic-like symptoms.

All the best!

- in Mobile, AL

______________________________________

" You must write for children in the same way as you do for adults, only better. "

-Maxim Gorky (Aleksey Maksimovich Peshkov)

Reality lies beyond the horizon... Wonderwegian

sales clerk rude about our child

We had a very disturbing experience today that I feel moved to share with all

of you. At the Dollar General store in Marietta today, our almost 3 yo son

w/ASD became fixated on finding the perfect alphabet letters (this is what he

tends to obsess with). This escalated into him becoming very upset, crying and

running around the store. Understanding that this may not be the most pleasant

thing for other customers, I immediately and calmly assisted him out of the

store, leaving my husband to pay for our items. A female sales clerk said to

the man who was at the cash register checking my husband out, " If that were my

kid, I would beat his a--! " She repeated this along with a few other

unfavorably opinions about our son after the guy at the register wasn't really

responding. My husband, who normally keeps his cool, asked " Why, because he has

autism? " She only responded with a " Well, I didn't know. " No apology, no

remorse....

Have any of you experienced anything like this? If so, how did you handle

this?

[Guest guest]

The last time this happened to us, I contacted the supervisor -- it was a public

pool and playground -- and told her that one of her staff had acted

inappropriately (rude, insensitive, etc.) and that it was offensive to us as

parents and to our children, who deserve better. We received an apology and were

told that the staff member in question would be spoken to (and the behaviour

would be noted on her employment record) and that the entire staff were going to

be provided with information to help them be more sensitive and to act

appropriately in regard to members of the public with special needs.

It helped that your husband kept his cool and said what he did. The employee was

probably embarrassed and didn't know how to act after learning that your son is

autistic. She may (it can only be hoped) look back on the incident a little

later and feel a bit ashamed of herself for acting poorly and failing to

apologize. It may also keep her from mouthing off about others in future. You

never know! I still think a letter to the store's owner would be in order. He or

she needs to know how staff are acting so it can be corrected. Rude and

insensitive behaviour drives away customers and that's something no business can

afford right now.

Take care,

Rhoda

sales clerk rude about our child

We had a very disturbing experience today that I feel moved to share with all

of you. At the Dollar General store in Marietta today, our almost 3 yo son

w/ASD became fixated on finding the perfect alphabet letters (this is what he

tends to obsess with). This escalated into him becoming very upset, crying and

running around the store. Understanding that this may not be the most pleasant

thing for other customers, I immediately and calmly assisted him out of the

store, leaving my husband to pay for our items. A female sales clerk said to

the man who was at the cash register checking my husband out, " If that were my

kid, I would beat his a--! " She repeated this along with a few other

unfavorably opinions about our son after the guy at the register wasn't really

responding. My husband, who normally keeps his cool, asked " Why, because he has

autism? " She only responded with a " Well, I didn't know. " No apology, no

remorse....

Have any of you experienced anything like this? If so, how did you handle

this?

[Guest guest]

Wow! She sounds really insensitive, and very likely uneducated. She probably

makes rude comments about other people all the time.

I think it's important for us to help educate others in any number of

situations. I have had to talk with a supervisor at a BIG company once that

provides childcare while you shop. She was very grateful I brought the

situation to her attention, and she used the opportunity to educate not only

the employee who acted inappropriately, but her whole staff. I never shared

my son's diagnoses (I didn't think it was relevant), but emphasized that if

this employee was having a problem with a child to contact the supervisor or

parent for assistance. I've also had to report to a supervisor about an

employee at another BIG store who used the restroom without washing their

hands (a personal pet peeve of mine), and written letters to store owners

about employees who are far more interested in gabbing with each other than

waiting on customers. I know if I owned a business (actually, I do) that I

would really want to know about any situations that need my attention. This

is not a perfect world, and people are not perfect, but there are nice ways

of handling things and not so nice ways.

Kristy

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of Rhoda

Boyd

Sent: Wednesday, March 11, 2009 12:33 PM

Subject: Re: sales clerk rude about our child

The last time this happened to us, I contacted the supervisor -- it was a

public pool and playground -- and told her that one of her staff had acted

inappropriately (rude, insensitive, etc.) and that it was offensive to us as

parents and to our children, who deserve better. We received an apology and

were told that the staff member in question would be spoken to (and the

behaviour would be noted on her employment record) and that the entire staff

were going to be provided with information to help them be more sensitive

and to act appropriately in regard to members of the public with special

needs.

It helped that your husband kept his cool and said what he did. The employee

was probably embarrassed and didn't know how to act after learning that your

son is autistic. She may (it can only be hoped) look back on the incident a

little later and feel a bit ashamed of herself for acting poorly and failing

to apologize. It may also keep her from mouthing off about others in future.

You never know! I still think a letter to the store's owner would be in

order. He or she needs to know how staff are acting so it can be corrected.

Rude and insensitive behaviour drives away customers and that's something no

business can afford right now.

Take care,

Rhoda

sales clerk rude about our child

We had a very disturbing experience today that I feel moved to share with

all of you. At the Dollar General store in Marietta today, our almost 3 yo

son w/ASD became fixated on finding the perfect alphabet letters (this is

what he tends to obsess with). This escalated into him becoming very upset,

crying and running around the store. Understanding that this may not be the

most pleasant thing for other customers, I immediately and calmly assisted

him out of the store, leaving my husband to pay for our items. A female

sales clerk said to the man who was at the cash register checking my husband

out, " If that were my kid, I would beat his a--! " She repeated this along

with a few other unfavorably opinions about our son after the guy at the

register wasn't really responding. My husband, who normally keeps his cool,

asked " Why, because he has autism? " She only responded with a " Well, I

didn't know. " No apology, no remorse....

Have any of you experienced anything like this? If so, how did you handle

this?

[Guest guest]

Tamela,

I did have this experience with my older daughter which is not under the

spectrum at walmart. One lady look at me like I was not giving discipline to her

and finally make the comment " if she was my child she would not do this kind of

actions "

I replied to her " thanks god she is not your daughter, and guess what? I have

important things to worry

1st this quiet 2 year old is autistic and behaving well to your perfume

2nd I have a husband in Iraq fighting for people like you!

I didn't walk away ! Her face turned different and when she tried to apologize.

I told her and by the way God bless your perfect family!

Walk away and left groceries felt sorry for the cashier but I couldn't stay

longer.

Sometimes is good to express our stress because I was so happy after that and

laughing like a teenager!

Sent on the Now Network™ from my Sprint® BlackBerry

sales clerk rude about our child

We had a very disturbing experience today that I feel moved to share with all of

you.  At the Dollar General store in Marietta today, our almost 3 yo son w/ASD

became fixated on finding the perfect alphabet letters (this is what he tends to

obsess with).  This escalated into him becoming very upset, crying and

running around the store.  Understanding that this may not be the most pleasant

thing for other customers, I immediately and calmly assisted him out of the

store, leaving my husband to pay for our items.  A female sales clerk said to

the man who was at the cash register checking my husband out, " If that were my

kid, I would beat his a--! "   She repeated this along with a few

other unfavorably opinions about our son after the guy at the register wasn't

really responding.  My husband, who normally keeps his cool, asked " Why,

because he has autism? "   She only responded with a " Well, I didn't know. "   No

apology, no remorse....

Have any of you experienced anything like this? If so, how did you handle

this? 

[Guest guest]

First I would like to say that no one person has a right to say anything about

another's child. I have never been in this situation before where I have heard

someone say something near me. My advice is that if you hear something you need

to say something to that person and be stern with them so they don't ever try to

embarrass another family who is dealing with this. In fact that person needs to

be embarrassed and then they will think twice next time before saying anything.

Stick up for our kids!!!!!

sales clerk rude about our child

We had a very disturbing experience today that I feel moved to share with all

of you. At the Dollar General store in Marietta today, our almost 3 yo son w/ASD

became fixated on finding the perfect alphabet letters (this is what he tends to

obsess with). This escalated into him becoming very upset, crying and running

around the store. Understanding that this may not be the most pleasant thing for

other customers, I immediately and calmly assisted him out of the store, leaving

my husband to pay for our items. A female sales clerk said to the man who was at

the cash register checking my husband out, " If that were my kid, I would beat

his a--! " She repeated this along with a few other unfavorably opinions about

our son after the guy at the register wasn't really responding. My husband, who

normally keeps his cool, asked " Why, because he has autism? " She only responded

with a " Well, I didn't know. " No apology, no remorse....

Have any of you experienced anything like this? If so, how did you handle

this?

[Guest guest]

Some people are incredibly intolerant of children, in general.  I had a manager

of a hamburger place kick my 2 and 4 year old and me out because my son shook

some salt on the table and then brushed it on the floor.  We never went there

again.  This manager was also the owner, so there was nothing I could do about

it, other than spread the word to other mothers.  In the long run, it hurt him

more than anyone. 

Barb Katsaros

barbkatsaros@...

From: C. - Wonderwegian <carriecox@...>

Subject: Re: sales clerk rude about our child

Date: Wednesday, March 11, 2009, 1:28 PM

I think it's usually best just to ignore things like that- easier

said than done!

But since it was an employee, a call to management would be in order. Date,

time, clerk's name, etc is helpful.

I've left public places in tears over the frustration of trying to control an

out-of-control preschooler and feeling ashamed as being labeled a failure as a

mother by outsiders. People can be heartless and judgemental.

If I was assertive enough, which I'm usually not, and I'd heard the clerk say

what she said about your child I'd speak up with " I'm glad he's not your kid. "

I have heard of some people that carry notes/cards/ brochures about autism and

handing them out when they get weird looks or someone says something about their

child.

One thing I did do when my son (now 10) was younger was put him in an " Unlocking

Autism " t-shirt when we went to the mall or park so at least literate people

with some-what of a clue would understand a little about his behaviors.

Or during Autism Awareness month, or whenever, wear a ribbon. I've made autism

puzzle piece ribbons with an actual puzzle piece attached with " N.I.D.S. "

written on it, so when people ask I can say my son has NeuroImmune Dysfunction

Sydrome which causes many autistic-like symptoms.

All the best!

- in Mobile, AL

____________ _________ _________ ________

" You must write for children in the same way as you do for adults, only better. "

-Maxim Gorky (Aleksey Maksimovich Peshkov)

Reality lies beyond the horizon... Wonderwegian

sales clerk rude about our child

We had a very disturbing experience today that I feel moved to share with all of

you. At the Dollar General store in Marietta today, our almost 3 yo son w/ASD

became fixated on finding the perfect alphabet letters (this is what he tends to

obsess with). This escalated into him becoming very upset, crying and running

around the store. Understanding that this may not be the most pleasant thing

for other customers, I immediately and calmly assisted him out of the store,

leaving my husband to pay for our items. A female sales clerk said to the man

who was at the cash register checking my husband out, " If that were my kid, I

would beat his a--! " She repeated this along with a few other unfavorably

opinions about our son after the guy at the register wasn't really responding.

My husband, who normally keeps his cool, asked " Why, because he has autism? "

She only responded with a " Well, I didn't know. " No apology, no remorse....

Have any of you experienced anything like this? If so, how did you handle

this?

[Guest guest]

I think that most people are not aware of what autism is. I don't expect people

that don't have kids with health problems to understand what parents with

children with health problems have to go through. Even medical doctors don't

know what autism is either....

I used to get really upset in the past about this rude people, but not anymore,

I just think they just don't understand the situation. If they are really rude

I just educate them and sometimes I have to talk strong to them, but not to the

point of having an argument with them

One thing we do is to make sure that people notice that we are doing our best to

keep our children happy and that we are working on getting the bad behaviors

corrected. That also seems to keep most people quiet.

JR

From: barbkatsaros@...

Date: Thu, 12 Mar 2009 07:36:58 -0700

Subject: Re: sales clerk rude about our child

Some people are incredibly intolerant of children, in general. I had a manager

of a hamburger place kick my 2 and 4 year old and me out because my son shook

some salt on the table and then brushed it on the floor. We never went there

again. This manager was also the owner, so there was nothing I could do about

it, other than spread the word to other mothers. In the long run, it hurt him

more than anyone.

Barb Katsaros

barbkatsaros@...

From: C. - Wonderwegian <carriecox@...>

Subject: Re: sales clerk rude about our child

Date: Wednesday, March 11, 2009, 1:28 PM

I think it's usually best just to ignore things like that- easier said than

done!

But since it was an employee, a call to management would be in order. Date,

time, clerk's name, etc is helpful.

I've left public places in tears over the frustration of trying to control an

out-of-control preschooler and feeling ashamed as being labeled a failure as a

mother by outsiders. People can be heartless and judgemental.

If I was assertive enough, which I'm usually not, and I'd heard the clerk say

what she said about your child I'd speak up with " I'm glad he's not your kid. "

I have heard of some people that carry notes/cards/ brochures about autism and

handing them out when they get weird looks or someone says something about their

child.

One thing I did do when my son (now 10) was younger was put him in an " Unlocking

Autism " t-shirt when we went to the mall or park so at least literate people

with some-what of a clue would understand a little about his behaviors.

Or during Autism Awareness month, or whenever, wear a ribbon. I've made autism

puzzle piece ribbons with an actual puzzle piece attached with " N.I.D.S. "

written on it, so when people ask I can say my son has NeuroImmune Dysfunction

Sydrome which causes many autistic-like symptoms.

All the best!

- in Mobile, AL

____________ _________ _________ ________

" You must write for children in the same way as you do for adults, only better. "

-Maxim Gorky (Aleksey Maksimovich Peshkov)

Reality lies beyond the horizon... Wonderwegian

sales clerk rude about our child

We had a very disturbing experience today that I feel moved to share with all of

you. At the Dollar General store in Marietta today, our almost 3 yo son w/ASD

became fixated on finding the perfect alphabet letters (this is what he tends to

obsess with). This escalated into him becoming very upset, crying and running

around the store. Understanding that this may not be the most pleasant thing for

other customers, I immediately and calmly assisted him out of the store, leaving

my husband to pay for our items. A female sales clerk said to the man who was at

the cash register checking my husband out, " If that were my kid, I would beat

his a--! " She repeated this along with a few other unfavorably opinions about

our son after the guy at the register wasn't really responding. My husband, who

normally keeps his cool, asked " Why, because he has autism? " She only responded

with a " Well, I didn't know. " No apology, no remorse....

Have any of you experienced anything like this? If so, how did you handle this?

[Guest guest]

So true! I used to be so ignorant of autism myself.

Boy do I know better now!!! I know that I am still

ignorant of other people's situations, too. I guess

it helps to remember that everyone has some problem we

don't understand and that we should try to be patient

with all...

-

--- <jrodrig6605@...> wrote:

>

> I think that most people are not aware of what

> autism is. I don't expect people that don't have

> kids with health problems to understand what parents

> with children with health problems have to go

> through. Even medical doctors don't know what

> autism is either....

>

>

>

> I used to get really upset in the past about this

> rude people, but not anymore, I just think they just

> don't understand the situation. If they are really

> rude I just educate them and sometimes I have to

> talk strong to them, but not to the point of having

> an argument with them

>

>

>

> One thing we do is to make sure that people notice

> that we are doing our best to keep our children

> happy and that we are working on getting the bad

> behaviors corrected. That also seems to keep most

> people quiet.

>

>

> JR

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> From: barbkatsaros@...

> Date: Thu, 12 Mar 2009 07:36:58 -0700

> Subject: Re: sales clerk rude about our child

>

>

>

>

>

> Some people are incredibly intolerant of children,

> in general. I had a manager of a hamburger place

> kick my 2 and 4 year old and me out because my son

> shook some salt on the table and then brushed it on

> the floor. We never went there again. This manager

> was also the owner, so there was nothing I could do

> about it, other than spread the word to other

> mothers. In the long run, it hurt him more than

> anyone.

>

> Barb Katsaros

>

> barbkatsaros@...

>

>

> From: C. - Wonderwegian <carriecox@...>

> Subject: Re: sales clerk rude about our child

>

> Date: Wednesday, March 11, 2009, 1:28 PM

>

> I think it's usually best just to ignore things like

> that- easier said than done!

>

> But since it was an employee, a call to management

> would be in order. Date, time, clerk's name, etc is

> helpful.

>

> I've left public places in tears over the

> frustration of trying to control an out-of-control

> preschooler and feeling ashamed as being labeled a

> failure as a mother by outsiders. People can be

> heartless and judgemental.

>

> If I was assertive enough, which I'm usually not,

> and I'd heard the clerk say what she said about your

> child I'd speak up with " I'm glad he's not your

> kid. "

>

> I have heard of some people that carry notes/cards/

> brochures about autism and handing them out when

> they get weird looks or someone says something about

> their child.

>

> One thing I did do when my son (now 10) was younger

> was put him in an " Unlocking Autism " t-shirt when we

> went to the mall or park so at least literate people

> with some-what of a clue would understand a little

> about his behaviors.

>

> Or during Autism Awareness month, or whenever, wear

> a ribbon. I've made autism puzzle piece ribbons with

> an actual puzzle piece attached with " N.I.D.S. "

> written on it, so when people ask I can say my son

> has NeuroImmune Dysfunction Sydrome which causes

> many autistic-like symptoms.

>

> All the best!

>

> - in Mobile, AL

>

> ____________ _________ _________ ________

>

> " You must write for children in the same way as you

> do for adults, only better. " -Maxim Gorky (Aleksey

> Maksimovich Peshkov)

>

> Reality lies beyond the horizon... Wonderwegian

>

> sales clerk rude about our child

>

> We had a very disturbing experience today that I

> feel moved to share with all of you. At the Dollar

> General store in Marietta today, our almost 3 yo son

> w/ASD became fixated on finding the perfect alphabet

> letters (this is what he tends to obsess with). This

> escalated into him becoming very upset, crying and

> running around the store. Understanding that this

> may not be the most pleasant thing for other

> customers, I immediately and calmly assisted him out

> of the store, leaving my husband to pay for our

> items. A female sales clerk said to the man who was

> at the cash register checking my husband out, " If

> that were my kid, I would beat his a--! " She

> repeated this along with a few other unfavorably

> opinions about our son after the guy at the register

> wasn't really responding. My husband, who normally

> keeps his cool, asked " Why, because he has autism? "

> She only responded with a " Well, I didn't know. " No

> apology, no remorse....

>

> Have any of you experienced anything like this? If

> so, how did you handle this?

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

> No virus found in this incoming message

>

> Checked by PC Tools AntiVirus (5.0.1.1 -

> 10.100.065).

>

> http://www.pctools. com/free- antivirus/

>

> No virus found in this outgoing message

>

> Checked by PC Tools AntiVirus (5.0.1.1 -

> 10.100.065).

>

> http://www.pctools. com/free- antivirus/

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> [Non-text portions of this message have been

> removed]

>

>

May the Lord bless you and keep you!

Visit my blog

http://bloominwhereyourplanted.blogspot.com/

[Guest guest]

Speaking up definitely helps. Even though most people don't know what autism is,

they have heard of it and are cognisant that this means the child has

limitations. We were boarding a plane once when my son, who was between my

husband and I, darted into a row of empty seats on our way to our actual seats

farther back. I was in front, so didn't realize he'd done this and my husband

had stopped to help some woman get her bag into the overhead compartment and

also missed it. The minute my son sat down he started happily swinging his legs

which resulted in his kicking the seat in front of him. The man in that seat

turned around and yelled at my son in a really loud and rude assault, calling

him a brat, etc. I immediately turned around and started quickly moving over to

collect my son while I loudly answered back " I'm sorry. My son is severely

autistic and he doesn't understand what you're saying to him. He would never

intentionally bother anyone. And those aren't our seats, so you don't have to

worry that he will continue to bother you through the flight. " Everyone just

stared at the rude man with dagger eyes and looked at us in sympathy. The man

sitting in front of our real seats turned around once we got settled and said " I

have three children and several grandchildren so I understand. Don't worry if he

kicks my seat. I don't mind at all. " We tried our best, as we always do, to make

sure he didn't kick the seat but at least the couple of times during the flight

that it did inevitably happen, I didn't have to cringe with guilt and worry

about hateful stares and comments.

And I learned that for every jerk out there, there is a planeful of people who

will back you up if given the slightest hint that you are facing difficulties.

So on the rare occasion when something like this happens, I do speak up. There's

nothing like putting somebody in their place by informing them that they are

picking on a child with special needs. And if other people are around to hear

it, I think the sting is that much greater and will hopefully be strong enough

to deter them from aggressive behaviour and rude comments in future -- even if

they don't apologize or give some lame comment at the time of the incident.

Rhoda

sales clerk rude about our child

We had a very disturbing experience today that I feel moved to share with all

of you. At the Dollar General store in Marietta today, our almost 3 yo son w/ASD

became fixated on finding the perfect alphabet letters (this is what he tends to

obsess with). This escalated into him becoming very upset, crying and running

around the store. Understanding that this may not be the most pleasant thing for

other customers, I immediately and calmly assisted him out of the store, leaving

my husband to pay for our items. A female sales clerk said to the man who was at

the cash register checking my husband out, " If that were my kid, I would beat

his a--! " She repeated this along with a few other unfavorably opinions about

our son after the guy at the register wasn't really responding. My husband, who

normally keeps his cool, asked " Why, because he has autism? " She only responded

with a " Well, I didn't know. " No apology, no remorse....

Have any of you experienced anything like this? If so, how did you handle

this?

[Guest guest]

> > From: C. - Wonderwegian <carriecox@...>

> > Subject: Re: sales clerk rude about our child

> >

> > Date: Wednesday, March 11, 2009, 1:28 PM

> >

> > I think it's usually best just to ignore things like

> > that- easier said than done!

> >

> > But since it was an employee, a call to management

> > would be in order. Date, time, clerk's name, etc is

> > helpful.

> >

> > I've left public places in tears over the

> > frustration of trying to control an out-of-control

> > preschooler and feeling ashamed as being labeled a

> > failure as a mother by outsiders. People can be

> > heartless and judgemental.

> >

> > If I was assertive enough, which I'm usually not,

> > and I'd heard the clerk say what she said about your

> > child I'd speak up with " I'm glad he's not your

> > kid. "

> >

> > I have heard of some people that carry notes/cards/

> > brochures about autism and handing them out when

> > they get weird looks or someone says something about

> > their child.

> >

> > One thing I did do when my son (now 10) was younger

> > was put him in an " Unlocking Autism " t-shirt when we

> > went to the mall or park so at least literate people

> > with some-what of a clue would understand a little

> > about his behaviors.

> >

> > Or during Autism Awareness month, or whenever, wear

> > a ribbon. I've made autism puzzle piece ribbons with

> > an actual puzzle piece attached with " N.I.D.S. "

> > written on it, so when people ask I can say my son

> > has NeuroImmune Dysfunction Sydrome which causes

> > many autistic-like symptoms.

> >

> > All the best!

> >

> > - in Mobile, AL

> >

> > ____________ _________ _________ ________

> >

> > " You must write for children in the same way as you

> > do for adults, only better. " -Maxim Gorky (Aleksey

> > Maksimovich Peshkov)

> >

> > Reality lies beyond the horizon... Wonderwegian

> >

> > sales clerk rude about our child

> >

> > We had a very disturbing experience today that I

> > feel moved to share with all of you. At the Dollar

> > General store in Marietta today, our almost 3 yo son

> > w/ASD became fixated on finding the perfect alphabet

> > letters (this is what he tends to obsess with). This

> > escalated into him becoming very upset, crying and

> > running around the store. Understanding that this

> > may not be the most pleasant thing for other

> > customers, I immediately and calmly assisted him out

> > of the store, leaving my husband to pay for our

> > items. A female sales clerk said to the man who was

> > at the cash register checking my husband out, " If

> > that were my kid, I would beat his a--! " She

> > repeated this along with a few other unfavorably

> > opinions about our son after the guy at the register

> > wasn't really responding. My husband, who normally

> > keeps his cool, asked " Why, because he has autism? "

> > She only responded with a " Well, I didn't know. " No

> > apology, no remorse....

> >

> > Have any of you experienced anything like this? If

> > so, how did you handle this?

> >

> > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> > removed]

> >

> > No virus found in this incoming message

> >

> > Checked by PC Tools AntiVirus (5.0.1.1 -

> > 10.100.065).

> >

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> >

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> >

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> > 10.100.065).

> >

> > http://www.pctools. com/free- antivirus/

> >

> > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> > removed]

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> > removed]

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > [Non-text portions of this message have been

> > removed]

> >

> >

>

>

> May the Lord bless you and keep you!

>

>

> Visit my blog

>

> http://bloominwhereyourplanted.blogspot.com/

>

[Guest guest]

One of the reasons Dr. G and I? hit it off so well when we first met, was our

insistence at never using the A word. I never, ever said it about her or around

her. Mainly, because to say it was to give up hope on her. I expected her to get

better, and not be known as a label. Keep in mind, that she did? not see him

until she was 13, she is now 19. It was just so refreshing to meet him. She only

used about 20 words until she was 5, she would have melt downs in public out of

frustration, and sure I got glares and rude comments from strangers. But, I

would never let anyone see it got to me.........because I knew in the end she

would get better. I truly believe my positive attitude made alot of miracles

happen. Don't acknowledge those people, Just focus on your child, and smile

secretly to yourself, knowing it will only get better.

Joni

[Guest guest]

I have to admit that I often thought kids in the grocery store or in a

restaurant who were acting out were spoiled. This was before the " A " word

entered our lives. Although I never said anything to any parent and was

sympathetic to their plight, I did still believe that it had to do with

parenting. When we see a child act out in public, it can be for a variety of

reasons, including developmental issues, medical issues, or they can be just

plain bratty. The point is that we don't know what's going on in their lives or

the lives of their parents.

I have three boys and they all have " issues. " I've been humbled by this

experience and have learned that not everything is as it seems. As a result, I

try to go out of my way to support a parent who's dealing with a child in the

midst of a tantrum. Just a smile of support or a casual comment, such as " Been

there, done that " or " it does get better " can make a world of difference.

All the best,

Robyn

> From: Jandjatindy@... <Jandjatindy@...>

> Subject: Re: sales clerk rude about our child

>

> Date: Thursday, March 12, 2009, 6:21 PM

> One of the reasons Dr. G and I? hit it off so well when we

> first met, was our insistence at never using the A word. I

> never, ever said it about her or around her. Mainly, because

> to say it was to give up hope on her. I expected her to get

> better, and not be known as a label. Keep in mind, that she

> did? not see him until she was 13, she is now 19. It was

> just so refreshing to meet him. She only used about 20 words

> until she was 5, she would have melt downs in public out of

> frustration, and sure I got glares and rude comments from

> strangers. But, I would never let anyone see it got to

> me.........because I knew in the end she would get better. I

> truly believe my positive attitude made alot of miracles

> happen. Don't acknowledge those people, Just focus on

> your child, and smile secretly to yourself, knowing it will

> only get better.

> Joni

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I've had a couple of similar experiences; one time in Target, my son was having

a terrible tantrum. He was only two years old and sick with an ear-infection,

and of course, completely non-verbal. I was just there to get diapers and

wanted to just get out of there get the kid back home, and the check-out clerk

(what IS it with these check-out clerks anyway???) says " If he were my child,

he'd be in time-out right now. " I said to her, even if my son weren't autistic,

he would be too young for time-out! She said -- get ready -- " Oh, well, he

doesn't *look* like he's autistic! " I guess she thought that was a compliment.

Anyway, I reported her to the manager immediately afterward, and after he

apologized to me profusely, I had the intense satisfaction of seeing him

approach her and " invite " her into his office for a little private chat just as

I was leaving the store.

Another time when was about five, I was helping him wash his hands in a

restaurant ladies' room. Some old bag standing nearby started lecturing me

about about how if I didn't let him wash his own hands he'd never learn to do it

himself! I said, well, he doesn't do a very good job yet, and I don't want him

getting sick from eating with hands that aren't completely clean. She sort of

harumphed, and then said a couple of off-wall-things to no one in

particular, probably scripting, and she said, " You really should teach him to

look at people when he's talking to them! " . Well...THAT. DID. IT. I can still

remember the set of my jaw and my hands going into fists when I said,dripping

with sarcasm, " Oh, are you an expert on autism? " She said " He's autistic? " And

I said yes and ushered the hell out of there. I really wish I'd had a

snappier comeback for that woman. I love the idea of the autism puzzle ribbons

and the cards.

Donna

[Guest guest]

> on the rare occasion when something like this happens, I do speak up. There's

nothing like putting somebody in their place by informing them that they are

picking on a child with special needs. And if other people are around to hear

it, I think the sting is that much greater and will hopefully be strong enough

to deter them from aggressive behaviour and rude comments in future -- even if

they don't apologize or give some lame comment at the time of the incident.

This is SO true! No one wants to be seen as a jerk. Once after such an

incident, my mom said to me, " Donna, you don't *owe* anyone an explanation for

your child, " but I said " Mom, I'm not explaining; I'm educating. It's not about

what *I* owe people, it's about what *they owe* and me -- respect,

kindness, and understanding.

Donna

[Guest guest]

I find that the individuals who spend a lot of time stalking and harassing my

child and trying to exclude him from typical activities like baseball, boy

scouts, accordion band are a little off kilter themselves. The ones who quickly

label him are not so bright. Some even cower when he walks toward them.

Intelligent people generally take him in stride.

Alice

---- thefamily007 <donnaaron@...> wrote:

> > on the rare occasion when something like this happens, I do speak up.

There's nothing like putting somebody in their place by informing them that they

are picking on a child with special needs. And if other people are around to

hear it, I think the sting is that much greater and will hopefully be strong

enough to deter them from aggressive behaviour and rude comments in future --

even if they don't apologize or give some lame comment at the time of the

incident.

>

>

> This is SO true! No one wants to be seen as a jerk. Once after such an

incident, my mom said to me, " Donna, you don't *owe* anyone an explanation for

your child, " but I said " Mom, I'm not explaining; I'm educating. It's not about

what *I* owe people, it's about what *they owe* and me -- respect,

kindness, and understanding.

>

> Donna

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ------------------------------------

>

> Responsibility for the content of this message lies strictly with

> the original author(s), and is not necessarily endorsed by or the

> opinion of the Research Institute, the Parent Coalition, or the list

moderator(s).

>

[Guest guest]

It amazes me how many people feel the need to try and correct other

people's situation when they don't know a thing about them. What the

heck is all that about? I've never had anyone say anything to me but we

do get the looks. Now that my son is 12 and we've been at this so long,

the looks still upset me a little (a lot less then they use to) but I

have some relief knowing my son is oblivious to this and they are not

hurting his feelings any. But let me tell you if anyone hurts my son's

feelings I would hate to think what I might do. We've had a good

experience in school having an aide and he's now been in school with the

same children for seven years. They know him, understand him, help him

and defend him from new people. This is the one good thing school has

done for us. I do feel I need to homeschool him in 7th and 8th, maybe

beyond, we'll see how it goes. It's such a tough choice but I think my

son is at his limit of sitting in class for 6 hours trying to pay

attention to a lot of meaningless stuff. It's too much stress on him I

think. Anyway, I'm off the subject but just putting it out there for

parents with older children and hopefully some helpful info for the

parents just starting out on this path. Jerri

>

>

>

> I've had a couple of similar experiences; one time in Target, my son

> was having a terrible tantrum. He was only two years old and sick with

> an ear-infection, and of course, completely non-verbal. I was just

> there to get diapers and wanted to just get out of there get the kid

> back home, and the check-out clerk (what IS it with these check-out

> clerks anyway???) says " If he were my child, he'd be in time-out right

> now. " I said to her, even if my son weren't autistic, he would be too

> young for time-out! She said -- get ready -- " Oh, well, he doesn't

> *look* like he's autistic! " I guess she thought that was a compliment.

> Anyway, I reported her to the manager immediately afterward, and after

> he apologized to me profusely, I had the intense satisfaction of

> seeing him approach her and " invite " her into his office for a little

> private chat just as I was leaving the store.

>

> Another time when was about five, I was helping him wash his

> hands in a restaurant ladies' room. Some old bag standing nearby

> started lecturing me about about how if I didn't let him wash his own

> hands he'd never learn to do it himself! I said, well, he doesn't do a

> very good job yet, and I don't want him getting sick from eating with

> hands that aren't completely clean. She sort of harumphed, and then

> said a couple of off-wall-things to no one in particular,

> probably scripting, and she said, " You really should teach him to look

> at people when he's talking to them! " . Well...THAT. DID. IT. I can

> still remember the set of my jaw and my hands going into fists when I

> said,dripping with sarcasm, " Oh, are you an expert on autism? " She

> said " He's autistic? " And I said yes and ushered the hell out of

> there. I really wish I'd had a snappier comeback for that woman. I

> love the idea of the autism puzzle ribbons and the cards.

>

> Donna

>

>

[Guest guest]

What is it with some people? I've especially noticed this intolerance with the

elderly. Donna, we had a similar experience in a restaurant as well. I basically

told this elderly man and his wife that my son was autistic and to mind their

own business. It's not as if I let him continue a tantrum unchecked. As soon as

I saw where the behavior was going, we excused ourselves and headed to the

restroom until he calmed down.

Do you think it has anything to do with a backlash to the permissive parenting

age, where kids were (and in some cases, still are)allowed to " run the show " ?

Unless a child is doing something destructive or dangerous and the parent isn't

aware, people should keep their mouths shut. I love how these people label our

kids as unruly or rude, and yet their judgmental, noisy and unwarranted

criticism is ok.

I loved my grandparents very much, but they would probably have done similar

things to what we're talking about here. I remember my grandfather telling me

when I was a teenager that I didn't have the right to disagree with him because

he was older.

I think it comes down to tolerance. I'm not tolerant of bad behavior per se, but

much of what we experience is not bad behavior. It is borne out of frustration

and the inability to express thoughts and feelings. I really believe that most

children don't " choose " to misbehave. I wonder what some of these very vocal

critics would do if suddenly they lost their ability to communicate with the

world?

All the best,

Robyn

> From: Jerri Gann <njgann@...>

> Subject: Re: Re: sales clerk rude about our child

>

> Date: Friday, March 13, 2009, 10:22 AM

> It amazes me how many people feel the need to try and

> correct other

> people's situation when they don't know a thing

> about them. What the

> heck is all that about? I've never had anyone say

> anything to me but we

> do get the looks. Now that my son is 12 and we've been

> at this so long,

> the looks still upset me a little (a lot less then they use

> to) but I

> have some relief knowing my son is oblivious to this and

> they are not

> hurting his feelings any. But let me tell you if anyone

> hurts my son's

> feelings I would hate to think what I might do. We've

> had a good

> experience in school having an aide and he's now been

> in school with the

> same children for seven years. They know him, understand

> him, help him

> and defend him from new people. This is the one good thing

> school has

> done for us. I do feel I need to homeschool him in 7th and

> 8th, maybe

> beyond, we'll see how it goes. It's such a tough

> choice but I think my

> son is at his limit of sitting in class for 6 hours trying

> to pay

> attention to a lot of meaningless stuff. It's too much

> stress on him I

> think. Anyway, I'm off the subject but just putting it

> out there for

> parents with older children and hopefully some helpful info

> for the

> parents just starting out on this path. Jerri

> >

> >

> >

> > I've had a couple of similar experiences; one time

> in Target, my son

> > was having a terrible tantrum. He was only two years

> old and sick with

> > an ear-infection, and of course, completely

> non-verbal. I was just

> > there to get diapers and wanted to just get out of

> there get the kid

> > back home, and the check-out clerk (what IS it with

> these check-out

> > clerks anyway???) says " If he were my child,

> he'd be in time-out right

> > now. " I said to her, even if my son weren't

> autistic, he would be too

> > young for time-out! She said -- get ready -- " Oh,

> well, he doesn't

> > *look* like he's autistic! " I guess she

> thought that was a compliment.

> > Anyway, I reported her to the manager immediately

> afterward, and after

> > he apologized to me profusely, I had the intense

> satisfaction of

> > seeing him approach her and " invite " her

> into his office for a little

> > private chat just as I was leaving the store.

> >

> > Another time when was about five, I was helping

> him wash his

> > hands in a restaurant ladies' room. Some old bag

> standing nearby

> > started lecturing me about about how if I didn't

> let him wash his own

> > hands he'd never learn to do it himself! I said,

> well, he doesn't do a

> > very good job yet, and I don't want him getting

> sick from eating with

> > hands that aren't completely clean. She sort of

> harumphed, and then

> > said a couple of off-wall-things to no one in

> particular,

> > probably scripting, and she said, " You really

> should teach him to look

> > at people when he's talking to them! " .

> Well...THAT. DID. IT. I can

> > still remember the set of my jaw and my hands going

> into fists when I

> > said,dripping with sarcasm, " Oh, are you an

> expert on autism? " She

> > said " He's autistic? " And I said yes and

> ushered the hell out of

> > there. I really wish I'd had a snappier comeback

> for that woman. I

> > love the idea of the autism puzzle ribbons and the

> cards.

> >

> > Donna

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

i am so glad you had chance to act back to people who is rude because

they probably thought they were perfect in this world as they didn't

have a lot of life experiences to understand and think of other people.

actually i have learnt to see other's differences from the experince to

raise my son who also is on the autism disorder spectrum plus tourette

syndrome. one of my experinec was was two months ago my mom was wtih my

son as i was on the stage. he is very gifted on music ( he plays piano,

clairnet and saxophone etc). however, he didn't get on the stage this

time because there were two different groups organized the celebration

for chinese new year this year. since he said he wanted to see the show

so we took him there. we also had several good friends with their

friends coming so we gave up some of our seats to their friends.

however, there was a woman who also came from china, the same city where

i grow up. in the middle of the show, my son suddently saw someone he

knew was on the stage that reminded him he was on the stage for last few

years to perform. he started to melt down like sinking onto the floor

and making sort of crying sound. grandma took him out immediately to get

some fresh air to calm him down with other our good friends help.

meanwhile one of my best friend who also has an asd little girl came

back from the washroom and asked where were my son and my mother. this

woman started to say loudly to all my friends (most of them know my son

and our family except this woman who i meet her this very first time),

" she was with her idiot/stupid/maniac son (should be grandson) with a

look down tone in her voice. we didn't know this until few weeks after

my best friend called to discuss some issues about her daughter's eating

problems and mentioned to me that from now on we should not tell others

about our kids' problems so won't get teasing. she told me her heart was

broken when she heard that woman's voice and saw her experssion from her

eyes. i am use to these already, so now i am kind of waiting to find the

chance to meet this woman again as we live in a such small community,

victoria BC. i think i will let her know how embarrassed she made

herself in front of all her friends and my friends becasue of her

immoral educated behaviors and tell her her igrorance is her biggest

handicap. when our kids grow up (my son is 14 years old now) more, more

" funny things " you will have. just relax and focus on your kids. if you

really feel need to do something back to them, maybe do something like

below or say to those people that your ignorance is your biggest

handicap! we should not have more stress from out side since we had too

much already to deal with but for a lot of people who don't have same or

other difficult life experices they won't understand and think deeply

before they open their mouth. blanche :0)

________________________________

From: [mailto: ] On

Behalf Of dr_aitejeda@...

Sent: Wednesday, March 11, 2009 5:28 PM

Subject: Re: sales clerk rude about our child

Tamela,

I did have this experience with my older daughter which is not

under the spectrum at walmart. One lady look at me like I was not giving

discipline to her and finally make the comment " if she was my child she

would not do this kind of actions "

I replied to her " thanks god she is not your daughter, and

guess what? I have important things to worry

1st this quiet 2 year old is autistic and behaving well to your

perfume

2nd I have a husband in Iraq fighting for people like you!

I didn't walk away ! Her face turned different and when she

tried to apologize. I told her and by the way God bless your perfect

family!

Walk away and left groceries felt sorry for the cashier but I

couldn't stay longer.

Sometimes is good to express our stress because I was so happy

after that and laughing like a teenager!

Sent on the Now Network from my Sprint® BlackBerry

sales clerk rude about our child

We had a very disturbing experience today that I feel moved to

share with all of you. At the Dollar General store in Marietta today,

our almost 3 yo son w/ASD became fixated on finding the perfect alphabet

letters (this is what he tends to obsess with). This escalated into him

becoming very upset, crying and running around the store. Understanding

that this may not be the most pleasant thing for other customers, I

immediately and calmly assisted him out of the store, leaving my husband

to pay for our items. A female sales clerk said to the man who was at

the cash register checking my husband out, " If that were my kid, I would

beat his a--! " She repeated this along with a few other unfavorably

opinions about our son after the guy at the register wasn't really

responding. My husband, who normally keeps his cool, asked " Why,

because he has autism? " She only responded with a " Well, I didn't

know. " No apology, no remorse....

Have any of you experienced anything like this? If so, how did

you handle this?

[Guest guest]

I loved your story about how you handled the rude people at the supermarket.

You did a lot to enlighten many that day when you walked out of that store

without your groceries. When I was in the middle of the crazy Autism world

I got angry about all the things I had to do to help my son that other kids

just knew. I couldn't get mad at my kid, so I went after the Superintendent

of Schools where we lived in Minnesota. He did not have kids best interests

in mind. Somewhere the kids in our district and education were no longer his

main priority. I did some good by fighting to keep class sizes low and

exposing how he extravagantly redecorated his office while the ceiling tiles

were falling off the gym at the middle school. He also had a health club

membership that our tax dollars paid for and a PR person at $80,000/yr whose

primary job was to put his name in for awards. Sometimes anger does good

things. The class sizes stayed low as a result of the efforts of the

parents I organized and a lot of kids benefitted from my anger. My husband

was happy too because the Superintendent of schools was the focus so I

didn't have time to get mad at him. Keep up the good fight.

Marcia