FW: Fw: a doctor's advice (OT - we can all use some humor right now)

[Guest guest]

-- Fwd: My Kind Of Doctor

His practice has no room for new patients! Now, he's a medical wizard!

............. I love this Doctor

cid:9A19BC97289D4959A9B75547FCE56027@HOME1

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this

true?

A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it... Don't waste on

exercise. Everything wear out ev entually. Speed up heart not make live

longer; that like say you can extend life of car by driving faster. Want

live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does cow eat? Hay and corn.

What are these? Vegetables. So, steak nothing more than efficient mechanism

of delivering vegetables to system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef also good

source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And pork chop can give 100%

recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine made from fruit. is distilled wine. That

means they take water out of fruity bit; get ev en more of goodness that

way. Beer also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: If you have body and you have fat, ratio is one to one. If you have two

bodies, ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise

program?

A: Cannot think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods fried in vegetable oil. How getting more

vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help pr ev ent me from getting a little soft around the

middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only

do sit-ups if want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: You crazy? HELLO. Cocoa beans! Vegetable!!! Cocoa beans best feel-good

food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming good for figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about

food and diets.

AND.....

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition

and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting

nutritional studies:

1. The Japanese eat very little fat ..And suffer fewer heart attacks than

Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat ....And suffer fewer heart attacks than

Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine .....And suffer fewer heart

attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine ......And suffer fewer heart attacks

than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats

.......And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you

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