Re: School problem - suspension and Consequences for Behavior

February 12, 2010

Kristy and ,

Very helpful advice. Kristy, I laughed out loud when I read your comment,

" I have " the look " down! Even my husband is afraid of it " I might have to

try that on my husband. I am posting something I wrote a while ago in

hopes that it helps:

Top Ten Rules for Parenting Your Child

by Marcia Hinds

10. Start acting like your kids are normal. Don't give up and don't accept

their condition. Treat them like they understand everything you say. Don't

stop talking to them even though they give you no indication one way or

another that they understand you. (They do, even though they don't respond

appropriately or give you eye contact.)

9. Never talk negatively about them in front of others even if you think

they can't hear you. Remember many have supersonic hearing until their

immune systems are regulated. Even though we are all tired and overtaxed,

they need to know their parents believe in them and would do anything to

help them.

8. Don't avoid stressful situations or meltdowns--they have to follow the

same rules as the rest of the world. When they do meltdown (and we all know

they will) don't make excuses for them. It is embarrassing, but get over

it. Always do what is best for your child and learn to not worry about what

other people think. (Most people don't understand our situation and think

we are horrible parents anyway. Some are convinced our kids are just

spoiled and out of control.)

7. Learn to ignore what they are doing wrong and praise or reward what they

do correctly. I know this is difficult with our kids, because most of what

they do is inappropriate. But find that one thing they do right during the

course of the day. It may be hard to find, but keep looking. As far as

eliminating undesirable behaviors, don't try to fix everything at once.

Pick the one thing they do that drives you out of your mind and only work on

eliminating that behavior. When that is mastered, pick another.

6. Consistency and positive reinforcement are key. Reinforcement must be

immediate for all kids, especially children. They can't be rewarded at

the end of the day or given a prize at the end of a good week. (A long time

ago Maurice told me to use what they love to reward. That was

great advice. For my child physical things were difficult (catching a ball,

walking, skipping etc. We would set up an obstacle course and at the end of

the course there was a computer game. My kid loved anything with computers.

The computer was one of his main therapists. He only played educational

games, no mindless drivel.)

5. Don't get so engrossed in the medical care, therapy and ABA that you

forget they are kids. Kids need to go to the park and be hugged by mom and

dad. Sometimes when it would all get to be too much, we would stop therapy

and take a vacation for a week. We would just have fun together and I could

be mommy instead of the lead therapist.

4. When you are at the end of your rope, feel that there is no hope, and

have trouble continuing, fake it. When I was depressed and had terrible

thoughts, I would crank on the rock and roll and the entire family would

start dancing around the house. Even though I didn't feel it, eventually I

did feel better when I faked it.

3. Listen to all the experts, but trust your gut. No one knows your child

like you do. You live this every day. When a doctor told me I shouldn't

have my son's tonsils out, I did it anyway. After that, his constant strep

was gone and he wasn't sick all the time anymore.

2. Stop wasting time being mad that you have to teach your child what every

two-year-old learns easily and naturally. Stop feeling sad for yourself and

your child. You don't have time for that. There is too much work to be

done.

1. And most importantly, you need to be more stubborn than they are!!!!

February 12, 2010

Those are great rules, Marcia. I believe that most of us know these rules to be

true, but it takes constant reminding to stay consistent. With your permission,

I would like to print them and paste them on my kitchen fridge (and every other

room in the house,if necessary).

Thanks,

>

> Kristy and ,

>

> Very helpful advice. Kristy, I laughed out loud when I read your comment,

> " I have " the look " down! Even my husband is afraid of it " I might have to

> try that on my husband. I am posting something I wrote a while ago in

> hopes that it helps:

>

> Top Ten Rules for Parenting Your Child

>

> by Marcia Hinds

>

> 10. Start acting like your kids are normal. Don't give up and don't accept

> their condition. Treat them like they understand everything you say. Don't

> stop talking to them even though they give you no indication one way or

> another that they understand you. (They do, even though they don't respond

> appropriately or give you eye contact.)

>

> 9. Never talk negatively about them in front of others even if you think

> they can't hear you. Remember many have supersonic hearing until their

> immune systems are regulated. Even though we are all tired and overtaxed,

> they need to know their parents believe in them and would do anything to

> help them.

>

> 8. Don't avoid stressful situations or meltdowns--they have to follow the

> same rules as the rest of the world. When they do meltdown (and we all know

> they will) don't make excuses for them. It is embarrassing, but get over

> it. Always do what is best for your child and learn to not worry about what

> other people think. (Most people don't understand our situation and think

> we are horrible parents anyway. Some are convinced our kids are just

> spoiled and out of control.)

>

> 7. Learn to ignore what they are doing wrong and praise or reward what they

> do correctly. I know this is difficult with our kids, because most of what

> they do is inappropriate. But find that one thing they do right during the

> course of the day. It may be hard to find, but keep looking. As far as

> eliminating undesirable behaviors, don't try to fix everything at once.

> Pick the one thing they do that drives you out of your mind and only work on

> eliminating that behavior. When that is mastered, pick another.

>

> 6. Consistency and positive reinforcement are key. Reinforcement must be

> immediate for all kids, especially children. They can't be rewarded at

> the end of the day or given a prize at the end of a good week. (A long time

> ago Maurice told me to use what they love to reward. That was

> great advice. For my child physical things were difficult (catching a ball,

> walking, skipping etc. We would set up an obstacle course and at the end of

> the course there was a computer game. My kid loved anything with computers.

> The computer was one of his main therapists. He only played educational

> games, no mindless drivel.)

>

> 5. Don't get so engrossed in the medical care, therapy and ABA that you

> forget they are kids. Kids need to go to the park and be hugged by mom and

> dad. Sometimes when it would all get to be too much, we would stop therapy

> and take a vacation for a week. We would just have fun together and I could

> be mommy instead of the lead therapist.

>

> 4. When you are at the end of your rope, feel that there is no hope, and

> have trouble continuing, fake it. When I was depressed and had terrible

> thoughts, I would crank on the rock and roll and the entire family would

> start dancing around the house. Even though I didn't feel it, eventually I

> did feel better when I faked it.

>

> 3. Listen to all the experts, but trust your gut. No one knows your child

> like you do. You live this every day. When a doctor told me I shouldn't

> have my son's tonsils out, I did it anyway. After that, his constant strep

> was gone and he wasn't sick all the time anymore.

>

> 2. Stop wasting time being mad that you have to teach your child what every

> two-year-old learns easily and naturally. Stop feeling sad for yourself and

> your child. You don't have time for that. There is too much work to be

> done.

>

> 1. And most importantly, you need to be more stubborn than they are!!!!

>

February 12, 2010

Marcia -

Great advice! I certainly try to live this way and it's a great

reminder!

We had such a wonderful 'normal' experience with my son and daughters

at Disneyland this past monday that I can finally see the light. Yes,

he's 7 and is finally at the 2 year old level but it was so nice to

see him truly enjoy everything about Disney. I have been praying for

this and since starting the protocol we got it! It was a a

magical day for the entire family and I'm looking forward to more of

these moments.

Appreciate the thoughts and will hold onto these for future reading

when I need it.

Laureen

Thumb typed - typos will be a plenty!

On Feb 12, 2010, at 4:15 AM, " and Marcia Hinds " <hindssite@...

> wrote:

> Kristy and ,

>

> Very helpful advice. Kristy, I laughed out loud when I read your

> comment,

> " I have " the look " down! Even my husband is afraid of it " I might

> have to

> try that on my husband. I am posting something I wrote a while ago in

> hopes that it helps:

>

> Top Ten Rules for Parenting Your Child

>

> by Marcia Hinds

>

> 10. Start acting like your kids are normal. Don't give up and don't

> accept

> their condition. Treat them like they understand everything you say.

> Don't

> stop talking to them even though they give you no indication one way

> or

> another that they understand you. (They do, even though they don't

> respond

> appropriately or give you eye contact.)

>

> 9. Never talk negatively about them in front of others even if you

> think

> they can't hear you. Remember many have supersonic hearing until their

> immune systems are regulated. Even though we are all tired and

> overtaxed,

> they need to know their parents believe in them and would do

> anything to

> help them.

>

> 8. Don't avoid stressful situations or meltdowns--they have to

> follow the

> same rules as the rest of the world. When they do meltdown (and we

> all know

> they will) don't make excuses for them. It is embarrassing, but get

> over

> it. Always do what is best for your child and learn to not worry

> about what

> other people think. (Most people don't understand our situation and

> think

> we are horrible parents anyway. Some are convinced our kids are just

> spoiled and out of control.)

>

> 7. Learn to ignore what they are doing wrong and praise or reward

> what they

> do correctly. I know this is difficult with our kids, because most

> of what

> they do is inappropriate. But find that one thing they do right

> during the

> course of the day. It may be hard to find, but keep looking. As far as

> eliminating undesirable behaviors, don't try to fix everything at

> once.

> Pick the one thing they do that drives you out of your mind and only

> work on

> eliminating that behavior. When that is mastered, pick another.

>

> 6. Consistency and positive reinforcement are key. Reinforcement

> must be

> immediate for all kids, especially children. They can't be

> rewarded at

> the end of the day or given a prize at the end of a good week. (A

> long time

> ago Maurice told me to use what they love to reward. That

> was

> great advice. For my child physical things were difficult (catching

> a ball,

> walking, skipping etc. We would set up an obstacle course and at the

> end of

> the course there was a computer game. My kid loved anything with

> computers.

> The computer was one of his main therapists. He only played

> educational

> games, no mindless drivel.)

>

> 5. Don't get so engrossed in the medical care, therapy and ABA that

> you

> forget they are kids. Kids need to go to the park and be hugged by

> mom and

> dad. Sometimes when it would all get to be too much, we would stop

> therapy

> and take a vacation for a week. We would just have fun together and

> I could

> be mommy instead of the lead therapist.

>

> 4. When you are at the end of your rope, feel that there is no hope,

> and

> have trouble continuing, fake it. When I was depressed and had

> terrible

> thoughts, I would crank on the rock and roll and the entire family

> would

> start dancing around the house. Even though I didn't feel it,

> eventually I

> did feel better when I faked it.

>

> 3. Listen to all the experts, but trust your gut. No one knows your

> child

> like you do. You live this every day. When a doctor told me I

> shouldn't

> have my son's tonsils out, I did it anyway. After that, his

> constant strep

> was gone and he wasn't sick all the time anymore.

>

> 2. Stop wasting time being mad that you have to teach your child

> what every

> two-year-old learns easily and naturally. Stop feeling sad for

> yourself and

> your child. You don't have time for that. There is too much work to be

> done.

>

> 1. And most importantly, you need to be more stubborn than they

> are!!!!

>

February 12, 2010

LOL! The look...

I have to share " the look " ... I can't do it on purpose, but on rare occasions

when it 'comes out', my husband usualy gasps and has this hilarious shocked

expression on his face.Â It has even made him go pale before.

Marcia, thank you for the list.Â I'm going to post it on the refrigerator.

Thanks,

________________________________

From: and Marcia Hinds <hindssite@...>

Sent: Fri, February 12, 2010 6:15:57 AM

Subject: Re: School problem - suspension and Consequences for Behavior

Â