Re: School problem - suspension

[Guest guest]

,

The first thing that comes to mind is that maybe he needs something in his

IEP about procedures for waiting in line... like maybe he¹s next to a

teacher or between certain kids or something like that. I know putting him

at the front would be a might solution theoretically, but that might make

other kids mad at him because everyone wants to be first.

The other thing I thought of was writing some social stories for standing in

line.

The problem is that you can¹t think of every situation that could occur in

line (as far as social stories) and our kids seem to have trouble

generalizing advice. Even if the social story makes sense to him, if

something happens that¹s a little bit different, it might throw him off.

Maybe practicing standing in line at home... and how to get someone¹s

attention, etc. would help.

One thing that I did with one of my sons once was to have him write

something lots of times that he needed to stop doing. I hated to do it but

it did help. I didn¹t do that with everything but in certain behaviors I

did... it helped keep him out of trouble for doing things innocently that

were inappropriate. For some reason, writing helped him remember.

I¹m not surprised that it took so long for him to tell the principal... If

he has trouble with expressive language and he was anxious about being

questioned by the principal, of course that would shut him down. Is there

someone else he could go to when he does something inappropriate? Someone

less intimidating and more able to help him relax and express himself?

It sounds as though you need an advocate for him at the school... someone

who understand that kids who have ³issues² are great and need to be

understood, loved and helped. We have lucked into someone like that for

both of our sons (one at elementary, one at the high school) and they have

made all the difference in the world. They are like my boys¹ guardian

angels.

Oh, I feel for you... I¹ll be thinking about you tomorrow.

Caroline G.

From: <thecolemans4@...>

Reply-< >

Date: Tue, 09 Feb 2010 17:13:36 -0800 (PST)

< >

Subject: School problem - suspension

Hi all,

I just thought I'd post a problem here to see what you think about it...

My 8 yr old - w/CFS - has been suspended for licking the back of a kid's

neck in line (he was trying to get his attention and he had not responded to

him tapping on his shoulder).  Recently he had also called a kid a b*tt-hair

(which I can accept as 'harassment " ), and I don't remember the one before -

maybe hit a kid for cutting in line in front of him. 

He is suspended for 'harassment' - for licking a kid on the back of his neck

- granted - a very inappropriate behavior... but there was not an ill

intention here.

Standing in line is clearly where all of his worst actions occur.  He

doesn't think before he acts, obviously.

He has an IEP for specific learning disorder.  He has trouble w/listening

and expressive language - the common stuff w/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome of

course.

I'm going to talk to them in the morning.  I want to know how they would

have handled that behavior if he had an autism, PDD, or Asperger diagnosis. 

I feel pretty sure that if he had testing on Asperger, he would likely

qualify right now, but I also think it would likely be wrong and I'd rather

not go there, not when he has a formal CFIDS diagnosis w/documented language

disorders, etc, plus the memory deficits (he said he forgot he wasn't

supposed to lick until too late and he had already done it).  Principal said

it took him 10 minutes for him to tell the asst principal why he did it

(trying to get the kid's attn), and the tone was kind of condescending.

Anyway, I'm upset, and they have not done well putting any kind of

behavioral plan in place.

Just wanted your thoughts or any suggestions.

Thanks!

[Guest guest]

Hi Caroline,

Thanks for the support, the ideas, and the reinforcment.  I had him write

sentences tonight about not putting his mouth and tongue on people.  I had not

thought of social stories, but I did discuss it with him.  He actually tried

initially to get the kid's attention appropriately - tapping his shoulder, so at

least I'm proud of that.  He doesn't know why he crossed that line afterward.

I wish they had someone available to them like your kids' 'guardians'.  What a

blessing - I'm happy you have that.  A future mission....  I'm going to have

to enlist an excellent psychologist now (now that I don't work for him, I can

have him for my kids' doctor, which I couldn't before), and have him run

interference for us at school.  If I get him on board, they may stop messing

with them...   At this point the $ cost would be less than the psycological

cost of the stress and negative exeperiences, and maybe I could even fight to

have the school system pay for it (in my dreams, but hey, maybe).  Just to have

someone on my kids' sides that truly understands and adores them (kids w/special

needs, especially Asperger).

Oh well.

It helps to share - thanks for being there!

________________________________

From: Caroline Glover <sfglover@...>

Sent: Tue, February 9, 2010 7:47:14 PM

Subject: Re: School problem - suspension

 

,

The first thing that comes to mind is that maybe he needs something in his

IEP about procedures for waiting in line... like maybe he¹s next to a

teacher or between certain kids or something like that. I know putting him

at the front would be a might solution theoretically, but that might make

other kids mad at him because everyone wants to be first.

The other thing I thought of was writing some social stories for standing in

line.

The problem is that you can¹t think of every situation that could occur in

line (as far as social stories) and our kids seem to have trouble

generalizing advice. Even if the social story makes sense to him, if

something happens that¹s a little bit different, it might throw him off.

Maybe practicing standing in line at home... and how to get someone¹s

attention, etc. would help.

One thing that I did with one of my sons once was to have him write

something lots of times that he needed to stop doing. I hated to do it but

it did help. I didn¹t do that with everything but in certain behaviors I

did... it helped keep him out of trouble for doing things innocently that

were inappropriate. For some reason, writing helped him remember.

I¹m not surprised that it took so long for him to tell the principal... If

he has trouble with expressive language and he was anxious about being

questioned by the principal, of course that would shut him down. Is there

someone else he could go to when he does something inappropriate? Someone

less intimidating and more able to help him relax and express himself?

It sounds as though you need an advocate for him at the school... someone

who understand that kids who have ³issues² are great and need to be

understood, loved and helped. We have lucked into someone like that for

both of our sons (one at elementary, one at the high school) and they have

made all the difference in the world. They are like my boys¹ guardian

angels.

Oh, I feel for you... I¹ll be thinking about you tomorrow.

Caroline G.

From: <thecolemans4>

Reply-<groups (DOT) com>

Date: Tue, 09 Feb 2010 17:13:36 -0800 (PST)

<groups (DOT) com>

Subject: School problem - suspension

Hi all,

I just thought I'd post a problem here to see what you think about it...

My 8 yr old - w/CFS - has been suspended for licking the back of a kid's

neck in line (he was trying to get his attention and he had not responded to

him tapping on his shoulder).  Recently he had also called a kid a b*tt-hair

(which I can accept as 'harassment " ), and I don't remember the one before -

maybe hit a kid for cutting in line in front of him. 

He is suspended for 'harassment' - for licking a kid on the back of his neck

- granted - a very inappropriate behavior... but there was not an ill

intention here.

Standing in line is clearly where all of his worst actions occur.  He

doesn't think before he acts, obviously.

He has an IEP for specific learning disorder.  He has trouble w/listening

and expressive language - the common stuff w/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome of

course.

I'm going to talk to them in the morning.  I want to know how they would

have handled that behavior if he had an autism, PDD, or Asperger diagnosis. 

I feel pretty sure that if he had testing on Asperger, he would likely

qualify right now, but I also think it would likely be wrong and I'd rather

not go there, not when he has a formal CFIDS diagnosis w/documented language

disorders, etc, plus the memory deficits (he said he forgot he wasn't

supposed to lick until too late and he had already done it).  Principal said

it took him 10 minutes for him to tell the asst principal why he did it

(trying to get the kid's attn), and the tone was kind of condescending.

Anyway, I'm upset, and they have not done well putting any kind of

behavioral plan in place.

Just wanted your thoughts or any suggestions.

Thanks!

[Guest guest]

Hello ,

 

Sorry but I do not think the punishment that was dealt equaled the crime. If

anything, those teachers and principal should have been suspended. Your 8 year

old's actions was nothing compared to suspending an 8 year old kid. Where is the

common sense? I hate to sound old but back in my day, a kid would be sent to the

principals office or stay after school to help the teacher clean up. What also

worries me is that the punishment of staying out of school may be viewed as a

" reward " not only for the child but for his peers. Well, it looks like your

child is going to learn at a young age that grown ups do not always know what is

best. Please give your kiddo a big hug for me.

 

All the best,

 

Jill

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

In my travels, I've found some school people who are fabulous and others who are

completely clueless. Suspension is not the answer - school is a stressful place

for our kids (even though they may like it), so staying home is great as far as

they're concerned. We're lucky in that our principal is a true inclusion

advocate - understands that more often thatn not, behaviors are communication.

's special ed teacher is a bridge builder and really educates the general ed

teachers and staff about what these things mean. All are on board with what

we're doing w/ Dr G. We've got a great situation. But it was a whole different

story three years ago, when he was in another district school, where the staff

had no idea how to deal with a child with limited expressive language and we had

to hire a lawyer. If you want a behavior plan, sadly in this situation, you'll

have to write it. Our third job as education experts......

Hang in there - Alaine

>

> Hi all,

> I just thought I'd post a problem here to see what you think about it...

> My 8 yr old - w/CFS - has been suspended for licking the back of a kid's neck

in line (he was trying to get his attention and he had not responded to him

tapping on his shoulder).  Recently he had also called a kid a b*tt-hair (which

I can accept as 'harassment " ), and I don't remember the one before - maybe hit a

kid for cutting in line in front of him. 

> He is suspended for 'harassment' - for licking a kid on the back of his neck -

granted - a very inappropriate behavior... but there was not an ill intention

here.

> Standing in line is clearly where all of his worst actions occur.  He doesn't

think before he acts, obviously.

> He has an IEP for specific learning disorder.  He has trouble w/listening and

expressive language - the common stuff w/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome of course.

> I'm going to talk to them in the morning.  I want to know how they would have

handled that behavior if he had an autism, PDD, or Asperger diagnosis.  I feel

pretty sure that if he had testing on Asperger, he would likely qualify right

now, but I also think it would likely be wrong and I'd rather not go there, not

when he has a formal CFIDS diagnosis w/documented language disorders, etc, plus

the memory deficits (he said he forgot he wasn't supposed to lick until too late

and he had already done it).  Principal said it took him 10 minutes for him to

tell the asst principal why he did it (trying to get the kid's attn), and the

tone was kind of condescending.

> Anyway, I'm upset, and they have not done well putting any kind of behavioral

plan in place.

> Just wanted your thoughts or any suggestions.

> Thanks!

>

>

>

>

>

>