Re:HELP! I'm having issues with my son

[Guest guest]

,

The worst thing to do is to give in to our kids to prevent a meltdown.

Having said that we all did it because we don't want the consequences that

come with it. For my son just taking him of dairy and a lot of sugar

created a major change. ( No more than two fruits a day) My son is in

college and recovered because of the medical, educational and behavioral

interventions we did. Here is a top ten list I posted before on how to

parent a child with autism:

Top Ten Rules for Parenting Your Child

by Marcia Hinds

10. Start acting like your kids are normal. Don't give up and don't accept

their condition. Treat them like they understand everything you say. Don't

stop talking to them even though they give you no indication one way or

another that they understand you. (They do, even though they don't respond

appropriately or give you eye contact.)

9. Never talk negatively about them in front of others even if you think

they can't hear you. Remember many have supersonic hearing until their

immune systems are regulated. Even though we are all tired and overtaxed,

they need to know their parents believe in them and would do anything to

help them.

8. Don't avoid stressful situations or meltdowns--they have to follow the

same rules as the rest of the world. When they do meltdown (and we all know

they will) don't make excuses for them. It is embarrassing, but get over

it. Always do what is best for your child and learn to not worry about what

other people think. (Most people don't understand our situation and think

we are horrible parents anyway. Some are convinced our kids are just

spoiled and out of control.)

7. Learn to ignore what they are doing wrong and praise or reward what they

do correctly. I know this is difficult with our kids, because most of what

they do is inappropriate. But find that one thing they do right during the

course of the day. It may be hard to find, but keep looking. As far as

eliminating undesirable behaviors, don't try to fix everything at once.

Pick the one thing they do that drives you out of your mind and only work on

eliminating that behavior. When that is mastered, pick another.

6. Consistency and positive reinforcement are key. Reinforcement must be

immediate for all kids, especially children. They can't be rewarded at

the end of the day or given a prize at the end of a good week. (A long time

ago Maurice told me to use what they love to reward. That was

great advice. For my child physical things were difficult (catching a ball,

walking, skipping etc. We would set up an obstacle course and at the end of

the course there was a computer game. My kid loved anything with computers.

The computer was one of his main therapists. He only played educational

games, no mindless drivel.)

5. Don't get so engrossed in the medical care, therapy and ABA that you

forget they are kids. Kids need to go to the park and be hugged by mom and

dad. Sometimes when it would all get to be too much, we would stop therapy

and take a vacation for a week. We would just have fun together and I could

be mommy instead of the lead therapist.

4. When you are at the end of your rope, feel that there is no hope, and

have trouble continuing, fake it. When I was depressed and had terrible

thoughts, I would crank on the rock and roll and the entire family would

start dancing around the house. Even though I didn't feel it, eventually I

did feel better when I faked it.

3. Listen to all the experts, but trust your gut. No one knows your child

like you do. You live this every day. When a doctor told me I shouldn't

have my son's tonsils out, I did it anyway. After that, his constant strep

was gone and he wasn't sick all the time anymore.

2. Stop wasting time being mad that you have to teach your child what every

two-year-old learns easily and naturally. Stop feeling sad for yourself and

your child. You don't have time for that. There is too much work to be

done.

1. And most importantly, you need to be more stubborn than they are!!!!

Hope this helps<

Marcia

[Guest guest]

Great advice!

 

In regards to your troubles with strep.  My son has been in the hospital 2

times in the last three weeks for strep and less than two weeks after our last

hospitalization he is sick again, with I am worried will be strep again. 

Prior to this he had not been sick with strep for quite some time.  Any input

as to why we may be having this wave of illness is greatly appreciated. 

 

My son is 6 and what I refer to as preverbal.  He uses a communication device

for his wants but we have not reached the point where he can express what or

how he is feeling. Last May he was diagnosed as having PANDAS and I have

recently started a new protocol for detox do you think there is a correlation?

 

Thanks to any and all! 

From: and Marcia Hinds <hindssite@...>

Subject: Re:HELP! I'm having issues with my son

sweetangelgirl122681@...,

Date: Monday, May 24, 2010, 9:50 AM

 

,

The worst thing to do is to give in to our kids to prevent a meltdown.

Having said that we all did it because we don't want the consequences that

come with it. For my son just taking him of dairy and a lot of sugar

created a major change. ( No more than two fruits a day) My son is in

college and recovered because of the medical, educational and behavioral

interventions we did. Here is a top ten list I posted before on how to

parent a child with autism:

Top Ten Rules for Parenting Your Child

by Marcia Hinds

10. Start acting like your kids are normal. Don't give up and don't accept

their condition. Treat them like they understand everything you say. Don't

stop talking to them even though they give you no indication one way or

another that they understand you. (They do, even though they don't respond

appropriately or give you eye contact.)

9. Never talk negatively about them in front of others even if you think

they can't hear you. Remember many have supersonic hearing until their

immune systems are regulated. Even though we are all tired and overtaxed,

they need to know their parents believe in them and would do anything to

help them.

8. Don't avoid stressful situations or meltdowns--they have to follow the

same rules as the rest of the world. When they do meltdown (and we all know

they will) don't make excuses for them. It is embarrassing, but get over

it. Always do what is best for your child and learn to not worry about what

other people think. (Most people don't understand our situation and think

we are horrible parents anyway. Some are convinced our kids are just

spoiled and out of control.)

7. Learn to ignore what they are doing wrong and praise or reward what they

do correctly. I know this is difficult with our kids, because most of what

they do is inappropriate. But find that one thing they do right during the

course of the day. It may be hard to find, but keep looking. As far as

eliminating undesirable behaviors, don't try to fix everything at once.

Pick the one thing they do that drives you out of your mind and only work on

eliminating that behavior. When that is mastered, pick another.

6. Consistency and positive reinforcement are key. Reinforcement must be

immediate for all kids, especially children. They can't be rewarded at

the end of the day or given a prize at the end of a good week. (A long time

ago Maurice told me to use what they love to reward. That was

great advice. For my child physical things were difficult (catching a ball,

walking, skipping etc. We would set up an obstacle course and at the end of

the course there was a computer game. My kid loved anything with computers.

The computer was one of his main therapists. He only played educational

games, no mindless drivel.)

5. Don't get so engrossed in the medical care, therapy and ABA that you

forget they are kids. Kids need to go to the park and be hugged by mom and

dad. Sometimes when it would all get to be too much, we would stop therapy

and take a vacation for a week. We would just have fun together and I could

be mommy instead of the lead therapist.

4. When you are at the end of your rope, feel that there is no hope, and

have trouble continuing, fake it. When I was depressed and had terrible

thoughts, I would crank on the rock and roll and the entire family would

start dancing around the house. Even though I didn't feel it, eventually I

did feel better when I faked it.

3. Listen to all the experts, but trust your gut. No one knows your child

like you do. You live this every day. When a doctor told me I shouldn't

have my son's tonsils out, I did it anyway. After that, his constant strep

was gone and he wasn't sick all the time anymore.

2. Stop wasting time being mad that you have to teach your child what every

two-year-old learns easily and naturally. Stop feeling sad for yourself and

your child. You don't have time for that. There is too much work to be

done.

1. And most importantly, you need to be more stubborn than they are!!!!

Hope this helps<

Marcia

[Guest guest]

Great advice. We must remind ourselves that our kids will always have to live in

the world around them, no matter if it is scary. It's an unfair burden but they

will have to learn to relate to their peers. It breaks our hearts as parents,

but sometimes a hard lesson is the best in the long run

Sent from my iPhone

On May 24, 2010, at 10:50 AM, " and Marcia Hinds " <hindssite@...>

wrote:

,

The worst thing to do is to give in to our kids to prevent a meltdown.

Having said that we all did it because we don't want the consequences that

come with it. For my son just taking him of dairy and a lot of sugar

created a major change. ( No more than two fruits a day) My son is in

college and recovered because of the medical, educational and behavioral

interventions we did. Here is a top ten list I posted before on how to

parent a child with autism:

Top Ten Rules for Parenting Your Child

by Marcia Hinds

10. Start acting like your kids are normal. Don't give up and don't accept

their condition. Treat them like they understand everything you say. Don't

stop talking to them even though they give you no indication one way or

another that they understand you. (They do, even though they don't respond

appropriately or give you eye contact.)

9. Never talk negatively about them in front of others even if you think

they can't hear you. Remember many have supersonic hearing until their

immune systems are regulated. Even though we are all tired and overtaxed,

they need to know their parents believe in them and would do anything to

help them.

8. Don't avoid stressful situations or meltdowns--they have to follow the

same rules as the rest of the world. When they do meltdown (and we all know

they will) don't make excuses for them. It is embarrassing, but get over

it. Always do what is best for your child and learn to not worry about what

other people think. (Most people don't understand our situation and think

we are horrible parents anyway. Some are convinced our kids are just

spoiled and out of control.)

7. Learn to ignore what they are doing wrong and praise or reward what they

do correctly. I know this is difficult with our kids, because most of what

they do is inappropriate. But find that one thing they do right during the

course of the day. It may be hard to find, but keep looking. As far as

eliminating undesirable behaviors, don't try to fix everything at once.

Pick the one thing they do that drives you out of your mind and only work on

eliminating that behavior. When that is mastered, pick another.

6. Consistency and positive reinforcement are key. Reinforcement must be

immediate for all kids, especially children. They can't be rewarded at

the end of the day or given a prize at the end of a good week. (A long time

ago Maurice told me to use what they love to reward. That was

great advice. For my child physical things were difficult (catching a ball,

walking, skipping etc. We would set up an obstacle course and at the end of

the course there was a computer game. My kid loved anything with computers.

The computer was one of his main therapists. He only played educational

games, no mindless drivel.)

5. Don't get so engrossed in the medical care, therapy and ABA that you

forget they are kids. Kids need to go to the park and be hugged by mom and

dad. Sometimes when it would all get to be too much, we would stop therapy

and take a vacation for a week. We would just have fun together and I could

be mommy instead of the lead therapist.

4. When you are at the end of your rope, feel that there is no hope, and

have trouble continuing, fake it. When I was depressed and had terrible

thoughts, I would crank on the rock and roll and the entire family would

start dancing around the house. Even though I didn't feel it, eventually I

did feel better when I faked it.

3. Listen to all the experts, but trust your gut. No one knows your child

like you do. You live this every day. When a doctor told me I shouldn't

have my son's tonsils out, I did it anyway. After that, his constant strep

was gone and he wasn't sick all the time anymore.

2. Stop wasting time being mad that you have to teach your child what every

two-year-old learns easily and naturally. Stop feeling sad for yourself and

your child. You don't have time for that. There is too much work to be

done.

1. And most importantly, you need to be more stubborn than they are!!!!

Hope this helps<

Marcia