Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

[Guest guest]

I answered your question as it pertained to me. What the f do you need a break from? To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Saturday, July 21, 2012 3:32:27 PMSubject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

Oh, give me a break.I was just asking for clarification. To: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Saturday, July 21, 2012 7:03 AM Subject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

I can't speak for Detlef. I think he gets my post; if not, he can ask me.To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Friday, July 20, 2012 6:27:15 PMSubject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

Hi Detlef and Helena,What in the world are you two talking about here? Care to clue me in?Thanks,terry

[Guest guest]

Detlef,Can you help with what are you talking about? How is attempting to own my comments in larger context an example of kicking myself the the sidewalk? To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Friday, July 20, 2012 12:17 PM Subject: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all

technique

Where's little Theresa? The unclever, nonintellectual little girl?Are you kicking her to the sidewalk? Is she crying?Does she deserve this? Does she need help?Hugs,Detlef>> This commenting of mine feels a bit heavy and oh so not compassionate and some of it is unnecessary.> > > I think some of what pushed my buttons is my own personal experience with red wine.> > ________________________________> To: "ACT_for_the_Public " ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Thursday, July 19, 2012 5:47 PM> Subject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique> > > Â

> I'm not sure how much direct > practice work Neff has. She seems a bit detached, very "Santa Fe" if you will excuse the stereotype.> > One of weirder statements (as in "what doesn't belong here?") that pops out is the choice to include detailing of how to best mitigate the effects of alcohol alongside other self-care ideas.I can't put my finger on, but on both a process and content level, coupling this glass of red wine with an "oh so compassionate" way to unwind after a long day seems weird.> > > Most of my concern I think has to do with the emphasis on the whole story line about need to relax as a goal. I'm not sure how that jives with a self-compassionate embrace.> > Part of it has to do with the suggestion itself. > > Confusing messages, speaking out of both ends it seems.> > > terry> > >

________________________________> To: ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Sunday, July 15, 2012 2:21 PM> Subject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique> > > Â > I'm not Terry but the book is simply called "Self Compassion". I recommend it as well.> > Check the books website:> > http://www.self-compassion.org/ > > Hi Terry> >> >> >What's the title of this book?> >> >>

[Guest guest]

OK, I'll respond more thoroughly. I did not understand Detlef's post to you and thought it was down-putting; however, I thought he meant it to be supportive (perhaps). I thought to myself that he had no reason to downput anyone when his own life is a mess (as I gathered from his posts). So I thought I would turn his message around (which I did not understand) to put the focus on him, where I thought it belonged. Please remember that Detlef is most likely drunk when he posts (by his own admission), so you can take anything he says with that blurred grain of thought, when he thinks he is being most clear (as in Hitchens wannabe). Jeez, I sure said "I thought" a lot here. That could be a clue for me! "I thought and thought until the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought" LOL : )To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Saturday, July 21, 2012 3:44:06 PMSubject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

I answered your question as it pertained to me. What the f do you need a break from? To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Saturday, July 21, 2012 3:32:27 PMSubject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

Oh, give me a break.I was just asking for clarification. To: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Saturday, July 21, 2012 7:03 AM Subject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

I can't speak for Detlef. I think he gets my post; if not, he can ask me.To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Friday, July 20, 2012 6:27:15 PMSubject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

Hi Detlef and Helena,What in the world are you two talking about here? Care to clue me in?Thanks,terry

[Guest guest]

Terry,I really liked your comments.  I laughed a little reading your " Santa Fe " comment.A lot of the " compassionate " comments on this list are kind of creepy to me.  Your comments were a breath of fresh air.

People have different likes and taste and " values " .  So don't worry if you don't conform to this mushy compassion.  It's not one of my values and I think many on this list over rates it.

 

This commenting of mine feels a bit heavy and oh so not compassionate and some of it is unnecessary.

I think some of what pushed my buttons is my own personal experience with red wine.

To: " ACT_for_the_Public " <ACT_for_the_Public >

Sent: Thursday, July 19, 2012 5:47 PM Subject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

 

I'm not sure how much direct practice work Neff has. She seems a bit detached, very " Santa Fe " if you

will excuse the stereotype.One of weirder statements (as in " what doesn't belong here? " ) that pops out is the choice to include detailing of how to best mitigate the effects of alcohol alongside other self-care ideas. I can't put my finger on, but on both a process and content level, coupling this glass of red wine with an " oh so compassionate " way to unwind after a long day seems weird.

Most of my concern I think has to do with the emphasis on the whole story line about need to relax as a goal. I'm not sure how that jives with a self-compassionate embrace.

Part of it has to do with the suggestion itself. Confusing messages, speaking out of both ends it

seems.terry

To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Sunday, July 15, 2012 2:21 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

 

I'm not Terry but the book is simply called " Self Compassion " . I recommend it as well.Check the books website:http://www.self-compassion.org/

Hi TerryWhat's the title of this book?

[Guest guest]

There is no way I could have known you were thinking all this, so I'm glad you piped up, although it felt a bit like pulling teeth to just have you do so!So far as Detlef...it feels weird talking about him like he's not here, but I do think you're awfully protective of him. You make lots of excuses for him. Yes, his post was down-putting and he sure took time to carefully insert negative descriptives. Drunk or not, that's just rude.I know I've written hurtful stuff in the past and hopefully less so recently. I can have a dangerous tongue when I'm intoxicated or

just plain hurting. I get where you're coming from but don't know how helpful it is to recommend we just dismiss what he says as the "list drunk" so to speak. That we should just expect this...kind of paints him into a corner and also creates a story that may be too easy to just glob onto and continue. We're here to help each other grow and change for the better and I for one expect the best from all of us, regardless of history. I'd certainly want others to keep holding out hope for me to turn it around...for the most part folks here do and it's one of the things that continues to move me about people in the ACT community. terry To: ACT for the Public

<ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Saturday, July 21, 2012 12:59

PM Subject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

OK, I'll respond more thoroughly. I

did not understand Detlef's post to you and thought it was down-putting; however, I thought he meant it to be supportive (perhaps).

I thought to myself that he had no reason to downput anyone when his own life is a mess (as I gathered from his posts). So I thought I would turn his message around (which I did not understand) to put the focus on him, where I thought it belonged. Please remember that Detlef is most likely drunk when he posts (by his own admission), so you can take anything he says with that blurred grain of thought, when he thinks

he is being most clear (as in Hitchens wannabe). Jeez,

I sure said "I thought" a lot here. That could be a clue for me! "I thought and thought until the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought" LOL : )To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Saturday, July 21, 2012 3:44:06 PMSubject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

I answered your question as it pertained to me. What the f do you need a break from? To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Saturday, July 21, 2012 3:32:27 PMSubject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

Oh, give me a break.I was just asking for clarification. To: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Saturday, July 21, 2012 7:03 AM Subject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

I can't speak for Detlef. I think he gets my post; if not, he can ask me.To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Friday, July 20, 2012 6:27:15 PMSubject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

Hi Detlef and Helena,What in the world are you two talking about here? Care to clue me in?

ter To: "ACT_for_the_Public " <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Friday, July 20, 2012 3:27 PM Subject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

Hi Detlef and Helena,What in the world are you two talking about here? Care to clue me in?Thanks,terry======================================================================Where's little Detlef? The clever, intellectual little boy?Are you kicking him to the sidewalk? Is he crying?Does he deserve this? Does he need help?Hugs,Helena To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Friday, July 20, 2012 12:17 PM Subject: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

Where's little Theresa? The unclever, nonintellectual little girl?Are you kicking her to the sidewalk? Is she crying?Does she deserve this? Does she need help?Hugs,Detlef>> This commenting of mine feels a bit heavy and oh so not compassionate and some of it is unnecessary.> > > I think some of what pushed my buttons is my own personal experience with red wine.> > ________________________________> To: "ACT_for_the_Public " ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Thursday, July 19, 2012 5:47 PM> Subject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique> > > Â

> I'm not sure how much direct > practice work Neff has. She seems a bit detached, very "Santa Fe" if you will excuse the stereotype.> > One of weirder statements (as in "what doesn't belong here?") that pops out is the choice to include detailing of how to best mitigate the effects of alcohol alongside other self-care ideas.I can't put my finger on, but on both a process and content level, coupling this glass of red wine with an "oh so compassionate" way to unwind after a long day seems weird.> > > Most of my concern I think has to do with the emphasis on the whole story line about need to relax as a goal. I'm not sure how that jives with a self-compassionate embrace.> > Part of it has to do with the suggestion itself. > > Confusing messages, speaking out of both ends it seems.> > > terry> > >

________________________________> To: ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Sunday, July 15, 2012 2:21 PM> Subject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique> > > Â > I'm not Terry but the book is simply called "Self Compassion". I recommend it as well.> > Check the books website:> > http://www.self-compassion.org/ > > Hi Terry> >> >> >What's the title of this book?> >> >>

[Guest guest]

I for one expect the best from all of us, regardless of history. Would it not be more realistic to expect only what people are able to give, to be, in any given moment? To be accepting of that, whether we like it or not? I learn most when people share who they really are, not who they want to be or should be.To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Sunday, July 22, 2012 1:42:55 AMSubject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

There is no way I could have known you were thinking all this, so I'm glad you piped up, although it felt a bit like pulling teeth to just have you do so!So far as Detlef...it feels weird talking about him like he's not here, but I do think you're awfully protective of him. You make lots of excuses for him. Yes, his post was down-putting and he sure took time to carefully insert negative descriptives. Drunk or not, that's just rude.I know I've written hurtful stuff in the past and hopefully less so recently. I can have a dangerous tongue when I'm intoxicated or

just plain hurting. I get where you're coming from but don't know how helpful it is to recommend we just dismiss what he says as the "list drunk" so to speak. That we should just expect this...kind of paints him into a corner and also creates a story that may be too easy to just glob onto and continue. We're here to help each other grow and change for the better and I for one expect the best from all of us, regardless of history. I'd certainly want others to keep holding out hope for me to turn it around...for the most part folks here do and it's one of the things that continues to move me about people in the ACT community. terry To: ACT for the Public

<ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Saturday, July 21, 2012 12:59

PM Subject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

OK, I'll respond more thoroughly. I

did not understand Detlef's post to you and thought it was down-putting; however, I thought he meant it to be supportive (perhaps).

I thought to myself that he had no reason to downput anyone when his own life is a mess (as I gathered from his posts). So I thought I would turn his message around (which I did not understand) to put the focus on him, where I thought it belonged. Please remember that Detlef is most likely drunk when he posts (by his own admission), so you can take anything he says with that blurred grain of thought, when he thinks

he is being most clear (as in Hitchens wannabe). Jeez,

I sure said "I thought" a lot here. That could be a clue for me! "I thought and thought until the thought I thought wasn't the thought I thought I thought" LOL : )To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Saturday, July 21, 2012 3:44:06 PMSubject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

I answered your question as it pertained to me. What the f do you need a break from? To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Saturday, July 21, 2012 3:32:27 PMSubject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

Oh, give me a break.I was just asking for clarification. To: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Saturday, July 21, 2012 7:03 AM Subject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

I can't speak for Detlef. I think he gets my post; if not, he can ask me.To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Friday, July 20, 2012 6:27:15 PMSubject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

Hi Detlef and Helena,What in the world are you two talking about here? Care to clue me in?

ter To: "ACT_for_the_Public " <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Friday, July 20, 2012 3:27 PM Subject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

Hi Detlef and Helena,What in the world are you two talking about here? Care to clue me in?Thanks,terry======================================================================Where's little Detlef? The clever, intellectual little boy?Are you kicking him to the sidewalk? Is he crying?Does he deserve this? Does he need help?Hugs,Helena To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Friday, July 20, 2012 12:17 PM Subject: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

Where's little Theresa? The unclever, nonintellectual little girl?Are you kicking her to the sidewalk? Is she crying?Does she deserve this? Does she need help?Hugs,Detlef>> This commenting of mine feels a bit heavy and oh so not compassionate and some of it is unnecessary.> > > I think some of what pushed my buttons is my own personal experience with red wine.> > ________________________________> To: "ACT_for_the_Public " ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Thursday, July 19, 2012 5:47 PM> Subject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique> > > Â

> I'm not sure how much direct > practice work Neff has. She seems a bit detached, very "Santa Fe" if you will excuse the stereotype.> > One of weirder statements (as in "what doesn't belong here?") that pops out is the choice to include detailing of how to best mitigate the effects of alcohol alongside other self-care ideas.I can't put my finger on, but on both a process and content level, coupling this glass of red wine with an "oh so compassionate" way to unwind after a long day seems weird.> > > Most of my concern I think has to do with the emphasis on the whole story line about need to relax as a goal. I'm not sure how that jives with a self-compassionate embrace.> > Part of it has to do with the suggestion itself. > > Confusing messages, speaking out of both ends it seems.> > > terry> > >

________________________________> To: ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Sunday, July 15, 2012 2:21 PM> Subject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique> > > Â > I'm not Terry but the book is simply called "Self Compassion". I recommend it as well.> > Check the books website:> > http://www.self-compassion.org/ > > Hi Terry> >> >> >What's the title of this book?> >> >>

[Guest guest]

, I had to giggle at your description of yourself as a naturally reserved Brit! I dated one a long time ago for a couple years. You are so right about the "reserved" part, especially when it came to expressing emotions. Yet, he was very sexy! We American girls seem to drool over the British accent.I like your description of compassion as a skill rather than a value. I think that is so true, especially when it comes to self-compassion, which is hardest for me. I am easily and naturally compassionate about others (which means not wanting to see them suffer or in pain and trying to help when I can). As for me, I tend to kick myself for being "less than" I should be - that should word is a killer. HelenaTo: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Sunday, July 22, 2012 3:06:21 AMSubject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

For me, self-compassion isn't a value. It's a skill. It's a skill I am desperately poor at, given how very easily I buy into the acerbic self-judgements of my mind. I think most people on this list find it hard too. But I can see how hard to you find it to swallow. I have found it very hard to overcome my naturally reserved (I am British, after all!) personality and start to feel that it's not wrong or indulgent to give myself gentle encouragement and understanding from time to time. To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Sunday, 22 July 2012, 0:57 Subject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

Terry,I really liked your comments. I laughed a little reading your "Santa Fe" comment.A lot of the "compassionate" comments on this list are kind of creepy to me. Your comments were a breath of fresh air.

People have different likes and taste and "values". So don't worry if you don't conform to this mushy compassion. It's not one of my values and I think many on this list over rates it.

This commenting of mine feels a bit heavy and oh so not compassionate and some of it is unnecessary.

I think some of what pushed my buttons is my own personal experience with red wine.

To: "ACT_for_the_Public " <ACT_for_the_Public >

Sent: Thursday, July 19, 2012 5:47 PM Subject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

I'm not sure how much direct practice work Neff has. She seems a bit detached, very "Santa Fe" if you

will excuse the stereotype.One of weirder statements (as in "what doesn't belong here?") that pops out is the choice to include detailing of how to best mitigate the effects of alcohol alongside other self-care ideas. I can't put my finger on, but on both a process and content level, coupling this glass of red wine with an "oh so compassionate" way to unwind after a long day seems weird.

Most of my concern I think has to do with the emphasis on the whole story line about need to relax as a goal. I'm not sure how that jives with a self-compassionate embrace.

Part of it has to do with the suggestion itself. Confusing messages, speaking out of both ends it

seems.terry

To: ACT_for_the_Public Sent: Sunday, July 15, 2012 2:21 PM

Subject: Re: Re: Self-Compassion: Warm embrace/practice value vs. cure-all technique

I'm not Terry but the book is simply called "Self Compassion". I recommend it as well.Check the books website:http://www.self-compassion.org/

Hi TerryWhat's the title of this book?