Guest guest Posted July 23, 2012 Report Share Posted July 23, 2012 Much sympathy for your struggles, Haakon. On thing in particular struck me: When you said "I can't go out and meet people, cause I only end up talking about this" - do you realize that isn't true? You CAN go out and talk about something else. Who is stopping you (other than that silly mind of yours)? Maybe you could make a plan to meet someone with the intent of talking about something else. Then try it. You may fall flat on your face, but you might not, and you will have taken a step out of your painful mind and into your life. It sounds like you are tremendously overwhelmed. Taking one baby step at a time - in spite of feeling overwhelmed - would be my suggestion. Your mind is having a field day with labels, isn't it? I am dependent. I am avoidant. You are NOT that label. Every single one of us is dependent or avoidant at one time or another. But not ALL the time. Your mind is engaging in "All or Nothing" thinking. Does it help you to recognize that and take a deep breath and let those labels lose their grip on you? Could you simply allow your mind to babble on without buying into its story? As it said so often here, you are not your mind. You think you feel ashamed for being far behind in life? hahahahahha (excuse me for laughing here - not at you, but with you). I was in my 60's before I found my way! You're a babe in the woods, my friend, with your whole life ahead of you. I wish I knew what you know now at your age; this ACT stuff wasn't available to me back then or it would have probably changed the course of my life. Baby steps, babe! Helena To: "ACT for the Public" <ACT_for_the_Public >Sent: Monday, July 23, 2012 4:53:20 AMSubject: Locked out I want to explain everything again. I am in a bad place. My thoughts are going crazy, and they have made the usual trap. The last few days I have surfing the web looking for descriptions for my condition, or maybe consolation.I feel dependent, and I don't understand how I will act more independently. I look at my friends and how I relate, and I see how I cultivate a passive relationship with them. My dependence gives me problems. I am always searching for a strong person to depend on, to see me, to like me. It makes me crazy.Whenever I decide to do something independently, I stop out of fear, I just stop dead in my tracks. I always expect therapists to fix me, and I don't know what to do for myself. I'm so sick of it. These last days I have not been able to concentrate or focus on anything else. My mind is a mess, and I have a feeling of being abandoned. I judge myself harshly, and others too. I am needy for attention, and want to be seen, but I am not able to see others. I think these problems with dependence are central to me. And I get depressed when I get confronted with them. I just can't be assertive, it seems. I don't know my needs.It takes up so much of my time, too. I have had lots of depressions through the years, and the time between depressions seems to have been colored by struggling with these dependency/avoidance issues. Striving for high goals, because I want to be admired, because I don't have a feeling of being good enough. I never feel good enough. And panicking/avoiding when I meet a situation that actually activates these feelings of "not being good enough".I'll soon be 32 years old. I can't keep acting like a kid. But I do. Thinking about the future scares me like hell. I get very ashamed when I think about how "far behind" I am in life. I feel I "know nothing" about the world. Usual things that other people discuss, just regular stuff seems to pass me by. When I am not depressed I have this way of acting relaxed and cool, and I joke a lot, and that attracts people. But I can't get closer, then they will see the passive me, that just wants to hide. So I can never get to the point of a real relationship, because I am afraid.I have this experience when doing "get out of your mind" too. I can't "really" do it, because fixing myself would mean "not getting help", which means "not being loved", I guess. I just feel powerless and helpless, and abandoned. I can't go out and meet people, cause I only end up talking about this. Or blanking out. People are really fed up with me now. And I get it, too.Haakon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 23, 2012 Report Share Posted July 23, 2012 Hi Haakon:Your description is very familiar to me. I greatly resent how much time the condition of depression and anxiety takes up, how much space it demands. I hope that you are able to act through your fear to do what you have to do and hopefully do what you want to do, too.It sounds like you have a lot of insight into what you are thinking but can't get yourself to change. I feel that way myself. Right now, I'd like to take just about any action to improve my life but I resent how difficult it is. I'm envious that you have periods where you are not depressed. Mine is pretty much constant for now. I feel better and worse throughout the day but in general I'm feeling pretty bad. Yet I must carry on, keeping my job and caring for my family and going where I need to go and doing what I need to do. But I don't like it and I barely accept it. I've tried to get started on a few things today and have done some good work. But it doesn't feel like enough. Yesterday, my daughter and I painted our fence and at the end, it didn't feel like I was enough. Even though the project and the day had gone probably the best it could, doing valued work. I used to feel a sense of a job well done in situations like that and I don't anymore. That frustrates and scares me.Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that somebody related to your posting and wishes you the best. I hope things will turn around for you soon.Bruce I want to explain everything again. I am in a bad place. My thoughts are going crazy, and they have made the usual trap. The last few days I have surfing the web looking for descriptions for my condition, or maybe consolation. I feel dependent, and I don't understand how I will act more independently. I look at my friends and how I relate, and I see how I cultivate a passive relationship with them. My dependence gives me problems. I am always searching for a strong person to depend on, to see me, to like me. It makes me crazy. Whenever I decide to do something independently, I stop out of fear, I just stop dead in my tracks. I always expect therapists to fix me, and I don't know what to do for myself. I'm so sick of it. These last days I have not been able to concentrate or focus on anything else. My mind is a mess, and I have a feeling of being abandoned. I judge myself harshly, and others too. I am needy for attention, and want to be seen, but I am not able to see others. I think these problems with dependence are central to me. And I get depressed when I get confronted with them. I just can't be assertive, it seems. I don't know my needs. It takes up so much of my time, too. I have had lots of depressions through the years, and the time between depressions seems to have been colored by struggling with these dependency/avoidance issues. Striving for high goals, because I want to be admired, because I don't have a feeling of being good enough. I never feel good enough. And panicking/avoiding when I meet a situation that actually activates these feelings of "not being good enough". I'll soon be 32 years old. I can't keep acting like a kid. But I do. Thinking about the future scares me like hell. I get very ashamed when I think about how "far behind" I am in life. I feel I "know nothing" about the world. Usual things that other people discuss, just regular stuff seems to pass me by. When I am not depressed I have this way of acting relaxed and cool, and I joke a lot, and that attracts people. But I can't get closer, then they will see the passive me, that just wants to hide. So I can never get to the point of a real relationship, because I am afraid. I have this experience when doing "get out of your mind" too. I can't "really" do it, because fixing myself would mean "not getting help", which means "not being loved", I guess. I just feel powerless and helpless, and abandoned. I can't go out and meet people, cause I only end up talking about this. Or blanking out. People are really fed up with me now. And I get it, too. Haakon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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