Re: IS THIS OK

[Guest guest]

So not ok - so about her being annoyed that you are having your own life! Like

children in the care of a bpd, I would be nervous about what they would do if

your cat really was hurt and you weren't home, especially if nana was mad at you

for something.

What a perfect example of the on-off switch they have with rages too.

Karin

IS THIS OK

Last Friday night, I was crashing on my best friends house, when at

2am my nana sent me a text about my cat ( that i love!) that more or

less read:

Pepper (cat) was outside for 3 hours

we heard his screams

he was attacked by something and needs immediate care

come home now

he is shivering and cold

And so I got up off the couch, borrowed my best friends car, and as

soon as I got in the car I called my nana, who of course did not

answer. So I drove the 15 min home and when I arrived she was sitting

in the living room with my dad and I said

" how are you going to send me a text like that and then not answer

your phone? "

and nana replied

" Oh, I didn't think it would even phase you so I didn't answer. "

I asked her where the cat was, she snarled at me that she didn't know

so I asked if they made it up, to which they both replied no and

started yelling at me so I went to find my cat.

I found him in a dark corner by my room, and was extremely careful to

pick him up, thinking I would hit a punctured area and get bit.

Nothing happened. So I brought him to my room and thoroughly looked

him over only to find there was not a hair out of place and he was as

happy as could be.

As I was walking out at about 2:30 am to return the car, I was

screamed at for coming and going whenever I please.

The next day I couldn't help myself and called her sick and insane to

which my Nana and dad ( who is normal but on a heavy dosage of prozac)

called me a " baby " and told me to " get over it " and " Stop being so

sensitive " .

Now as far as I was concerned this is absurd. It escalated so bad that

she was throwing things in my room saying I was a freak and didn't

deserve anything she bought me, and that I was evil. Subsequently, I

am somewhat homeless right now. Was it wrong of me to think this was

sick??? HELP

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[Guest guest]

I got this:

> called me a " baby " and told me to " get over it " and " Stop being so

> sensitive " .

all the time too.

I've also been homeless.

She sure sounds like a fruitloop.

Are you making plans to flee for your life? (I didn't make plans I just

fled...)...

Send instant messages to your online friends http://au.messenger.yahoo.com

[Guest guest]

That is sick. You are not wrong to think so. Are you okay, as far as places

to stay until nana seems better??? Have you tried talking to your dad yet?

He should understand your perspective if he is not PD.

Good luck

> Last Friday night, I was crashing on my best friends house, when at

> 2am my nana sent me a text about my cat ( that i love!) that more or

> less read:

>

> Pepper (cat) was outside for 3 hours

> we heard his screams

> he was attacked by something and needs immediate care

> come home now

> he is shivering and cold

>

> And so I got up off the couch, borrowed my best friends car, and as

> soon as I got in the car I called my nana, who of course did not

> answer. So I drove the 15 min home and when I arrived she was sitting

> in the living room with my dad and I said

> " how are you going to send me a text like that and then not answer

> your phone? "

> and nana replied

> " Oh, I didn't think it would even phase you so I didn't answer. "

> I asked her where the cat was, she snarled at me that she didn't know

> so I asked if they made it up, to which they both replied no and

> started yelling at me so I went to find my cat.

>

> I found him in a dark corner by my room, and was extremely careful to

> pick him up, thinking I would hit a punctured area and get bit.

> Nothing happened. So I brought him to my room and thoroughly looked

> him over only to find there was not a hair out of place and he was as

> happy as could be.

>

> As I was walking out at about 2:30 am to return the car, I was

> screamed at for coming and going whenever I please.

>

> The next day I couldn't help myself and called her sick and insane to

> which my Nana and dad ( who is normal but on a heavy dosage of prozac)

> called me a " baby " and told me to " get over it " and " Stop being so

> sensitive " .

>

> Now as far as I was concerned this is absurd. It escalated so bad that

> she was throwing things in my room saying I was a freak and didn't

> deserve anything she bought me, and that I was evil. Subsequently, I

> am somewhat homeless right now. Was it wrong of me to think this was

> sick??? HELP

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

> Now as far as I was concerned this is absurd. It escalated so bad that

> she was throwing things in my room saying I was a freak and didn't

> deserve anything she bought me, and that I was evil. Subsequently, I

> am somewhat homeless right now. Was it wrong of me to think this was

> sick??? HELP

>

I've heard the exact same things from my nada, along with calling me a

b!tch and saying I should go to he!!.

Karin is right; it's about her being angry/jealous/upset that you have

a life of your own.

Take care of yourself, and know that it's not you. [[hugs]]

[Guest guest]

Nope, not OK. WAAAAAAAY not OK.

Mercy

>

> Last Friday night, I was crashing on my best friends house, when at

> 2am my nana sent me a text about my cat ( that i love!) that more or

> less read:

>

> Pepper (cat) was outside for 3 hours

> we heard his screams

> he was attacked by something and needs immediate care

> come home now

> he is shivering and cold

>

> And so I got up off the couch, borrowed my best friends car, and as

> soon as I got in the car I called my nana, who of course did not

> answer. So I drove the 15 min home and when I arrived she was

sitting

> in the living room with my dad and I said

> " how are you going to send me a text like that and then not answer

> your phone? "

> and nana replied

> " Oh, I didn't think it would even phase you so I didn't answer. "

> I asked her where the cat was, she snarled at me that she didn't

know

> so I asked if they made it up, to which they both replied no and

> started yelling at me so I went to find my cat.

>

> I found him in a dark corner by my room, and was extremely careful

to

> pick him up, thinking I would hit a punctured area and get bit.

> Nothing happened. So I brought him to my room and thoroughly looked

> him over only to find there was not a hair out of place and he was

as

> happy as could be.

>

> As I was walking out at about 2:30 am to return the car, I was

> screamed at for coming and going whenever I please.

>

> The next day I couldn't help myself and called her sick and insane

to

> which my Nana and dad ( who is normal but on a heavy dosage of

prozac)

> called me a " baby " and told me to " get over it " and " Stop being so

> sensitive " .

>

> Now as far as I was concerned this is absurd. It escalated so bad

that

> she was throwing things in my room saying I was a freak and didn't

> deserve anything she bought me, and that I was evil. Subsequently, I

> am somewhat homeless right now. Was it wrong of me to think this was

> sick??? HELP

>

[Guest guest]

I am trying but I have alot of student debts and loans to pay off so I

am stuck here for another year at least. I just kind of hop between

friends houses right now, I have a giant green bag I sneak home and

re-fill when crazy is at work

> > called me a " baby " and told me to " get over it " and " Stop being so

> > sensitive " .

>

> all the time too.

> I've also been homeless.

> She sure sounds like a fruitloop.

> Are you making plans to flee for your life? (I didn't make plans I just

> fled...)...

>

>

>

> Send instant messages to your online friends

http://au.messenger.yahoo.com

>

[Guest guest]

That is insane. You and your cat both need a new place to stay. I am

so sorry you are having to go through this.

[Guest guest]

just an addition to my post, the word for that kind of thing

is " emotional terrorism " . I just hope she doesn't hurt the cat in the

end, one characteristic of people living with abusers is that the

abuser will sometimes hurt a family pet to 'get at' the target of

their abuse. The person who is telling you not to be 'so sensitive' is

just as sick and is enmeshed in the behavior as well; my mother told

me that all the time growing up, to make me beleive that I was over-

reacting to the abuse (because she was financially dependent on my dad

and decided she couldn't afford to face the truth).

[Guest guest]

nah, she wont hurt the cat, because as soon as the cat doesn't need

anything, then he is her cat. " this cat does not belong to

you! " Actually yes he does and he has moved with me to the different

places I have been. Plus my nada has a dog, a yellow lab that I really

do love, but my nada thinks the dog is the greatest thing that ever

walked the earth. If she had to pick to save the dog's life or mine, I

have no doubt she would pick the dog. I do find a little pleasure in

the fact that my cat can kick the crap out of that lab though.

>

> just an addition to my post, the word for that kind of thing

> is " emotional terrorism " . I just hope she doesn't hurt the cat in the

> end, one characteristic of people living with abusers is that the

> abuser will sometimes hurt a family pet to 'get at' the target of

> their abuse. The person who is telling you not to be 'so sensitive' is

> just as sick and is enmeshed in the behavior as well; my mother told

> me that all the time growing up, to make me beleive that I was over-

> reacting to the abuse (because she was financially dependent on my dad

> and decided she couldn't afford to face the truth).

>

[Guest guest]

my dad is the same way, he has a real soft spot for animals but he is

capable of being very cruel and weird in people matters (and can be

very old-school when it comes to vet care for the animals, so

sometimes I have to care for them and/or break out the credit card

when something happens). It's still of course very, very wrong for

your family to use your animals to 'get at' you.

[Guest guest]

girl I have been tryin to talk to my pops since I was thirteen. He has

just given up. He agrees with her when she is raging at me to avoid

conflict and talks mad shit about her when she is gone. Complains

about how far off the deep end she has gone. Friday she dissapeared

for 3 days, in fact she just got home a few hours ago and we never

even bothered to call or find out where she is because no one cares.

But anyways my dad is on a really heavy dosage of prozac and he just

kind of drifts through the world. Sleeps all the time. Don't really

care a whole lot about what goes on anymore. He used to be so cool, so

funny. My dad used to be my hero. lately, my best friends keep asking,

" dude ash what happened to your dad???! " Well he was defeated by this

BPD thing. My nada just took the life right out of him. He doesn't

know I know that he is on prozac. He would feel so low. I found out

when my mom was cutting me down one day, and decided to let it slip

about how " your dad is so F**ked up on prozac, he doesn't even know

what is going on. " I also found out about his first wife in this manner

( something I'm sure he would have never told me and that would have

been fine) as well as the fact that since I was 5 I have been " Killing

him slowly, giving him heart attacks, your dad is going to die

and it's going to be your fault. " I was like ten. I clung to my dad

desperately as a child, because of my mom's behavior. I loved my dad

more than anything in the whole world and she knew it, and there was

no place she wouldn't go. She made false accusations about sex, child

abuse, non-existent kids with first wife, secret bank accounts that

never were, you name it. There was for sure some stuff a little girl

should never have to hear.

I know I shouldn't be bitter. It's facts and I can't change it. All I

can do is accept it and move on. But it's just not that easy. I'm just

watching him waste his life away, and that is what he has accepted. He

has even said that to me. I have a lot of things I could be sad about

in my life, but that is what kills me the most.

[Guest guest]

-Oh my not only is not ok...it is down right abusive.

She has crossed the boundaries of being normal, but she is just mean.

This is what I hate about dealing with a bp...they do something mean

and irrational, and we questioned our judgement in the situation.

I personally still want to be told I wasn't too sensitive or

overreacting to the crazy situation...YOU are NOT.

Hang in there...

Malinda

-- In WTOAdultChildren1 , " abray80 "

wrote:

>

> Last Friday night, I was crashing on my best friends house, when at

> 2am my nana sent me a text about my cat ( that i love!) that more or

> less read:

>

> Pepper (cat) was outside for 3 hours

> we heard his screams

> he was attacked by something and needs immediate care

> come home now

> he is shivering and cold

>

> And so I got up off the couch, borrowed my best friends car, and as

> soon as I got in the car I called my nana, who of course did not

> answer. So I drove the 15 min home and when I arrived she was

sitting

> in the living room with my dad and I said

> " how are you going to send me a text like that and then not answer

> your phone? "

> and nana replied

> " Oh, I didn't think it would even phase you so I didn't answer. "

> I asked her where the cat was, she snarled at me that she didn't

know

> so I asked if they made it up, to which they both replied no and

> started yelling at me so I went to find my cat.

>

> I found him in a dark corner by my room, and was extremely careful

to

> pick him up, thinking I would hit a punctured area and get bit.

> Nothing happened. So I brought him to my room and thoroughly looked

> him over only to find there was not a hair out of place and he was

as

> happy as could be.

>

> As I was walking out at about 2:30 am to return the car, I was

> screamed at for coming and going whenever I please.

>

> The next day I couldn't help myself and called her sick and insane

to

> which my Nana and dad ( who is normal but on a heavy dosage of

prozac)

> called me a " baby " and told me to " get over it " and " Stop being so

> sensitive " .

>

> Now as far as I was concerned this is absurd. It escalated so bad

that

> she was throwing things in my room saying I was a freak and didn't

> deserve anything she bought me, and that I was evil. Subsequently, I

> am somewhat homeless right now. Was it wrong of me to think this was

> sick??? HELP

>

[Guest guest]

Hi sweetie,

You and kitty have to get out of there. She is literally telling you that

she will hurt the cat - hurting someone's pet is a tactic that only a

violent person would use. Also, she has pretty much told you word for word

that she will hurt the cat - trust what she is saying. I would interpret her

actions and words as a threat if I were you.

Once I was an adult and had pets of my own, I never ever left them with nada

because I was so concerned that an " accident " would befall them. This was

hard, most people can ask their parents to watch a dog overnight, but I

didn't. I watched my nada " accidentally " do many things to my dad's pets.

The most vivid memory, from college, I watched her " accidentally " let his

horse out of the barn and it ran down the street and I had to go get it even

though I am allergic enough to horses to have breathing difficulty after

exposure. Wonder what the horse was running from? Also, I heard in great

detail about a series of " accidents " that befell her pet hamsters that she

kept in her classroom where she taught special ed. Very scary stuff. Very

scary choices and " selective " vision etc. Who would trust special elementary

students to her care if she can't keep a hamster alive for a few weeks?

If you feel comfortable, let us help you find other options for affording

life. I would stop at nothing nothing nothing to be free of my nada and if

she came near my pets I would scream bloody murder.

Best wishes, gscout

>

> -Oh my not only is not ok...it is down right abusive.

>

> She has crossed the boundaries of being normal, but she is just mean.

> This is what I hate about dealing with a bp...they do something mean

> and irrational, and we questioned our judgement in the situation.

>

> I personally still want to be told I wasn't too sensitive or

> overreacting to the crazy situation...YOU are NOT.

>

> Hang in there...

> Malinda

>

> -- In WTOAdultChildren1 <WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com>,

> " abray80 "

> wrote:

> >

> > Last Friday night, I was crashing on my best friends house, when at

> > 2am my nana sent me a text about my cat ( that i love!) that more or

> > less read:

> >

> > Pepper (cat) was outside for 3 hours

> > we heard his screams

> > he was attacked by something and needs immediate care

> > come home now

> > he is shivering and cold

> >

> > And so I got up off the couch, borrowed my best friends car, and as

> > soon as I got in the car I called my nana, who of course did not

> > answer. So I drove the 15 min home and when I arrived she was

> sitting

> > in the living room with my dad and I said

> > " how are you going to send me a text like that and then not answer

> > your phone? "

> > and nana replied

> > " Oh, I didn't think it would even phase you so I didn't answer. "

> > I asked her where the cat was, she snarled at me that she didn't

> know

> > so I asked if they made it up, to which they both replied no and

> > started yelling at me so I went to find my cat.

> >

> > I found him in a dark corner by my room, and was extremely careful

> to

> > pick him up, thinking I would hit a punctured area and get bit.

> > Nothing happened. So I brought him to my room and thoroughly looked

> > him over only to find there was not a hair out of place and he was

> as

> > happy as could be.

> >

> > As I was walking out at about 2:30 am to return the car, I was

> > screamed at for coming and going whenever I please.

> >

> > The next day I couldn't help myself and called her sick and insane

> to

> > which my Nana and dad ( who is normal but on a heavy dosage of

> prozac)

> > called me a " baby " and told me to " get over it " and " Stop being so

> > sensitive " .

> >

> > Now as far as I was concerned this is absurd. It escalated so bad

> that

> > she was throwing things in my room saying I was a freak and didn't

> > deserve anything she bought me, and that I was evil. Subsequently, I

> > am somewhat homeless right now. Was it wrong of me to think this was

> > sick??? HELP

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

well I honestly don't think she is going to hurt my cat, that cat does

try and run outside every chance he gets, I've lost him, my best

friend ha accidentally let him out, once he was gone for three days.

So I mean he probably was outside but it probably wasn't for very long

because it was freezing out that day, she probably just waaaaaaaay

over exaggerated.

As for living options, there are definitly millions of times growing

up, and even now, that I said I would do anything to get out, but this

money thing is just too deep. It's probably not even right to point

fingers, but my parents financial skills, namingly my nadas, are

H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E. As a result I didn't know jack about money or what to

do with it and I am about 6000 dollars in debt, with an unbelieveably

high on my private student loan because of course my parent's couldn't

co-sign for me. On top of that, I am trying really really hard to get

all A's with 16 credits this semester so I wait tables one a week, but

in three and a half weeks when summer comes I can work full time

somewhere else. I figure if I do that, and then take easier classes in

the fall, as well as maybe settle for a 3.0 I should be able to move

out in a year, but other than that, unless I can find practically free

housing I'm just stuck here. Believe me, I have tried to work around

this problem for so long, there is just no other options.

[Guest guest]

On the topic of cats...

My two younger sisters (mid twenties) bought themselves a cat each.

Since then they moved to renting places where they couldn't have cats.

Nada took the cats in. One of my sisters is now renting a different

place where she probably could have a pet. However, nada says the cats

are hers, and won't give them back. She said she would take my sisters

to court if they wanted the cats back. My sister who could now have

the cat at her place was very upset when she first heard nada say this,

and stormed off. Now in emails my nada still refers to the cats as

hers, and she buys bigger Christmas presents for the cats than she buys

for my sisters. It all just makes me feel so angry, and powerless. My

sisters have no close friendships and no relationship. I haven't

really talked about this with them (we lead fractured separate lives,

rarely talk, although we do certainly care for each other. Like we are

surviving victims.) I think / wonder if my sisters thought of their

cats as really their only friend, and if they are still upset about

it. I am.

[Guest guest]

-

I would be! what is it with BP and animals? my nada is nuts over this

dog too

-- In WTOAdultChildren1 , " p_bear16 " wrote:

>

> On the topic of cats...

>

> My two younger sisters (mid twenties) bought themselves a cat each.

> Since then they moved to renting places where they couldn't have cats.

> Nada took the cats in. One of my sisters is now renting a different

> place where she probably could have a pet. However, nada says the cats

> are hers, and won't give them back. She said she would take my sisters

> to court if they wanted the cats back. My sister who could now have

> the cat at her place was very upset when she first heard nada say this,

> and stormed off. Now in emails my nada still refers to the cats as

> hers, and she buys bigger Christmas presents for the cats than she buys

> for my sisters. It all just makes me feel so angry, and powerless. My

> sisters have no close friendships and no relationship. I haven't

> really talked about this with them (we lead fractured separate lives,

> rarely talk, although we do certainly care for each other. Like we are

> surviving victims.) I think / wonder if my sisters thought of their

> cats as really their only friend, and if they are still upset about

> it. I am.

>

[Guest guest]

that is def bpd behavior. its not normal and not okay. on your

part, if she pulls something like that again i would react calmly and

set a boundary. she knows she got to you when you reacted. which is

what she wanted. by ignoring the behavior and not buying into her

act, it will make her realize she cant do that to get to you anymore

>

> Last Friday night, I was crashing on my best friends house, when at

> 2am my nana sent me a text about my cat ( that i love!) that more or

> less read:

>

> Pepper (cat) was outside for 3 hours

> we heard his screams

> he was attacked by something and needs immediate care

> come home now

> he is shivering and cold

>

> And so I got up off the couch, borrowed my best friends car, and as

> soon as I got in the car I called my nana, who of course did not

> answer. So I drove the 15 min home and when I arrived she was

sitting

> in the living room with my dad and I said

> " how are you going to send me a text like that and then not answer

> your phone? "

> and nana replied

> " Oh, I didn't think it would even phase you so I didn't answer. "

> I asked her where the cat was, she snarled at me that she didn't

know

> so I asked if they made it up, to which they both replied no and

> started yelling at me so I went to find my cat.

>

> I found him in a dark corner by my room, and was extremely careful

to

> pick him up, thinking I would hit a punctured area and get bit.

> Nothing happened. So I brought him to my room and thoroughly looked

> him over only to find there was not a hair out of place and he was

as

> happy as could be.

>

> As I was walking out at about 2:30 am to return the car, I was

> screamed at for coming and going whenever I please.

>

> The next day I couldn't help myself and called her sick and insane

to

> which my Nana and dad ( who is normal but on a heavy dosage of

prozac)

> called me a " baby " and told me to " get over it " and " Stop being so

> sensitive " .

>

> Now as far as I was concerned this is absurd. It escalated so bad

that

> she was throwing things in my room saying I was a freak and didn't

> deserve anything she bought me, and that I was evil. Subsequently, I

> am somewhat homeless right now. Was it wrong of me to think this was

> sick??? HELP

>

[Guest guest]

I know what that is like...there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I am so happy to have found this message board because I've learned so

much from it and because venting here helps keep me sane and not feel

so 'surrounded' and isolated. ((((hugs)))