8 days: 12 values+2 days diffusion+6 days of CPS=Very Bad Day

[Guest guest]

8 days: 12 Values + 2 days of constant diffusion + 6 days so for of a severe CPS

episode and mental torture = Very Bad Day

It's been 8 days since I spent time making my preliminary values list, I sat

today with the list and my therapist to realise, they are not my values....8

days that's all it took for my mind and body to destroy 12 values.

My CPS (Chronic Pain Syndrome) impacts on every single thing I value. It's

probably why I resisted addressing values for so long.

Example: I value my independence, but I lost it as a result of my CPS. I still

value independence, I put it on my list, but this recent pain episode puts me

back in my place....reality is, I am forced into letting people, family, myself

and any commitments down. I can't hold onto a job because of the CPS, I am

therefore unable to financial support myself, which means I am unable to be

financially independent, which means everything to me. I am heading in the

complete opposite direction of my value. I am totally dependant on state hand

outs, which makes me feel like a drain on society, which I am reminded daily of

in papers, press, and news and every day people's conversations. I am dependant

on my parents providing me with some shelter and rely on them to look after me

when at their age it really ought to be the other way about.

General depression and anxiety I can work with but when it comes to CPS and the

thoughts and depression and anxiety attached specifically to the CPS, it always

leads to being completely trapped.

I thought I had moved forward 8 days ago......who was I kidding.....thank you

CPS for putting me back in my place.

6 days of complete isolation, 6 days of nothing my but pain and disappointment,

6 days of mental torture, I am just too tired, too sore and too upset to type

anymore,.........this is just a very very bad day today!

I am not feeling very gracious today...apologies

Jo