Guest guest Posted September 1, 2012 Report Share Posted September 1, 2012 On Friday we learned that my wife's uncle, who resides in Germany, has been diagnosed with lung cancer. It wasn't very much of a surprise, even to him. He'd been diagnosed as having sarcoidosis long ago; even so, he couldn't give up his life-long addiction to cigarettes.Recently his symptoms became too distressing to ignore, and subsequent tests confirmed his abiding fears.His brother, my wife's father, died of the disease a few years ago, aged 69. My wife's father had sought no treatment to prolong his life, instead resigning himself to his certain death, although that death may have been premature had he sought medical treatment. To this day we cannot understand that attitude. It wasn't as though he'd had or had a terrible life. It seemed he just wanted it to end."Wanting it to end" is a refrain I am familiar with. Superficially my life isn't bad. All my bodily needs are taken care of, and I have the benefit of a loving wife, whose love I don't understand most of the time."Wanting it to end" isn't my wish of a speedy departure from this mortal coil; rather, it is wanting an end to the misery that informs most of my waking hours. It is wanting the mental pain/anguish to end.I survive because I use/abuse(?) substances to alter whatever is happening in my brain/mind. Antidepressants (I've tried a dozen or more) seem hopelessly inadequate to the task. The psychiatrist I've been seeing for a few years now tells me in easy-to-understand detail what is happening in my brain that leads to the way I feel, but his explanations do nothing to alleviate the pain. I read self-help books, but find I cannot help myself to whatever wisdom seems locked away in their pages.I visit this list regularly, and once in a while something someone says sparks a measure of hope. But even that soon dies and I am left to my own skewed understandings.I don't want to die, yet I don't know how to live. That's as good a definition of limbo as I can imagine.Detlef(Feeling sad, but not defeated.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 1, 2012 Report Share Posted September 1, 2012 Dear Detlef, I just read your post and want to reply, although not very sure what I should write. I can understand the problems you are facing and I send my heartfelt best wishes to you. May I suggest you to please read " Get out of your mind and into your life " and " The happiness trap " . ACT is likely to be very helpful, if practiced. ACT is backed by solid scientific evidence and its efficacy has been shown in studies after studies. Life includes pain as well as pleasure. May you find the courage to accept the pain in your life fully and work in the direction of your values. San > > On Friday we learned that my wife's uncle, who resides in Germany, has > been diagnosed with lung cancer. It wasn't very much of a surprise, even > to him. He'd been diagnosed as having sarcoidosis long ago; even so, he > couldn't give up his life-long addiction to cigarettes. > > Recently his symptoms became too distressing to ignore, and subsequent > tests confirmed his abiding fears. > > His brother, my wife's father, died of the disease a few years ago, aged > 69. My wife's father had sought no treatment to prolong his life, > instead resigning himself to his certain death, although that death may > have been premature had he sought medical treatment. To this day we > cannot understand that attitude. It wasn't as though he'd had or had a > terrible life. It seemed he just wanted it to end. > > " Wanting it to end " is a refrain I am familiar with. Superficially my > life isn't bad. All my bodily needs are taken care of, and I have the > benefit of a loving wife, whose love I don't understand most of the > time. > > " Wanting it to end " isn't my wish of a speedy departure from this mortal > coil; rather, it is wanting an end to the misery that informs most of my > waking hours. It is wanting the mental pain/anguish to end. > > I survive because I use/abuse(?) substances to alter whatever is > happening in my brain/mind. Antidepressants (I've tried a dozen or more) > seem hopelessly inadequate to the task. The psychiatrist I've been > seeing for a few years now tells me in easy-to-understand detail what is > happening in my brain that leads to the way I feel, but his explanations > do nothing to alleviate the pain. I read self-help books, but find I > cannot help myself to whatever wisdom seems locked away in their pages. > > I visit this list regularly, and once in a while something someone says > sparks a measure of hope. But even that soon dies and I am left to my > own skewed understandings. > > I don't want to die, yet I don't know how to live. That's as good a > definition of limbo as I can imagine. > > > Detlef > > (Feeling sad, but not defeated.) > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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