Guest guest Posted April 27, 2008 Report Share Posted April 27, 2008 I want to start this new topic, someone else wrote when you are trying to pull back from the bp they will " up the ante " with their crazy behaviors, to get you back. ( thanks Joanna ) That is exactly what my nada did, it was like a lightbulb went off inside of me. It was when I was separated from my current husband. Nada did not want me to return to him. I remember her telling me, I quote, " UNless you have cancer and are dying I won't step a foot into your house if you return to him. " Then she went into this long explanation how if I was dying, he wouldn't keep her from at least seeing me. Of course she was off on one of her rages when she was saying all of this. Honestly the less visiting me, now that I am back with him is great. This comment about only visiting me if I had cancer and was dying- was one of the most hurtful comments she had ever made to me. It still stings as I write about it. At that moment even if it was just another manipulation on her part, how could anyone say that to their daughter? Anyone else have an " upping the ante " story to share? Malinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 27, 2008 Report Share Posted April 27, 2008 Where to begin? How about 35 years of them (I don't remember much of what happened before I was 5)... I've been engaged 5 times. Never married. Somehow my engagements became about her and how she'd NEVEREVERNEVEREVERNEVEREVER come to my house if I marrie ***HIM***(I know, I know ~ I was too young and beat up to realize that it was the same game x5 different men). Now at 39+++++ I'm just learning to trust my own judgements. I've known my SO for 4+ years, we've been " us " for 1 year... she hates him... BUT SHE'S NEVER MET HIM. Go figure. She's threatened all sorts of stuff my whole life. Everything I've done has been a reaction to what she's said/done. Everything. I'm barely learning how function just because I want to do something vs. how will that trigger a reaction in her. And guess what? She's upping the ante. Phone calls. Suicide threats. Badmouthing me to the family. Coming after my son. You name it. My therapist told me to very aware that this is going to happen. That my #1 job here is to not inhale any of it. To let it just wash like rain on a window and turn my emotional back. It's hard but if I really visualize her on the deck in the rain screaming (or doing whatever), I can visualize myself inside by the fire... safe and sound and sane. All she has to do is calm down, get a grip and use the door... her choice. But, alas, we all know how this story ends. BPD's LOVE the drama of the rainy deck... So, yes, upping the ante is the name of the game... and I won't play anymore. Lynnette > > I want to start this new topic, someone else wrote when you are > trying to pull back from the bp they will " up the ante " with their > crazy behaviors, to get you back. ( thanks Joanna ) > > That is exactly what my nada did, it was like a lightbulb went off > inside of me. > > It was when I was separated from my current husband. Nada did not > want me to return to him. I remember her telling me, I quote, > " UNless you have cancer and are dying I won't step a foot into your > house if you return to him. " Then she went into this long > explanation how if I was dying, he wouldn't keep her from at least > seeing me. Of course she was off on one of her rages when she was > saying all of this. > > Honestly the less visiting me, now that I am back with him is > great. This comment about only visiting me if I had cancer and was > dying- was one of the most hurtful comments she had ever made to me. > It still stings as I write about it. At that moment even if it was > just another manipulation on her part, how could anyone say that to > their daughter? > > Anyone else have an " upping the ante " story to share? > > Malinda > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 27, 2008 Report Share Posted April 27, 2008 Mine does stuff like that without cause. Sign... Lynnette- just starting to learn I'm not really a B%@$#. > > > > I want to start this new topic, someone else wrote when you are > > trying to pull back from the bp they will " up the ante " with their > > crazy behaviors, to get you back. ( thanks Joanna ) > > > > That is exactly what my nada did, it was like a lightbulb went > off > > inside of me. > > > > It was when I was separated from my current husband. Nada did > not > > want me to return to him. I remember her telling me, I quote, > > " UNless you have cancer and are dying I won't step a foot into > your > > house if you return to him. " Then she went into this long > > explanation how if I was dying, he wouldn't keep her from at least > > seeing me. Of course she was off on one of her rages when she was > > saying all of this. > > > > Honestly the less visiting me, now that I am back with him is > > great. This comment about only visiting me if I had cancer and was > > dying- was one of the most hurtful comments she had ever made to me. > > It still stings as I write about it. At that moment even if it was > > just another manipulation on her part, how could anyone say that to > > their daughter? > > > > Anyone else have an " upping the ante " story to share? > > > > Malinda > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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