Guest guest Posted August 8, 2012 Report Share Posted August 8, 2012 Another example of this beginners mind and learning what a gift it is to have showing up be enough. I choose to attend a family event this last weekend even though I was having lots of painful thoughts and lots of "I don't want to go!". Lots of painful history there with some that were going to be there, lots of fusion with anticipated judgment. I then found an old post from an ACT person who helped me considerably a few years ago. One of the problems I was having was around making an important decision to go or not go to an event I wasn't sure I could afford financially. She really helped me look at choices separate from the outcome part. She asked me if I would be still be willing to go if x, y, z, didn't materialize (my expectations, reasons why I was wanting to go). She asked me to consider if it would be O.K. with me if that part didn't happen or would the sacrifice (money, time, etc.) be felt as too much, not worth it? Might I be able to accomplish the goals I had in mind in other way, another context? Here was a really important question she posed: Would it be enough if just showing up was the gift, showing up be enough? Lots of really great questions...I'm so glad I saved that bit of counsel and found it this past weekend! So what I did was apply all this to my current dilemma, along with conjuring up the beginners mind and I was able to drop all the expectations, the anticipated outcomes, positive or negative..at least enough so that I saw in this case, yes, showing up would be enough. And the time I spent there was very vital. I was present. It wasn't all a bowl of cherries, but it wasn't anything near the disaster I had dreaded. I was glad to have shown up. I had some really interesting conversations with folks. I helped an older person there who was having some difficulties and learned some fascinating things about his life. I was able to keep letting go of that sneaky, life-draining not enough voice that says.."yeah, but this isn't how i want it...it should look/sound like this" as the evening went on. to be continued, i hope!best,terry From: Theresa Linder To: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Wednesday, August 8, 2012 7:54 AM Subject: Beginners Mind Hi everyone,I've been trying on "beginners mind" recently everywhere I go with some fairly fantastic results. Like the curious, open stance we are asked to embrace in ACT. I think this is what allowed me to go back to AA, and try different meetings instead of relying only the old and stinky pattern I was doing. I thought I had it all figured out..the best meeting, where to go, where to avoid. A lot like my life. May sound silly but this is contrary or reverse compass behavior for me..a big stretch. And with each venture, I put on my beginners cap before I walk into the room. I go with essentially no expectations, if that makes sense. And just allow myself to learn, or to be surprised, to be moved or not to be. It's a lot like observer self. I just watch the show. And I watch my mind go at it too, my mind continuing to look for differences. I notice this, then slowly guide it back to the similarities, the common human suffering that is so apparent. Move beyond the words. This itself is huge new behavior. It's pretty amazing and humbling how much the mind will want to compare, judge, evaluate. Anyway, still very new but thought I'd share new stance that I'm actively opening up to.. and maybe this can help someone else. It's really fun..even when it's not, if that makes sense. terry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 9, 2012 Report Share Posted August 9, 2012 I don''t want this miracle event to go by unnoticed. There is more around this coming up for me...One of the things I noticed (unexpected) from this event was just how much I rely on others to be kind and wow.. just how important this is...not like a needy thing..but like a valued, delicate thing of mutual respect, a remembering of how vulnerable we all are and the choices I have each moment to move with kindness, care, caution, or not. I was acutely aware of some really ugly history and in fact almost didn't go because of false pride. So I'm having a lot of gratitude for how others were with me and I hadn't realized just how much we rely on one another for basic kindness, looking for joy, for peace.But here's what was new..I was just so ready to drop the rope after reading and sitting with those questions from a couple of years ago. I was able to finally hear a YES that had next to no expectations or reasoning behind it! I'm guessing it was not so much about thinking about or even answering the questions my friend posed for me, but more growth in just really sitting with them. It was a very non-mindy exercise..something just bubbled up that said YES, I'm going. A bit like the 'just because' (or 'just cuz') that Steve has referred to when choosing values. As it turned out, it seemed that most people were as happy and willing to drop the rope and be happy as I was. But i hesitate to even mention that part, because even if they all would have been unkind, sneered at me...I'd like to think I would have not wavered. Okay, maybe I would have left sooner...I'm not into being abused..but you get the picture.By going with next to no expectations, I got more than I expected. By allowing and accepting that which I'm powerless over to be present, I was more empowered.NOT to make a rule of this..this is not a formula.But..that said..there was a certain letting go internally and repeatedly that created space for whatever happened to happen. And I think it may have helped others drop their rope too. I'd like to think so, anyway. terry To: "ACT_for_the_Public " <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Wednesday, August 8, 2012 10:12 AM Subject: Re: Beginners Mind Another example of this beginners mind and learning what a gift it is to have showing up be enough. I choose to attend a family event this last weekend even though I was having lots of painful thoughts and lots of "I don't want to go!". Lots of painful history there with some that were going to be there, lots of fusion with anticipated judgment. I then found an old post from an ACT person who helped me considerably a few years ago. One of the problems I was having was around making an important decision to go or not go to an event I wasn't sure I could afford financially. She really helped me look at choices separate from the outcome part. She asked me if I would be still be willing to go if x, y, z, didn't materialize (my expectations, reasons why I was wanting to go). She asked me to consider if it would be O.K. with me if that part didn't happen or would the sacrifice (money, time, etc.) be felt as too much, not worth it? Might I be able to accomplish the goals I had in mind in other way, another context? Here was a really important question she posed: Would it be enough if just showing up was the gift, showing up be enough? Lots of really great questions...I'm so glad I saved that bit of counsel and found it this past weekend! So what I did was apply all this to my current dilemma, along with conjuring up the beginners mind and I was able to drop all the expectations, the anticipated outcomes, positive or negative..at least enough so that I saw in this case, yes, showing up would be enough. And the time I spent there was very vital. I was present. It wasn't all a bowl of cherries, but it wasn't anything near the disaster I had dreaded. I was glad to have shown up. I had some really interesting conversations with folks. I helped an older person there who was having some difficulties and learned some fascinating things about his life. I was able to keep letting go of that sneaky, life-draining not enough voice that says.."yeah, but this isn't how i want it...it should look/sound like this" as the evening went on. to be continued, i hope!best,terry From: Theresa Linder To: ACT for the Public <ACT_for_the_Public > Sent: Wednesday, August 8, 2012 7:54 AM Subject: Beginners Mind Hi everyone,I've been trying on "beginners mind" recently everywhere I go with some fairly fantastic results. Like the curious, open stance we are asked to embrace in ACT. I think this is what allowed me to go back to AA, and try different meetings instead of relying only the old and stinky pattern I was doing. I thought I had it all figured out..the best meeting, where to go, where to avoid. A lot like my life. May sound silly but this is contrary or reverse compass behavior for me..a big stretch. And with each venture, I put on my beginners cap before I walk into the room. I go with essentially no expectations, if that makes sense. And just allow myself to learn, or to be surprised, to be moved or not to be. It's a lot like observer self. I just watch the show. And I watch my mind go at it too, my mind continuing to look for differences. I notice this, then slowly guide it back to the similarities, the common human suffering that is so apparent. Move beyond the words. This itself is huge new behavior. It's pretty amazing and humbling how much the mind will want to compare, judge, evaluate. Anyway, still very new but thought I'd share new stance that I'm actively opening up to.. and maybe this can help someone else. It's really fun..even when it's not, if that makes sense. terry Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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