Re: Re: Well, ok, I tried this...

[Guest guest]

Oh heck yeah....I gave that a shot too...didn't work for me either. So then

I tried setting more specific boundaries....(yeah I can't even type that

without laughing). I told her I will set 20 minutes aside for her every

Tuesday and will speak to her anytime between 10am and noon. I told her

that for this 20 minutes she would have my undivided attention, however...if

she uttered one single derogatory comment about me or any member of our

family then our call would end immediately. I told her that I would not

discuss family dynamic nor would I take part in any conversation that was

negative in nature towards anyone. Her 20 minutes must be positive

conversation minutes...not 20 minutes of her bitching about anything and

everything. I explained that the call would end immediately with no warning

or explanation. The dial tone would indicated that she had violated my

terms. She agreed. Our first call lasted almost the entire 20 minutes. The

second call...a little less than 10 and the third lasted exactly 42 seconds.

I can't even use the word Nada, BPD and boundaries in the same sentence. I

set limitations and boundaries for myself, (example: when she calls me, I

don't answer...when she breaks into my house I call 911...still working on

what I'm going to do about my daughter's dead bunny she left on my porch

with a scathing note. ....i figure something out...it's the second time

she's done it too....all because I didn't MAKE my kids <who are 14 and 17>

wear Easter Bonnets to church services on Easter Sunday...we don't even go

to the same church!! Seriously?...I was lucky to get them to church at ALL!)

but to try to use them to reason with someone with BPD...yeah...might as

well go outside and talk to the ground.

PS......LOVE your post...you hit the nail right on the head!

> From my own experience with LC....

>

> When I first started limiting the phone calls. My emotions were all

> over the place from guilt to anger to sadness. I started journaling

> and it helped me work through it. One thing I did notice was the

> headaches. They finally stopped when one night after talking to her I

> realized and started to accept the fact that she's not going to

> change. I cried and cried - mournful cries. I realized I was finally

> grieving the loss of my " mother " and the relationship we would never

> have. It's still difficult, and it still hurts, but the headaches are

> gone. I think the headache was a sign of emotional stress on overload

> and my inability or unwillingness to accept what I knew in my heart

> was true.

>

>

> > >

> > > ...on the advice of my therapist.

> > >

> > > I've been creating space between my nada and I for a bit now...

> her

> > > calls are just too stressful (and insane - another post on that

> > later

> > > today when I have more time), but I can't avoid them altogether...

> > >

> > > So, my therapist suggested that I take notes of time, topic and

> my,

> > > gasping for air, FEELINGS AS THEY COME WHILE SHE'S TALKING.

> > Egads...

> > > talk about looking at the raging bull head on.

> > >

> > > Anyway... did that for the first time yesterday...

> > >

> > > Took me 2 hours, after a 22 minutes call, to stop shaking and for

> > the

> > > headache to go away...

> > >

> > > I'll go into detail later but has anyone else done this? What

> were

> > > your experiences?

> > >

> > > Lynnette

> > >

> >

>

>

>

--

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny

[Guest guest]

I have to agree on this one. Killing a pet is way too Fatal Attraction for me.

Anyone who would do that to a grandchild has way more than a singular screw

loose. That is the deal breaker.

Be strong

Re: Well, ok, I tried this...

OMG Angel - she killed your daughter's bunny? That is a MAJOR warning

sign. If I were you, I'd be looking into moving out in the dead of

night. Someone who will harm an animal will more than likely harm

themselves or someone close to you to get to you.

That woman is toxic. Screw trying to set conversational boundaries

with someone who would leave a dead rabbit on your porch. I hope you

will eventually do whatever you can do to get physical distance

between her and your children.

> > > >

> > > > ...on the advice of my therapist.

> > > >

> > > > I've been creating space between my nada and I for a bit

now...

> > her

> > > > calls are just too stressful (and insane - another post on

that

> > > later

> > > > today when I have more time), but I can't avoid them

altogether.. .

> > > >

> > > > So, my therapist suggested that I take notes of time, topic

and

> > my,

> > > > gasping for air, FEELINGS AS THEY COME WHILE SHE'S TALKING.

> > > Egads...

> > > > talk about looking at the raging bull head on.

> > > >

> > > > Anyway... did that for the first time yesterday...

> > > >

> > > > Took me 2 hours, after a 22 minutes call, to stop shaking and

for

> > > the

> > > > headache to go away...

> > > >

> > > > I'll go into detail later but has anyone else done this? What

> > were

> > > > your experiences?

> > > >

> > > > Lynnette

> > > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

> --

> Kisses and Nibbles,

> Bunny

>

>

>