RE: Re: the good witch vs the wicked witch

[Guest guest]

Wow, what you are describing is a disease, I think it would be a separate

diagnosis from BPD, what is it's new name guys? THey don't call it

munchausen's by proxy anymore.

I'm sorry but I'm glad you are here talking to us.

>

> Hi

> Before I heard about BPD I wondered if my nada had 2 personalities

> Yes the loving moments really confused me too as it was after she'd done

> something cruel

> or when I had one of those mysterious illnessess that she'd keep me at

> home for or have

> me operated on (never was anything but symptomes)

> definately kept me on my toes and created a pattern of " accidents " so

> she'd love me.

> makes me feel weak and horrid as if I was responsible for all the bad

> things (she told dad

> that I was accident prone to cover herself)

> She'd turn into someone very intense and dark, spitting violence. Then

> she'd be gently and

> soft. The way she'd talk about people behind their backs was so

> embarassing especially

> when we'd see them later on, I never was able to develop my own

> relationships with them

> and it added to the isolation technique.

> Even now I'm feeling guilty about sharing things with this group as if

> i'll get caught or be

> rejected.

>

>

> > >

> > > Being here, has helped me grow and get stronger. THANKS to ALL of YOU!

> > >

> > > I have a questioned....How many of your BP parents had like a split

> > > personality?

> > >

> > > I know how mean and hurtful they could be, but how many of you had a

> > > parent who put you down....hurt you with the verbal and emotional

> > > abuse, then before you even could recover, they smothered you with

> > > hugs, kisses and loving comments? My nada would always say I was the

> > > love her life, and then I'd feel like I had return those

> feelings...and

> > > make her the love of my like...dear God, another manipulation.

> > >

> > > I never knew who my nada was- Glenda the good witch or the wicked

> > > witch. When she did get really sweet, it would sicken me. I knew her

> > > other side. It was that constant unpredictability that kept me on the

> > > edge. Yet, those good witch moments though kept me holding on and

> > > coming back for more from nada. Very Confusing!!

> > >

> > > Anyone else have a bp parent in their life who suffered from these

> > > severe mood swings and or split personalities?

> > >

> > > Thanks,

> > > Malinda

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi , big hugs. I'd like to invite you to explain to us why you felt

rejected? Reading back over it, I can't see it but if you do then it must be

there! I'd like to understand.

gs

>

> Don't feel rejected. This group is a very supportive place. I don't

> think that anyone would purposely reject you. Though, your mother's

> behavior does seem slightly more extreme than most borderlines. It's

> your mother's diagnosis being questioned. Not you. Borderline

> mothers means that we've all suffered alot. Yet, you may have been

> through even more suffering. Which, is very sad. People are just

> trying to be helpful. We may not say things exactly the way that

> you're needing. But, don't reject us either, for trying.

>

>

> > > >

> > > > " treatment is rarely successful "

> > > >

> > > > Hmmm...that sounds familiar, doesn't it.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Cam,

Then you know how utterly crazy these shifts can be. I used to wonder if my

nada was bipolar?

I just think as a child it makes you feel almost terrorized by the person who is

to love and protect you.

These sweet moments- when done in front of others makes nada look like the

perfect mother. So, then going NC, makes the victim look like the one with the

issue. How complex this can become.

Malinda

To: WTOAdultChildren1@...: friendsofcam@...: Sat, 3

May 2008 16:30:20 +0000Subject: Re: the good witch vs the

wicked witch

Yes. my mother is severely over sweet and lovey to the point of driving you

insane and in a switch is horrible and abusive and wacko.It's been such a

tedious difficult thing to put up with. She always seems to rage most in the

spring. I don't know why. But, my worst memories of my mom seem to be around the

spring. That's when the wicked witch is most prevelant.>> Being

here, has helped me grow and get stronger. THANKS to ALL of YOU!> > I have a

questioned....How many of your BP parents had like a split > personality?> > I

know how mean and hurtful they could be, but how many of you had a > parent who

put you down....hurt you with the verbal and emotional > abuse, then before you

even could recover, they smothered you with > hugs, kisses and loving comments?

My nada would always say I was the > love her life, and then I'd feel like I had

return those feelings...and > make her the love of my like...dear God, another

manipulation.> > I never knew who my nada was- Glenda the good witch or the

wicked > witch. When she did get really sweet, it would sicken me. I knew her >

other side. It was that constant unpredictability that kept me on the > edge.

Yet, those good witch moments though kept me holding on and > coming back for

more from nada. Very Confusing!!> > Anyone else have a bp parent in their life

who suffered from these > severe mood swings and or split personalities?> >

Thanks,> Malinda>

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[Guest guest]

Bink,

Yes, does belong here and yes, this is scary stuff.

You have captured such the essence of my personal journey and pain. For

my entire life my nada has told me it was all about me and for me. The

realization is, it had nothing to do with me. It was all about her and it always

will be. Those mixed signals make me feel like I am in constant conflict. The

self- doubt just grows inside of me because of this conflict.

Somedays I am strong because I get nada used me on every level she could

to -like you said this fill this deep void inside of her. So I say I want more

and bigger boundaries from her. Somehow though up pops the nada who told me how

much she needed and loved me. WHich is not true.. and there was no unconditional

love....

Anyway...your explanation and insight was wonderful!

Thank you,

Malinda

To: WTOAdultChildren1@...: i.miss.my.cupcake@...:

Sun, 4 May 2008 01:34:24 +0000Subject: Re: the good witch vs

the wicked witch

hey, i just wanted to say that when i was new here, i also felt verystrange

about posting stuff. it's scary to talk about this stuff,especially when we've

been told all our life that our moms are doingtheir best and working hard for us

and that we should appreciate whatthey're doing when in fact they're using us to

fill some hole that wejust don't fit into and ignoring our emotional, and

sometimesphysical, needs in the process. it's weird to be able to air allthese

things that have been bottled up in side, but that's somethingwe all have in

common. it's terrifying to investigate the fact thatwe were not loved

unconditionally. it's incredibly hard to admit toourselves that it has nothing

to do with us even though we were madeto feel that way. you definitely belong

here, so you don't have toworry about that.bink> > > > > >> > > > > > " treatment is

rarely successful " > > > > > >> > > > > > Hmmm...that sounds familiar, doesn't

it. > > > > > >> > > > >> > > >> > >> > > > > >> > > > > > [Non-text portions

of this message have been removed]> >>

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[Guest guest]

OMG, I can't even count the times I was told how NICE and SWEET my mother was.

The thing was she was nice and sweet to everyone outside of the family. She was

great to my fada and my brada but for me it was all stinging nettles and bile.

Either that or the silent treatment where I would have to guess what my sin for

that day was. She had a pattern: 3 days of silence where I would have to

determine what I had done and apologize for it. If I didn't get it, she would

let it go and save up for the next time. Aggrivating! I even asked her once what

I had done and why she would not talk to me or even acknowledge that I

existed and she looked at me as said she had no idea what I was going on about.

I must be imagining it. I was so over sensitive and yet she would not talk to me

until the 3 days were up.

Re: the good witch vs the wicked witch

My mom could be as sweet as can be, especially in public, and

outsiders would always tell me " Your mom is so nice! " I'd just want

to barf. Because when we got home, the " nice " veneer would come off

and she'd do whatever she darn well wanted. Mom was a very different

person around non-family members. The tone of her voice, her word

choices, and mannerisms all would change if we were around other

people. She'd put on this whole " nice person " facade, and once we

got in the car or got home she'd start tearing the person she was

talking to to shreds. Completely insincere hypocrite. And then

sometimes she'd just go totally off the deep end with little to no

provocation, crying, screaming, carrying on, and it was left to the

rest of us to try to figure out what the heck we did wrong, because

obviously it was our fault.

>

> Being here, has helped me grow and get stronger. THANKS to ALL of

YOU!

>

> I have a questioned.. ..How many of your BP parents had like a

split

> personality?

>

> I know how mean and hurtful they could be, but how many of you

had a

> parent who put you down....hurt you with the verbal and emotional

> abuse, then before you even could recover, they smothered you with

> hugs, kisses and loving comments? My nada would always say I was

the

> love her life, and then I'd feel like I had return those

feelings...and

> make her the love of my like...dear God, another manipulation.

>

> I never knew who my nada was- Glenda the good witch or the wicked

> witch. When she did get really sweet, it would sicken me. I knew

her

> other side. It was that constant unpredictability that kept me on

the

> edge. Yet, those good witch moments though kept me holding on and

> coming back for more from nada. Very Confusing!!

>

> Anyone else have a bp parent in their life who suffered from

these

> severe mood swings and or split personalities?

>

> Thanks,

> Malinda

>

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