When well meaning advice goes terribly wrong

April 29, 2008

Just a tidbit that I wanted to share. Last week I went to my psychiatrist

(not the screwy one i've been talking about lately..this is another doctor

who handles my meds) and she opened with the same thing she opens with every

session.... " how are you doing with your anxiety? " I told her I was a little

perplexed because the attacks really had only changed minimally and I wanted

to consider changing to a different medication. She asked me why. I

explained to her that the previous week I took my medication as prescribed

but my anxiety attacks didn't really change. She asked me why I expected

them to. I explained that because my main " trigger " (my mother who lives

next door) was gone for the entire week and I didn't have to deal with her

at all...if the main thing that CAUSES my anxiety is removed, wouldn't it be

normal to expect my anxiety level to decrease? She looked at me solemnly

and said " no...because even though geographically she is in another

location, she will always be up here. " (She touched the top of my head as

she said " up here " )

I sat in the car and cried for about 10 minutes....I had banked on one day

having some peace from it all...either i would move or she would die (not to

sound harsh about that, but you all know what I mean)...but there was hope

for some sort of peace one way or the other. I'm sure she didn't mean it

the way it sounded...but my brain heard " you are doomed and there is no hope

for peace for you " . I called her the next day...she returned my call with

a very sweet voicemail...she said " oh sweetie, I'm sorry...no...no...I

should have explained that...what I meant was that RIGHT NOW she is still in

your head...but we are working on getting her outta there to get you some

peace. "

If it weren't for the people here on this board I probably would have

canceled all of my therapy appointments and just quit altogether. (A why

bother moment) But because of the people here, I had the courage to call her

back and ask her to expound on what she meant by that. That brought me

peace...and gave me hope back that I can survive and dare I say it...maybe

even thrive in spite of Nada.

--

Kisses and Nibbles,

Bunny

April 29, 2008

Honey,

If you can survive this long, you can survive ANYTHING. Think of it like

computer code, YOU have to over-write the code your nada has put in your head.

First step, recognizing that something was wrong and it is not you.

Second step, giving the issue a name BPD.

Third step, understanding what that means for both you and the offender.

Fourth step, taking action to disentangle yourself from the BPD.

Fifth step, seeking help.

Sixth step, processing what you have learned into coping mechanisms.

You have taken 5 steps. YOU are making progress towards the sixth, just keep at

it. One of these days your nada is going to pull something and you are going to

be able to look her in the eyes and either laugh in her face or tell her to get

over herself you have better things to do. I suspect that is step 20.

Be strong, you will get there.