Re: Got Caught

[Guest guest]

I'm proud of you love. Don't stop writing, it's a good thing.

>

> My way of dealing with issues in my life has always been to write

> them down, kind of releasing them into the atmosphere or what have

> you. Growing up with Grannada, I learned better than to leave my

> private frustrations lying around (heaven forbid in my own room), so

> I got an online blog. Ever since my grandparents started messing with

> my siblings, I've posted exactly what I'm feeling about them

> (grannada BPD, granfada narcissistic, both jerks, etc.). Well, last

> night, I " got caught " .

> A girl who I grew up with because her mother and grannada are " best

> friends " told her mother about my blog, who in turn told grannada. My

> initial reaction was " Wow, this girl got out of her own bulls**t to

> read my blog? Impressive. " Followed by " Oh crap. Now it's gonna hit

> the fan. "

> I was trying to explain these feelings to my husband, very rationally

> and maturely, which, I might add, is NOT my standard way of dealing

> with things (think two year old temper tantrum). He got so frustrated

> with me. He just didn't understand. He seems to think that no matter

> how you were raised, human nature includes an " I don't give a s**t "

> button that any person can just throw automatically. I don't believe

> that. I think it's his defense mechanism because he was abused as a

> child too. I honestly just wanted him to be proud of me for handling

> the situation without freaking out, but he thought I shouldn't be

> affected by it AT ALL. " Those people don't matter anymore. You're

> letting them get to you. "

>

> So, I figured I'd come here, because you guys can understand why it's

> terrifying, and why I should be proud. If anyone has advice on how to

> explain all this to my husband, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think it may be triggering your inner dialogue of when you say

something contrary to your FOO then you are bad. I hate that

phrase " You're letting it get to you. " You're scared, and given your

history that's a normal reaction, I think. I don't know how you

convince your husband of this, but congratulations on handling it

well!

>

> My way of dealing with issues in my life has always been to write

> them down, kind of releasing them into the atmosphere or what have

> you. Growing up with Grannada, I learned better than to leave my

> private frustrations lying around (heaven forbid in my own room),

so

> I got an online blog. Ever since my grandparents started messing

with

> my siblings, I've posted exactly what I'm feeling about them

> (grannada BPD, granfada narcissistic, both jerks, etc.). Well, last

> night, I " got caught " .

> A girl who I grew up with because her mother and grannada are " best

> friends " told her mother about my blog, who in turn told grannada.

My

> initial reaction was " Wow, this girl got out of her own bulls**t to

> read my blog? Impressive. " Followed by " Oh crap. Now it's gonna hit

> the fan. "

> I was trying to explain these feelings to my husband, very

rationally

> and maturely, which, I might add, is NOT my standard way of dealing

> with things (think two year old temper tantrum). He got so

frustrated

> with me. He just didn't understand. He seems to think that no

matter

> how you were raised, human nature includes an " I don't give a s**t "

> button that any person can just throw automatically. I don't

believe

> that. I think it's his defense mechanism because he was abused as a

> child too. I honestly just wanted him to be proud of me for

handling

> the situation without freaking out, but he thought I shouldn't be

> affected by it AT ALL. " Those people don't matter anymore. You're

> letting them get to you. "

>

> So, I figured I'd come here, because you guys can understand why

it's

> terrifying, and why I should be proud. If anyone has advice on how

to

> explain all this to my husband, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.

>

[Guest guest]

I would have the same reaction if I " got caught. " And it makes perfect sense to

me. I think for me it's a fear of her knowing my thoughts when I have spent so

much time presenting the " me " she wants to see rather than finding out who the

" me " I want to be even is. I think I've been protecting the real " me " without

cognitively knowing it.

I (this is me, not you) would freak out at the thought of her " having " the

information and knowing that she now had the power to twist my personal thoughts

and to tell anyone she knows. I don't have an " I don't give a $hit button "

either. I give a $hit about everything that could possibly backfire when it

comes to her.

I am getting better about my " And??? " button. Like when she says something to

make me nervous about something, I respond with " And??? " and she tries to get me

to sound freaked (she usually does things over the phone). If I respond with

" And??? " like she hasn't gotten to the point of making me worry, she eventually

gives up and doesn't do a thing.

So maybe IF you even get a call about this (after all, you have only written

TRUTH - you are not making up what she has done or how it makes you feel), and

IF she tries to tell you that you have ruined her rep or family members think

you're whatever, just try saying, " And?? " Let her realize that she doesn't have

the power to freak you out.

Good luck!

) Cheryl

[Guest guest]

I'd probably not display the blog for awhile...put it on keep private

setting until things die down. Then, don't trust people who know

your BPD, to keep a secret.

> >

> > My way of dealing with issues in my life has always been to write

> > them down, kind of releasing them into the atmosphere or what

have

> > you. Growing up with Grannada, I learned better than to leave my

> > private frustrations lying around (heaven forbid in my own room),

so

> > I got an online blog. Ever since my grandparents started messing

with

> > my siblings, I've posted exactly what I'm feeling about them

> > (grannada BPD, granfada narcissistic, both jerks, etc.). Well,

last

> > night, I " got caught " .

> > A girl who I grew up with because her mother and grannada

are " best

> > friends " told her mother about my blog, who in turn told

grannada. My

> > initial reaction was " Wow, this girl got out of her own bulls**t

to

> > read my blog? Impressive. " Followed by " Oh crap. Now it's gonna

hit

> > the fan. "

> > I was trying to explain these feelings to my husband, very

rationally

> > and maturely, which, I might add, is NOT my standard way of

dealing

> > with things (think two year old temper tantrum). He got so

frustrated

> > with me. He just didn't understand. He seems to think that no

matter

> > how you were raised, human nature includes an " I don't give a

s**t "

> > button that any person can just throw automatically. I don't

believe

> > that. I think it's his defense mechanism because he was abused as

a

> > child too. I honestly just wanted him to be proud of me for

handling

> > the situation without freaking out, but he thought I shouldn't be

> > affected by it AT ALL. " Those people don't matter anymore. You're

> > letting them get to you. "

> >

> > So, I figured I'd come here, because you guys can understand why

it's

> > terrifying, and why I should be proud. If anyone has advice on

how to

> > explain all this to my husband, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks so much for your support, everybody!! It was exactly what I

needed to hear.

[Guest guest]

That is what I did. I have had a similar experience, not of getting

caught but giving my family the url to my myspace believing that they

would be respectful of boundaries (ha!) and then being proselityzed to

by a brother about some things I wrote in my blogs. I realized they

were going through my blogs looking for signs of my 'demonic nature'

or whatever they are calling it this week. I moved it to a different

url. Most of the time I don't talk about personal stuff because, well,

I do most of that here, but in the few times I did mention something I

didn't want it over-analyzed to the millionth degree and hear about

how 'lost' I am and how things will be magically perfect if I

just 'come back to the lord'.

as to the original post, that is really a very sick betrayal by that

friend.

[Guest guest]

I post here under my real name, and I talk openly about nada, so I'm

not sure I can help you with this one. I won't cover for nada and the

rest of the bastards who refuse to acknowledge my pain. In short, I'm

in firm control of my " cut the BS " switch.

And I use it regularly.

Keep blogging. Don't stop writing it down. It is only by telling our

stories of survival that we can help others.

>

> My way of dealing with issues in my life has always been to write

> them down, kind of releasing them into the atmosphere or what have

> you. Growing up with Grannada, I learned better than to leave my

> private frustrations lying around (heaven forbid in my own room),

so

> I got an online blog. Ever since my grandparents started messing

with

> my siblings, I've posted exactly what I'm feeling about them

> (grannada BPD, granfada narcissistic, both jerks, etc.). Well, last

> night, I " got caught " .

> A girl who I grew up with because her mother and grannada are " best

> friends " told her mother about my blog, who in turn told grannada.

My

> initial reaction was " Wow, this girl got out of her own bulls**t to

> read my blog? Impressive. " Followed by " Oh crap. Now it's gonna hit

> the fan. "

> I was trying to explain these feelings to my husband, very

rationally

> and maturely, which, I might add, is NOT my standard way of dealing

> with things (think two year old temper tantrum). He got so

frustrated

> with me. He just didn't understand. He seems to think that no

matter

> how you were raised, human nature includes an " I don't give a s**t "

> button that any person can just throw automatically. I don't

believe

> that. I think it's his defense mechanism because he was abused as a

> child too. I honestly just wanted him to be proud of me for

handling

> the situation without freaking out, but he thought I shouldn't be

> affected by it AT ALL. " Those people don't matter anymore. You're

> letting them get to you. "

>

> So, I figured I'd come here, because you guys can understand why

it's

> terrifying, and why I should be proud. If anyone has advice on how

to

> explain all this to my husband, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.

>

[Guest guest]

I don't know that your husband will ever relate to this. His defense is to not

care, your defense is to be honest. It is no one's business what you post on

line unless you include names and addresses with the blog. I'd ask your husband

if he was interested in knowing what the mechanisms were for your kind of

coping. If he says no, then take him at his word. I am glad you were able to

cope and find a mechanism to deal with your situation. Even if the grandnada and

grandfada read the blog and understood where you were coming from, it is

doubtful that they will ever own up to what damage they have done to you. What

it may do is to keep them from doing anything terribly outrageous to you because

now they know it will end up on the blog there for EVERYONE to see. No doubt

they will freak, but then again do you really need that kind of nonsense in your

life?

Be strong

Got Caught

My way of dealing with issues in my life has always been to write

them down, kind of releasing them into the atmosphere or what have

you. Growing up with Grannada, I learned better than to leave my

private frustrations lying around (heaven forbid in my own room), so

I got an online blog. Ever since my grandparents started messing with

my siblings, I've posted exactly what I'm feeling about them

(grannada BPD, granfada narcissistic, both jerks, etc.). Well, last

night, I " got caught " .

A girl who I grew up with because her mother and grannada are " best

friends " told her mother about my blog, who in turn told grannada. My

initial reaction was " Wow, this girl got out of her own bulls**t to

read my blog? Impressive. " Followed by " Oh crap. Now it's gonna hit

the fan. "

I was trying to explain these feelings to my husband, very rationally

and maturely, which, I might add, is NOT my standard way of dealing

with things (think two year old temper tantrum). He got so frustrated

with me. He just didn't understand. He seems to think that no matter

how you were raised, human nature includes an " I don't give a s**t "

button that any person can just throw automatically. I don't believe

that. I think it's his defense mechanism because he was abused as a

child too. I honestly just wanted him to be proud of me for handling

the situation without freaking out, but he thought I shouldn't be

affected by it AT ALL. " Those people don't matter anymore. You're

letting them get to you. "

So, I figured I'd come here, because you guys can understand why it's

terrifying, and why I should be proud. If anyone has advice on how to

explain all this to my husband, I'd really appreciate it. Thanks.

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[Guest guest]

Excellent strategy. Mine is to let the silence hang in the air and give her a

direct look if we are in the same room together. She is free to say what she

wants, I just pretty much let the nada know that I am paying attention and that

she isn't getting away with anything.

Re: Got Caught

I would have the same reaction if I " got caught. " And it makes perfect sense to

me. I think for me it's a fear of her knowing my thoughts when I have spent so

much time presenting the " me " she wants to see rather than finding out who the

" me " I want to be even is. I think I've been protecting the real " me " without

cognitively knowing it.

I (this is me, not you) would freak out at the thought of her " having " the

information and knowing that she now had the power to twist my personal thoughts

and to tell anyone she knows. I don't have an " I don't give a $hit button "

either. I give a $hit about everything that could possibly backfire when it

comes to her.

I am getting better about my " And??? " button. Like when she says something to

make me nervous about something, I respond with " And??? " and she tries to get me

to sound freaked (she usually does things over the phone). If I respond with

" And??? " like she hasn't gotten to the point of making me worry, she eventually

gives up and doesn't do a thing.

So maybe IF you even get a call about this (after all, you have only written

TRUTH - you are not making up what she has done or how it makes you feel), and

IF she tries to tell you that you have ruined her rep or family members think

you're whatever, just try saying, " And?? " Let her realize that she doesn't have

the power to freak you out.

Good luck!

) Cheryl

[Guest guest]

My husband seems to have a similar switch. It's called the " Ignore

your mother " switch. Which is what he used to say to his sister when

she would call him in tears over some fresh incident with their

mother. (I've often wondered if my MIL may have been a BP. From what

my SIL has told me, it's a possibility. I just don't have enough

information. Even so, my husband was the one split white, his sister

split black.)

According to my husband, his " Ignore your mother " switch was so good

that he really would not hear what she was saying. My husbands

friends remember conversations my husband had with his mother that he

has no memory of. He'd just tune her out. And if he didn't hear the

conversation, it wouldn't bother him, would it? One could only wish

it were that easy for the rest of us.

He actually had to unlearn this somewhat for college. Otherwise, he'd

completely miss a lecture because he'd tuned it out!

Maybe it's a guy thing?

>

> Thanks so much for your support, everybody!! It was exactly what I

> needed to hear.

>

[Guest guest]

Great when you can tune them out. But, just another example that

they don't have a conversation with you, they talk AT you! Lately,

mine has been watching for a response from me which (of course it

must always be a response of agreement-or she will rage-so it's still

not a real conversation). But her watching for a response is making

it hard to tune her out. Very annoying.

> >

> > Thanks so much for your support, everybody!! It was exactly what

I

> > needed to hear.

> >

>