Re: Down

[Guest guest]

YOU ARE NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON. You are NOT. She is sick, and she is

trying to drag you down with her. Stand tall- you are doing the right

thing. What is the TRUTH here? When I get feeling like this I start a

list of truths...

I have a great fiance - True.

I am responsible for my actions only - True

I cannot control her- True

I am not a bad person- TRUE

I have lots of really good friends - True

.... keep the list going and read it over and over again.

Hang in there...

-cindy

>

> I haven't had a chance to read much today because I'm busier than a

one armed paper hanger at work and I have a final tonight that I'm

trying to semi-study for but I feel like poop.

> I'm VERY down today.  I called my nada yesterday on my way home to

let her know that I didn't send her an invite.. since she said she

wasn't coming... and she's been so combative with me lately.  I

wanted to tell her so that *I* told her, not my MIL, not my fiance,

ME.  It's not fair to them to have to pretend like they don't know

when she asks where her invite is. 

> The phone call lasted 3 minutes.  She denied ever say that and told

me that I act like a 2 year old (projection much?) and that I'm a

horrible person. I'm surprised I have any friends at all as

manipulative as I am.  She hung up on me for a 3rd time in 2 weeks

and called my MIL and fiance last night. Left a good 3-4 minute long

voicemail on my fiance's phone.  I haven't listened to it but I

think I will before I go to therapy tomorrow. 

> I asked her if it even crossed her mind to call & apologize for our

last conversation (the one where she screamed " I'm not crazy! " and

hung up).  That's when the comparisons to a 2 year old came up.  I

can only imagine what she said to my MIL.  I will know what she said

to my fiance because I will listen to the message.  If for no other

reason than to justify my actions to myself.

> During our conversation she told me that she hadn't decided yet if

she was coming to the wedding.. I told her it wasn't a game and she

wasn't invited.  The wedding is in a month.  My own MOTHER hadn't

decided?  Please.

> I am a horrible person. 

> Amy

>

>

>

______________________________________________________________________

______________

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>

>

[Guest guest]

She is acting like a 2 yr old. You have given her the guidelines and

a consequence that fits the " crime " . She is not behaving and is not

allowed to go to the " party " because of it. You are doing the right

thing.

Monster(nada) of the Bride comes to mind. If you need a good laugh

to lighten things up a bit, I would highly recommend the Movie

Monster-in-Law with and just insert your mom instead.

It fit my nada perfectly.

Karin

> >

> > I haven't had a chance to read much today because I'm busier than

a

> one armed paper hanger at work and I have a final tonight that I'm

> trying to semi-study for but I feel like poop.

> > I'm VERY down today.  I called my nada yesterday on my way home

to

> let her know that I didn't send her an invite.. since she said she

> wasn't coming... and she's been so combative with me lately.  I

> wanted to tell her so that *I* told her, not my MIL, not my fiance,

> ME.  It's not fair to them to have to pretend like they don't know

> when she asks where her invite is. 

> > The phone call lasted 3 minutes.  She denied ever say that and

told

> me that I act like a 2 year old (projection much?) and that I'm a

> horrible person. I'm surprised I have any friends at all as

> manipulative as I am.  She hung up on me for a 3rd time in 2 weeks

> and called my MIL and fiance last night. Left a good 3-4 minute

long

> voicemail on my fiance's phone.  I haven't listened to it but I

> think I will before I go to therapy tomorrow. 

> > I asked her if it even crossed her mind to call & apologize for

our

> last conversation (the one where she screamed " I'm not crazy! " and

> hung up).  That's when the comparisons to a 2 year old came up.  I

> can only imagine what she said to my MIL.  I will know what she

said

> to my fiance because I will listen to the message.  If for no other

> reason than to justify my actions to myself.

> > During our conversation she told me that she hadn't decided yet

if

> she was coming to the wedding.. I told her it wasn't a game and she

> wasn't invited.  The wedding is in a month.  My own MOTHER hadn't

> decided?  Please.

> > I am a horrible person. 

> > Amy

> >

> >

> >

>

______________________________________________________________________

> ______________

> > Be a better friend, newshound, and

> > know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

> http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Abby, I am so glad that is working! Take back your right to choose what goes

into your ears, your eyes, your mind.

>

> Amy,

>

> Hang in there girlie! It will get easier. The stress of anticipating

> the unknown is getting to you. She's projecting. Nada does it to me

> too at times. After one phonecall where she turned into a raving

> lunatic and then burst into tears because I never visit she told me I

> should grow up and act like an adult. It's projection.

>

> I admire you for actually calling her. That took guts and it shows

> that you do care about her, even if you don't care enough in her

> eyes.

>

> Nada leaves looney messages for me too and for hubby when I don't

> call her back. Since I took girlscout's advice and have hubby listen

> and delete, I'm much happier. I don't have to listen to the rages,

> crying and pleading and I don't wind up in a FOG.

>

> It's not easy, but in order to heal and let go, we have to understand

> that we're not dealing with rational, mature adults. We're dealing

> with people who have major " ISSUES " (I LOVE that word!) who often act

> like spoiled brats.

>

> I have to tell myself " You wouldn't accept that behavior from a

> stranger, why should you accept it from your mother! " . It's beginning

> to slowly sink in for me. Hopefully it will for you too.

>

> More hugs to you,

> Abby D.

>

>

> > >

> > > I haven't had a chance to read much today because I'm busier than

> a

> > one armed paper hanger at work and I have a final tonight that I'm

> > trying to semi-study for but I feel like poop.

> > > I'm VERY down today. I called my nada yesterday on my way home

> to

> > let her know that I didn't send her an invite.. since she said she

> > wasn't coming... and she's been so combative with me lately. I

> > wanted to tell her so that *I* told her, not my MIL, not my fiance,

> > ME. It's not fair to them to have to pretend like they don't know

> > when she asks where her invite is.

> > > The phone call lasted 3 minutes. She denied ever say that and

> told

> > me that I act like a 2 year old (projection much?) and that I'm a

> > horrible person. I'm surprised I have any friends at all as

> > manipulative as I am. She hung up on me for a 3rd time in 2 weeks

> > and called my MIL and fiance last night. Left a good 3-4 minute

> long

> > voicemail on my fiance's phone. I haven't listened to it but I

> > think I will before I go to therapy tomorrow.

> > > I asked her if it even crossed her mind to call & apologize for

> our

> > last conversation (the one where she screamed " I'm not crazy! " and

> > hung up). That's when the comparisons to a 2 year old came up. I

> > can only imagine what she said to my MIL. I will know what she

> said

> > to my fiance because I will listen to the message. If for no other

> > reason than to justify my actions to myself.

> > > During our conversation she told me that she hadn't decided yet

> if

> > she was coming to the wedding.. I told her it wasn't a game and she

> > wasn't invited. The wedding is in a month. My own MOTHER hadn't

> > decided? Please.

> > > I am a horrible person.

> > > Amy

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> __________________________________________________________

> > ______________

> > > Be a better friend, newshound, and

> > > know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now.

> > http://mobile.yahoo.com/;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

No, you are not a horrible person, you should read your post again. No

one but a compassionate person who is at least willing to try to have

a relationship with a lunatic mother would even put up with the

behavior you are describing. Your post is proof of the character you

do have. But it's your special day, and you have every right to have

it just as you wish it to be. I know we all have different spiritual

beliefs here but my particular belief is that everyone has a higher

self, that is good and decent, even if they are damaged or mentally

ill, and that we carry karma for what we do in life. At the end of her

life your mom's higher self will not want to have ruined your wedding

day, or caused you stress in the planning of it. Your refusal to allow

her to do you any damage around this is the most respectful way that

you can treat her, and the most loving gift you can give her.

(((((((hugs)))))

[Guest guest]

No you are not. You just want your wedding day to be about you and your SO, not

about her. No wonder she is pulling this crap. Think of it this way you are

trading way up if your MIL actually understands what your nada is up to and says

she will support you. Diamonds among the coal. I hope everything works out.

Be strong

Down

I haven't had a chance to read much today because I'm busier than a one armed

paper hanger at work and I have a final tonight that I'm trying to semi-study

for but I feel like poop.

I'm VERY down today.  I called my nada yesterday on my way home to let her know

that I didn't send her an invite.. since she said she wasn't coming... and she's

been so combative with me lately.  I wanted to tell her so that *I* told her,

not my MIL, not my fiance, ME.  It's not fair to them to have to pretend like

they don't know when she asks where her invite is. 

The phone call lasted 3 minutes.  She denied ever say that and told me that I

act like a 2 year old (projection much?) and that I'm a horrible person. I'm

surprised I have any friends at all as manipulative as I am.  She hung up on me

for a 3rd time in 2 weeks and called my MIL and fiance last night. Left a good

3-4 minute long voicemail on my fiance's phone.  I haven't listened to it but I

think I will before I go to therapy tomorrow. 

I asked her if it even crossed her mind to call & apologize for our last

conversation (the one where she screamed " I'm not crazy! " and hung up).  That's

when the comparisons to a 2 year old came up.  I can only imagine what she said

to my MIL.  I will know what she said to my fiance because I will listen to the

message.  If for no other reason than to justify my actions to myself.

During our conversation she told me that she hadn't decided yet if she was

coming to the wedding.. I told her it wasn't a game and she wasn't invited.  The

wedding is in a month.  My own MOTHER hadn't decided?  Please.

I am a horrible person. 

Amy

____________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _

Be a better friend, newshound, and

know-it-all with Yahoo! Mobile. Try it now. http://mobile. yahoo.com/

;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR 8HDtDypao8Wcj9tA cJ