Another M-Day war story

[Guest guest]

Just gotta vent.

Went and did the M-Day thing with nada and she was pretty decent. No

Hissy fits, no put downs. She actually did something very nice for me

for my Mothers day. She claimed some old quilting squares from my

completely insane NPD aunt that my Grandmother had started. I will

end up finishing the quilt. These squares are probably 60 years (+)

old and are beautiful. The entire set even survived a house fire and

two of the squares have significant smoke damage. Talk about a quilt

that will have an amazing story. She floored me, and I was really

touched. Just call me a sucker.

Well my brother and SIL were supposed to come up and have Mother's

day lunch with us, then they suggested that they would do Mother's

day on my son's birthday and wiggled out of that one when I put my

foot down, then they decided to skip Mother's day entirely for nada

except for a flower and a card. That I could have understood but my

SIL had my brother deliver deliver them by himself, late in the day.

Actually he interupted us as we were getting a late lunch ready and

ended up pushing it out even later. We were supposed to eat at 1:30pm

and didn't end up eating until 3pm. The SIL's excuse, they had taken

the baby out to a museum, wore her out and they were now both too

tired to come up and spend FIVE FUCKING MINUTES with the nada to drop

the flowers off as a family. This from a woman insists that we

schedule any family event around the kid's nap, had scheduled the day

so that the kid would miss her nap and thus be too cranky to be seen

in public. (?????????????)

I know that I have been really hard on my Nada and she does deserve a

lot of it, but I found my brother and SIL's behavior really

insulting! My nada didn't seem to mind, so I guess I should not

either. And here is the rub, my Nada treats my brother and SIL as if

they were made out of gold! I would kill to get treated they way they

do. They are definitely split white and they treated her as if she

was an after thought, which I suspect was the intent.

I thought I was going to be happy seeing her get some of her own

treatment, but it made me madder than hell to actually witness it. I

suppose I don't care for that kind of BS even when it is delivered to

someone who has earned it. But from my vantage point she hasn't done

or said anything to either of them that would warrent this kind of

behavior. I could understand if I had done the whole drive by, toss

the plant out the window and drive off kind of scenario, but to see

it from my brother and SIL pretty much astounded me. I would never do

such a thing because it is bad manners and dispite all the bad, there

has been some good as well and that is what I chose to celebrate. I

consider both my SIL and brother as NPD and this little event has

confirmed that to me.

Let me tell you how much my nada has given these two: the farm they

live on and she pretty much paid for the adoption of their little

girl. My brother will get the farm she is currently living on as

well. For all her faults my nada is generous with the people she

loves. I cannot believe how mad I am at my sibling and his wife. I

guess I felt that since things had gone so well for her and I over

the weekend that the whole family dynamic would continue. Once again

my expectations exceeded the capability of my family to treat each

other decently.

Maybe viewing this through the distorted lense of BPD I shouldn't

have considered this insulting, at least the son actually came up and

handed her a flower and a card. They could have skipped it entirely

and I suspect that as time goes by this will be the trend. Maybe what

made me so mad is that I am trying really hard to make my

relationship with my nada into something that works for the both of

us in which we both have a little respect and I can clearly see what

is going on in my brother's house. Is this an aspect of the NPD that

I am seeing, or is this some sort of end game that my brother and SIL

are trying to run to get nada to think her relationship with them may

be threatened? I honestly don't know what to make of what went down

this weekend, or even why I reacted the way I did.

Call me human and frustrated.

Thanks for letting me vent. It was easier when I just stuffed my

feelings, now I really have to deal with them. At least no Panic

Attacks so far, so I consider that progress.

Be strong