unbelievably stressed out

[Guest guest]

okay. haven't been on lately...so update on the life of bink...

sunday, mother's day went fine, but a good family friend was killed by

a drunk driver. completely unexpected. it's very hard for me to deal

with the fact that someone so good can be taken away so quickly for

absolutely no reason. been talking to my dad a lot about it. he's

like, " baby, life is harsh and this is raw, but it's the way it is. "

we're having a very hard time trying to find ANYTHING POSITIVE that

could come out of this. it's very upsetting.

at work, coworkers are still gossiping about me, which is getting

harder and harder to deal with (took another mental health day

today...took one last week). there has apparently been criticism of

me being one of the " cool " teachers, like i'm not doing my job and am

just trying to be the good guy or something. it's completely bs. my

kids like me because i respect them and i ask them what they need to

learn. i'm consistent with my punishments of bad behavior and the

kids know what to expect from me. i don't even want to go back on

monday. i'm stressed out right now about what is going to happen on

monday. i'm getting little bolts of adrenaline going through my guts

at irregular intervals. got a massage today, which was good, but i

don't think anything is fixed for real.

i feel more stressed out than i have in my entire life. this morning

when i was on a bike ride, my left hand went tingly, like every time i

moved my fingers, i was hitting a little funny bone...nerve feeling.

a little disconcerting. i feel like i'm completely falling apart.

stressed stressed stressed. even when i have time off, i'm worrying

about the work i'll have to be doing, being judged by my peers, not

doing a good enough job for my kids, being a crappy wife, etc etc etc.

i'm tired of being so depressed all the time and i just need a break.

i can't keep living like this. it's not good for me.

bink