grieving mother, grieving sister

[Guest guest]

Hi all, I haven't posted on the forum for a while bc I have been too

confused and messed up about many things going on (no big exterior

things, just emotional inside). I have been reading and have felt

validated and supported by many of the posts, stories and advices

though, so thanks for that. I am just very clearly in the process of

grieving the loss of a dream, an illusionary dream that things would

have been different or at least become different and better than

they've been; and of trying to accept the fact that mother and my FOO

will not change. I have grieved the loss of my mother, and cried a

lot and sometimes felt overwhelmed. The last days however, my grief

is shifting towards my sister, who is very close to my mother in a

way, and is in total denial. I used to say that I have a very good

bond with my sister, in fact she used to be the most important person

in my life for a very long time and I would have done everything for

her and actually DID do very much for her. But now I have increasing

difficulties with the image I have of her. I begin to see that

reality is different, and yes, less beautiful than I would have

wanted it to be. Her behavior sometimes strikes me as very egoistic,

opportunistic, and in fact I feel used by her and feel I never get

any recognition for anything I did, and that her caring about me is --

to say it gently -- very limited. I begin to see that she is very

distantiated and really mostly thinks about herself.

I was wondering if this is something others here can relate to. That

relationships with siblings also need to be put into question as a

consequence of working through the discovery that mother has BPD?

I hope that where you are it is as beautifully sunny as it is here

today, and send you some rays of sunlight. Katrina